We left for the Cedar Motel early the next morning. Vijay picked us up. I made my mom walk down the stairs with me at the Sunshine Inn and out through the parking garage. I couldn’t bear the thought of running into people I knew. I couldn’t bear their questions, or their inevitable looks of pity. Vijay told us later that a couple of news crews had been waiting for us in the lobby, too. Maybe they were hoping I would burst into tears again.
We drove.
And drove.
I tried to keep an open mind as we pulled into the parking lot and walked with our bags toward the sign that said OFF C . At the Sunshine Inn, guests were greeted with a smile. Here, the guy sat behind Plexiglas and eyed us suspiciously. He spoke only to Vijay. Big signs on the wall read DRUG USE OF ANY KIND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED and VIOLENT BEHAVIOR WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE EVICTION and NO LOITERING.
A number of residents sat outside or hung out in the parking lot as we made our way to our room. A few of them stared, especially at my mom. I didn’t feel afraid of them—not very, anyway—but they looked like life had been hard on them. They looked like they’d reached the end of the road.
I didn’t want the Cedar Motel to be the end of our road.
Vijay opened the door to our room. It smelled of past tenants’ cooking and had tons of cigarette burns on the carpet even though a sign over the TV read NONSMOKING ESTABLISHMENT. There were two beds, a TV, a bar fridge and a hot plate for cooking.
Astrid tried to cheer me up. “At least we have real beds here. And heating, and a toilet, and a shower.”
I couldn’t answer. Yes, it had all those things. But it also had a strong whiff of sadness, like I could feel the pain of the past tenants who’d called this room home.
“I’ll check in with you both on Monday,” Vijay said on his way out the door.
I couldn’t even summon up the energy to say goodbye.
I spent the weekend in the room, watching TV. I ignored a bunch of calls from Daniel. I ignored Winnie and Dylan’s persistent texts. Astrid was glum, too, but she could see I was in my own Slump, so she did her best to cheer me up. She went out and bought groceries with some of the emergency funds Vijay had given her. She read aloud to me, but I didn’t really listen.
She spent a long time on the phone with Daniel, pacing back and forth outside our unit. I could only hear the rise and fall of her voice.
On Sunday night, there was a knock at our door. I grabbed the Gideon Bible from the bedside drawer. The locks on the door were fragile, and the door was made of plywood. I’d seen the looks a few of the tenants had given Astrid, and I wasn’t taking any chances.
But it wasn’t any of the other tenants.
It was Vijay.
And he wasn’t alone.