August 17, 1964
Lizzie couldn’t believe she had to close the store tonight. Benjamin was leaving in just two days, and she wanted to spend every last moment with him. Their future plans were set. He’d go back to Jasper, give his boss notice, and start packing his things. He’d already begun inquiring about jobs near her campus in Ohio.
Lizzie’s parents would take her to St. Anne’s the last weekend of August, and she’d settle into college life. Benjamin would join her as soon as he got a job. She hoped she didn’t have to wait long. She’d become hopelessly addicted to his company.
They’d grown much closer since they’d confessed their feelings two weeks ago. She could hardly stand to be away from him, and when they were alone together, she could hardly keep her hands off him. The feeling seemed to be mutual.
One clear night when they’d been stargazing on the quiet banks of Bluebell Lake, Lizzie had given herself completely to him. They hadn’t meant for things to go that far, but once they had it was like trying to leash a tiger. Despite the guilt that plagued them both and despite their best intentions, they’d slipped twice more.
Ben’s imminent departure—and her father’s obvious disapproval—only made Lizzie more frantic to snatch every last second with him.
That’s why it had been so frustrating tonight when a summer person had come in at two minutes until nine and browsed every shelf before finally leaving with only a can of Aqua Net.
She was meeting Benjamin at the movies at nine thirty, and she wanted to go home and shower first. She locked up the store and headed down the sidewalk at a brisk pace.
The sun had set almost an hour ago, and the last remnants of light glowed midnight blue on the horizon. The night was sultry, only a slight breeze blowing in off the lake. Nature sounds abounded: the high-pitched chirping of crickets, the oscillating buzz of cicadas, the quiet rustling of leaves overhead. She drew in a lungful of air, taking in the smells of freshly cut grass and damp earth. She loved Bluebell so much it would be hard to leave. But anticipation of her wonderful future with Ben took the sting out of it.
The stars were already out, sparkling brightly on a dark canvas. If, after the movie, she and Ben headed to their private spot on the other side of the lake, the sky would provide a well-lit canopy. She shivered in anticipation of his touch and tried to quell the inner voice that told her that would be another mistake. He’d be in Ohio soon enough. And then they’d get married, and she could be with him all the time without this feeling of impending doom hanging over her head.
She rounded the corner and saw that the lights were still on at her house. She tamped down disappointment. Her parents were often in bed by now, as the store opened bright and early. Though they knew she was still dating Benjamin, they had no idea how serious things had become. She knew they were simply biding their time until his departure, thinking that would be the last of him. A “summer romance,” her mother called it.
And that was for the best. Just a few more weeks, and she and Ben would be together again, this time forever. She hoped to talk him into eloping when he got to Ohio. Daddy was never going to approve of her marrying Ben, much less agree to walk her down the aisle.
She didn’t need a big white wedding anyway. She only needed Benjamin.
As she neared the house, she saw someone leaving by the front door. The shadow moved swiftly down the front porch steps.
Her heart caught in her throat at the familiar gait. What was Benjamin doing at her house? Had he been confused about their meeting place?
He’d already reached his friend’s Buick, a hulking silhouette in the waning light.
She quickened her steps and called down the sidewalk. “Ben!”
He turned, the streetlight casting a glow over his features. His shoulders were slumped, his face drawn, and the look in his eyes nearly made her blood freeze. Something terrible had happened.
She cut across the lawn even as dread swept over, engulfing her like a tidal wave. “What—what’s going on? What’s wrong?”
He stuffed his hands in his front pockets and looked at the ground, eerily silent.
“Why are you here?” Her voice quavered. “We were supposed to meet at the theater.”
“I know.”
She shook her head in frustration. Why wasn’t he talking to her? She took in his sloped eyes, always a little sad looking. But tonight, his whole countenance looked completely hopeless.
She glanced back at the house, dark now beyond the living room sheers. A horrible feeling of dread seeped into every cell of her body. Her father. Her stupid father was going to ruin everything.
“Talk to me,” she demanded. “What happened? What did he say to you?”
He gave her a smile that didn’t come close to reaching his eyes. “Maybe we can talk about this tomorrow, angel. I need—I need some time to think things through.”
Dread morphed into terror. She grabbed his arm. “No. There’s nothing to think about. What happened in there, Ben? Tell me what he said to you. You’re scaring me.”
He gave her a long hopeless look. “I just don’t see how this is going to work out, Lizzie.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “That’s ridiculous. We have a plan in place. Of course it’s going to work out. Everything’s all set.”
His eyes sharpened on hers. “I asked for his blessing. Your father doesn’t approve of me.” The words seemed weighted with a thousand anchors.
Oh, she wanted to strangle her father! And Ben! “I told you not to talk to him! Why did you do that?”
“I couldn’t ask you to marry me without his blessing, Lizzie.”
“Who cares about his blessing? It’s my life, Ben, not his. We’re moving to Ohio, and we’re going to get married. He’ll come around in time. He’ll have to. What choice will he have?”
Ben palmed the back of his neck. “I’m a janitor, Lizzie. I barely make enough to support myself. You deserve much better than that.”
Her ire rose, prickling her skin with heat. “Is that what he told you?” She had a few things to say to her father, and they wouldn’t wait.
She darted toward the house.
Ben grabbed her arm. “Don’t, Lizzie. It won’t do any good. I don’t want to come between you and your parents. That was never my intention.”
Heat prickled behind her eyes. “He shouldn’t have said that to you! He shouldn’t have made you feel less than. You’re a wonderful man. I couldn’t find a better man if I searched the whole world over!”
“Aw, honey . . .” He thumbed away the tears on her cheek. “He didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. Look at the life you live. I couldn’t begin to provide all this for you.”
“I don’t need all this! I only need you, don’t you understand that?”
He shook his head slowly. “That’s not the way the world works. A couple needs more than love, Lizzie. You haven’t struggled like I have. It’s not fun. It’s not easy. It’s bound to cause all kinds of problems. I don’t want that for us.”
“It won’t be like that. I love you.”
“I love you too, angel. But I think we need a new plan.”
The words gave her a bit of hope. She’d been so afraid he was breaking up for good. She waited for him to continue, not liking the resolve that was coming over his face.
“I want to make something better of myself. I want to go to college and get a real career and be able to support you the way you deserve.”
“That costs a lot of money, Ben. And we don’t need that anyway. When I graduate, I’ll be able to get a good-paying job, and we’ll be just fine. You’ll see.”
He was already shaking his head. “I’m not living off my wife’s money, Lizzie. It’s my job to provide, not yours.”
“I’ve been working since I was fourteen. I want to work, Ben. I enjoy it.”
“Be that as it may, I aim to have a real job, a career, and to get one I need a college degree.” His tone was resolved to the point of obstinacy.
Maybe she was going to have to compromise a little. “All right. All right then. After I get my degree I’ll get a good job, and then you can go to college—”
“I’m enlisting in the military, Lizzie.”
Her stomach bottomed out. Her lips parted, but no words were forming on her tongue. The military? That was a four-year commitment. They wouldn’t be married for years. He could even die over there. What if he never came home to her?
She shook her head adamantly.
He took hold of her arms. “Just listen, Lizzie. If I enlist they’ll pay for my schooling. When I get out you’ll be graduated, and we can get married then. I’ll be able to make something of myself. Make your dad see that I’m worthy of you.”
“Ugh! You’re already worthy, Ben! Why can’t you see that?”
“You have to look at things from his point of view, Lizzie. His only daughter is going to nursing school on a full academic scholarship, and she wants to marry some no-good elementary school janitor. Assistant janitor, even. You could do so much better.”
She jerked out of his hold. “You’re a good man, Ben! And you don’t understand a single thing. You’ll never get Daddy’s approval, because you can’t change what he despises most about you!”
He blinked, going still.
She hadn’t wanted to say it, but all the cards were on the table now. And the stakes were high. So very high. “Daddy’s prejudiced, Ben. I’m ashamed to admit it, but he is, and you’ll never get his approval for that reason alone, even if you became the president of the United States!”
She hated the hurt, the hopelessness, that washed over his face. Hated that she’d put it there. But she had to make him understand that there was nothing he could do to earn her father’s approval. That they didn’t even need it.
“So you see, there’s no reason for you to enlist. It won’t change anything. And if you want to get your college degree, you can do it later when I have a good job. We don’t have to change our plans at all. We’re a team, you and me. We’ll make this work. We’ll do whatever we have to do.”
He was quiet for a good long time. The crickets in the nearby copse of trees chirped, filling the silence.
She closed the gap between them and touched his arm. He was helpless under her touch—he’d told her so. She stroked the smooth flesh of his arm, the springy hairs tickling the pads of her fingers.
His face softened, his eyes intent on hers.
She breathed in the smell of him, willing him with her eyes to see things her way.
A look of tenacity came over his features. He cradled her face. “I know you want to get married now, angel. I do too. I’m only asking you to wait for me. It’ll only be four years, and you’ll be busy getting your education, so time will fly—”
She leaped back, making his hands fall. “No! Aren’t you listening to me? I won’t wait, Ben. Four years is forever, and anything could happen in that time. You could die over there, don’t you know that? Men go to war and never come back.”
“I’ll come back to you, Lizzie.”
“You don’t know that! No! I won’t wait. I can’t do it, I just can’t.”
The crickets had ceased their chirping. Only the ragged sound of her breathing broke the silence.
“I can’t marry you right now, Lizzie. Not like this. I have to earn his respect. I have to do right by you. It’s about honor. It’s more important to me than anything. If we’re meant to be—”
“If we’re meant to be?” She took a staggering step backward.
“—four years won’t change that. You know what I mean.”
She gritted her teeth, daring the tears to fall. “I’m not waiting. Especially not for someone who isn’t even sure I’m worth waiting for.”
“You know that’s not what I meant, Lizzie. I love you and I always—”
“Just go, Ben! Just go ahead and leave now if that’s what you want to do. Go off to war and never come back, and see if I even care!”
“Lizzie . . . you don’t mean that. You’re just angry right—”
“I do mean it! If you enlist I don’t ever want to see you again!” She turned around and fled into her house, too angry even to look at him.
It only took twelve hours for Lizzie to regret everything she’d said. But the next morning when she drove to the Lewises’ cottage Ben was already gone.