sixteen

November 13, 2019

My alarm went off and rudely woke me up. Yawning, I reached over and turned it off then stretched. On my second yawn and grumble about having to wake up, I smelled it. A fire. Sitting up, I stared at the fireplace in front of me and the fire roaring in it. What the heck? My room was warm as I tossed the covers off me and slipped on my house shoes. I was still wearing yesterday’s clothes, a pair of stretchy slacks and a blue sweater.

Creed had put me in bed. I looked back at the fire and then headed for the door. Was Creed here? I hoped so because if Creed hadn’t started the fire, I had a very thoughtful intruder that I hoped hadn’t warmed me up to kill me.

Stopping at the top of the stairs, I heard the crackling of the fireplace downstairs and I smelled coffee. Slowly, I made my way down, almost convinced it was Creed but prepared if it wasn’t. I should probably be armed, but I didn’t think about grabbing a hairbrush to whack over someone’s head before I started down the stairs.

When I reached the bottom step, I turned right into the living room and sighed with relief when Creed was sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee in his hand watching the television. He turned to look at me and smiled. “I hope I didn’t wake you starting the fire in your room.”

“Uh, no, you didn’t,” I replied, not sure if it was rude to ask him why he was here or if he’d stayed all night.

He nodded a head toward the kitchen. “I made coffee.”

Was it okay he had stayed the night? He obviously hadn’t slept in my bed. The other side was untouched like it was every morning. We were friends. We’d slept in the same apartment in Boston. Griff was there though. We had been alone here, but it wasn’t the same.

“I couldn’t figure out how to lock your door without the key last night,” he said.

“Ooooh,” I replied, understanding dawning on me. “So you stayed? Please tell me you slept in the other bedroom and not on the sofa.”

“Nothing was wrong with the sofa. It slept good.”

I covered my face with my hand. “I am so sorry I fell asleep on you. Thank you for staying.”

“Like I said last night I’ll get over it,” he replied then winked…again. He needed to stop winking. No man should look that good when he winks. It’s not fair to females. Especially those of us who have boyfriends that they love.

“I’ll make you breakfast,” I told him, hoping I had time to do that and get a shower before I needed to leave.

“I’m good. Go get ready. I’ll head back home,” he said standing up. “Rachel will still be asleep, and I will have some peace until I leave work.”

“I hope she doesn’t hate me for keeping you all night,” I said.

The right corner of his mouth lifted in a half-grin. “She won’t. She thinks we are sleeping together,” he replied, then opened the door and left without another word.

She thought what? I started to run after him but then glanced at the clock. I didn’t have time for that conversation. Thanks to Creed I didn’t need to build a fire in the kitchen stove to warm me up or make coffee. I grabbed a cup and headed upstairs to shower. Trying not to think about how much I enjoyed last night and snuggling up to Creed like a hussy was difficult but I did try.

Albert was oddly cheerful. It didn’t mean he spoke more than three words at a time but he was still in a good mood. The exhibit was set up and tomorrow would be opening day for it, which meant tonight an elite crowd would attend a cocktail party to view it first. The guests would consist of patrons that helped fund the art museum. I’d helped address and mail all fifty-seven invitations that had gone out my first day on the job.

Today the museum had more life in it. The party planner gave out orders while the cleaning staff, caterer and decorator scurried to do her bidding.

It was a little after two when Albert said I could go home. We were to be back here by six and I would be expected to mingle and answer questions about the items in the exhibit. I was also told I could bring a plus one, but Griff had finally called me this morning on my drive to work to tell me he was sorry but he wasn’t going to make it tonight but that he swore he’d come visit on Sunday. I doubted that and it made me feel guilty for being pessimistic. I’d wanted him to see my job and stand beside me at tonight’s event. I was silly to get my hopes up that he would make it. He was stressed with his load at med school and I knew it was hard on him. I shouldn’t have asked him to come.

By the time I was home, I’d convinced myself that it was best I didn’t have a date. I needed to give my full attention to the guests tonight and answer all their questions. They were the reason the art museum existed and I was thankful for my job. I also loved talking about art and tonight I would get to do a lot of it. My thoughts were deep in everything I needed to remember for tonight that I missed the thin brunette coming across my yard and straight at me until I looked up to put the key in the door.

“Hello!” Rachel called out, raising her hand in greeting. Long red fingernails wiggled at me. Apparently, she wasn’t mad at me about keeping Creed all night.

“Hello,” I replied with a smile.

She reached me and put a hand on her curvy hip. “I’m out of shape,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Anyway, I’m Rachel, Creed’s cousin. I wanted to come introduce myself and be nosey. “He told me about you and I remember Cora talking about the two of you when we were younger. She loved teasing him about you during the holidays, which was the only time we ever saw each other. I just hope you can get him to want more than sex. That man and his inability to have a real relationship is sad.” She rolled her eyes as if exasperated.

What had Creed told her? Did she think we were sex buddies? And if so why would he tell her something like that? Couldn’t we just be friends that didn’t have sex? He had enough real sex buddies or whatever the many females he dated were called. Annoyance at Creed overcame the warm fuzzies I had been feeling about his staying last night and warming up the house for me.

“Oh, uh, yeah, well you know Creed,” I finally replied after a pause. Why was I covering for his lies? I was, though, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth. What was wrong with me? I needed therapy again. That was it.

“He’s a good guy who loves women but you know that. You’ve been his Sailor Moon forever,” she said with a bright smile. “Well, I’m headed to the spa. I need a massage and some relaxation. I’ll see you around. We can do tea one afternoon,” she said, looking excited about the idea. I didn’t share in her excitement.

“Okay, yeah.” I managed to agree as she turned and hurried back across the yard in her high heeled knee-high leather boots. Which I had to admit were kind of fabulous.

Opening my door, I went inside and realized then that I was frozen. It was below freezing today and I’d just been forced to stand out in it. Hurrying to the fireplace, I hoped it would light quickly. Sometimes it did and sometimes it didn’t. Today was going to be one of those difficult days where I struggled and cursed the cold.

Just before I gave up and went to light the wooden stove in the kitchen, the fire took and I sighed in relief. I was tempted to go get my electric blanket and wrap it around me and my coat. First, though, I went to get my phone and sent my first text to Creed.

“Did you tell Rachel we were sex buddies?” I was getting angry again just thinking about it as I hit send. There was no reason to lie about something like that and it was embarrassing for me. I was not and would never be one of Creed Sullivan’s many females. The idea was insulting.

“No. She assumed it. Why? Did she come visit?”

I read the text and immediately replied. “Why didn’t you clarify the situation? Why let her think that?” Was he so desperate to get away from her, he couldn’t take five minutes to tell her we were just friends? No sex involved.

My phone rang then and I saw Creed’s name. Frustration about his lie and Griff not coming to the party tonight snowballed.

“You’re an ass, Creed Sullivan. I do not want to be one of your many females. I don’t like someone thinking that I would be okay as your fuck buddy. It’s insulting. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was to listen to your cousin tell me how she hoped we could evolve into more because of our history?” Okay, now I was fuming. The more I talked the louder I got.

“I didn’t mean it that way. She asked who I was taking the chowder to and I told her it was you. She remembered Cora talking about you…and me before. She thought we were back together and I didn’t want to give her your life details, so I said no, we were just friends. She assumed you were like my other female friends or fuck buddies as you call them. I didn’t correct her. I just got out of the house. My staying the night didn’t help. I will make sure she knows the truth. I’m sorry, Sailor.”

That all made sense but I wasn’t done being mad. I wasn’t sure I was even mad at him anymore but I was just mad. “Fine! You do that!” I said too loudly then hung up. Staring at my phone, I burst into tears and threw it down on the sofa.

The tears started slow at first, then I was bent over in a full-blown bawl. I missed Griff. I missed being with him. I missed the fun we had together. I was almost positive he didn’t miss me. He didn’t act like he missed me and it hurt. I kept thinking we would get settled into a routine and be able to see each other more, but every day that passed that he didn’t make it to see me, I began to fear we never would.

Backing up I sat down on the coffee table and held my head in my hands and cried until my tears dried up. All the pent up frustration, anger, anguish, and fear that I had been ignoring broke free. Missing what Griff and I had in Nashville, accepting the fact Creed was now back in my life, not feeling as if I belonged anywhere, it all had become too much. Pretending I was okay wasn’t helping me. I had become a ball of emotion.

When I was done, I felt lighter. The anger was gone but the sadness was still there. It just had less power to control me. I’d let it out and I felt stronger.

I sat for a few more moments and did some breathing exercises I learned in counseling then wiped my face dry. I was going to be okay. Griff and I were going to be okay. This was a rough patch but it was life and we would get through it. I didn’t think Griff was sitting around crying. He had too much studying for that. It was just me who was struggling. I was the one who needed to toughen up and get through it.

Standing back up, I made my way to the stairs to take another shower. It felt like I needed it to wash away the rest of the sorrow. Tonight, I would have a wonderful time doing what I loved to do. Nothing else was going to bring me down.