| |
I knew I shouldn’t have asked her, that she already said we could pick the rooms we wanted. But I wanted to hear her say she wanted me near. If I had my way I would spend every night next to her. When Sawyr flipped her around to hold her in front, it was the first time I have ever wanted to hit him over a woman. We have shared in the past, but then it was the job. I don’t know if I can share her now.
I look at the guys, they each turn and go to the room they have selected. I can have either the room closest to Akiyra or furthest from her.
Hesitantly I go and knock on her door. “Akiyra?”
At her command, the door opens. The sight of her sitting on her bed, her eyes puffy and red breaks my heart.
“Hey, why the tears?” I ask, kneeling in front of her.
“Just tired, no tears here.”
“Akiyra,” my voice is soft as I tilt her chin up. “Talk to me.”
She shakes her head, biting her lip. Sighing I sit down next to her and pull her onto my lap. Her body tenses then relaxes into me. My chin resting on her head, I start again.
“You ran out of the common area like the flames of Gehenna were after you. Either I said something that freaked you out or ...”
Her body stills in my lap, but she doesn’t say a word.
“So asking you if you had a preference which rooms we took freaked you out?” I start gently tracing lazy eights on her forearm. “Akiyra, it’s only been three days, and of that, we have spent one amazing night together and today. I am not asking you for anything. I just didn’t know if you wanted the room closest to you empty. Though I will say the idea of one of the other guys being that close to you bothers me.”
Finally, she turns so she is looking at me. “I don’t know how to do this. How to handle my feelings. I want to run or hibernate, or I don’t know.”
Laughing, I lean down and kiss her gently, “How about we just take it day by day? When we land, we can figure out where everyone goes. The guys and I need to learn more about the world we are entering before we jump in. You need to figure out how you want us to fit into your life. None of us are pushing you for anything besides friendship.”
She relaxes into me. “I think I can do that.”
We sit quietly for a few minutes, a comfortable silence between us. I desperately want to ask her what has made her so scared of relationships, even friendships. But we all have secrets, things we don’t want to share. I will wait until she is ready to tell us, maybe one day I will tell her my story.
Akiyra stretches and rolls off my lap, jerking me back to the present.
“We should eat something. I bet the guys haven’t touched anything yet.” She doesn’t look at me, that invisible wall between us again.
Sighing I stand, “You’re right. But it was nice just sitting.”
She turns to smile at me, “It was. Thanks for coming to find me.”
I follow her into the kitchen area where she is already digging into the cold storage. “Might as well eat the fresh while we can.” She mumbles.
“So what’s on the menu?” Jax hops up on the counter next to her. “I could eat a whole seradhn.”
“Well, I am not sure what Tiri ordered for us. For short trips, we tend to keep more fresh food on hand, but with the quick departure it looks like we might have to hit the dehydrated meals.” A look of disgust crosses her face. “I hate dehydrated meals.”
“Didn’t you say something about a hydroponics system? Can’t you grow some foods that way?” Sawyr asks.
“We can if I didn’t have a black thumb. The system was specially designed for me so that it would take the least care. My first trip out I killed every plant we had. Something about not regulating the light correctly or something. I have no idea. Now it is watched by Tiri and I only do what he tells me to do down there.”
“Well, I would love to go have a look at some point. I have fond memories of helping one of my parents' friends in the hydroponics chamber on the ship we lived on.”
Sawyr’s face turns red and it is as if a shutter slams down, his eyes gaze going from soft to hard.
“Sawyr, that’s the first time in ten years I have heard you speak about your childhood,” Roberd says, looking at Sawyr as if he has suddenly sprouted two horns.