What Happened When We Chewed the Corn Seed; Why the Armoured Body Snatcher Sang, “Ladybird, Ladybird, Fly Away Home”; and What a Lady Does Not Show in Public.
“If we’re in Brobdingnag, we’d better watch out for giant sparrows that could peck us to death,” said Becky.
“Rats,” said Jazz. “Big as mastiffs.”
Something thumped, so the ground shook. We peeped around a corn-stalk. A blackbird bigger than a horse hopped towards us, thump! thump! Its eye as big as a basketball, it carried in its great beak a worm thicker through than Peter! We huddled behind the corn-stalk. Three huge hops, and the enormous blackbird was gone.
“Phew!” we all puffed, and the sun went out.
“Don’t move!” Peter whispered. “A hawk….”
The hawk was so big, its shadow took about quarter of an hour to pass over us and, all that time, we didn’t dare move. The sun shone again, we stopped holding our breath, and clonk! – Daisy was knocked out. A ripe corn seed the size of a cannonball had fallen from a burst cob. We knelt, chafing her wrists, stroking her temples.
“Come back, Daisy,” we said. “We love you, even if we laugh at you.”
“Daisy back come,” said Alwyn. “You love we.”
“Shut up, Alwyn!” Daisy said without opening her eyes. “Where am I?”
“I am where?” Alwyn told her. “Here are you.”
“We’ll be squashed if we stay here,” said Peter, “but we can’t go into the open. The blackbird will eat the little ones, and the hawk will eat the rest of us.”
“What’s that boy doing now?” asked Daisy. Alwyn was kneeling, gnawing at the huge corn seed that had knocked her out.
“He always chews the maize at home when he feeds the chooks,” said Marie.
“He’s got no right!” said Daisy. “That’s my corn seed. Oh!” she screamed, and fainted. Where Alwyn had been kneeling, there were two tremendous feet, and two enormous legs towered between the giant stalks.
“Don’t move, Alwyn!” Marie shouted. “You’ll squash us.”
“Seed the chew!” his voice thundered.
We knelt along one side of the giant corn seed and chewed. Suddenly we stood beside Alwyn, high above the corn-stalks. A blackbird the size of a mosquito squawked, “Tock! Tock! Tock!” and flew for his life. A hawk as big as a fly flapped away.
“Now we’re in Lilliput!” murmured Isaac, being exact again.
“Atchcay emthay!” someone shouted. “Eythay areway ayingplay ethay agway omfray oolschay!”
Three knights in black armour and waving swords galloped towards us, along the other side of the fence. The first wore a tattooed helmet, the second a pointed helmet, and the third had a white collar backwards around the neck of his helmet.
“Armoured Body Snatchers!” said Peter.
We ran back into the paddock, but the corn stalks couldn’t hide us now, so we crawled trying not to shake the leaves. The shouts of the Armoured Body Snatchers came closer. “Where’s Jared?” asked Peter. “Jared!” we all called, but nobody replied. The sound of galloping hoofs came closer.
“Can you hear him?” Peter cried.
We shook our heads.
“I thought I heard something,” said Casey.
The shouts were louder. “Hurry, Peter!” we all screamed.
“Shhh!” Peter called, “Jared?”
We peeped over the waving tops of the corn stalks and saw the chargers snorting and pulling up at the fence. Armour grinding and clashing like sheets of corrugated iron, the Body Snatchers leapt off. The one with a tattooed helmet shouted, “Opstay erewhay ouyay areway!”
The second, the one with a pointy helmet, shouted, “On’tday ovemay!”
The third, the one with a collar on backwards around the neck of his helmet, shouted, “Eway estarray ouyay!”
In slow motion because of their heavy armour, they climbed the fence, wires squeaking through the staples, and jumped into the corn paddock. “Kerblum! Bling-blong! Bim-bom-bam!”
As their armour boomed, rang, echoed, and fell silent, a tiny voice cried, “Watch out for me!”
A pigmy Jared, as short as a pin, dodged between our feet. Peter picked him up between his thumb and forefinger and popped him into his shirt pocket with his head sticking out, so he could breathe. “Follow me!” Peter galloped on all fours deeper into the corn. Behind us, the Armoured Body Snatchers clanked like tanks, slashing the stalks with their swords.
We ran on all fours until our hands and knees bled. Peter stopped, lifted Jared out, stood him on the palm of his hand, and we all stared at him. “Can we have him to play with?” asked Jessie.
Jared stuck out a tiny pink tongue at her.
“We can’t go home with Jared looking like that,” said Daisy. “Aunt Effie will be so annoyed!”
“He’ll be handy for sending down mouse holes,” said Alwyn, but Jared cried that he didn’t want to be eaten by a giant mouse.
“Look in your pocket,” he squeaked to Peter.
“There’s nothing in there,” said Peter. “Just a corn seed that’s got in somehow.” He flicked it away.
“Find it!” Jared squeaked. “Chew the other side!”
“Side other the chew!” said Alwyn. “Remember Alice in Wonderland?” Fortunately Mr Jones had read the book to us at school.
“Iway earhay emthay! Overway erethay!” As the Armoured Body Snatchers boomed and bonged towards us, we knelt and searched for the seed.
“Hurry!” we screamed at each other.
“Earhay emthay!”
“Find it!”
“Quick!”
Jane found the seed. We each nibbled a bit from the other side and shrank away down beside Jared.
“Eythay ustmay beway erehay omewheresay!” a huge voice shouted in the clouds. Colossal iron boots crashed down, but we followed Peter, scuttling under a fallen leaf, diving and wriggling under another. We were too small to be seen by the great eyes in the sky.
Between the giant corn-stalks, we scuttled like ants. At last, Marie and Peter said we could have a rest. We were sitting, puffing and looking around, when we realised Jessie had disappeared.
Peter went back, looking for her, while the rest of us cried. “What if they’ve stood on her?” we sobbed. “Aunt Effie will be so angry!”
“It’s your fault!” we told each other. “You know you’re supposed to keep an eye on the little ones.”
We squabbled and pinched each other until Peter came back and said, “One of the Armoured Body Snatchers caught Jessie. He thought she was a ladybird and picked her up and sang to her, Ladybird, Ladybird, fly away home, but she bit him. So he made her eat from the other side of a sweet corn seed. She grew up, and they put her on one of the horses. I heard them say they were going to get the Moko Man to tattoo her. All over!”
“All over?” we shrieked.
“We’d better go home and tell Aunt Effie,” said Marie.
“But she’s scared of the Moko Man herself!”
“She’s not scared of the Body Snatchers! Remember how she said ‘Tarnation take them!’”
“Marie’s right. Aunt Effie will give them tarnation!”
We followed Peter between the corn-stalks to the edge of the paddock, the swings, and the dancing ladies. We ate from one side and then the other of a sweet corn seed till we were our proper size, then Peter and Marie pushed the little ones up the inside wall of the enormous china chamber pot. The rest of us gave each other a leg up, and sat astride the the rim. The naked ladies stopped swinging and dancing, and waved to us. The gentlemen took off their hats and bowed.
“Omecay ackbay, iscreantsmay!” The Armoured Body Snatchers galloped out of the trees. One had somebody riding behind him. Jessie!
“Help!” she yelled as they stood in their stirrups and swung their swords. We shrieked, pulled up our feet, jumped down the other side, and landed on the floor under Aunt Effie’s enormous bed. “Ah-tish-oo!” everyone went, except Alwyn who went, “Oo-tish-ah!”
“Look at my hanky!” said Jessie. “It must be dust and spiders’ webs.”
“Yuk!” said Jared.
“A lady does not blow her nose into her handkerchief and stare at it,” said Daisy. “Nor does she wave it around and ask others to look at it.”
“Jessie!” said Becky. “You’re back!”
“The Moko Man was just starting to tattoo me,” said Jessie, “when the Armoured Body Snatchers grabbed me and galloped after you. The horse I was on pig-jumped and bucked me up in the air, and I fell down this side of the enormous chamber pot.”
“And you came down the right size?”
Jessie patted herself all over and nodded. “Here’s where the Moko Man started.” She pulled up her shirt, and there was a blue chisel mark by her belly button. We stared in envy and felt our own belly buttons.
“Tuck your shirt in at once,” said Daisy. “A lady does not show her umbilicus in public.”
“Public in umbilicus her.”
As Daisy ground her teeth at Alwyn, the blue chisel mark faded and, “Wahhh!” Jessie cried.
We all whistled, “Whew!” and said, “Bad luck, Jessie!” But secretly we were delighted that her tattoo had faded.