I have no idea how long I remained cradled in Alex's arms or when I fell asleep. I wake up to the sun lighting the room, and Alex and I are facing each other, arms and legs completely entwined.
I watch him sleeping and silently thank God for bringing him into my life, and I pray he will never suffer harm because of me. I lean into him, kissing him softly. A small smile crosses his face, but he remains asleep. I know Alex. He stayed awake long after I fell asleep, keeping vigil over me in case my nightmares returned.
I pad softly into the kitchen and start the coffee, mindlessly watching as the drips accumulate slowly in the pot. It beeps softly, and I fill my mug before heading into the library. Curling into the chaise, I look out the window over the vast lawn that extends as far as the eye can see.
It's so gorgeous here, magical in a way, and for a moment, I let myself believe nothing bad can happen as long as I stay in this magnificent sanctuary. The house may seem cold and harsh from the outside, but that's as far from the truth as the public perception of the man who lives here. It's strong. It protects the inhabitants and has beauty within which could never be seen by someone only passing by, seeing only the exterior.
That's Alex. The world—the people who only see the clothes and the women and the money—assume he is a cold, ruthless businessman. They have no idea that beneath the stone façade is a man who is incredibly strong, willing to fiercely protect those he loves. An unbelievably beautiful heart and soul.
I have no idea why he chose me. Why he let me into his private life. But I will not take it for granted, and I will never truly be able to let it go. He will be with me always. No matter what happens with John, what I have to do to ensure Alex is safe, I will always hold this incredible man in my heart.
The graphic visions of the hideous nightmares invade my serenity—Alex's lifeless body strewn along the path, the sound of John's laughter echoing through my head, the eyes that turn my heart to ice. I shudder. I can't let this happen. John wants me. He’s punishing me. I won't let him use Alex as a proxy. I have to figure out a way to remove Alex from the equation and place John's crosshairs solely back on me.
I hear Jake's and Alex's voices in the study. I slip just outside the door, out of sight, and eavesdrop.
"She's been having nightmares," Alex says. “She wakes screaming bloody murder.”
"It seems odd. I mean, Sysco has threatened her life before, but she never had nightmares—not even after he torched her townhouse and spray-painted the threats all over the walls.”
“So?” Alex asks. “What’s your point?”
“Why now?” There is a pause before Jake says, “Did she tell you about them—the nightmares?"
"Apparently, John killed me and told her it was her fault I was dead." Alex exhales loudly. "I'm trying to convince her that I'll protect her and keep her safe. I just don't know how to help her get past the nightmares or convince her that I won't let him hurt her."
There is a long silence before Jake finally speaks up. "It has nothing to do with you protecting her. She's not worried about herself. It's you. Her nightmares are about you dying. Think about it. She's been respectful and professional with Reyes until yesterday when we discovered Sysco had been close enough to you to take a picture. She yelled at Reyes for the lapse in courthouse security. And I have never seen her as upset as when she saw the picture of you and realized Sysco was gunning for you, too. She's not concerned with Sysco hurting her. She's already accepted that. She's freaking out about him coming after you."
Tears brim my eyes, and I leave my hiding place and cross over to the library. Jake is right, but I know Alex will never accept John is a threat to him as well as me. And, even if he does realize it, Alex will place himself in harm’s way to protect me. I resume my position on the chaise and wipe the tears from my eyes. I know what I have to do, but it won't be easy. It will hurt more than any beating John ever gave me, but it will keep Alex safe.
Alex enters the library and sits on the end of the chaise. I know he'll fight me on this, but I have to make him understand it's for the best. Our eyes lock on each other’s, so much passing between us without a single word being spoken.
He brings my fingers to his lips, grazing them lightly. "You look like you have something on your mind. What's going on in that beautiful brain, Kylie?"
I take a deep breath, needing to confront this now so preparations can be made. "I have to go, Alex. I need to get far away from here."
"You don't trust I can protect you?" Alex's voice is filled with hurt.
"It has nothing to do with that, Alex. If I leave, I can draw John away from here. If he thinks we're no longer together, he'll leave you alone. You'll be safe."
"And what about you? How am I supposed to keep you safe? He'll come after you no matter where you are." His voice has an edge to it, anger just below the surface.
I swallow hard and shrug. "Then, he'll come after me, and I'll deal with it, once and for all."
"Wait." Alex's voice rises and becomes terse. "You mean, you'll sacrifice yourself?" He stands up, his face red. "Are you crazy? What the hell are you thinking, Kylie?"
I grab hold of his hand and keep my voice calm. "I'm thinking he's never going to stop until he kills me. Never. I'm not willing to put you in the line of fire. You're not going to pay for my horrible decisions, Alex. I won't let that happen. I have to leave, and if he finds me, I'll handle it. But at least you'll be safe, and you can live the rest of your life."
"Without you? That's your solution?” Alex rubs the bridge of his nose. “Damn it, Kylie."
I know he's trying to make sense of what I'm saying.
He sinks onto the chaise again. "When will you realize, there is no meaning, no purpose, no light in my life without you? My life was mere existence on a very base level until you came into it. You woke me up, and I'm not willing to go back to a nonexistent existence. I would rather die than spend one minute without you.
"Alex, please just consider—"
“You're not going anywhere, Kylie." Alex places his finger over my lips. "You're crazy if you think I'm letting you go. You're even crazier if you think I will ever let an asshole like John Sysco take you away from me or destroy what we have together. It will never happen. I will not let it. You are my life. I'll protect you, protect us both. But I need you to trust me, baby."
I sigh heavily as he caresses the side of my face.
"I can't live without you, Kylie. I can't go back to that life. Please promise me you'll stay."
The fear and pain in his eyes are too much for me to handle. I'm torn between wanting to protect him and the knowledge that he has protected me from so much already. I owe him for his unwavering support and protection. I trust him with my life. I'm just not sure I can trust him with his own. I can only hope he'll fight to stay alive, if only to ensure I feel no guilt over his death.
"Alex, I'm just as scared to lose you. If anything happened to you, because of me, because I brought this maniac into our lives, I wouldn't survive."
"I know, baby, but leaving is not the answer. I understand you think getting him away from here will protect me, but I won't let you face him on your own. It's never going to happen. If you leave, I will follow. There are no lengths I won’t go to in order to find you.” He rests his forehead against mine and takes a deep breath. “We have a much better chance against him if we stay here. We are so much stronger when we're together. You can't leave. You have to promise me you'll stay."
"Okay, Alex," I acquiesce. But my heart and head still have reservations. "I'll stay, but you have to promise me that you'll protect yourself as much as you protect me."
"Deal." He pulls me onto his lap and tightly embraces me, burying his face into my neck. "Stop threatening to leave me, Kylie. I can't stand the thought of you not being with me."
I fight the lump in my throat and nestle into him. I can't stand the thought of not being with him either, but the thought of him not being here at all still lingers, and I wonder if I've made the right decision.