I stood in the shadows of the great entryway, watching the final few healers outside finishing up, including my sister and father. I was too tired to move, even though the numb oblivion of work was wearing away in that stillness, leaving too much space for grief to surge up in its place—exactly what I’d been trying to avoid.
The floor behind me was full of wounded Paladin, those who were only partially mended because their injuries had been too severe to completely heal without risking draining the healers themselves. I’d spent hours working side by side with my mother, grandmother, and other Paladin, finding blankets and pillows that weren’t ruined with age or by mice, making poultices, fetching water, trying to find food, and anything else I could do to help make them more comfortable—and stay as busy as possible, trying to force my mind away from the horror of the last day and night. Any pause in activity allowed a rush of memory too painful to delve into; the Chimera, Halvor’s sacrifice, nearly losing Raidyn, all the Paladin who had been slaughtered by the jaklas … Sami. I’d volunteered to go out into the rain to pick any ripe vegetables or fruit to eat, unable to bear facing the kitchen, when I knew I would never again find her there, her cheeks dusted with flour; I’d never again stand side by side with her washing dishes, talking about everything and nothing.
I sensed Raidyn coming up behind me moments before his arms slid around my waist, pulling me back into his chest, the warmth of his body chasing away some of the chill that slithered over my skin, delving deep into muscle and bone. I wrapped my arms over his, holding him tightly, all too aware of how close he’d come to dying. Only the inordinate power Inara wielded had been capable of saving him. But after she’d lost consciousness and then woken again, she’d been different, worn out, more easily drained; whatever bottomless well of power she’d been allowed to tap into had closed, leaving her with a gift to be reckoned with, but nothing like what she’d been capable of during the battle.
A gift that had been our salvation.
Without her endless store of energy and power, we wouldn’t have succeeded, and many more would have died. Including Raidyn and Sharmaine. Possibly all of us, ultimately.
So I stood still and held on to him, because he was real, and solid, and warm with life, and so was I. Though my body ached with fatigue, my eyes burning with suppressed grief, more than anything I was just grateful—that I was alive to feel that exhaustion and sorrow, that we were able to cling to each other there in that empty doorway.
We were silent, knowing there were no words sufficient for the losses we’d suffered—but also the triumph we’d finally managed to achieve.
Together, we watched Inara straighten from the last injured Paladin outside, while two men hefted the woman into their arms, carrying her into the citadel, out of the rain, leaving my sister standing alone in the middle of the grounds. I stirred in Raidyn’s arms, ready to go to her, when Loukas appeared, striding across the courtyard, directly toward her as though he had been watching, waiting for her to finish.
When she turned to him, the myriad of emotions rushing through her—grief and pain and weariness, yes, but others alongside those, feelings for him—were so strong, I couldn’t ignore them, even from this distance. It was unexpected and a little alarming. With everything else that had happened, I’d almost forgotten what I’d seen when she’d let me help her heal Raidyn, the kiss she and Loukas had shared, the things she’d felt in that blinding, beautiful light.
I thought she’d been in love with Halvor. They’d certainly seemed close. But when Loukas took her into his arms, holding her in the rain, it was undeniable that what she felt for him was far stronger than anything I’d ever sensed from her toward Halvor—which was part relief and part sadness.
“Well, that’s … unexpected,” Raidyn commented.
I made a noncommittal noise, feeling a little guilty, like we were intruding on a private moment. They were standing in the middle of the grounds, though, in full view of anyone who happened to look, and I couldn’t seem to make myself turn away.
But when Loukas took her face in his hands, his body curving toward her, and I realized he was going to kiss her again, the guilt transmuted into mortification. We definitely shouldn’t stand there watching them do that.
Raidyn stiffened, his arms tightening so much around me, I couldn’t move.
“What is he doing?”
I forgot Raidyn hadn’t known what happened in Visimperum. I squirmed in his arms until he loosened them with a low “sorry,” and turned to face him, drawing his focus to me. “There hasn’t been time to tell you … but when we healed you, and I joined my power to hers, I saw them kissing in Visimperum.”
Raidyn’s mouth twisted. “He better not be taking advantage of your sister,” he growled.
“I think they might be falling in love,” I admitted and his eyebrows shot up.
“Loukas? And … Inara?”
I nodded.
“Loukas and Inara,” he repeated. “My best friend and your sister.”
“There are worse things that could happen.”
“What about Halvor?” He glanced past me and then quickly back down at my face, the tender skin below his jaw flushing. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know why. It was one thing to know your sister was kissing someone, but another altogether to watch it happen.
“I don’t know. I know she cared for him … but I’ve never sensed anything from her like what she feels with Loukas.”
Raidyn bent forward, until his forehead rested against mine. “I will talk to him. He’s not one to kiss just anyone … so he must care for her. But … if he doesn’t love her, then I will tell him to leave her alone right now, before he can hurt her more than he may already have.”
Part of me bristled at the idea of him interfering—but it was Inara we were talking about, and if there was any chance Loukas didn’t care for her as much as I suspected she was beginning to for him, well … “You’ll have to let me know what he says.”
There was a pause, when I let my eyes drift shut, our breath mingling, a sudden awareness of how close we stood, and the realization that as much as I longed to go find a secluded corner somewhere and kiss him until there was no death, no loss, no pain or exhaustion, nothing but me and him and lips and touch and fire … there was also no rush, because we had made it, the threat was gone, and miraculously, we had time for the first chance since I’d met him.
“You need to rest,” Raidyn rasped, low and soft, leading me to believe rest was the last thing on his mind.
“Only if you come with me,” I said, realizing an instant too late how it would sound. Raidyn drew back, eyes wide, eyebrows nearly to his hairline. My cheeks flamed with embarrassment. “Because … you help … the bad dreams … your stories…” I stammered.
“Oh, I see how it is. You only want me for my storytelling skills. And here I hoped you wanted me for other things.” A wicked gleam lit up his beautiful eyes, sending the heat in my cheeks gliding over my entire body with a delicious shiver. A languid weakness melted through my legs at the unspoken promises in that look, in that teasing tone of voice.
“I want you for everything,” I said, and his fingers curled into my spine, his gaze raking over me. Hunger and fire and something else … something even more powerful that made my heart slam against my chest. Once he’d told me he could no longer hide his feelings from me, but I’d been afraid then—afraid to believe what I felt, what I hoped to be true. But now, more than ever, it was so clear, there was no denying it. The emotion that filled his heart, so much that it could barely contain it, was matched only by the reflection of it in my own chest.
I loved him.
Deeply, completely. Body, heart, and soul—so fiercely, it was almost unbearable, a love so exquisite and powerful it hurt.
His eyes burned even brighter; his hands were brands through my still-damp shirt from the rain. “And I want you—forever, meaula amarre,” he responded, all teasing gone, a fervency in its place that made me go very, very still.
“What does that mean?”
“The literal translation is my soul’s love.” Raidyn’s gaze was unwavering. “It means you are the one my soul was meant to love, Zuhra.”
I stared up at him, drinking in the beauty of his face, his eyes. “I love you too, Raidyn. So much … I—”
His mouth closed over mine, cutting off the need for more words. I clung to him, the heat of his touch, the fire of his kiss, and the warmth from his love far more powerful than anything else I’d ever experienced in my life. I was intoxicated by him; delirious with relief and joy and need. I stretched up on my tiptoes so I could press more fully against the sculpted planes of his body. Unbidden, an image of his charred, ruined flesh flashed through my mind, and I had to suppress a shudder, knowing how close I’d been to losing him forever.
“What is this?”
We broke apart and spun to face my father, but he grinned at us, one eyebrow lifted. Awareness of where we stood—only a few feet away from injured Paladin—made my cheeks grow hot yet again. And I’d been judging Inara for kissing Loukas in an empty courtyard. I would have buried my face in my hands, hiding my mortification, if Raidyn hadn’t still been holding one.
“Sir, I want you to know, I have only the most honest, pure intentions with your daughter. I love her, and I fully intend to—”
“I know, Raid,” my father cut into his rambling—I had never heard Raidyn speak so fast before—with a gentle smile, all teasing gone. “I know you are an honorable young man. And I can easily see how happy you make each other. The light knows we all could use some happiness right now.”
He picked his way over to us, his gaze flickering past where we stood to the courtyard and back, and then he suddenly froze, his smile dropping and his eyes widening.
“What is that?” This time there was no teasing smile or tone, only disbelief—and maybe a touch of anger. “Is that Inara and Loukas?”
I winced. “Er … yes. But”—I pressed on when he lurched forward as though he were about to storm outside—“I’m pretty certain they’re falling in love too … Papa,” I added in hopes of softening his heart—and keeping him from rushing out there to tear them apart. If anyone deserved happiness, as he’d just said, it was Inara.
He shot me a look that was part skeptical I know what you’re trying to do and part heart-melting Did you just call me Papa?
“But … he’s so much older than her,” he protested.
“She just turned sixteen. And she’s always had an old soul. If they love each other, then…” I shrugged.
“You really think they love each other?” Father sounded as baffled as I was by the whole turn of events; but who were we to judge the heart? He’d fallen in love with a human girl, who’d had to leave her family for him. I’d fallen in love with a Paladin who I’d had no reason to believe I’d ever have a future with.
“If they don’t yet, I really do believe they’re on that path,” I said.
Father exhaled, long and slow. “Well, I do have to admit, I’ve never seen Loukas willing to show that much … er … affection in public before. She’s obviously done something to change him—and hopefully for the better. The Great God knows he deserves some joy in his life.” The tenderness that filled his face was unexpected, making me remember the story Raidyn had once told me—how my father was the only one willing to take him and Loukas under his wing and let them join his battalion. How he’d been like a father to them both.
“Maybe the Great God brought them together, knowing they needed each other,” I suggested. I didn’t share what Inara had experienced in the light—how she’d been given the chance to truly see his heart. That was her sacred experience to share or keep to herself. But it did seem as though forces had been at work to bring them together—to give them this chance at happiness.
“Maybe,” Father allowed with a shake of his head, and then his expression turned serious. “I came to tell you we’re going to hold a meeting tonight, in the dining hall, after the burial, to discuss what to do now. Will you please help me spread the word to those able and willing to attend?”
“Of course.”
He nodded, with one last glance out the door and another shake of his head. “Let them know too, when they’re … finished.” He jerked a thumb toward the courtyard.
I managed to summon something resembling a smile and nodded.
He walked away, and once he was out of earshot, Raidyn said, “Well, I think that went well,” startling a burst of laughter out of me, making a few heads turn toward us. Guilt immediately crept in, for laughing when so many were still hurting, injured, or grieving. But then I shoved that guilt away. We were all hurt and grieving. And if Raidyn could get me to laugh, to snatch a moment of levity amid the heaviness of the load we all shouldered, then I had nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be grateful for.
“Come on,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze. “We’d better go let them know about the meeting … and to warn him that I might not be the only one to corner him and interrogate him about his intentions with Inara.”
I stifled another little burst of laughter, and then we hurried outside, where Loukas and Inara still embraced.