Dancing, drinking, and laughing lasted well into the wee hours of the morning until we finally dragged our drunken, tired bodies back to Alex's house.
It's well past noon when we finally wake and start round two, lounging around Alex's pool and hot tub, while he makes margaritas for us. It's hard for me to take my eyes off of him in his navy-and-gray board shorts that sit low on his hips. The muscles in his chest and arms flex with each movement he makes. And his messy hair, unshaven, scruffy face, and dark sunglasses send shivers through my body.
Paul and Alex slip into an easy discussion about stocks, bonds, and diversification in the market. By the time they get to tax shelters, Ryan and I can't take anymore.
Ryan stands and grabs my hand. "Okay, boys, you talk boring business crap. Kylie and I are going to take a walk."
I lean across the bar and kiss Alex before Ryan and I head across the lush, green grass, giggling like a couple of kids. We swing our latched hands back and forth between us in the warm summer sun.
"How did you guys end up staying over here at Alex's place?" I ask.
"I called your cell Friday night to set up plans for Saturday. Alex recognized my name on the caller ID and answered it. I nearly hung up on him, thinking I had the wrong number. Anyway, he told me you fainted after coming home from work, but had no idea what happened and couldn't wake you. I guess he has a doctor that makes house calls and was on the way over here. Alex sounded completely stressed out, so I told him Paul and I were on our way. When we got here, he offered to let us stay. So, here we are."
We walk a little farther before Ryan stops and faces me.
"The doctor was examining you by the time we got here. I swear, if it weren’t so tragic, it would've been hysterical. Paul and Alex pacing back and forth—Paul at one end of the hallway and Alex at the other." Ryan grins and shakes his head. But the grin across his face turns serious. "When the doctor came out, he told Alex he thought you'd been given a dangerously high dose of Rohypnol."
We walk to the bluff that overlooks the ocean and sit on the boulders.
"Paul lost it and started yelling at Alex, accusing him of not protecting you from John. I felt really bad for Alex, but he just stood there and took the blame for it."
Of course, he did. "He feels responsible for me, for making sure I'm safe. He thinks he's failed me by allowing John to get close and hurt me again."
Ryan nods and looks out at the water. "Well, after that, Paul got pissed at you for not listening to Alex and staying clear of John and anywhere he might be."
I chuckle and smile, but there's no humor in either. "I'm pissed at myself for that one. It's not like I'm not aware the extremes John will go to."
Ryan gazes at me. "Well, Paul turned it on himself, ranting about how he should've taken care of John when he—well, that night."
A pensive look crosses his face. He and Paul are often unsure of my reaction when they mention the night John beat me. I've never given them any specifics. By the time they found me, I had already locked away the mental horrors—until the night Alex freed the demons and the pain.
I squeeze Ryan's hand and smile. "It's okay. I'm okay. Alex convinced me to talk about it. I can't tell you how much it's helped. I feel like I can breathe again."
The sun beats down on us. The waves crash on the shore below, and the scent of salt water wafts around us.
"Can I ask for your opinion, professionally?" I ask, and break the solitude.
Ryan narrows his eyes and slides them over to mine. "Meaning, you want to invoke patient-doctor confidentiality?"
"Yeah."
He shrugs. "Sure. Ask away."
I take a deep breath, not entirely sure how to start. There are so many things I need to work out, but everything in my life is punctuated with a question mark these days, and it makes it hard to sort things properly.
"Alex is really protective of me. Overly protective. Is that normal, given we've known each other barely two weeks?"
Ryan sits sideways on the rock so he's facing me. "What do you mean by overly protective?"
"Well, he nearly beat John to death for tossing me up against a wall and nearly choking me to death at the gala. Threatened to kill John if he ever touched me again. The first time Alex promised to protect me was the weekend we were on his boat. He uses words like always and forever. I'm staying at his house so he can keep John away from me." I take a deep breath and hold it a moment before releasing. "Why do you think he takes my safety so personally?"
"If I had to guess, I'd say it's a reflection of something in his past. It has a profound effect on him that's spurred an intense need to provide protection. You may remind him of someone in his life who's been hurt."
"He's mentioned something like that in passing but won't go into details." I hate that Alex doesn't feel he can talk to me about his own demons.
"He's probably never had a relationship based on sharing, K. You have your own issues with trust, but you're still able to find a way to open up and let him in. He still has to work through his own. It might hurt too much to revisit the past, and he just can't face it. If that's the case, it's easier to dismiss it rather than deal with a deeper realization of what happened."
"But is his level of protectiveness normal?" I ask.
"Do you feel safe?" Ryan counters.
I nod. I feel safer than I have in years.
"You look happy. I love seeing you smile. It's been a long time since I've seen you in such high spirits. I'm not sure I've ever seen you this upbeat."
I sigh. "I am happy. Even with all the shit that's happened with John, I'm still happier than I've ever been. Alex makes me feel so good. He smiles at me, and I feel like the most important person in the world to him. He kisses me, and I melt. He tells me I'm beautiful and amazing, and I believe him. And I know he means those things now. I'm just not sure he will feel the same tomorrow. I'm scared of getting too close to him and then losing it all."
Ryan takes my face in his hands. "You're already close to him, K. You revealed a part of your past that you haven't even shared with Paul or me. You told him your deepest, darkest secret. On some level, you already trust him."
"It's all very confusing. I don't want you to worry, though. I'll figure it out."
Ryan snickers as we walk back toward the house. "Darlin', it's not you I'm worried about. It's Alex. He has it bad for you. I just hope you can let it happen without overanalyzing the shit out of it. He's good for you, K. I can see it. And I came into this with some pretty serious trepidations about this particular playboy. There's something more to him. Don't let your insecurities get in the way and cause you to miss out on what's in front of you because you've predetermined it will end."
