Chapter Twenty-Five

It was July 6, and if Julean were alive she would have braced herself for a night of restless sleep. During all the years of her marriage to Henry, his dreams of his teenage sweetheart manifested the most on this day. Julean had come to learn much of Henry and Jenny’s relationship through her dear husband’s dreams. July 6 was the day they had met and fell into a deep, everlasting love that stood the test of time.

Just as it happened every year, Henry’s dreams of Jenny that night were more vivid than ever. It was as if he were reliving for the first time how powerfully he was stirred when he saw Jenny Sarsky walk past his house on her way to Mr. Engelmann’s store. In his dream, he followed her to the store where they had first met and the moment he gazed into her eyes he was completely smitten all over again. It was love at first sight; the yearning in his heart for Jenny was as strong now as it had been then.

How many times had he dreamt that dream and played that scene out in his mind over the years? What was it that had such a power to keep this love so alive for all those years? He recalled to this day something being caught in his eyes when their gazes were locked into one another…what was it that had such an electrifying surge of energy?

Just last year he had slipped into a similar reverie when he was being interviewed by Brenda, the journalist from the Leader Post Sun. He was still amazed how quickly he was drawn back to that summer and the effort he had to exert to pull himself back to the moment.

In just two short months in 1956 a love was sown that has lasted to the present day. Henry turned over and recalled the phrase that Jenny so often said, “Quickly, hold my hand.” Instinctively he squeezed his hand tightening his grip around Julean’s rosary.

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. He brought the rosary to his lips. If she had not encouraged him to seek Jenny or another out he would be guilt ridden for days.

Henry decided to get up and enjoy the day at home. When he spoke with Ivania yesterday he was glad that she had a seminar and had to cancel their date for this evening.

He couldn’t wait for nightfall. He wanted to gaze at the star of the east…

In the same way she celebrated Camilla’s birthday each year, so too Jenny still thought of Henry and their anniversary as well. Now that she and James were divorced, she no longer felt pangs of guilt for thinking on these thoughts. However, she knew they were just memories, consoling perhaps, but just memories that held no promise.

Yet, there was something that kept drawing her back to that memorable summer that was filled with such promise for a life of bliss together. She reached up and gently took hold of the pewter angel hanging on the end of her necklace. What if she and Henry had received each other’s letters back then, how would her life have been so different? Would they have married and had children? Would they be living in Regina or on his acreage…?

“Oh, Jen, don’t torture yourself so. Henry is married and has a beautiful family. What was done was done.”

Try as she might, Jenny just couldn’t push her first love out of her mind. Being so alone without any family support except for friends, Jenny found thoughts of Henry uplifting and comforting. It was the one time she allowed the past to steal away the precious moments of the present.

Jenny took her diary out to the backyard. It was coming along so beautifully. The landscaper and his help were doing such a lovely job and each day fulfilling her dreams of what the yard might look like. Many days, she too, worked side by side with the landscaper both in the designing and planting of flowers and plants.

The carpenters had built the platform for the gazebo so that Jenny could plant all the wildflowers. She even left a spot where the Angel of Thanksgiving would go in anticipation that James would ship it to her. The carpenters promised to finish the gazebo that fall. In the meantime Jenny had set a wooden lawn chair beside a cedar table on the platform so she could still use the partially constructed gazebo until the rest of it was built.

Jenny strolled down the winding stone path, her feet crunching the thyme between the stones giving off its intoxicating aroma. It joined the fragrance released by the other flowers and then as she got close to the gazebo platform the scent of her beloved wildflowers kicked in. By the time she sat on the wooden arm chair she was dizzy from the overwhelming dazzling colours of the different flowers and the unique perfume each gave off.

She was so happy the milkweed plants had attracted the Monarch butterflies so quickly. The landscaper was surprised to see so many. In all the years of landscaping in the city he had never seen such a multitude of them. He attributed it to the array of flowers and wildflowers. The yard was literally bursting with so much colour that the butterflies couldn’t help but notice as they flew overhead and wanted to spend the summer there.

Jenny liked that analysis and yet she felt there was something else. She had a special bond with the Monarchs and often thought that amongst all of the ones in her yard there was one for each of her loved one’s. It would only be a matter of time for her to recognize Tammy, her dad and mom. Jenny would know when one sat on her hand which it was, just like Carlos knew when one came in his mother’s spirit each year.

Henry’s letter fell on her lap as she opened her diary. She read it and then reread it. She could feel his love so strong and deep. Hers was the same for him. A tear fell on the letter as she turned to the inside back of the front cover and got the key out of a little paper pocket and opened up the back half of her diary. The part where she had written so many private thoughts over the years since she was fifteen.

She unlocked it and paged through to where she had penned a prayer of hope and love inspired by the closing sentence of the last letter she’d written to Henry, the one that contained the pewter angel. “Even though we are far apart, you are forever in my heart.”

Jenny was still in awe that Henry would close the letter to her, not only with the identical pewter angel inside, but also with this very sentence as well! The only explanation Jenny could think of was that it was their guardian angels who had prompted such a miracle to occur.

A tear fell on the page beside the stain of other ones that had fallen over the years as she softly whispered the poem once more.

The star of the east we both can see,

its bright rays your warmth caressing me.

I long for evening on this special day,

for the star of the east to gleam my way,

to fill my heart through our star

with all your love, though from afar.

Jenny ran a finger over the words and smiled. How true the poem was. Each time she gazed at the star in the eastern sky, she felt enveloped by its shimmering rays as if Henry were there, holding her hand. And then the warm love from the star began to fade and Jenny now knew why. It was when he had met Julean and got married. Tammy had found out from a conversation she had with Henry’s mother that he had gotten married at that time. What puzzled Jenny though was why was she feeling the love return? For the past few months when she gazed at the star that same warm feeling was coming back and growing stronger each time.

Jenny gazed at the poem she had added exactly a year later to the one she just read. It was 1959, three years to the day that they had met in Mr. Engelmann’s store. The yearning and longing for her first love was so strong that she just had to share that magic moment with her diary:

I’ll always remember the day we met,

Into your arms I was easily swept.

‘Twas your eyes drew me, clear and bright,

Into the depth of your heart with pure delight.

Oh, dear, sweet Henry on our anniversary day

I send an angel just to say

I’ll love you forever, come what may.

Amazingly, that same yearning and longing for Henry was still the same. She could very well have written that same poem just now.

Jenny recalled how beautiful that day was as she sat in the garden of her parent’s estate. Just as she had finished writing the poem, Carlos came by. He was not only an incredible gardener but became such a dear friend. Besides, Tammy, he was perhaps the only other person who could see into her heart.

When she spoke of Camilla that morning, he knew instantly that Camilla was her daughter. He knew too, that she missed and loved Henry. He was so insightful and his words so heartfelt she found herself opening up to him as easily as if he had been a life long friend. Jenny would never forget that as they spoke a blue butterfly had landed on her arm and the words he spoke, “A beautiful butterfly sometimes appears following the departure of a loved one. It is an expression of love and comfort to the one who remains behind.”

His words were so soothing, sincere and described perfectly what she was feeling and thinking. She, too, thought the butterfly was a gift to comfort her and that there was a spiritual side to nature and its creatures, especially butterflies. She had felt silly at the time sharing that with Carlos but he quickly confirmed the possibility with such faith and sharing that she never questioned her belief in butterflies, and how they come at times in disguise as angels, again.

“Oh, no, Senorita Jenny, butterflies remind us of the beauty of love and our loved ones.” Carlos had said, and later he confirmed that the blue butterfly resting on her hand was a gift of love from her loved one and that he could see in her eyes how deeply her love was for Henry.

She missed Carlos and wished he were there now, walking up the stone paved lane coming to her to stop and chat for a moment or two. Tears surfaced as she thought of those memorable times in the estate garden.

She thought when she wed James that she would never be able to recapture the beauty of her parent’s garden and the work Carlos had done to make it so beautiful. But Carlos had tried to console her, that the estate she was going to the gardener there would surely fill her heart with just as much beauty.

As usual, the insightful gardener was right. Thomas was an amazing gardener, too and had created for her a haven that assuaged her heart time and again during those lonely and difficult years in Greystone Manor. Thomas became a dear friend too, just like Carlos. His heart was filled with beauty as well, and was just as insightful and sensitive to others. Jenny concluded that it just couldn’t be any other way for both men to be so. It was just a natural by-product of being immersed day in and day out in God’s creations.

Jenny raised her chin upwards so the sun could catch her entire face. She loved the warmth her friend always gave to her. From previous habit on the estate, Jenny pushed her feet against the floor of the gazebo thinking she was on a swing. It jarred her and she opened her eyes only to see the glistening wildflowers and the butterflies flitting about them, touching each flower as if kissing its petals.

It was such a beautiful day and the garden looked so beautiful. If only James would send her the Angel of Thanksgiving, the garden would be complete and perfect. She missed the peace and memories it gave to her of her father.

She allowed her gaze to return to the diary and read the poems again. She knew by doing so she was torturing herself but couldn’t help it. The yearning and longing was so deep in her heart. Jenny could hardly wait for evening to gaze at the star of the east and feel the warmth of the rays.

Just then a blue butterfly landed on her hand. Blue always reminded her of Henry as blue was his favourite colour. Sunlight glowed through its gossamer wings. As Jenny studied and admired the depths of its colours she knew if Carlos were here he would say the butterfly was sent from Henry as a message of love on the wings of a butterfly.

“Oh, thank you, Henry,” Jenny whispered, wanting so deeply to believe in the possibility.

“Yes, Carlos you are so right. She could feel the comfort and message of love.”

Perhaps it was the coolness of the evening or the warmth of the stars rays sneaking through the tall fir trees that woke Jenny. The first thing she noticed was the first star of the east shining directly on her. She must have fallen asleep earlier that afternoon. Her diary still lay open on her lap. It was too dark to read the poems not that she needed the light anyway. She knew every word by heart.

She rested her head once again on the back of the high lawn chair and gazed at the star feeling its shimmering rays as if Henry were there placing his arms around her. She couldn’t get over how strong she felt Henry’s love. Could it be possible that he was sending out his love to her? She knew Henry’s heart, he would never do anything to hurt his wife…what was happening, she wondered?

She recalled the night when Tammy told her about making a wish on a shooting star. She believed that if you made a wish as soon as you saw a star streak across the sky, the star’s dust would settle in your heart and your wish would come true. It did for Tammy. She wished that Robbie would come back to her and that they would get married, and they did.

She had shared her deepest wish with Tammy that night too when they revealed their hearts desire to one another. She had always prayed to her guardian angel that she wanted to look into Henry’s green eyes and kiss his warm, tender lips. It was denied to her the day she left Regina with her father to fly to Ottawa.

Henry had come to see her off and her heart fluttered with joy. She ran into his waiting arms and just as they were about to kiss and gaze into each other’s eyes, her mother grabbed her arm and tore her from Henry’s embrace. She pleaded to her mother to let go but she was unrelenting and dragged her to the taxi. Jenny had never got over that longing desire to kiss her sweetheart, and it was something she wished for to this very day.

Well, at least she had received some closure to it all by finally receiving Henry’s letter. It was so good of her Mom to give it to her. They had kept their promise to one another to write, and it seemed that their love was still so real and alive.

Jenny gazed into the evening sky. The star of the east was no longer visible as more and more stars budded in the growing night. She wondered if her wish would ever come true. She had made her wish on a shooting star. It was the night she and James had visited Tammy and Chloe in her parent’s basement suite. After James brought her home she went out to the patio and gazed into the sky, and saw a shooting star streak across the sky. And she had made her wish. She felt so hopeful at the time, as the star dust settled in her heart, but nothing ever came of it.

Tammy said that it sometimes takes a long time for a wish to be answered. In fact, she had even forgotten about hers until one evening when she saw the sky filled with a bunch of shooting stars. It was such a festive, spectacular array of dazzling colour. It reminded her of the wish she had made and moments after, Robbie called. The rest was history.

Jenny wondered, if she saw a kaleidoscope of shooting stars in the sky would it mean that her wish just might be coming true?