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When Captain Saber left, I allowed myself to stare at the spot he’d vacated a mere two minutes before I got up and dressed. We’d had an entire conversation while I wore nothing but the thin shift, and his eyes had not strayed once. My face heated a bit, thinking about it now. But even more baffling was the piece of him he’d dared to share with me.
He was right. We didn’t agree on things, and I understood why. He’d grown up in a family of soldiers, with a mer who’d decided that there was glory in fighting, and had followed in those fin strokes. He’d seen war and still bore the scars of it.
I didn’t agree with war or violence, but I understood. Understood that he fought to protect the home he loved, and the mer in it. Our goals were the same, even if we had different ways of going about it.
I grabbed the timeline I’d hidden and made my way into the cove. It was echoing emptiness, though I’d expected nothing less. Something about the darkness of this place helped me think. Maybe it was the secrets it held, or something else entirely. In here, I was closer to the princess than I felt out there in a palace of fine jewels and servants. Here, there was raw honesty. There were words and images hidden behind recordings, layers I hadn’t yet peeled back fully.
It was a frustrating process. I picked up a conch and placed it on the recording, then sat down as the bubbles emerged and her image became a clear, silvery sheen before me.
And so, for the next few hours, I sat and watched Princess Odele’s life unfold.
Tadpole, tadpole, tadpole, tadpole!
Princess Odele was the biggest tadpole I’d ever known, and we hadn’t even met.
Why had I thought that she was capable of intelligence, of placing secrets here in her cove? Of giving me even the slightest of hints as to where she had gone, or what she had learned?
Frustration swelled inside me. I didn’t have time for these games of hers. I didn’t have time to comb through every single shell, some lasting hours of nothing but the latest court gossip. Raging, I grabbed the conch shell, prying it from the recording, and turned to chuck it across the cavern. It hit the wall and shattered, broken bits of shell raining down through the water.
“Stupid princess,” I yelled unkindly, grabbing another shell and throwing it with all the strength my arm could muster. It shattered.
And again, I picked another conch up, a series of the ones I’d watched, the ones I’d tortured myself with hours and hours down in the loneliness of this place. I threw, and they shattered.
Again, and again, and again.
I tossed the proof of her life into scattered pieces around me, letting shards swirl down and slide across my exposed skin. I didn’t care. I thought I was close to the truth, that I was following the right tracks. But there was nothing in here.
Nothing.
My fingers scraped across the ground as I bent to pick another one to toss, to let my anger breathe the scents of violence and destruction. When I brought the shell up, I noticed that this one was different from all the rest. The others had numbers etched on the sides in small indentations. What caught my attention about this one was the emboldened black.
My thumb rubbed across the sigil there, not numbers, but twin black blades criss-crossing. A symbol I’d come to recognize like a second beating of a heart.
The symbol of the Black Blade.
What was it doing here on a conch belonging to the princess? Hidden beneath a pile of her lavish life?
I darted over to the recorder and placed it in the center then swam back as it started.
“I discovered something today.” I’d grown so accustomed to seeing Odele in nearly all sorts of states. So I knew that this one, the one on this recording was genuine. The worry, the breathlessness. The wide, fearful eyes. “Something that could get me killed.” Her eyes darted a little distractedly to her surroundings. Was someone in the room with her? Was she worried someone would swim in on her recording? I could make out the background of her bedroom behind her. “I can’t say what I found, because if this recording falls into the wrong hands...” She broke off, swallowed. “But there’s still more to be discovered. Things I can’t find on my own. But I know someone who can help.” I slowly sank into the couch, grasping onto every word. “A servant told me about him. She said if anyone had the answers, it would be him. So tonight, I’m going to find him. Tonight, I’m going to pay a visit to the Black Blade.”
Rushing white noise thundered in my ears as the recording died, bubbles popping, and the spinning of the recorder settling into a stillness that I felt through the entirety of my body.
The Black Blade. The Black Blade. The Black Blade.
Princess Odele had gone in search of Elias Blackfin. Had she found him? No, she couldn’t possibly have found the Black Blade. He would have mentioned that fact to me. Right? If the princess had gone to look for him, if she’d met with him, Elias would have said something to me. He wouldn’t have lied or kept such an integral truth from me...
I had to find him.
He’d told me not to look for him, that one day we would see each other again. But when? Time was thinning. There was going to be an engagement ball, and the queen had said that they would announce an earlier date for the wedding with Prince Kai. I had to figure this stuff out. I had to find her before it was announced. Before the wedding actually came.
Things needed to fall back into place.
I strapped on the blade of Elias’ making and donned on a dark cloak before I ventured out into the night. The stone doorway scraped closed behind me as I was swallowed by the shadows of Eramaean streets. Night befell quickly in the salt waters of the city, and phytoplankton glowed and floated around me like tiny sparks of stars.
Caution would be my only friend as I swam through the city. The shadows cloaked me. Under the cover of darkness, I dodged guards and street merchants, couples strolling and carriages being pulled by hippocampi. I was unfamiliar with the streets and took a couple of wrong turns until I finally recognized the direction I was headed. This was the poorer parts of Eramaea, the place with escaped selects and shabby houses.
Guards were here when they hadn’t been there last time, patrolling the area. I had to backtrack and find a way around the small area that was separated from the rest of the city. It looked like a small village, ominous in the dark of the night waters.
I swam past the backs of houses, knocking on doors. The first to answer was an old mermaid, confused as to why someone was knocking at the back door to her home at such an hour. I made sure to keep my face hidden in the shadows of my hood as I asked, “Do you know where I can find Elias? Elias Blackfin?”
I could practically hear the tension coiling tightly through her body. I knew what she’d say before the words were even out of her mouth.
“I don’t know who you mean.” And slammed the door in my face.
And so my night went.
House after house, the same question, the same answer and detached rejection. Eventually, I stopped waiting to hear them tell me they didn’t know who he was. The look in their eyes was answer enough, and I swam away before even giving them the chance to reply.
I reached the last house on the edge of the community. When the owner had promptly slammed the door against my face, I sighed and turned slowly. I had no choice but to make my way back to the palace. Back to the cavern of so many questions and too little answers. Back to the façade that was now my life. Back to it all.
I started forward, distracted when I probably shouldn’t have been. Maybe if I’d been paying attention, I would have noticed the shadowy figures before they were upon me.
Three of them spanned out to give me less room to swim by, or at least enough space between us so that they could grab me if I swam near. Their faces were unfamiliar, though I didn’t care to know them. I just wanted to swim past. My hand went to the hilt at my waist, but I didn’t unsheathe the blade. Not quite yet. Not until I’d assessed the threat.
“Evening,” one of the mer called out.
Features were blind to me in the dark, but I could make out the gleam of bright eyes, tough barbs spiking out against thin upper lip, and rows of sharp teeth.
I did not reply.
“We hear you’re looking for Elias Blackfin,” another one added, body shifting closer.
They weren’t as elegant as the shadows that moved and swarmed, yet there was a prowess in these three that was dangerous.
This time, I found my voice, glad when it did not quiver. “I am.”
I could make out the gleam of sharp teeth as one of them sneered. “We can take you to him.”
Liars.
“Can you?” I asked, voice steady, as I cocked my head to the side. The grip on the hilt only became tighter. If I unsheathed it now, they would undoubtedly attack. I had to play this safe, and pray that my ten minute lesson on defense with Prince Kai would be enough to get me through this.
My future looked bleak.
“‘Course we can, little one. He’s a friend of ours. We’d be happy to take ya’.”
“That’d be so kind of you.” I angled my body, moving casually away from them, towards where there was the most space between them and the exit. If I made a speedy retreat and kept further to the side, maybe they wouldn’t be able to grab me.
I took small, even strokes to the left. Their eyes were keen, and their bodies shifted that way too. It looked like I’d have no choice.
I pulled out the black blade and brandished it in front of me unwaveringly.
“The problem is...” I slowly swam to the right. “... I don’t believe you.”
I made a dash to the side and swam straight, as fast as my torn fin could carry me. I was a breath away from them, and their fingers grazed against me, tugging at my clothes. I turned, viciously bringing the blade down. It struck, and a painful scream filled my ear, quickly cut off by panting, angry breathing.
“You bi—”
I swung the blade before my assailant could get the rest of the word out.
They were on me at once, the three of them dodging my vicious, unrelenting swinging. I was pulled against a body, and before I could scream or cry out, a hand clamped over my mouth. Panic burst in my chest, and I bucked against them. Pain exploded in my wrist, causing the blade to fall from my trembling fingers.
“We got a feisty one,” one of the mermen commented, his fingers going to my throat.
I thrashed, feeling the hood slip from my head.
There was a moment of silence as they took me in. And then, “You’re the Princess of Thalassar.”
I closed my eyes, praying to the gods that that knowledge would be enough for them to let me go.
“I ain’t never met royalty before.” There was a yank on my cloak, the material tore. “How much you think she’s worth?”
No!
I thrashed and bucked, but the grip around me, behind me, was vice. As vicious and painful as the gator who had shredded my limb all those years ago.
My mind went back to that date, pulling the memories to the front until that moment and this one overlapped in vicious panic. My heart thundered, and all I could think of was that I was going to die here, that they would kill me, all because of who I was.
No.
I was not a victim. I wouldn’t be prisoner to the same terrors.
“If a gator gets you again, don’t fight it, because you won’t win. It’ll be hard, but you gotta relax your body. Let it think it has you and that you won’t fight back. When you do that, it will slacken its hold. Once it does, catch it by surprise and swim for your life.”
Josiah’s words, straight after those days I’d been lying near comatose in his home, echoed in my mind. A bit of advice, in case I ever found myself in the same predicament.
I’d vowed I never would.
My body went limp, even as my limbs threatened to shake.
“No more fight, eh?” More tugging at my clothes.
I closed my eyes, unwilling to watch what atrocities they wanted to commit. All I could do was focus. When my captor felt I would no longer fight back—for no doubt, he must have thought he had an advantage over me—I’d be the most formidable thing he’d ever seen.
And I’d make him regret ever crossing me.
As soon as his hold loosened, I threw my head back, hearing the satisfying crunch of his nose against the back of my head. My tail shot forward, thumping against the mer in front of me. The surprise of my sudden violent gestures had them doubling over, gasping. That left the third one. I side stroked them, just as the third merman’s hands came for me. They clamped on my wrist, and I opened my mouth to scream.
To hell with them, their safety. To hell with the fact that I was a princess—or supposed to be—and was out of the palace at this hour. The guards would come swimming the minute I let out a shriek, and when they did...
My plan was cut off by the sudden banging open of a door, and a brittle voice in the night.
“Get yer hands off her right now.”
A brute command that was obeyed immediately. The merman took a few strokes away from me, looking behind me at the merman who had interrupted their nefarious plan.
“If you know what’s good for ya, get! There are soldiers swarmin’ everywhere lookin’ for a reason to shoot. You know better.”
They sputtered, and after sharing a glance between the three, they darted away.
Finally gone, I allowed a shuddering breath to escape my lips. Once it did, I turned slowly and faced the merman who had saved me from those criminals.
He was old and bent, and that was all I saw beneath the light illuminative glow of the jelly globe held in his hand.
His eyes squinted, then widened as they took in my hair, my face. “You’re the Princess of Thalassar,” he gasped.
Before he could say anything else, I spun and swam away from him. Away from this cursed part of the city, and back to the comforts of just another prison. The palace I now called home.
I yanked the tattered remnants of my cloak from my shoulders, tossing it to the ground with a furious yell. My hands shook, not from fear, but from a kaleidoscope of emotions coalescing inside me. Anger. Indignation. And courage. So much courage.
I stripped down to nothing but my shift. The sword was shoved into a corner of the room, placed carefully there even when all I’d wanted to do was toss it and rage, wishing it was Elias instead. If only so I could hold the blade to his throat and demand the answers I so desperately wanted.
A soft knock at the door tore me from the viciousness of my thoughts.
Calming my breathing first, I took a few slow strokes towards the door, opening it to reveal none other than Prince Kai on the other side.
Beautiful, in flowing robes obviously meant for sleep, his brown eyes took me in, roaming over every inch of my body, until they finally came to settle on my suddenly flaming face. Behind him, my guards—Captain Saber’s mermen—were eyeing him warily.
“Princess.” His voice was smooth in the dark. “May I speak with you?”
The guards behind him shuffled uncomfortably, like they should say something but didn’t dare bring themselves to do so. We were royalty, and they had no right to say anything to us, yet the situation made them uncomfortable. This was improper. Not just because of the hour, but because of our state of dress. Nightclothes. This was an intimacy reserved for after marriage.
I supposed we’d already breached the wall of propriety. What was one more mistake among many?
“Of course,” I answered, surprised to find my voice husky.
He gave a pointed look beyond my shoulder, to the room behind me. Right. I pushed the door open, knowing that the light blue light inside illuminated me in a soft limelight, and no doubt every curve pressed against the shift.
The guards turned their heads to the side.
Prince Kai pushed his way inside, closing the door behind him to give us privacy.
“Come in.” I made sure he followed me deeper into the room before I sat down on the bed. He sank into the spot next to me. Beneath us, the anemones caressed our scales, tugging our tails closer together. “Is there something you need, Prince?”
“Back to formalities, then?” His eyes shone in the darkness, flashing blue for a split second.
My gulp was audible, as I became aware of how close he was to me. Of the heat of his body radiating onto mine. There was no fever in his eyes. No sign of dragon blood coursing through him, riding his actions like they had that night.
Maybe having him that way would have been easier. If it was the dragon controlling what he did, it would have been easier to fall into his arms. I could give in to my own weakness for a moment and forget about this talk he wanted to have. His boldness in that state was contagious. He filled me with courage and desire in equal measure. He could make me give in, but I knew I’d regret it afterwards. I’d regret it because then he would look at me like he was looking at me now.
Having him like this, without the dragon at the forefront of his mind, was different. The raw honesty in his eyes, the expectation, the love. It all reminded me of why we could not be, and that I was nothing more than a liar. I was deceiving him. I was pretending to be something I was not and if he ever discovered the truth, he would hate me.
I couldn’t bear his hatred.
“Is there something you need, Kai?”
His eyes seemed to sparkle while his mouth twisted up into a smile. “I wanted to see you, to apologize.”
I blinked. “Apologize?”
“I came off as too strong earlier, in the hallway, and I placed our secret—what happened between us—in jeopardy. And my confession...”
His confession. It had been everything I’d ever desired to hear, but not from him. We were leagues apart, and he didn’t even know it. He didn’t know that he’d lain with a waitress, not a princess.
“We don’t have to talk about that.” I bit my bottom lip nervously.
“We do,” he argued passionately. “Princess, do you regret what happened between us?”
I tried summoning that emotion. Regret. The only regret I had was lying to him about who I was. As for what we’d shared? I would never regret that. For as long as I lived, I would cherish it. Slowly, I shook my head. “There are many things in my life I regret, yet what happened between us is not one of them.”
He took my hand, squeezing it to his warmth. “I know,” he began almost reluctantly, “that arranged marriages rarely bring love...”
“Can we not talk about love?” My voice was tight in my throat.
His expression fell. “So it is true. You do not love me.”
Not a question, but I felt myself answering just the same. “Why is it so important?” A foolish counter, even to my own ears. Who didn’t want to be loved? It was just one of those things that a mer craved with every fiber in their body. To make them feel a little less alone.
“Because I would prefer to have the mer I marry to love me as much as I love her.”
My heart pounded, twisted in my chest. Love. I could not deny that what was between us was strong, a sentiment even I could not describe. Was this love? This heart pounding, hand shaking warmth? Was it the desire to touch him, to run my fingers through the length of his hair? To share whispers in the current and caresses in the sand?
I love you.
The words were caught in my throat.
Could it be true love if I was lying to him about who I was? The feeling, would it vanish from him entirely if he knew?
I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back. The simplicity and the steadiness in the gesture gave me strength. “There are... things... I cannot tell you yet, Kai,” I confessed. “Royal secrets that you cannot yet know.”
His gaze was piercing, vicious, in a way that almost made me falter. Like his silence intended to probe for secrets, rip them out of me with just a look.
“Can you trust me?” More a plea than a question.
Still, the look faded from his eyes into one of warmth, and he nodded. “I trust you.”
The ease with which he placed his trust in my hands... I could only hope I didn’t shatter it before his eyes.
“There are things I want to tell you, but it’s not the right time to do it. I will. Eventually, I think I will.” I could make no promises, fearing that if I did, and broke them, he would never forgive me for it. I’d never forgive myself. “But trust that there are things that I can’t talk about right now.”
Slowly, his hand went up to cup my face, thumb trailing light circles across the curve of my cheek. The quiet in his features assessed my own. I wondered what he saw in me.
He smiled. “I trust you, my gem. With my heart and with my soul.” And then he kissed me.
A soft brush of his lips against mine. A heat ignited within me at the touch, causing my body to curve into his. When had we gotten so close? He tugged me closer, an arm snaking around my waist to pull me atop him. Our bodies moved, angled so that there was no inch of space between us.
My mouth slanted over his in this position. His mouth opened for me, for my explorations. I took the lead this time. This time there was no dragon, no fever, no sickness or threat of death. It was just us, raw and aching.
The breath of his fingers trailed over my body, pushing down the straps of my shift from my shoulders. My own hands went to his robes, pushing aside the lapels so it slipped from his body. My nails curved against his skin, traveling from the panes of his chest to his shoulders, curving to his back.
He was smooth everywhere, soft as royals were. But when my fingers met his shoulder blades, I noticed the skin there was raised in a pattern that was familiar to me.
Tearing my mouth from his, my gaze found Kai’s. He did not look at me with shame as my fingers dared to explore more, sliding down bumps and ridges that should not be there, where smoothness should be.
Ever-growing horror filled me, and angry protectiveness must have shown in my eyes. Prince Kai cupped my cheeks and pressed the tip of his nose against my own.
“What happened?” My voice was a hoarse whisper.
His answering smile was heartbreaking. “My father.”
The Emperor of Draconi had done this? Had given him this latticework of scars along his back? His own father had inflicted this pain?
“Don’t fret, my gem.” He pushed aside a stray strand of hair I hadn’t known was there. “It doesn’t hurt. My father said it would make me stronger.” His hands slid down my face, to the front of me so he could reach for my hands and finger the backs of my knuckles. There were no scars there, but he touched them tenderly as if there were, as if only he could see them. “Do you think less of me now?” Somehow, when he said that part, he couldn’t meet my gaze.
My fin throbbed in response. Scars spiderwebbed at the roots of them, trailing against hardened scales. Captain Saber and I weren’t the only ones with scars, however hidden they may be. We all bore pain. Some pain was invisible and others lived on our skin. Hidden, but there. A constant reminder what it meant to survive.
I kissed him, slowly and thoroughly. When I pulled away, my head was spinning. “We all carry scars,” I echoed the captain’s earlier words. “They do not make us weak.”
And because he’d shared this bit of himself with me, it was high time I gave him something, some bit of my own truth. I got up from his lap, taking a stroke back. It was dark, but not dark enough that my form couldn’t be seen. That this couldn’t be seen.
I let the dress fall from my skin, flicking it off of my tail. There I floated. Naked. Exposed. My fins flapping at my sides, and that was what he took in first. Not my breasts, not lower, to the evidence of my arousal, my want, but to my fins.
To my scars.
His eyes widened. Not something he’d been expecting from me. The princess.
He was silent, spoke nothing. He just took in the fin, one and then the other. The holes on one side, the shredded tips. Finally, he looked up at me, and his eyes were beginning to glow with the hint of power and danger.
“They do not make us weak, my gem.” He opened his arms, an invitation. One I took, slowly gliding into his arms. He wrapped them around me, encircling my waist. “You are no less beautiful because of them.” He didn’t ask me how I got them. If he had, I probably would have broken, told him the truth. He just pressed his hot lips against my neck, and then his tongue.
Open mouthed kisses went along my skin. Down a pathway he invented. The base of my throat, my collarbone, the swells of my breasts...
When his tongue touched my nipple, I nearly came undone. Crying out, I arched into him as his mouth encircled it. Long fingers pressed against my body. Arms, waist, stomach. I leaned into him, my own hands trembling, but eventually pushing away his robe to bare him.
My breath came out in ragged pants. I wanted more. More of him. More of this.
But Prince Kai pulled himself away somehow, and our foreheads touched. He sighed. “This isn’t what I came here for.”
My eyebrows rose. “No?”
He smiled and ran his fingers down my arm. “As lovely as this is, no. I—” He cleared his throat. “I do not want to risk your reputation any more than I have already. I want to do this right.”
My throat constricted. “But—”
“We have time, my gem. We have our whole lives.”
If there was one thing we didn’t have, it was time. Not when someone was actively trying to murder me. Not while I was actively looking for the real princess. Not when they would never let a poor waitress from Lagoona truly marry the Prince of Draconi.
No, Prince Kai, I refrained from saying, if there is one thing we do not have, it is time.