Chapter 11  

But sitting there in Mark’s lap seemed too idle for all that she had to do. Such as plan her whole life. She jumped up, and the reluctant way Mark looked when she stood made her heart warm toward him even more than the kiss had. When she realized how radically different her feelings were right now than they had been before he kissed her last night, she had her first bout of uncertainty.

What was true? A lifetime of not having any romantic notions about Mark or a day of being completely in love. Because, to be honest, she had to admit she’d been in love with him ever since he’d kissed her last night.

She said hesitantly, “There are things we should talk about.”

Apprehension flooded across his face. “Okay.”

She couldn’t stop herself from smiling. There was something infinitely appealing about a man adoring you. And she wanted to climb straight back onto his lap and start kissing him again, but things needed to be said. “The thing is, Mark, up until last night I have always been under the impression that you didn’t like me very much.”

Mark gasped, “What?” and then he stood.

“Now, don’t be upset, but I think we should clear the air, don’t you?”

“Hannah, I have been trying to get you to notice me for, well, forever.”

“But you never talked to me,” Hannah protested. “You didn’t even look at me. In fact, I thought you didn’t like me, other than in a friendly way, because I would swear that you’ve been deliberately avoiding me for years.”

“No I haven’t,” he insisted.

“I decided at Nelda’s wedding that since we were the only two single people in town, at least the only two churchgoing single people in town, that we would be a likely match.”

“At your sister’s wedding? That was a long time ago.”

“Yes. I mean, I wasn’t exactly sure we were . . .” Hannah wondered if she should have started this. She would never admit to Mark that she had dreaded the idea of being stuck with him. Right now, looking at his entrancing blue eyes and his disheveled dark blond hair, all she saw was a man who was sweet and smart, and she couldn’t remember what she’d found fault with. She couldn’t think of anything about him she didn’t like.

She was suddenly frightened of her emotions, not knowing whether to trust her old feelings or her new ones. And underlying her fear was such a strong desire to be married that her longing for that might make any man seem appealing. In short, was she in love or was she just desperate?

Hannah was practical enough to know it didn’t matter. They were married and they’d strive to have a good life together. But she wanted everything started off on a good footing. She turned away from him and sat down in another chair. She looked up at Mark and said, “Sit down.”

“You’re coming to your senses, aren’t you?” he said forlornly.

Hannah couldn’t stop herself from smiling. “Please, sit.”

“It’s too late,” he said firmly. “We’re married, and I’m never letting you go.”

Hannah smiled again. “If it helps any, I have no intention of coming to my senses.”

That must have struck him as funny because he grinned.

She added, “However, I think if I did come to my senses, I’d still want to be married to you. How do you like that?”

He shoved a chair around so it faced her, then took his seat. “I like that fine.”

“Now, you say you’ve liked me all along.”

“I’ve loved you, not liked you. There’s a difference and I don’t want you to forget it.”

“Well, in all honesty, I haven’t loved you.” She glanced at Mark and saw him flinch at her bluntness. “The idea of us being together had occurred to me because of the logic of it, but I wasn’t harboring feelings for you until now. And now those feelings are so strong that they almost frighten me.”

He looked crestfallen when she said she’d only begun to care for him this instant, but he was no less determined. “I think that’s because you’ve been having such a hard time. You just haven’t had room in your heart for a man.”

Hannah nodded. “I have always liked you. I’ve always known you were an honorable, hardworking, kind man. Marriages have been built on less, I think.”

He scooted his chair closer and grasped her hands in his. Their knees bumped together, and when Mark leaned forward they were almost nose to nose. He said, “I want the woman who has been prepared for me by God. I have believed for a long time that you were that woman. That doesn’t mean we won’t ever have hard times. I’m a quiet man. Like I told you, I struggle with . . . with my . . .”

Hannah slipped one of her hands free from his and ran her finger lightly over his face. He was blushing again.

He forced himself to go on. “I’m no good with words. I’ll never be a poet. I’ll never speak flowery words to you. I . . . I don’t want you to be disgusted with me. You deserve the very best.”

Hannah traced her finger over his cheek as she listened to this kind, shy man speak so eloquently from his heart. “That’s flowery talk, Mark.”

“It is?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes.” Tears bit at her eyes, and she knew that Mark noticed them immediately because he began shaking his head in regret for them. She realized how sensitive he was to her feelings and thought that sounded like a wonderful trait in a husband. “What you said was beautiful. Just because the words come hard, it doesn’t mean you won’t say them.”

“I’ll try, Hannah. I promise I’ll try.”

“And, Mark?”

“What?” He was looking so deeply into her eyes that he seemed mesmerized.

“This love for you that has blossomed in my heart—it’s wonderful. It seems like . . . like . . .” She smiled, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. In truth, she wondered if she might not be blushing herself. “Now I’m trying to be a poet.”

“I’ll listen to anything you want to tell me.”

“What I want you to know is, my affection for you is like frosting on a cake.”

“Well, that’s poetic, I suppose,” he said rather dryly.

Hannah relaxed when Mark made that tiny stab at a joke. She realized then that he had a sense of humor, and that was something she wanted in her life. It made it easier for her to keep talking. “What I mean is, the cake was already there. I’ve thought of you as a man I admire and like. So, adding the frosting—romantic feelings, I mean—to my respect for you is easy. It seems right. If I had gone from thinking you were a low-down skunk . . .”

He chuckled softly.

“. . . to loving you . . . well, I would be worried about that. I’ve watched my sisters marry men who wouldn’t be my choice but who are perfect for them. When I was young I believed there was a man like that for me, too. But I had given up in recent years. And now here you are. Here you have always been. I feel like God has performed a miracle in my heart. He has opened my eyes to see what was right in front of me. And maybe I needed to go through all I have in the last few years in order to appreciate what a special man you are and how lucky I am to have you care for me.”

He leaned forward and kissed her very gently.

“Can I say one more thing?” she asked breathlessly.

“You can say anything,” he said, moving their hands until he cradled both of hers in his and held them like they were precious gifts.

“It’s . . . it’s hard to be Leah.”

Mark shook his head. “Leah?”

“Leah, from the Bible. Remember how Jacob wanted to marry Rachel and he worked seven years to earn the right?”

“Yes, Leah was Rachel’s older sister. But I’ve never thought of her story as being an important one. It was how much Jacob loved Rachel that was important.”

“Well, Leah is important to me. Pa teased me after both my sisters got married that he should have put me in a heavy veil and passed me off as the bride because the oldest should be married first.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Hannah, but I don’t think I like your pa very much.”

She nodded, then shrugged and went on. “Anyway, when people think about Jacob, they think about Jacob and Rachel, and they think poor Jacob—tricked into marrying the older sister. His love was so strong he agreed to stay and work another seven years to earn Rachel. But what about Leah? No one thinks about how humiliated she must have been to have been married in such a fashion. Ugly and undesired, unmarriageable except through her father’s lies.”

“Hannah,” he whispered fiercely, “you are not ugly and undesired. I won’t let you say such things about the woman I love.”

“Thank you, Mark. I didn’t mean I was ugly, although sometimes it’s hard not to feel that way. I just want to say that I think I know how it was for Leah. It’s so hard to be that older sister. I had to keep smiling, and I truly was happy for my little sisters. But it hurt.

“I think underneath all my grief for Ma and Charlie, and the pain of losing my brothers to Essie, was the notion that there was something wrong with me. That made it hard for me to believe any man would want me. And it made it easy for me to mistake your shyness for dislike. Having you want me for your wife heals so many old hurts. For that alone, even without your decent nature and your kisses . . .”

“The cake and the frosting?”

She smiled. “Yes, the cake and the frosting. Even without them, I’ll always think of you as my knight in shining armor. You have saved me in so many ways. I love you and I consider it the highest honor to be your wife.”

Mark stood up, pulling her with him, and kissed her until her head felt as if it were spinning. Then he said gruffly, “Let me give you a tour of the house.”

“I’d like that.”

As they left the room, Hannah thought of her ma dying with her seventh child. “Mark, do we have to have seven children?”

He staggered slightly and bumped his shoulder against the doorframe. “Seven children?” he repeated weakly.

“I don’t think I want to have that many.”

“Hannah, I’m an only child. Seven children, that’s inconceivable to me. No, we most assuredly do not have to have that many children.”

“What if the first six are girls? Won’t you want to keep trying until we have a son?” she persisted.

“I like girls.” Mark turned to her and drew her close. “I’d like a couple of little girls who look like you. Two children, regardless of whether they’re girls or boys, sounds fine to me.”

“Men want boys, Mark,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Maybe ranchers want boys, to help them or to leave the holding to, but I’m a banker. I’m not going to mind if I don’t have someone to take over when I retire. I’ll just sell the bank to someone. Besides, the girls will probably get married, and their husbands can have the bank.”

Hannah nodded with a serious expression on her face as he talked. She felt one last weight lifting off her shoulders and realized in a sense that Mark was rescuing her again. “Good, because it was real hard on my ma.”

“We are not having that many children!”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind four,” Hannah suggested. The thought of two didn’t seem quite right to her.

He grinned. “How about we have two and then decide about more, one at a time?”

“That sounds perfect.”

He lifted himself away from the doorframe as if his knees were trustworthy again. “Now that that’s settled, let me show you the house.”

Mark started leading her to the left side of the house. Earlier he’d said there was nothing to the left except bedrooms.

But she was sure they were beautiful, so she went along.

Her thoughts still lingered on Leah, with her constant quest for Jacob’s love, with her gift of one son after another, all to no avail. And Hannah, for the first time, took another view of that ancient Bible story.

Perhaps Leah wasn’t as unwanted as it seemed. After all, she did have six sons and a daughter. Surely that meant Jacob paid her some attention. And her sons stood equal with Rachel’s as patriarchs of the twelve tribes of Israel. God had named a child of Leah’s line, Levi, to be the father of a tribe of priests. Leah’s son Reuben saved Joseph’s life. Judah’s line was the one King David came from, as well as Solomon and Joseph, Jesus’ earthly father. So it turned out that Leah had been a very significant member of a great nation—a nation that survived to this day. A nation that provided the world with a Savior.

Hannah decided she wasn’t going to feel sorry for Leah anymore—or herself. She decided all of this as Mark took her on his tour, which proved to be very short.

Mark’s room.

And she had no idea if it was pretty because they never got around to lighting a lantern. She and Mark discovered yet another part of love through the long winter night.

And Hannah—the quiet, lonely Texas meddler with a gift for helping other lonely people—knew she’d finally met her match.