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The bell went off, signaling the end of the first period that had seemed to drag on for three hours instead of one. Finn shut his math textbook, grabbed his binder and filed out of the room with his classmates, his mind on anything but school.
He felt the stares on him as he walked to his history class. Saw people whispering as he passed.
Everyone was curious about what had happened to him over Christmas break. A few people had even been ballsy enough to ask him straight to his face. He hadn’t said much. He was more concerned with protecting his mom, and not earning himself any more enemies by saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.
He’d been nervous all morning and on the bus ride here. So far, he hadn’t seen Paul, and he didn’t have to worry about Grant, since he’d been sent to a juvenile detention center near Portland. Grant’s mom had apparently packed up and moved away from the area when Victor’s involvement in the kidnappings and murders had come to light.
Finn ignored the looks and whispers, hurrying to his next classroom. He didn’t have any friends here now. He was back at square one again. The new kid in town. Only this time, there were rumors flying about him. High school sucked worse than ever.
Everyone stopped talking when he walked into history class. His face heated on the way to his seat in the back, hating the murmurs and whispers. Maybe he could convince his mom to let him do online school for the rest of the year and start back in class in September. Maybe by then the rumors would have died down and he wouldn’t feel like such a freak anymore.
“Hey,” a friendly voice said beside him.
He looked up, startled to find Carly standing there, pushing her long, golden-blond hair over her shoulder as she smiled at him. Not a coy, calculating smile that meant she wanted to be seen with him to get attention from their classmates.
It was kind. Warm, even. “Hey,” he said in surprise. She was super popular, ran with a popular crowd.
She glanced at the empty desk on his right. “Mind if I sit here?”
She’d never talked to him much at school before. “Not at all,” he blurted, hastily moving the sleeve of his puffy coat aside to give her more room.
Holy shit, Carly had singled him out in front of everyone and come to sit beside him.
The quiet way she did it gave him the sense that she was almost doing it in a protective way. Like she was trying to tell everyone that he was cool, and to leave him alone.
More whispers. He barely noticed them now, too preoccupied by the girl next to him. Carly shot someone a hard, warning look, and it got quiet again.
Yeah, she was definitely protecting him. He fought back a grin.
“Have a good Christmas?” she asked while they waited for the teacher to arrive.
He flushed, assuming she was trying to get him to talk about his experience in front of everyone. “Not really.”
“Me either. I actually don’t even like Christmas much anymore. It hasn’t been the same since my dad died.”
He blinked, startled. He’d never known that about her. “Same. I mean, my dad died a while back too, so I know what you mean.”
She gave him a soft smile, so full of empathy and understanding it made his chest feel tight. “Get anything good at least?”
Besides some harrowing experiences? “Not really. Except...” He thought of Ryder. “I made a friend.” He hoped Ryder considered him to be one too. He’d only been gone a day, but the house had felt weirdly empty since last night, and a few times Finn could tell by his mom’s puffy eyes that she’d been crying.
Carly’s smile widened, showing a glimmer of even, white teeth. “Well, we can definitely all use another friend. Right?”
He smiled back, unable to stop himself. She was so pretty, and nice. He couldn’t believe she was looking out for him like this. “Yeah. How did you like the Becca Sandoza movie, by the way?” He was dying to tell her he’d “met” the star but kept it to himself. Maybe he’d tell her later.
“It was awesome,” she said excitedly. “Have you seen it yet?”
“No, there was kind of a lot going on over the break.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, maybe we could see it together sometime.”
It took everything he had to keep from grinning like an idiot. “Yeah, sounds good.”
The teacher came in and started class, preventing either of them from saying anything else. But during the lesson, the couple of times he glanced over at Carly, they shared a little smile.
Suddenly high school didn’t suck quite as much anymore.
****
“Why is it they’re always setting you on fire? They trying to tell you something?” Ryder asked Chase as he perused the list of stunts his buddy was scheduled to perform for this movie. They’d just flown into Melbourne from Sydney last night, where the next scenes in this period drama were going to be shot.
Across the kitchen table in the rental house where he was staying with Chase and Becca, his best friend smirked at him. “It’s because I’m so hot.”
Ryder cracked a grin. “Easy with that ego, brother. You’re not that hot. Trust me.”
Chase’s smile was unrepentant. “Becca says I am. She tells me all the time.”
“I’m sure she does.” She was currently in another room going over the script with the director. “What day do you start?”
“Thursday.”
Two days from now. He perused more of the schedule. “Looks like we’ll be on location with you for a bit next Tuesday.”
On set his job was pretty low-key. He stayed in the background and kept eyes on Becca as much as possible, but things were more relaxed there because of all the other security around. Here at their home base, he did regular patrols and kept watch on the security cameras.
But when she left the safety of this gated property, or was traveling, or making a public appearance, that’s when he had to be at his sharpest. She’d been kidnapped and nearly killed by an obsessed fan last fall. He was here to make sure no one ever threatened her again.
The company was sending someone else to back him up later this week so he wouldn’t have to work 24/7 over the next four months. Ryder would train him to act as his replacement while they worked together, but he preferred to stay busy anyway. Gave him less time to pine over Danae and wonder what she was doing. Whether she was really okay.
They’d texted and talked a lot initially after he left Crimson Point, but she’d definitely been pulling away lately, and the remaining time he had here Down Under was going by way too slowly. He missed Finn too.
“You ready for that workout now, or what?” Chase asked, standing and stretching his arms over his head.
“Yeah, I’m down. Just let me change quick.”
He jogged upstairs, put on workout clothes and joined Chase outside in the backyard. It was weird being in a place where January was the height of summer. Right now, the average temp hovered in the upper eighties, and it was even more humid than back home in North Carolina during the summer. Everything was green and lush, from the lawns to the gardens and other vegetation.
“So what are we doing today?” he asked. Chase had a specific workout regimen from his trainer he needed to do each week.
“Three-mile warm-up run, then we get to the good part. Lots of different kinds of pushups, pull ups, burpees, and some weights. You’re gonna love it.”
“Can’t wait.” He’d been keeping his twice-weekly appointments with his therapist, and now had a sobriety sponsor he had to check in with regularly. He still needed to burn off some of this restless energy, however. Not having touched a drink since Christmas Eve and missing Danae, he needed a different outlet for his worries and frustrations.
At the main gate he put in his earbuds and pulled out his phone. He stopped walking, staring at the screen as his insides tightened. Sometime in the past hour, Danae had sent him a playlist and a quick message.
These all make me think of you.
“Problem?” Chase asked.
Pure morbid curiosity demanded he listen to the songs. “Nope.” He hit play, tucked the phone into the pocket on his running shorts, and broke into a jog next to Chase.
He recognized the first song instantly. “I Will Remember You” by Sarah McLachlan. He’d heard it plenty of times before, but never really paid attention to the lyrics before.
This time, the words hit him hard as his shoes slapped against the hot pavement. Pierced him, the constant pressure he’d been living with in his chest suddenly turning sharp and acute. Not only because he missed her like hell. But because being on the other side of the world from her made it all worse. And because the words confirmed what he’d already feared.
She was trying to let him go.
He let the other songs play, but that first one stuck with him, repeating in his head over and over on the return to the house. By the time they got back they were both dripping with sweat, and Ryder wished he’d never listened to the playlist.
Thankfully, the workout was punishing, and just what he needed. He craved the burn in his muscles, needed to push himself, using the time to channel all his emotion into putting his body through its paces.
“Damn, son. That was hard core.” Chase eyed him as he finished up a series of burpees and pushups. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” Frustrated and sick to his stomach about Danae, but otherwise fine. Not that he was going to bitch to Chase about it when he was here on a job. That complicated things.
His phone buzzed with another text. He whipped it out, saw a new message from Danae, and quickly tucked it back in his pocket without reading it. He’d look at it later when he was alone.
Because he was suddenly afraid it would say something like, We need to talk. Or worse, I can’t do this anymore.
“You don’t need to do that.”
“Do what?” he asked, feigning ignorance.
“Shove your phone away when she texts, like you feel guilty for looking at them around us.”
“I’m working,” he muttered.
“Not right now, you’re not.” Chase leaned back against the trunk of a palm tree and folded his arms across his chest, giving Ryder a level look. “Damn, Ry. You’re my best friend and you’re not being honest with me.”
Ryder shot him an offended look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, I can tell when you’re trying to hide something. And you definitely are.” Knowing hazel eyes studied him. “You miss her.”
He shrugged. Of course he fucking missed her. It felt like missing her was all he did anymore.
“Yeah, and I think it goes way deeper than that. Am I right?”
“Let it go, man.” He picked up his water bottle and took a drink. He was trying to make the best of this, get through it and maintain his professionalism along with his friendships with both Chase and Becca.
“Can’t. You know what a nosy bastard I am. You’re not on the clock right now, and it’s just us out here, so spill.”
“Nothing to spill. We met, went through some intense shit together, then I had to leave. Her life is in Crimson Point, and mine’s here for now.” And just like he’d feared, the distance was proving too hard for her.
Chase watched him for a long moment, his scrutiny annoying. “Ry, come on. You’ve been fucking miserable since you got back from Oregon.”
“No, I haven’t.” It came out automatically and sounded hella defensive even to him.
“Yeah, you have. Maybe it’s not obvious to everyone else, but I see it.”
Ryder set his jaw. Getting into an argument with Chase about this would only make him feel shittier. “Don’t worry about where my head’s at. I’m focused on the job, and Becca’s safety.”
Chase rolled his eyes, frustration stamped all over his face. “You idiot. I’m not worried about you not doing your job. I’m worried about you, asshole.”
What did Chase want him to say? Yeah, he missed Danae. Missed her so fucking much it hurt to breathe sometimes. Whenever they talked, it was both the highlight of his day and also the most painful part of it.
Since leaving Crimson Point, he’d put a lot of thought into how to make it work with her long term. He’d even floated an idea he’d come up with to his boss, but it was a long shot that required major funding and a shitload of trust, and he’d only been with the company for a few months. No surprise, it had been rejected.
Now Danae was pulling away. And he didn’t know how to stop it.
“Doesn’t matter,” he snapped, his temper flaring. “Okay? It’s done. I’m here, I’m doing my job.”
“Yeah. But what about the rest?”
Blood rushed to his face as Chase’s meaning hit. “I haven’t touched a drink since Christmas Eve.” While he’d thought about it a few times, usually at night when he was alone and the loneliness got hold of him. But he’d made a vow to himself not to drink anymore, and he never would have done it while on the clock anyhow.
Chase nodded, watching him in that unnerving way that said he saw right through him. “That’s good, man. It’s just...you’re dealing with a lot of shit all at once, and that has to be hard.”
His PTSD issues, Chase meant, on top of being separated from Danae.
“I’m handling it, all right?” He turned away. “I’m gonna hit the shower.” Done with the inquisition, he stalked for the doorway.
“Ry.” Chase’s low voice stopped him.
He tensed, refused to turn around. “What?”
“What the hell happened over there?”
He didn’t mean Crimson Point.
The concern in his best friend’s voice sucked all the aggression out of him. Chase had asked him so many times before, tried to get him to open up, but he’d refused to tell him. Now Ryder realized he’d let this go on too long.
Releasing a deep breath, he turned around and met Chase’s stare. He’d already told Danae and his therapist, and Jase. He wasn’t sure what had held him back from telling Chase until now, a man he trusted with his life. Shame, maybe. Fear of losing Chase’s respect.
Or worse, Chase condemning him for what had happened.
Ryder glanced around, debating whether to tell him. They were alone out here in the private back yard. No one could overhear them. It was time he came clean. “You sure you wanna know?” he asked.
“Yes.”
So Ryder told him. All of it. In more detail than he’d shared with anyone. “Learning to live with the guilt is the hardest part,” he finished. “But I’m working on it.”
“Jesus, I knew it had to be bad, but...” Chase shook his head, staring at him. “It wasn’t your fault, Ry. You know it wasn’t.”
“Still feels like it was.” He was working on that too. Two steps forward, one step back. But eventually, he’d get there.
“Does Danae know?”
“Yeah. I told her when I was there.” Dammit, how could she give up on them so soon?
Chase looked both surprised and impressed. “That’s huge, man.”
Ryder shrugged, uncomfortable, and left out the part about him being dead-ass drunk when she’d come to the door. But yeah, it had been a huge thing for him to spill his guts to her like that when he’d barely known her. Even at that point, he’d sensed he could trust her.
But what if it’s too late now? His heart clenched at the thought.
Ryder didn’t move as Chase came over to clap him on the shoulder on the way past. Once he was alone upstairs in his room, he read the message Danae had sent.
A picture of her and Finn, faces close together, both of them grinning at the camera. Just thinking about you. Hope you’re okay.
A surge of relief hit him hard. All right, maybe she wasn’t ready to call it off then.
She’d been seeing a counselor too. Molly sent him her own periodic updates on Danae. According to her Danae seemed fine. She’d jumped right back into work and her regular life as soon as he’d left. Moving on like the practical, responsible woman she was. Without him.
But he wasn’t fooled. There was no way anyone could go through a trauma like that and not be affected by it. It made him crazy that he couldn’t be there for her in person.
He also received updates on the investigation from Jase. The Feds were still working on cracking the larger crime ring, but Kyle Vanderhoff was still in prison awaiting trial. Danae would have to testify as a key witness whenever the court date rolled around. He might be called to testify as well.
Standing under the stinging spray of the shower, he kept thinking about her. About her strength in the face of adversities that would have crippled most people. The too brief but intense time they’d spent together. The songs she’d just sent him.
About Finn, Crimson Point, and the people Ryder had met there. People he felt comfortable around—fellow combat vets and their partners. People who accepted him and the issues he faced.
He had to get back there. Soon. Couldn’t wait for his contract to be finished.
He needed to talk to Becca about his plans. Today.
When he checked his phone again, he found a message from his boss. Call me. I want to talk about the proposal you sent again.
Ryder frowned. The company had rejected his idea outright when he’d first sent it in. Why did they want to talk to him about it again now?
He’d just changed into work clothes and reviewed the route he would take when he drove Becca to a press conference in a little while, when a soft knock came at the door.
“Hey,” he said when Becca poked her head in, all done up and wearing a flowy, turquoise dress.
“You look like you’re almost ready to go. I can be downstairs in ten minutes if you want to leave early.”
“Actually, there’s something I need to talk to you about, if you can spare a few minutes before we go.”
At his serious tone, she stepped inside, her expression curious. “I’m intrigued. Shoot.”
“You know the company’s sending someone as a backup for me?”
“Yes, they confirmed it with me last week.”
It was standard, and the company always sent a client files on any potential backups for their approval beforehand. “He arrives in a few days. I’ll train him on our protocols and procedures, and he’ll shadow me for the first week or two to get a feel for your routine and preferences, but I want you to know up front that it’s going to be more than just for backup.”
“Okay.” She raised her eyebrows. “And...?”
“I want you to get to know him as well, make sure you’re comfortable with him, because I want to train him as my potential replacement.”
She blinked. “Oh. Why, is something wrong?”
“No. It’s a personal situation for me.”
“Danae,” she guessed, the expression in her light brown eyes kind.
He nodded, hoping he didn’t seem unprofessional as fuck by telling her this. He owed her the truth. “I don’t know what’s going to happen yet. I’m not saying I’m going to leave before filming wraps up, and I wouldn’t go unless you’re totally comfortable with it and my replacement. I just want to have everything in order, in case.”
A smile curved her mouth. “So you love her?”
He’d wondered before, not trusting it because everything had been so intense and happened so fast. Now he knew for sure. “Yeah.” He was pretty sure he had fallen for Danae before he’d left Crimson Point.
“Just so you know, I’m totally on board with helping you get back to her. Although you’re hands down the best security person I’ve ever had.”
“You’ve had like, two of us in total,” he pointed out with a half-grin.
“Yeah, and you’re still the best one. By far,” she insisted.
She was adorable. “I’m happy you think so. I want you to feel safe. And I don’t want this to affect my relationship with either you or Chase.”
“I do. And it never could, so don’t worry about that.”
An invisible weight lifted from his chest, making it suddenly easier to breathe. “Good. See you downstairs in ten?”
“Sure. And hey, Chase and I love you. We want you to be happy.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
She paused at the door to give him a little smile. “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal, and we only get one take.”
Yeah. Dead on.
Ryder called his boss back, thinking about Danae and how to fix things between them. As well as the opportunity Becca’s agreement would give him.
No matter how this worked out, he needed to make some major changes and break free of the past once and for all. Only then could he forge a new path and move forward with no regrets.
