Twenty-seven

November 23, 2019

When I pulled my car into the driveway, I looked over at Creed’s house, but his Jeep wasn’t there. I’d spent the entire limo ride back from Boston to my car in Portsmouth alone, thinking about what I was going to say to him. I was prepared and anxious, but it seemed I’d have to wait longer.

Walking inside the dark, cold house didn’t help my mood. In less than a week, Creed had made his mark here. I had memories here with him that made me blush and made my heart hurt. Dad had asked me last night that if I had known Creed wasn’t ready for an exclusive relationship would I still have cheated on Griff.

My answer had been yes. I felt guilty about that but what was done was done. I should have broken things off with Griff before cheating; I messed up. I didn’t regret breaking up with Griff, but I did miss him.

I went to take a shower after starting the fire in the living room. Once I was refreshed and dressed in leggings and a hoodie, I decided to go for a walk. It was sunny and forty-five degrees. Granted in Nashville that would be considered cold, but I was starting to enjoy the weather when it got above forty degrees. I put on a coat and gloves, though, before heading back outside. Being outside kept me from getting in a funk while I waited for Creed to come home. I considered calling him but chose not to. I could wait.

I didn’t get very far down the road when Jack’s truck slowed beside me. “How’s the firewood?” he asked with his window down.

I shaded my eyes from the sun with my hand and looked up at him. “Great, thank you,” not sure if firewood could be bad.

He chuckled. “I mean do you have enough? I know you burn fires for heat in that house daily. Wasn’t sure if you wanted me to go ahead and get you some more before it’s gone.”

Oh. I hadn’t thought about that. “I’m not sure,” I replied honestly. “I don’t know how to gauge that.”

Jack gave me a wide grin. “I can stop by and check.”

“Thank you,” I told him. “If I need more, just tell me how much. I’ll get you the money.”

He winked. “I know you’re good for it. Enjoy the sunshine,” he said then rolled up his window and drove away.

I started walking again when I paused to glance back toward the house to see if Jack was stopping now to check. I didn’t see Jack, but I did see Creed’s Jeep pulling into his drive. I watched him until he disappeared behind the house. I had been so ready to go face him when I got home, but now I was nervous. Unsure if he’d want to talk to me.

Standing there looking back down the road, I battled with myself over going to him now. My dad’s warning about avoiding confrontation had me walking toward Creed’s house. I didn’t want to be my dad. I loved him, but he had left a lot of pain in his wake.

It wasn’t Creed I saw when I came around the corner of his house but a female. One I recognized from the apartment in Boston, Ember. I stood there staring at her as she laughed at something as she walked toward the back of the house, carrying a Louis Vuitton duffle over her right arm. She was staying it would seem.

So many emotions churned inside me and I just watched it all unfold. I didn’t move to go find Creed. I didn’t walk toward my house. I wasn’t sure I could. This wasn’t what I was expecting to see. He had said the ball was in my court and after a week of no communication he is back to his old girlfriends…or had he ever stopped them?

Creed walked out the back door this time and was headed toward his Jeep when his gaze landed on me standing there at the end of his driveway. I was sure I looked as lost as I felt. I didn’t belong here. I hadn’t been invited yet I watched him.

He didn’t make a move toward me but I heard a female voice call out something and Creed looked back over his shoulder and replied. I was too far away to hear what was being said. I was thankful for that. One less thing to haunt my dreams. I needed to make my legs work and start home.

Dropping my gaze to the ground and away from his, I managed to start moving again. My legs felt heavy and everything my dad had said seemed pointless now. The last time I’d been broken over Creed Sullivan no one had been able to fix me but Griff. I didn’t even have that now. I didn’t deserve it.

“Sailor.” Creed’s voice stopped me from walking in the house just as I opened the door. I glanced over my shoulder to see him in my backyard. He’d stopped coming near me, but he was close enough that I could hear him easily enough. “I gave you time.”

I laughed then. Loudly and slightly frantic. “A week. You gave me a week,” I told him then shook my head in disbelief. Did he honestly think that was a good excuse? He had been in my house having sex with me less than two weeks ago and now he is having a sleep over with Ember. No. I was not okay with this.

“You went to Boston last night,” he said with clear accusation in his tone.

Angry now, I turned completely around to face him. “Yeah, I did. How the hell do you know where I went?”

He shrugged. “Does that matter? It’s a fact.”

I glared at him and took a step in his direction. “My going to Boston to spend time with my father who I never see is reason enough for you to bring that woman back to your house? Right under my nose? I’m sorry, Creed, that I made you wait a week then spent time with my dad. Please forgive me!” I was yelling now and I didn’t even care. It felt good. I needed to scream.

“I thought you were with Griff,” he said.

“I know exactly what you thought, Creed. But no. I cheated on Griff with you. Sweet, kind, loving Griff who would move mountains for me. I chose you. Not my brightest moment,” I said it before I could stop myself and I saw him wince. I wasn’t one to say things to hurt others, but I wanted Creed to hurt. He’d hurt me and I wanted to hurt him.

Creed looked away from me and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his leather coat. He said nothing and I didn’t know what else to say. A large portion of me wanted to apologize for what I said but the other part was too selfish.

“Why don’t you think about this, Sailor, if Griff is so fucking perfect then why wasn’t he making time to see you? Call you? If what you had was so great, why did you have sex with me? I can’t think of one damn thing the guy did for you that was selfless. Maybe if you’d open your eyes and,” he stopped then and closed his mouth. Shaking his head, he turned and headed back toward his house.

“Say it!” I called out to him. Whatever it was and however hurtful it would be, I wanted him to say it. If just to make us even.

He paused and turned back to me. “I didn’t sleep with Ember. I was never planning on it.” He said nothing more then turned and started walking away again. No more words. No more anger. He was just gone.