Epilogue

December 17, 2019

Boston, Massachusetts

The water lapped against the shore as the northern wind blew. Forty- three hours had passed and the cold reality of my life was mocking me. I stared out at the water, hating it just as I hated everything else in this life. Finding beauty in this world had once been a passion of mine, but all I could see was the horror that laid beneath the surface. It showed no compassion as it continued to live on. Cars still drove down the street behind me, people still went to work, they sang Christmas carols, and went to parties.

Nothing stopped just because my world had been destroyed. Nothing cared that every day people lost someone they loved and nothing was ever the same. It was unfair to watch it happen and be the one lost in the middle of it all. I wanted to scream at them all to stop!

I wasn’t the first person to experience this kind of suffering. I wouldn’t be the last. Not every chapter ended happy in life and I wished my book was just over. I didn’t care about the chapters to come. The only chapters I cared about were done. A memory now was all I had.

“It’s not fair!” I screamed out over the water that had taken Creed from me. “Why didn’t you stay safe? Why did you get in that stupid Jeep and drive drunk?” I called out. “You ruined my life. How do I go on without you? You were my anchor in this world.” Tears streamed down my face as I let the angry words explode from me. “I told you that I just needed one night. That tomorrow we would talk. Tomorrow wasn’t asking a lot. I love you, Creed Sullivan! Why couldn’t you have just waited?”

Wrapping my arms around my waist, I bent forward and wept. I thought I heard footsteps behind me. If Chet had come to get me again, or Griff, I was going to scream. I didn’t want to see them. I didn’t want to see the sadness in their eyes and the worry when they looked at me.

“About tomorrow…,” a deep achingly familiar voice said.

I lifted my head and looked out at the angry water, before turning around slowly. I was afraid of what I’d see. Was I dreaming again or hallucinating?

Covering my mouth, I let out a wail as Creed stood there in the same clothes he’d had on the night he drove into the water. His hair was a tangled mess and he looked exhausted.

“I’m here, Sailor,” he said, moving toward me slowly. “It’s a long story, but I can explain. I’m just sorry I couldn’t get a message to you sooner. I’ll never forgive myself for the pain you’ve been through.”

I choked on a sob. “Is…is this a dream?” I asked. “Please don’t be a dream. I can’t take it if it is,” I pleaded, reaching for him and finding a solid flesh and bone man. “You’re real,” I said with disbelief, looking up at him through my swollen eyes.

He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. “God, Sailor, I am so sorry. I swear if I had known what the hell I was doing…I promise, I’ll never drink again,” he said, kissing the top of my head then keeping his mouth pressed there.

“How are you alive?” I asked, needing this to make sense. Needing this to be real and not a dream. I clung to his shirt and then looked down to see the part of it that had been torn. I reached for it and squeezed it in my hand.

“I did drive my Jeep into the water because I was too fucking drunk to see the road. I was coming to you. I couldn’t go another minute, much less until the next day, to apologize and make sure you didn’t hate me. But I didn’t drown. It wasn’t even sinking when I got out. When I used the car door to boost myself out of the water and onto land, it pushed the Jeep down and it began to sink. I stood there and watched it in my drunken stupor then started walking out to the dock because I saw a commercial fishing boat and thought I’d see if someone could let me use their phone since mine sank with the Jeep.”

He sighed then and kissed my head again. I leaned back to look up at him, realizing this had to be real. I wasn’t this creative and no dream could make this up. I’d thought of a lot of scenarios, but nothing he was telling me was one of those scenarios. Reaching up, I touched his face and inhaled deeply. He stunk like fish, but I didn’t care.

“No one was awake on the boat and I went searching for someone to help me. I made it to the bottom of the boat where they kept their gear and coolers with their catch. Then the whiskey got to me and I guess I laid down and passed out. When I came to, the boat was moving. I made my way up to the deck and found Burt. He was the Captain and we had been on the water for ten hours, but before that, I’d been on the boat passed out for four hours. My guess is the rocking of the boat kept me asleep. Burt didn’t have a working means of communication and there was no cell phone signal. We tried several times to get through and once we managed to contact the Coast Guard, but the signal was so bad they didn’t understand what Burt was telling them.

“I had to wait until they did their drag and headed back. They were sympathetic, but I was also a drunk man who had stowed away on their boat. They weren’t going to lose out on a paycheck to get me back to land. I even tried paying them off, but they said it was a good lesson for me to learn.”

“They finished up in less time than normal, but we still had a fourteen-hour ride back. They just dropped me off three hours ago. Burt was finally able to get a working signal to the Coast Guard, about thirty miles out, and they got in contact with Chet. He’s been trying to call you the past three hours but you didn’t answer. I was going to have him come pick me up, but he said there was a good chance I’d find you here.”

I stared up at him. “You’re alive,” was all I could say.

He smiled at me. “I just got you back, Sailor Moon. I’m not about to check out on life now.”

A laugh bubbled up, and I let it free. It was a sound I never expected to make and the feeling of pure joy inside me was one I thought was gone. “Don’t ever die on me again,” I said with passion. “Next time I get to die.”

He laughed then and kissed my lips hard. “You’ll have to take me with you,” he said against my mouth.

I decided we could be like The Notebook and go at the same time. I was good with that. We could grow old together and have a life full of ups and downs but always together. Even in the end.

“I don’t think I hate life and this world after all,” I told him.

“Good,” he replied, smiling at me unsure what I meant.

“When I thought it had taken you from me, I hated it,” I explained.

He nodded. “Yeah, I was hating it too knowing you didn’t know where I was and with my Jeep being in the water, you could be assuming the worst.”

I dug my fingers into his dirty hair and held him close to me. “I love you, Creed Sullivan. Even when I’m angry and even when you do something stupid. I love you, always.”

He ran his hand over my hair. “Good. Because I’m sure I’ll be stupid again. I’m a man. It happens.” Then he pulled back so he could look at me. “You’re my yesterday, today and tomorrow. You always have been and always will be.”

May 19, 2012

Portsmouth, New Hampshire

“What you doing, brother?” Cora asked in a sing-song voice that always meant she was about to be annoying.

“I’m sitting on the porch,” I said, waving my hand out at the obvious.

“Sitting out here for a reason in particular?” she asked sweetly and plopped down beside me.

“No,” I lied. I didn’t want to talk about Sailor with my sister. She liked to embarrass me and I didn’t need to give her any ammunition to do so.

“Huh, well I guess you don’t care that Sailor arrives today. A week early.” She said it as if I didn’t know it. I had been texting with Sailor most of the day. I knew she was almost here.

“I didn’t say that,” I told her, hoping she wouldn’t tell Sailor that.

“So, you aren’t sitting on the porch waiting for Sailor to arrive?” she asked, as she leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees. “Because that’s what I am doing.”

Cora loved Sailor and I knew she missed her, but I had wanted to see her before Cora was there to interrupt. The other three seasons were so damn slow during the year. It felt like an eternity between the day at the end of August to the third week in May when Sailor came back. This year, I’d finally gotten a Facebook account, so I could be her friend and see her pictures. Problem was she never posted pictures. However, she had been at several events with her dad and those had made it on the news. I had cut three different pictures they’d published in the Country Music Magazine and kept them hidden in my room.

“You know I’m out here waiting on her. Stop being a brat.”

Cora giggled then. “Are you in love, brother?” she teased.

Telling my sister that I loved Sailor was a bad idea. She couldn’t keep her mouth shut but then I couldn’t exactly lie either. I didn’t want to lie about that. What I felt for Sailor was more real than anything I’d ever known. Problem was Sailor lived over a thousand miles away and she was gorgeous and lived a famous lifestyle I knew nothing about. Guys talked about her being hot online and in school. It was annoying to listen to. They didn’t know her.

“You are in love,” Cora said and sighed dramatically then leaned into me. “Ah, young love,” she said then laughed.

I didn’t look at her. Maybe if I ignored her, she would go away. It was unlikely but a guy could hope. Getting rid of Cora was like trying to make a puppy stop chewing things. She didn’t give up.

“Just shut up about that,” I said, glaring at her.

She gave me a mock frown while her eyes still twinkled. I looked past her and at Bee’s house to see if they were there yet. Cora leaned over to block my vision and I scowled some more. “Could you go annoy the hell out of someone else?” I asked, shoving her out of the way, so I could see.

“I could, but this is more fun,” she replied.

I didn’t reply.

“She likes you,” Cora whispered as if someone could hear her.

I jerked my gaze off Bee’s house to look at my sister. “Who?” I asked, needing her to be specific.

“Bee,” she replied then rolled her eyes. “Sailor, you idiot.”

“How do you know?” I asked her, hope soaring in my chest.

“She asks about you, who you’re dating, that kind of thing,” Cora said.

“I text with her all the time. She never asks me those things,” I said, not sure I believed my sister.

“Yes, you stupid boy because she can’t ask you those things or you’ll know she likes you.”

I frowned. That made no sense. “Why doesn’t she want me to know she likes me?” I asked.

Cora sighed and leaned back on her hands. “That’s the way girls are. You have to make the first move, but I’d do it quick because Derek Young was telling some guys at the last baseball game that as soon as Sailor got back into town, he was asking her out.”

Fuck no he was not. Derek Young didn’t even know Sailor. I didn’t care if he was older and had a sports car. He wasn’t asking her out, and even if he did, she wouldn’t go. She liked me. Cora said so.

“He’s an ass,” I said.

“He’s older and sexy,” Cora replied.

Shooting her another glare, I stood up ready to get away from my sister. Bee’s Volvo pulled into the driveway then and I didn’t move. She was here. The summer was beginning and this year it would be different. This year I was going to make Sailor fall in love with me.

“Showtime lover boy,” Cora said then shoved me toward Bee’s house. “Go on and give her a big welcome. I’ll give you some time before I come see her. Make it count.”

I glanced back at my sister then walked down the steps to the sidewalk.

Sailor opened the car door and stepped out. Her dark brown curls were wild and danced around her like a halo. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen and she always had been. She lifted a hand and waved at me as our eyes met. One day that girl was going to be mine, and I would never let her go.