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Sadie straightened her back as she stood next to Zack, not appreciating Tamara’s words or tone.
“I almost had Ruben over his fantasy of playing in the NFL and ready to start a normal life. Now he’s hopeful again.”
Zack frowned. “I merely set up a phone call for him with Snyder White. I didn’t guarantee Snyder would help.”
Tamara used both hands to push at Zack’s shoulders. “You got his hopes up. You weren’t there when he busted his knee in high school and at the Texas Tech walk-on. I was. I’ve nursed him through two surgeries. His opportunity has passed. He’ll never play in the NFL. He can’t spend the rest of his life chasing this dream.”
“You’d rather he gave up a dream he’s had since he was a boy?”
“Absolutely. The dream has only brought him, us, heartache and pain.”
He didn’t back down. “Giving up before even getting a chance can crush a man’s spirit. At least if he talks to someone who did it, they’ll tell him how hard it is.”
“Oh, yeah, Snyder did. He also hooked Ruben up with the guy who helped him years ago.”
“That’s good.”
“No, it’s not!” She shook her head. “You gave him hope. He needs a dose of reality.”
“Ruben’s been through two rather awful doses of reality. If you ask me—”
“I’m not asking you. That’s the point. You should have left us alone.” She huffed. “I had him thinking about our future. Maybe college or technical training. Now he’s planning to quit his measly part-time job to train. I’ve worked my ass off to support us, which is the main reason we separated in the first place and what brought us to this damn show.”
Zack crossed his arms. “He can always go to school, but time is running out on his body’s ability to viably compete. If he doesn’t do it now, he’ll always wonder what could’ve been and he’ll resent you.”
“Not if your meddling hadn’t given him hope.”
“Only one more year,” a deep voice interrupted.
Sadie glanced behind Tamara to see Ruben standing under a tree. How long had he been there?
Tamara glared up to the sky, then faced Ruben.
“I’m only going to aim for spring training next fall. If nothing happens, I’ll stop. I’ll stop, go to school, and get a full-time job without ever mentioning the NFL again. Except for watching games, you like those as much as I do.” Ruben took steps toward his wife with every word he spoke. “You’ve been exceedingly patient. Give me one more year. I can’t do it without you. I need you with me.”
“One, you promise?”
Ruben made an x over his heart. “Promise.”
Tamara closed the distance between them, and he engulfed her.
“You called Dre?” Sadie whispered to Zack.
He nodded. “He set it all up. A wise woman once told me, ‘Help where you can. It’s what we’re on earth to do.’ That same woman has helped her roommate and is setting up a barbershop amidst this Chasing Sunsets adventure.”
A lump clogged Sadie’s throat. She’d said that a long time ago. Of course, talking to Kelly and calling her cousin had been simple things, and she realized how much she’d missed doing for others the last months.
~
Dr. Blankenship ended up being older than Kelly expected. He wore red-rim glasses and his hair was a mix of black and gray. He put her at ease from the first words he spoke. “I first want to say how hard it is to be in your position. Vaginismus is a frustrating diagnosis. It’s different for each woman and must be treated individually.”
“Thank you.” She meant it.
“I’d like to speak to Brett privately first, then you, Kelly.”
An hour later, Kelly hung up with Dr. Blankenship. Needing to collect herself, she paced back and forth in front of the door leading to the suite living area where Brett waited. Her stomach growled. She’d barely eaten anything at brunch.
The doctor suggested she try to live in the moment.
Had she ever done that?
No. She was a planner, a worrier. It was time to try something different though.
She wanted to have dinner with Brett tonight. Where would they eat? Would Brett want to go to dinner with another couple or spend time alone with her?
Damn. She wasn’t doing well living in the moment.
She brushed her teeth, gathered her courage, and stepped into the other room. She spotted Brett sitting on the balcony. A blast of heat met her as she opened the sliding door. She went to the railing and used a hand to shield her eyes from the afternoon sun as she peered down at the Riverwalk. People crowded the walkways. “How did your visit with the doctor go?”
“He asked what I wanted out of our marriage,” Brett answered.
“What did you say?”
“You. I want you.”
Her first instinct told her he was trying to spare her feelings because of her sexual issues. Except, the doctor insisted she needed to listen to Brett instead of projecting her fears into their discussions. She turned toward him and leaned against the black iron railing. “I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want me after the way I’ve acted.”
He scowled.
“Dr. Blankenship asked me my biggest fear. I told him I knew how much you wanted kids, and I feared I would never be able to give them to you. He replied with, ‘Is that all?’”
Brett simply looked at her.
“After thinking about it, I explained I’m afraid I’ll never be able to satisfy you.”
He opened his mouth.
She held up her hand. “Then the doctor said you shared with him how we pleasure each other and what we do is enough for you. I know you’ve said the same to me, but I didn’t believe you. My inadequacies made me completely insecure and deaf to your words.”
The dam she’d erected for her tears threatened to break. “I didn’t think we’d enjoy a normal marriage without having traditional sex. The doctor said I shouldn’t gauge our marriage by some standard or preconceived notion. In love, in life, there are no comparisons. No ledger of right and wrong. And I need to trust you’re being honest with me.”
He sat forward. “Yes, you do.”
“How do you feel about the doctor’s suggestion of taking traditional sex off the table for the near future and just spending time together?”
“Sounds great to me.”
She crossed the short distance to sit on his lap. Her arms encircled his neck.
“I told you from our wedding night, sex doesn’t matter.” He reached out and rubbed her bottom lip. “All I need are your hands and lips on me, sweetheart.”
“You can’t deny it’s unfair.” Her voice quaked. “I want to be normal.”
“You are normal, honey.” He hugged her and buried his head in her neck.
“I’m going to believe what you tell me from now on, Brett. But you must be honest about everything.”
“If you do the same,” he whispered. His warm breath against her skin sent tingles through her.
“I will.”
“We’ll get through this.” A vulnerability he rarely showed echoed in his hoarse, muffled voice. “You have to believe we’ll get through this.”
She scratched his scalp with her nails, knowing how much he loved the sensation. “I do now. I truly do.”
~
Sadie waited on a luxurious couch in the elegant lobby of their hotel. Fresh flowers in oversized planters displayed around the foyer emitted the loveliest floral scent. Gold and white marble flooring sparkled beneath couches, chairs, and classy tables. Many people were checking in at the carved, wooden counter that ran the length of one wall.
The sliding glass front doors swooshed open, and Rhianna entered. You could almost hear the air in the room gasp. Men’s heads turned her way. Beautiful didn’t begin to describe her. Her brunette hair glistened with blonde highlights. She was dressed in a skin-tight t-shirt, designer cut-off jean shorts, and four-inch heels. As Rhianna took off her designer sunglasses, Sadie stood. She spotted Sadie and rushed toward her, arms wide.
An invisible cloud of cotton candy perfume engulfed Sadie as they hugged. An incredible sense of belonging, of family love, wrapped around her.
Rhianna grabbed her by the arms and pulled away from the hug. Their gazes locked. They hadn’t seen each other since—
“Hi, Rhianna,” Zack said from behind Sadie.
Her cousin glanced toward him and her eyes lit up. “Hi, handsome.” She hugged Zack and then looked at them both. “How’s the race going?”
“Wish we knew?” Sadie replied. When she talked to Rhianna earlier, Sadie confided that she and Zack had not shared the reason for their separation with anyone on the reality show and asked her cousin to keep it a secret just in case one of the camera crew workers or someone from the show asked if she knew anything about their relationship. Rhianna vowed she wouldn’t say anything about it to anyone.
Zack smiled. “I came to help. Where’s your stuff?”
“I’m parked next to the door.” Rhianna turned her back toward the check-in counter and quietly said, “I told the valet I was checking in so I could leave my car close.”
The three of them unloaded her vehicle. An hour later, Doreen and Karen’s room looked like a cross between a salon and a makeup set for a movie. In front of a sizable mirror on the wall over a dresser in the living area, they laid out a plastic mat, set up a director’s chair, and positioned four studio lights. Rhianna brought cutting and shaving supplies, tools, and even a broom and dustpan to clean up.
“Thanks so much.” Doreen slipped a smock Rhianna brought over her head.
“You bet. I’ll send someone from the salon to pick everything up later tonight. I’ll text you their name.” She turned toward Sadie and Zack, her expression filled with hope. “I wish you luck.”
Sadie knew Rhianna’s wishes were not only for the race.
A knock sounded. Zack opened the door to a camera in his face.
“Heard a rumor Doreen would be cutting hair in here tonight,” Truman said.
Rhianna checked her phone and headed across the room. “I gotta get back to the salon.”
Truman had just taken a few steps into the room when he spotted Rhianna. He filmed her every move. “Please don’t leave on my account.”
“I’m not.” Bold and confident, Rhianna smiled her million-dollar smile at the camera. “I’m Rhianna. I brought supplies Doreen will need for her exciting night ahead. You can find me at Simple Styles. We’re open Tuesday through Saturday, seven to seven.”
Sadie grinned. Her cousin knew how to use her assets to get what she wanted. In this case, free publicity—if the producers used the footage in the final edits.
“Can’t you stay?” Truman asked, taking the camera away from his face.
“Afraid not.” She tugged a card from the pocket of her wristlet and passed it to him as she leaned close and whispered something in his ear.
He gazed at her like he didn’t believe what she’d just said. She winked and walked out of the room. He watched her leave, even kept his eyes on the door another minute as if hoping she’d reappear. He slowly turned around and read the card she’d given him. “How did that goddess come to be here?”
“She’s Sadie’s cousin,” Doreen answered.
Truman put the camera on the coffee table. “Is she married?”
Sadie shook her head.
“Seeing someone?”
Before she could answer, he continued, “I mean a woman like that must have a boyfriend.”
“If you want to know more about her,” she said, “you’ll have to call the number on the card.”
“Zack,” Truman pleaded. “Help a brother out.”
“Call her.”
Truman grimaced, clearly disappointed. He pulled out his phone and walked to the door. He propped it open with a chair and stepped into the hallway.
Doreen typed on her phone, closed her eyes, and lifted her face toward the ceiling before opening her eyes and punching the phone again. “I texted Ted. We’ll see if he shows up. Zack, you ready?”
Zack sat in the director’s chair. Truman returned, picked up his camera, and began filming.
“Room service.” A male hotel staff member in black pants and a white shirt pushed a cart into the room. The cart was filled with ice buckets containing bottles of beer, seltzers, sodas and water.
Twenty minutes later, a cameraperson entered the room. Truman handed over the camera and hurried out the door. Sadie couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to Rhianna’s salon.
Brett came through the open door and glanced around. The intensity of his features seemed somewhat softer. “Am I early?”
“You’re right on time. I’ll be with you in just a minute,” Doreen called.
“Would you like a drink?” Sadie motioned to the cart.
He picked up a bottle of beer, twisted off the cap, and sat next to her on the couch. “Thank you for today,” he murmured so only she could hear.
She smiled, hoping her new friends would find a way to work things out.
She and Zack played hosts and welcomed contestants and many of the series staff employees who stopped by while Doreen cut the men’s hair.
All except Ted. So far, he was a no-show.
“Our reservation is at eight,” Zack put his hand on Sadie’s lower back sending tingles up her spine. “We better get going.”
“I wish Ted had showed up,” she complained. “Maybe we should go by his room and see if he got Doreen’s text.”
“No need.” Zack motioned with his head toward the door.
“Thank goodness,” Sadie whispered.
They said their goodbyes. As they passed Ted, who stood just inside the room watching his wife, Sadie softly said, “Doreen is booked, but she might be able to fit you in after her last client.”
Ted let out an irritated sigh. “She won’t stick with this. She abandons everything.”
“I’m not sure about that,” Sadie responded. “But right now, she’s the happiest I’ve seen her since the race started.”
~
Sadie meandered alongside Zack on the Riverwalk. She’d worn her hair down, out of the ponytail for a change, and he loved how it beautifully framed her face. They’d just finished dining at a romantic outdoor restaurant, where Zack had wished for better lighting to see her. What he actually wished for was to run his fingers through her hair like he used to do often.
She bumped against him as she dodged a couple who barreled out of one of the clubs. He steadied her, caught the scent of her vanilla lotion, and let his hands linger on her skin for a few seconds. They continued on to her favorite ice cream shop where the sweet smell of waffle cones hung heavy in the air. Three other parties were in front of them, one with six kids. If the children were anything like Sadie, they’d want taste testers, lots of them, and it would take a while before Sadie and Zack were served. If they had to wait all night, that was fine with him. It meant more time at her side.
An employee came from the back, and it only took ten minutes before it was their turn. Sadie requested testers of flavors until she settled on tiramisu ice cream. Zack chose a waffle cone dipped in chocolate with vanilla ice cream and a peanut butter drizzle.
“You always order the same flavor,” she accused while the server made their order. “Why not chance something different?”
She didn’t fool him. She loved his flavor of choice, and never had to order it because he always did. He was saved from answering when the server handed them their treats. Sadie took hers and held her hands out toward Zack, one with her two-scoop cup and the other with tester spoons. She must have seven or eight of them. “Would you like a taste?”
“You want me to taste yours because you want some of mine. How much are you going to take? Should I order another?” Ice cream was the one thing she binged on. She once told him she refused to buy any for their freezer because she had no control. He’d gotten her a half gallon of various flavors a few times and learned she hadn’t exaggerated. It never lasted in the freezer for more than a day or two.
“Well, I’ll need a piece of the chocolate-dipped cone for the full effect of the peanut butter.”
He picked up a tiny spoon from her hand and got a morsel of hers before holding his out for her. She’d lost weight the last few months, her face visibly thinner, and he was glad to see her eating. She broke a chunk off his cone and scooped out a huge mouthful.
They sat at a white and chrome table near the huge storefront window. Sadie pointed outside to where a man and a young boy were paddle boating. “We’ve never done that.”
“Look at them. Do they look like they’re having fun?”
Her brow dented as she watched them. “They look miserable.”
“Exactly.” He chuckled. “We always came here for a vacation. That’s too much like work.”
A short time later, she finished and placed her cup and napkin on the tiny table between them. “Detox has worked. I finally feel like myself. Thank you for not being angry, or at least not showing your anger with me.”
“I have no reason to be mad.” They both knew she hadn’t been at her best the last few days, no reason to put a finer point on it. He reached over and picked up her hand, wanting to make one thing clear. “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you.”
She stared at their hands. “I have too. I’d forgotten how easy it is to be with you.” Her throat worked in a swallow. She squeezed his hand and lifted her gaze to his.
His heart seized in his chest.
Her eyes searched his like she wanted to say something before she glanced away.
Obviously, she wasn’t ready to forgive him.
He feared she never would be.
~
Sadie opened the door to her suite and found the other women from the race, minus Doreen, sitting on the couch, chairs, and the floor in a circle. She hoped that meant Doreen and Ted were together somewhere working out their issues. Empty bottles of wine and candy wrappers littered the coffee table.
Kelly sat on the floor with a glass of red wine in one hand and a half-eaten Butterfinger in the other. “Join us, Sadie. You want some wine and chocolate?”
“No, I’m stuffed.” She rolled the executive chair from a desk in the corner over and eased into it.
Heather, in her early thirties, said, “Ryan’s not the same. He’s different since coming back from his last tour of duty.”
Maxine raised her wine glass. “That’s because you haven’t deprogrammed him. Jude served in the army for six years before starting a career in IT. He traveled for different duties all over the world and stayed gone more than he was with us.” She frowned at Heather. “Here’s the thing. The military trains them so they think only of themselves and the others on their mission. They must perform at their best, but they become self-centered.”
“I wouldn’t call Ryan self-centered,” Heather defended her husband.
“Okay, let me just tell you our situation. When Jude arrived home between assignments, we were so happy to see him we celebrated like Christmas. I remained responsible for everything at home because he might be called away at a moment’s notice.”
Sadie couldn’t imagine Zack getting a call and having to up and leave for months at a time. How stressful for military spouses.
“I continued to run the kids everywhere for their activities. When he was home, we had everything we needed. Or so I made myself believe. One day after he returned from being gone, he went upstairs to take a nap, which he did regularly. At that instant, I had a dirty diaper to change, two hungry three-year-olds to feed, and a mountain of laundry to wash. He shut the door, ignoring us, and I realized my husband was a guest in our home. A guest!” Maxine’s voice rose, and her face reddened.
Heather’s elbows rested on her knees and her chin in her hands, raptly listening.
“I stood there, my baby crying, and let the reality of my life take hold. Jude never corrected the kids. I always had to be the bad guy. He never washed the dishes or did the clothes or helped with the kids. Suddenly it wasn’t enough to have him home.”
“No shit,” Tamara exclaimed.
“I didn’t marry the soldier, I married the man. I opened the door, set the baby on the bed next to him, and waved. ‘Good luck taking a nap, because I’m going to the grocery store. Did you know I shop, cook, and clean while I juggle three kids?’ I left the house for the rest of the day. When I got back, he had the house picked up, the kids bathed, and he’d made dinner.”
“This is exactly what happened to us.” Heather’s tone was excited. “I thought he’d changed. I didn’t realize I’m allowing it.”
“Welcome to the other side.” Maxine pretended to bow while sitting. “The saddest part was my children didn’t have a relationship with him, he could’ve been Santa Claus as far as they were concerned. Neither they nor I needed Santa Claus. I needed a husband, and my kids needed a dad. After that day, every time he got back from an assignment, he made a conscious effort to help, and he’s been an incredible partner and Dad.”
“If he is, why are you and Jude here?” Tamara asked.
“Like some of you, we’ve agreed not to discuss our issues.” Maxine gestured with her wine glass toward Sadie and Kelly. They were the only three couples who never shared their problems.
Kelly spoke next. “I’m still not ready to talk about my marriage, but I will say, I think Brett and I are on the road to recovery.” Kelly nodded at Sadie and mouthed, “Thank you.”
A friendly smile and warmth spread through Sadie.
“We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.” ~ Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes