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I nearly fell out of my chair when I heard the banging on my front door. I had been lost in thought, though “lost” didn’t seem like the right word for a place I had become so familiar with that week. I was in my head most of the time.
School was finished, the aptitude test capping off my primary education, and Cato was at work during the days. So I puttered around the house, tidying up, preparing meals, but mostly just sitting and thinking. There was a lot to think about.
Bang, bang, bang.
“Claren! Open the door! They’re here!”
A pang of guilt shot through me when I heard Sela’s voice at the door. I’d been avoiding her all week. I didn’t trust myself to act normal after meeting with the Outsiders. Then there was Sam’s murder, and being an Empath, and there was just too much in my head— too much that couldn’t be discussed with my best friend.
“Coming!”
I opened the door to reveal a very energetic Sela, squealing with excitement as she waved an envelope through the air.
“The letters came today! Did you already open yours? I saved mine. I was hoping we could open them together!”
I’d forgotten all about the letters. They held no excitement for me. I had already received my placement. And since I planned to reject the Peacemaker training, I knew any other career placement I received wouldn’t be worth getting excited about. But I needed to make it believable for Sela.
“I’d love to, but I haven’t received mine yet.”
“What? I’m sure you have. They all came today. Have you checked the mail yet?” Sela grabbed my hand and walked me to the door. “Let’s go see.” She squealed again as she practically skipped down to the curb with me.
My letter sat in the mailbox, taunting me.
“I told you it would be here! Let’s go see what we got. I bet you’re gonna be a Healer, Clar, I can just feel it.”
I debated my next moves as we walked back to the house. Getting selected as a Peacemaker was noteworthy. Sela would want to tell everyone we knew. It was a very rare placement, made even rarer by the fact that I was the child of a Worker and a Healer.
There was no way she, or anyone else, would understand my decision to reject the offer. And I couldn’t exactly tell her about Cato’s activities with the Outsiders. One slip and he’d be gone forever.
“You ready?” Sela asked. She settled herself into a cozy chair tucked into the corner of my small living room, practically trembling with anticipation. She slid one shaky thumb under the edge of the flap on the back of her envelope. “On the count of three: one, two, three!”
My thumb slid under the flap of my letter, mimicking Sela’s actions across from me. We pulled out our letters and I watched my friend skim hers silently. Her shoulders deflated a touch, and I knew she was a Worker. But then her eyes widened, and I anxiously waited to hear her final results.
“What did you get?” she asked with a smile.
“You go first.”
“Ms. Sela Ward, We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as a Worker. Workers make up the backbone of our society, blah blah blah... let’s see... we would like to offer you the position of Administrative Assistant. If you accept, you will work on the third floor of the Morton Borough Medical Center!”
Her happiness was contagious. I was genuinely thrilled for her.
“The medical center, Claren! Can you believe it? I may get to move a little deeper into the city! And if you’re a Healer— are you a Healer? Read yours! What’d you get?”
I recalled Sela’s face after the exam. I knew then she wasn’t feeling great about her performance, but administrative assistant was actually a really wonderful placement for her. I wondered what I would have gotten if I’d been allowed to finish the exam in its entirety. That was when an idea occurred to me.
“I’m a Worker too,” I said. “But I don’t have a position listed yet. I wasn’t able to retake the test with the rest of you, remember? So unfortunately I’ll have to wait until everyone returns their letters of intent and see what’s remaining.” It wasn’t a lie. I was just omitting part of the truth. I’d have to get used to that.
Sela was crushed. She knew what that meant as well as I did. I wouldn’t be at the medical center or anywhere near it. I wouldn’t even get a position as good as Cato— picking up garbage. I was going to be the lowest of the low.
“Oh, Claren.”
“It’s fine, really.” I forced a smile. “Now I can stay close to my knucklehead brother.” I stood to make us some tea, eager to change the subject.
—————
The next day I thought I had déjà vu. This time the knocking was lighter, but it still startled me. I groaned inside and took my time going to answer the door.
Sela stayed through dinner the night before. She made it her personal mission to keep my mind off of the career placements, and spent most of the evening laughing over old memories. She must’ve filled Cato in at some point because he never asked about the letter. Instead, he hung out in the living room with us after work, sharing memories and chuckling right along with her. I was exhausted by the time she left. Maintaining my cheerful facade for so long was physically painful.
She must’ve returned for more fun today. The knock came again, soft but insistent.
“I’m coming!” I was barely able to mask my irritation.
I turned the knob and was immediately pushed out of the way. Raf barreled through the opening and quickly turned to lock the door behind him.
“You are not a Worker,” he said, pointing his finger at me.
I must have looked like a ghost, mouth hanging open, eyes wide. There couldn’t have been a drop of color left in my face.
“You also need to be more careful about who you let into your home.” He dropped his hand to his side. “Sit down.”
I obeyed. My mind wasn’t operating well enough to do anything but follow commands. I could barely hear him over the heartbeat pounding in my ears.
“Why did you lie to Cato?” Raf’s dark eyes were storming.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. You told Cato you were selected as a Worker. Why?”
“I never said a word about my selection to Cato. You must be mistaken.”
I looked anywhere but directly at Raf. He could throw all the accusations at me he wanted, but I wasn’t going to give him any more fuel for his fire. I could not let him get a clear read of how I was feeling.
Because how I was feeling, was terrified.
How could he possibly know about my placement? No one was around when Emmaline made me the Peacemaker offer. And no one had seen the letter. I made sure of that when I tucked it under the corner of my mattress the night before. Which meant he was just taking a guess. He didn’t actually know whether I was a Worker or not. I exhaled, slowly regaining my composure.
Raf huffed, crossing his arms on the couch beside me. I saw his stare from the corner of my eye, but I stayed strong. I would not look in his direction, no matter how tempting he was to look at.
Raf was tall, maybe a couple of inches over six feet, which sent him towering over my five-foot six-inch frame. He wasn’t huge, with bulging muscles. Instead he was lean and strong, and his muscles were a result of hard work rather than time spent lifting weights. His olive complexion complimented his dark hair and eyes, and his face was chiseled but not sharp under what seemed like permanent scruff across his cheeks and chin. And his touch...
Ugh! I was too distracted to notice he had reached over to touch me, and I couldn’t fight the overwhelming urge to relax. He had a way of making me feel safe and cared for. I knew I was being manipulated, but I didn’t want to resist. It felt so comfortable, so easy. And his hand looked so strong resting on mine. But...
I flung his hand off before I could change my mind again.
“Don’t touch me! I know what you’re doing, and I do not appreciate being manipulated!”
Raf grinned, his straight white teeth sparkling. I wondered if he had some Leaders in his bloodline. I wasn’t used to being around people who looked as perfect as he did.
“I’m impressed,” he said. “You know a lot more than you let on.”
“Well I know that you’re an Empath.” His grin widened. “But I don’t know what you’re doing here. Or who exactly you are.”
“I’m Raf,” he said playfully. “Remember? The guy who ratted you out at our little party the other night.”
“What do you want, Raf?”
He grew serious again. “I want to know the truth. I know that you’re an Empath, too. I sensed it immediately. And I can’t be the only one who knows.”
I tried my best to remain calm as he continued. I didn’t want to confirm or deny his claim— not until I knew what he was after.
“They don’t let Empaths run around the boroughs selling rice and beans. I know they offered you a specialized career. Why are you hiding it?”
Raf finally let his emotional guard down, and I knew he was being sincere. I couldn’t pinpoint his motive, but I knew it wasn’t malicious. Yet, I still couldn’t bring myself to admit the truth. Emmaline’s words rang through my ears: No one must know.
I stared at him blankly, allowing the silence to weigh down the space between us. After another moment he grew frustrated.
“Look— I know you’re not a bad guy. I don’t believe you’re working for the government or for anyone else, not yet anyway. But I need to know why you’re choosing a life as a Worker. It’s important, Claren. Cato’s life could depend on it.”
My body tensed from head to toe. He had a lot of gall bringing my brother into this conversation.
“Don’t act like you know anything about Cato’s life.”
“So that’s it then?” Raf relaxed a little, leaning back into the sofa. “You’re worried about Cato. Is that why you’re staying behind? You think you can protect him?”
I cursed under my breath. Trying to hide your thoughts from an Empath was like trying to bottle up the moon.
“What difference does it make? I’m going to be a Worker, and that’s all anyone needs to know.”
“You don’t understand,” Raf pleaded. “Empaths are valuable. And they’re just as valuable to the Outsiders as they are to the government. They probably told you not to tell anyone about your gift, didn’t they?”
I didn’t respond, but the sympathetic tilt of his head said it all. He knew. I looked down at my hands, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.
His hand cupped my cheek, bringing my gaze back to him. “It’s okay. You’re safe with me.”
The skin on his fingers was rough, but his touch was light. He only lingered for a moment, but my heart was ignited. It felt good to be seen, to be known.
“How can I be sure? How do I know who I’m safe with? I’ve lived my whole life believing everyone Outside of the cities was dangerous. And then I stumble into a meeting where it feels like you’re all a part of a big family. Cato, too. Where does that leave me?” Tears threatened to spill over, but I choked the emotion back down. I needed to keep control.
“That’s the problem. You’re special, and the more people who know it, the more dangerous your life becomes. We’ll discuss blocking your affect soon, but first I need you to promise me you’ll go along with whatever career they offered you.”
“I can’t. Cato needs me.”
“Cato will be fine. He’s got us.”
“No— you’re exactly why he’s not fine. Cato has a record, and our family has a history. Not a good one. If he gets caught with you all, he’s gone forever. And I can’t lose him.”
“If you stay behind for your brother, they’re going to assume that you’re working with the Outsiders as well. One mistake and you’re both gone forever. And now that they know what you are, they’re going to be watching you even more closely.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“It’s not like you’re losing all communication with him by accepting. They didn’t make you a Leader, did they?”
I shook my head. “Peacemaker.”
“I thought as much. This could be a good thing. You’ll be on the government’s good side. But you’ll have to really try. You’ll need to be the best student in the training. Give them no reason to suspect any foul play. And if things ever do get sticky for Cato, you’ll be the first to know. You can actually help him more from the inside than you can as a Worker.”
“I don’t know.”
“Just promise me you’ll think about it.”
“I’ll think about it.”
It was a lie, and Raf knew it.