Chapter 31

the door opens and ollie peers out. His clothes are wrinkled and he seems as if he’s just woken up, but he forces a smile. “Hey, Greg.”

“Hey. You ready?”

“Yeah.”

I wait for him to walk out but he just stands there. “Come on.” I wave and step down a stair and he nods like I’ve just solved all his problems.

We walk to the car and he shuffles along. Before we get to Q, I ask, “You gonna be all right? Cause if not, we don’t have to do this. We can all just chill here. No big deal.”

He looks away at Quinn’s car. “We’re still trying to lose weight, right?”

“Sure,” I answer, and am not happy with the weakness of my voice. I pray I’m not letting this all fall to shit just because it no longer matters for my project.

“I still want to, you know, improve, in spite of . . . everything.”

“I wish that was the same for everyone. You know?”

“Story of our lives, Greg.”

“Truth right there. You okay, though, with everything that’s happened?”

“No, but you can’t be either.”

“That’s not my point. You lost your grandfather and then I pulled you into all of this. It can’t be easy.”

“It isn’t.” He digs the ground with his toe. “My grandfather always had a way of making me feel better. One talk with him and I didn’t care about what the kids at school were saying.”

“He’s right. They don’t matter.”

Ollie tilts his head. “You know, I’ve been thinking about that, and I don’t know. They do matter, don’t they? Look at Callaghan. He’s just a grown-up lax bro, and he’s doing the same shit. I know my mom and dad deal with crap all the time for being big and so does my sister. So, yeah, I get it, fuck ’em, but at the same time, we can’t. Isn’t that why you started this whole transformation?”

“It is. But I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m still fat. Not like I’m going to lose a hundred pounds in the next week.”

“So because you can’t have it now, it’s not worth it ever?”

Ollie’s question makes me want to sit down. I feel like he’s beat me upside the head. And I’m not sure why. “No, I mean, yeah, it is worth it.”

“That’s why I’m still in this, Greg. I know it’s worth it. Long haul. That’s what my grandfather wanted for me. That’s why we’re going to keep at this in spite of the bros. Because there will always be bros.”

I reach out and hug Ollie. I don’t care who drives by and sees us or what Q might think. Our two enormous bodies are wrapped up and it’s good.

• • •

In spite of the bruising, the workout feels right. It’s nice to have weights back again, and Q directing us. Ollie and I front squat because the bar hurts too much on our backs and we do box jumps and push-ups. And for most of the jumps I do just that, jump. Half of the push-ups aren’t from my knees. I’m getting stronger.

Q checks to make sure I haven’t busted a stitch and throws us towels. We drink from our water bottles and Heather appears.

“Hey, Quinn, how was your break?” She bumps his hip with her ass. “I’ve barely seen you all week.” She’s all sweaty from having taught a class, and how Quinn doesn’t just suggest they go in the back room is beyond me.

“It was good. Were you busy here?”

“You know, same ol’ same ol’ with my ladies.” She smiles and leans in. She is so into him, but he’s kind of standoffish.

Weights clang to the floor. Captain yells, “Fuck, yeah!” We all look over.

Ronnie, Lou, and Captain all have maniacal faces, challenging Q. His dad pops out of the office and stares at the back of his son’s head. Everyone here knows what’s supposed to happen, and we’re all waiting on Quinn to take care of it. Which is really unfair, but what can we do? He turns to Heather, but I catch his eye. I pop a thumb over my shoulder at the meatheads and Q just shakes his own. I turn around.

“Hey, rule number three. Remember?” I say to the meatheads.

The three meatheads look at each other and laugh. “Whatever, Pudge. You lift this kind of weight and then you can talk. Until then, you and your busted face can suck it.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” The words leave my mouth and I picture what is about to happen to me. Do body bags come in my size?

Captain steps over the bar without looking down. He keeps his eyes pinned on mine and approaches. When he’s fully in my face he’s bigger than I remember, and more fierce. “The fuck did you just say to me?”

My heart is up in my eyeballs, pounding, pounding. I’m weak from the workout and scared. I lick my lips to apologize but Quinn says, “You heard him.”

Captain looks at Quinn and back at me. “Guess you didn’t listen to my advice. Turned all pussy on us, huh? Just like Q, here.”

Ollie moves forward. “Why would anyone listen to your advice? Look at you.”

The pounding moves up into my temples as Lou and Ronnie join the confrontation at Ollie’s words.

Captain laughs. “Look at me? You should look at me. I’m a fucking work of art and you’re not even a rough draft.”

I have to give him credit for the analogy. Not bad.

“What’s going on?” Quinn’s dad’s voice cuts through. I step aside.

“Frank, your son here just insulted us. Could you do something about it?” Captain smirks at me.

“Quinlan. Apologize. Now!” Quinn’s dad is twitching. His muscles are popping along his shoulders like the bones are trying to come out.

Quinn looks at him, at Heather, at us, but not at the meatheads. “No.”

“What do you mean, ‘No’? That wasn’t a question. Apologize.”

Captain chuckles. I so want to jump in and help Quinn, but there’s nothing I can do. Quinn sighs and I know what’s coming. He’s going to give in and probably work out the rest of the night and straight through tomorrow. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you this sooner. But a few years ago, Captain and Ronnie and Lou . . .”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up just a minute. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Your dad asked for an apology, not storytime.” Captain nods at Quinn’s dad, who nods back.

“Quinn, I said . . .”

“Mr. Casey, let Quinn finish.” Heather’s voice is so soft, as if it’s coming from someone’s earbuds. But we all hear her. “Please?”

“Heather, this doesn’t concern you.”

“Yes, it does, Dad. And if you would for once just shut up and listen you might understand.” Quinn stares at his father.

Quinn’s dad locks his jaw and crosses his arms over his chest. The meatheads do the same. I silently root for Q, and he opens his mouth, and this time, lets out exactly what he’s been trying to say for all these years.

• • •

Quinn’s dad didn’t want to let him leave to bring us home, but Quinn told him that he’d come back and they could keep talking. Because once Quinn started, he didn’t stop, and his dad didn’t make him. Captain and Ronnie and Lou tried to, but Quinn’s dad held up a hand and we all listened to story after story of what they’d done. None of them tried to defend themselves. They just said “bullshit” a few dozen times and started racking their weights. Then Quinn’s dad yelled at them to stop and to get out of his gym.

Q pulls up to my house and I say, “Uh, Q, I don’t even know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything. You don’t have to.”

Fair enough. I open the door. “I’m proud of you, man. That took guts.”

“Thanks, G. You, too. But neither of us are done yet, huh?”

I climb out. “Not even close.” I close the door and he pulls away and I’m bursting to tell Ella what happened.

I bolt up to my room and bring up FaceTime and call. She answers and I tuck away how much I still hate my image on this phone. Her face searches mine. “News? I can tell. Hold on. Me first.”

I say, “Okay,” high-fiving myself because there’s no way she can top what I just experienced.

“So, in our desperate attempt to do whatever the hell we’re doing, I can claim success.”

“What? How?”

“Our film. The real one. I know we need it for tomorrow, but I’ve figured out a way to make it even more awesome.”

“What do you mean?” I sit down, slowly.

Ella’s always sarcastic and a little abrasive, but all of that is evened out by how open and positive she appears. Not now. She’s morphed into the girl who still lurks inside, the one capable of swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills. My neck and arms tingle. “Wait and see,” she says, “wait and see.”

For the first time, that phrase scares the hell out of me.