Do you have need for acceptance? Do you long for approval? Are you looking for praise? If you have a pulse you have these needs. Even your dog, if you have one, has these needs. But do our desires for acceptance, approval, praise, and so on represent human needs or spiritual needs?
The fact is, they represent both. When Jesus met Zacchaeus at the point of his need for acceptance, he actually met both a human and a spiritual need. As the Master Rabbi, his unconditional acceptance produced “great excitement and joy” in Zacchaeus. He felt valued by a fellow Jew. Perhaps for the first time since taking on his job with the Roman government, he felt he was worth something as a human being. But Zacchaeus needed more than just simple acceptance by one of his own. He needed his guilt over cheating removed. And as the Son of God, Jesus had the power to remove his guilt. Jesus’ unconditional acceptance did elicit repentance from Zacchaeus, and Jesus met his spiritual need for forgiveness.
Both our human and spiritual needs can actually be categorized under the single umbrella of relational needs. We have a relational need to feel accepted by God, which is a spiritual need, as well as to be accepted by others, which is a human need. We have a relational need to feel the approval of God, a spiritual need, and to feel the approval of others, a human need. We also have a relational longing for a sense of security, for praise, for attention, and so on. And each of these needs has both a spiritual and human dimension. So when we begin to meet people at the point of their relational needs, God is pleased to actually involve us in addressing both their human and spiritual needs without necessarily assigning those needs a priority.
And the exciting thing is, God has brought his church together to meet all our relational needs, both spiritual and human. Listen to Paul as he describes the church:
God has put the body together in such a way that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other equally. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad (1 Corinthians 12:24-26).
This verse makes it clear that members of the church are to care for one another lovingly, comforting each other in suffering and rejoicing with each other in good fortune. This makes us feel cared for. It also creates unity among God’s people both spiritually and on the human level.
Paul also said, “We who believe are carefully joined together, becoming a holy temple for the Lord” (Ephesians 2:21). This is a unity that goes beyond avoiding dissention and division. It is a unity that harmoniously fits your spiritual gift together with a different but complementary spiritual gift of a fellow believer. And this is done in such a way that your strengths are maximized and your weaknesses are made irrelevant. So by locking arms with those who are strong where you are weak, your weakness becomes strong. This meets your need for respect, support, and approval, and you gain a sense of completeness and competence you would never experience alone.
When members of Christ’s body are fitted together in this fashion, God accomplishes great things through them. As the spiritual gift of exhortation is combined with the spiritual gift of teaching, then in turn combined with the gift of hospitality, and then with the gift of administration with the gift of evangelism, and so on, we all experience the power of God at work in a mighty way. And when each of us acts upon our need for one another, it keeps a person from stepping out front and declaring, “I’m really the important one here” or “I’m the one who’s really making everything happen.” Accepting that each of us is made complete within Christ’s body keeps us from focusing on ourselves so we can focus on the one who is really deserving—Christ.
It is through the love of the whole person that God is pleased to make the church truly relevant in the lives of others.
We have already identified a number of relational needs that represent both spiritual and human needs, such as acceptance, comfort, support, respect, and approval. There are many such needs identified in Scripture. David Ferguson has identified over 50 relational needs in Scripture. We will touch on ten that he covers extensively in his book The Never Alone Church. The better we understand these relational needs, the better we can understand how God wants to love others through us to meet the human and spiritual needs of those around us. It is through this love of the whole person that God is pleased to make the church truly relevant in the lives of others. It is “your love for one another,” Jesus said, that “will prove to the world that you are my disciples [my church]” (John 13:35).
Love Meets the Need for Comfort
Love gives comfort by giving hope; easing a grief or
pain; consoling; and hurting with a person.
“He [God] is the source of every mercy and the God
who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so
that we can comfort others” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Everyone at some point suffers physical, emotional, or spiritual difficulty in life. When medical treatment is given to relieve physical injury or sickness, we can be there in prayer to help the person struggling with illness or pain. We can also be there in person to provide comfort. Paul says to “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15 NIV) when a person is suffering emotionally or physically. When we do this, something supernatural takes place. “He [God] comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4). When we do this, the person in pain is getting more comfort than just that which we are giving; God is ministering through us to comfort him or her as well. We, his church, are his channel of comfort and healing to those who are hurting. At that point a person is receiving the spiritual blessing of comfort from God as well as the human comfort you are giving.
As we said in a previous chapter, comforting others isn’t about trying to “fix” them, discipline them, or give them a pep talk. A love that comforts is realized simply by a person being there to share in another’s suffering and letting him or her know you hurt with him or her. It could be physical pain, emotional hurt, or spiritual trouble. A love that comforts allows another person to sense not only your comforting words and touch, but also that of God himself. As Paul said, “We are Christ’s ambassadors, and God is using us to speak to you” (2 Corinthians 5:20).
Love Meets the Need for Attention (Care)
Love shows care or attention by taking thought of another,
conveying interest and concern, entering another’s world.
“All the members [of the church] care for each
other equally” (1 Corinthians 12:25).
God showed us this kind of love when he entered our world and took on a human form to meet our human and spiritual needs. He demonstrated he cared enough to leave heaven and sacrifice himself for us. Our Christlike love of others is able to meet them at the point of their need for attention as we sacrifice our time and energy to be with them. This kind of caring for a person’s human needs often readies their heart to receive Christ’s spiritual message.
Love Meets the Need for Acceptance
Love offers acceptance without conditions by
loving others for who they are.
“Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you;
then God will be glorified” (Romans 15:7).
Jesus’ loving acceptance of us is able to distinguish who we are from what we’ve done. He was able to separate Zacchaeus as the cheating tax collector from a man in need of love and acceptance. Jesus’ love did two things for Zacchaeus: It accepted the man struggling with rejection, and it led Jesus to die to absolve the guilt of the cheating sinner. It is that kind of unconditional acceptance that allowed Jesus to die for all of us while we were still sinners. When we accept others without conditions, it tells them they are of great worth to us and to God. When we accept others regardless of their physical ailments, deficiencies, or handicaps, they can feel like they belong. And it can open them up to receive God’s acceptance.
Love Meets the Need for Appreciation
Love expresses appreciation by praising another and
communicating gratefulness through words and deeds.
“I praise you for remembering me in
everything” (1 Corinthians 11:2 NIV).
God has made each of us with the need to be praised by others. When we express gratitude to a spouse, a child, a fellow believer, a friend, or a stranger, we are demonstrating a love that meets that person at the point of their need for appreciation. When you let people know you are deeply thankful for who they are or what they’ve done, you remove a little of their sense of aloneness and God is able to minister his love to them through you.
Love Meets the Need for Support
Love provides support by coming alongside another
to lift a load and help carry a problem.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will
fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NIV).
People can feel most alone when they are stressed, disappointed, or feel burdened physically, emotionally, or spiritually. God can work powerfully through us as we come alongside such people and help them by lifting their load. We can do things like running an errand for them, mowing their lawn, repairing a broken item, giving financially, praying with them, helping them with homework, or anything that would ease the pressure and lighten their load. When we minister support to the human and spiritual needs of others in the Spirit of Christ, they can see both our love and God’s glory. Because “as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more” (2 Corinthians 3:18).
Love Meets the Need for Encouragement
Love offers encouragement by inspiring with courage
and urging another forward to a positive goal.
“Encourage each other and build each
other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
People get discouraged. They may lose hope through disappointments, rejection, or failures. We are to be there as Christ’s loving ambassador to provide hope, lift the spirits of the discouraged, provide inspiration, and urge others toward positive goals. Christ’s love flowing through us offers a cheerful word, an inspirational card or song, an uplifting prayer, a light moment…anything that would lift the spirits of the discouraged.
Love Meets the Need for Affection
Love shows affection that communicates care and closeness by
offering endearing words and appropriate physical touch.
“Love each other with genuine affection” (Romans 12:10).
We were created with the relational need to connect with others. And affectionate words and appropriate touching between friends go a long way toward removing our aloneness and letting others know they are cared for. Affection isn’t needed just when a person is discouraged or feeling low. It is needed continually to keep a person healthy on both a human and spiritual level. Affection lets people know they are lovable. Paul told the church to “greet one another with a holy kiss” (Romans 16:16 NIV). This is still commonly done in the Middle Eastern world. In the West a handshake or hug is used. Physical affection is one of God’s designs to express his love through us to others. “If we love each other, God lives in us, and his love has been brought to full expression through us” (1 John 4:12).
Love Meets the Need for Approval
Love gives approval by expressing satisfaction with a person,
demonstrating that he or she has pleased another.
“If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God. And
other people will approve of you, too” (Romans 14:18).
We all need to hear the words, “I’m pleased with you.” When we communicate that sentiment to others through words and actions, we meet them at the point of their need for approval. Approval of another should focus more on the person’s worth as a person than on his or her accomplishments. That way we place value on the qualities of the person that allow him or her to succeed. When we focus on such qualities as persistence, creativity, determination, diligence, and so on, it places attention on the person rather than on the performance. We all have a human need for approval. We also have a spiritual need for approval. Ultimately we all want to hear people and God say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21).
Love Meets the Need for Security
Love provides security by eliminating danger and removing
the fear of loss, want, and broken relationship.
“Perfect love expels all fear” (1 John 4:18).
When we rest in God’s loving protection and provision, it gives us a sense of security. We meet people at their point of need for security when we help them feel safe and confident they will be cared for in the future.
David Ferguson, in his book The Never Alone Church, points out:
Loved ones may feel satisfied when their needs are currently being met. But they feel secure when they have confidence that their future needs will be met. For example, your children are satisfied after you provide a good meal for them. But they are secure when they know your love includes a commitment to meet their future physical needs and to be there for them tomorrow, next week, and next month. Your spouse may be satisfied with a comfortable home and nice clothes. But he or she will feel secure when your love prompts you to adequately prepare for the future, particularly through a commitment to spiritual growth and marital harmony. A friend may be satisfied when you help her pray through an important decision, but she is secure when she senses your commitment to a deep and lasting friendship.1
When we reach out to others with a Christlike love, they can feel safe and secure in our relationship with them. We all have the human need for security, and we have a spiritual need for security. When the apostle John said that “perfect love expels fear,” he went on to say, “If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us” (1 John 4:18). And his love is perfected in us when we are justified—declared righteous before God because of Jesus’ atoning death for us. It is then we can feel absolutely secure in his love.
The apostle Paul couldn’t have put it more forcefully than when he said:
I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).
Love Meets the Need for Respect
Love shows respect by valuing a person highly and
communicating to that person that he or she is of great worth.
“Show respect for everyone” (1 Peter 2:17).
Respecting other people is about honoring who they are and what they bring to the table. Scripture says we are to honor God, our parents, the aged, and governing rulers. Paul also says we are to “take delight in honoring one another” (Romans 12:10). When we respect another person’s ideas, perspectives on things, opinions, time, wishes, and schedule we are conveying he or she is valuable to us. When you meet people’s need for respect, they feel worth something, and it helps them see they are valuable to you and to God.2
Christ has given us his body, the church, so we can be equipped for service and minister his love to others to meet the human and spiritual needs of those around us. As a part of such a church we never have to be alone. Christ is present in our lives through the indwelling presence of God’s Holy Spirit, and the members of his body are there to be with us through thick or thin.
God’s church is alive and well today to offer hope as a living embodiment of Jesus’ love that, among other things, says to you and a needy world:
• There is comfort to ease your physical hurts, to provide a shoulder to cry on, and to produce inner healing.
• There is attention (care) that communicates you are so important to God that he died to have a relationship with you, and his church is here to help address all your human and spiritual needs.
• There is acceptance that says you are loved for who you are, no matter what.
• There is appreciation that gives praise to you for who you are and what you’ve done.
• There is support when you need a helping hand or a shoulder to help you carry a heavy load.
• There is encouragement when you are struggling with disappointments, failure, or difficulty.
• There is affection to help you know that through it all, you are truly loved.
• There is approval that says, “I am pleased with you.”
• There is security in times of danger to remove your fear of the future.
• There is respect that honors you for what you think and values you for the contribution you bring.
The church, Christ’s body, is alive and well in order to
equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ, until we come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature and full grown in the Lord, measuring up to the full stature of Christ. Then we will no longer be like children, forever changing our minds about what we believe because someone has told us something different or because someone has cleverly lied to us and made the lie sound like the truth. Instead, we will hold to the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church (Ephesians 4:12-15).