He hadn’t said the words once in the next two days they were in Pirata.
Did she want him to?
Hell no! That’s why she kept moving through their outings and lovemaking as if nothing were missing. Because nothing was.
The words weren’t needed. Weren’t wanted.
Besides, they were like a broken record with the needle permanently stuck repeating them over and over again in her mind. If Sam had actually said them again, she probably would have screamed.
Yet Karena would be a fool not to admit that the time spent with Sam was more than wonderful, more than anything she’d ever expected with a man. But Sam was perfect. She already knew and accepted that.
So why was she sitting on the plane beside him wondering how to approach the subject of their relationship—the rules of their relationship?
In a little under an hour they’d be landing on a private airstrip just north of LaGuardia. He would probably want to share a car to her apartment then head on to his house in Connecticut.
The house she’d dreamed about last night.
It was silly, she knew, and she whispered the same to herself as she’d crept out of the bed she and Sam were sharing to go into the bathroom and splash water onto her face. It was just a house, a building built on a wonderful piece of land. It wasn’t the answer to all her hopes and dreams, the ones she kept tucked deep in the recesses of her mind. It wasn’t her salvation.
To top all that off, it wasn’t hers. She owned her condo overlooking Central Park. She loved the walks she took through the park and sometimes even farther to work. The city was refreshing and energizing, it was where she wanted, no, needed to be. Why? Because it was her choice.
“What are you over there thinking so hard about?”
She actually jumped at the sound of his voice, feeling as if he’d been eavesdropping on her private thoughts. Giving herself a shake for silliness, she mustered a smile and looked over at him. “Nothing.”
His brows raised and she sighed. He always knew. Well, no time like the present.
She cleared her throat. “Okay, I was thinking about us.”
At that he smiled and reached for her hand, entwining their fingers as if they were juveniles walking down the street. “Good thoughts, I hope.”
She nodded. “Yes. I think they’re good.” He lifted her hand, kissed the back of it and continued to smile at her. Oh, boy, this was a little harder than she’d anticipated.
“So, were you thinking of all the wonderfully sinful things you’d like to do to my body when we get home?”
He sucked one fingertip into his mouth and she felt a shiver of warmth etch down her spine. “Ah, no, not exactly.”
“Hmm, then maybe you’re thinking of all the wonderfully sinful things you want me to do to your body when we get home?”
Home. Why did he keep saying that?
“I was thinking that we could maybe see each other for dinner once during the week and then rotate spending weekends together,” she said in a rushed voice before his touch made her forget everything but her name.
Sam paused instantly, the finger that was in his mouth slipping out slowly. His hand placed hers gently on the arm of the seat as he sat back eyeing her closely.
“Are those your terms?” he asked solemnly.
“I wouldn’t make it sound as serious as ‘terms.’ I just thought it would be good to set aside enough time so we could be together. Isn’t that what you want?”
He was nodding, but Karena had the sinking suspicion he wasn’t agreeing with her.
“So what’s this, like, the negotiation stage? You suggest a schedule, then I suggest one and we meet somewhere in the middle? Sort of a relationship mediation.”
“I’m not liking your sarcasm, Sam.”
“Good, because I’m not liking your idiotic suggestion.”
“Don’t call me names!”
“Don’t change the subject. You know damned well I’m not calling you names. I’m telling you that what you’re suggesting is crazy. When two people decide to pursue a relationship they just do it, they don’t pencil each other in the BlackBerry. That’s not how it works.”
“Well, Mr. Relationship Master, tell me how it does work. Or better yet, tell me again why it didn’t work between you and Leeza.”
He looked incredulous. “What? Why are you even bringing her up? I told you about Leeza when we were in Maryland two months ago.”
“Yes. You did. You told me how you met her, thought she was the one, proposed and then had a change of heart because she wanted to manipulate you, change you into the man she wanted you to be.”
“And how does this relate to us?”
“What do you want from ‘us,’ Sam? What do you foresee happening with us?”
He dragged a hand down his face as if he were growing tired of this conversation. Well, she didn’t care. They were going to get this over with. She had limitations, whether Sam Desdune liked them or not, and he could either deal with them or he couldn’t. Better she find out now before her own feelings grew too out of control.
“I love you, Karena. Love to me means forever. So having dinner with you once a week and alternate weekends just isn’t enough. I want to see you every day, hear your voice when I close my eyes at night to go to sleep, see your face when I wake each morning to face the day. I want it all.”
And although her heart hammered in her chest and her head throbbed as if someone was using it for a bongo, this was exactly what she was afraid of.
“I want you to move in with me. I think the house away from the city would be good for you, good for your stress level. I want to take care of you, to love you.”
“When did you ask me what I wanted?”
“Excuse me?”
“When…did…you stop planning your little fairy tale to find out what I wanted? Because I would think that should matter, since I’d be the one uprooting and changing my entire life. I’d be the one bending to your will.”
Why did she do this? Why was she twisting everything he said to make it seem wrong?
“I thought we had a great time together these past few days.”
“We did,” she said, sighing. “And we did when I was at your place. Look, Sam, I know there’s something between us. I accept that and I’m willing to take the chance to see where it goes. But I can’t just jump blindly, giving you everything without considering what’s best for me.”
“You don’t think having a place to come home to after leaving the gallery, a place that will let you completely relax—you don’t think that’s best for you?”
“I can relax at my place.”
“But you don’t. You work and you take your sister’s calls and you work some more. You don’t relax and you don’t make time for yourself.”
“So now the suggestion is to move to your place and cut off my family? You’re out of your mind. I’d never ask that of you.”
“And I’m not asking it of you. I’m telling you that you need to learn to live for you, to make decisions that will be best for you.”
“That’s what I’m doing.”
He knew it had been coming, it always did. Sam Desdune had a breaking point. He had a line that once was crossed, there was no coming back from. Karena had just stepped one foot over it.
There was the telltale drop, slight shake of the plane and then definite touchdown of the wheels hitting asphalt. They’d landed. And they’d ended.
“I won’t lie to you, Karena. This is not how I work. I’m a marriage-and-family kind of guy. I thought we were on the same wavelength there. I guess I was wrong.”
“You know how I feel about marriage, about giving up everything that I am for a man.”
“Not a man, Karena. Your man. Your husband. And it’s not about giving up everything that you are, but about entering into a relationship that will make you both as one. I would never ask you to give up who you are for me. But I won’t sacrifice what I need, either.”
She’d been in the process of unsnapping her seat belt when her head shot up and she glared at him. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that you have a choice, you can step out of that box you’ve created for yourself using your mother and her decisions as a crutch, or you can act like the independent, sophisticated woman I fell in love with and take a chance on me, on love, on yourself.” Then he shrugged. “It’s that simple.”
Karena stood slowly, being careful to take deep breaths, hoping to calm the fierce anger growing inside her. “Is that an ultimatum?”
Sam stood, walked to her and let his finger trace the line of her jaw. “It’s my final offer.”