Chapter Five

Emily strode past Rick and stood next the cattle pen, watching a small storm of saliva and manure whirl around the bellowing cows as they waited to be inserted into a hydraulic chute. She felt sympathy for every single one of them as they waited their turn to be palpitated. Poor girls were about to have the rudest pregnancy test available, and she didn’t blame them for making such a ruckus.

Cody lifted his boot off the rail and shook his head. “Not a job I’d ever want.”

Emily laughed. “Can’t disagree, and considering I castrate bulls on a semi regular basis, that tells you something.”

Cody crossed himself and shivered. “Never like being reminded that’s a possibility.”

“As long as you treat the woman in your life right, I doubt it’ll ever come up.”

“I just need to find someone who’s interested in more than the fit of my Wranglers.”

“Do you have disgusting habits and an inclination toward cheating?”

Cody ran his hand over his chin. “My dirty clothes don’t always hit the hamper, and I do drink directly from the carton, but never in my life have I cheated.”

“Do you admit to your mistakes and try to make amends?”

“As best I can. It doesn’t always come easily, but I’m human.”

“Do you understand the importance of not eating the last of the ice cream?”

“Only a fool would do something like that.”

She gave him a smile. “If all that you’ve said is true, then you have a hell of chance with any woman who finds themselves in your company.”

Cody lifted his hat off and wiped his brow. “Thanks, Em.” He tilted his chin toward Rick. “Are you inclined?”

“To get into a squabble that will leave us both wanting to do more harm than good?”

“Em, you know that’s our history and not our present,” Rick called out. “We’ve barely exchanged a cross word in days, so us falling head over heels is all but guaranteed.”

“Won’t he be surprised when he discovers that’s not true?” Emily said, throwing Cody a wink.

Rick turned and shoved his hands on his hips. “You give me a half a chance, and I’ll have you so satisfied that nothing but loving thoughts will fill your head at the very sight of me.”

“You are the most—”

“I’ll leave you to it,” Cody said before turning and hustling away.

“See what you’ve done?”

“I’m stating the facts,” Rick said as he stepped closer. “I can’t help if the guy isn’t interested in hearing them.”

“Your”—she waved her hand around and then let out a breath—“crazy ideas do not need to be shared with the world. And I’m a professional and will not get lured into squabble-flirting.”

“What the hell is squabble-flirting?”

“The thing you’ve been doing from the moment I stepped out of my truck last week. Your provocative one-liners wrapped up in snark are not that impressive and won’t make me lose my temper.”

“Will they make you kiss me again?”

She let out a frustrated breath and threw her hands up, wondering why he was so intent on relighting an old fire. Wasn’t it wiser to leave things be and chalk up that kiss on the dance floor to curiosity? Because that’s what she planned on doing…no matter how many times she’d replayed it. “I’m leaving.” Turning toward her truck, she took several long strides when she saw his big hand land on her arm. “What now?”

“Where you running off to?”

“I have other animals to tend to, and surprisingly enough, my day doesn’t begin and end with the Blakely Ranch.”

“Never thought it did. I was just wondering if you might want to come back after you finished and have supper with me. I picked up a bunch of tamales yesterday and thought we could take a ride out to Hog Lake.”

She stepped back and groaned. “Have you recently gotten news of your imminent demise?”

“No, and you don’t have to be so surly when I invite you on a date.”

Feeling like someone just pulled the rug out from under her and the world had gone wonky, she blinked several times. “Is that what you’re doing?”

“Yes, was it that hard to parse out the meaning?”

“But you and I…”

“Are going to use some damn maturity.”

“Why would we want to do that?”

He took a step closer and caged her in against the truck. “Because we’re not kids anymore and have the time and space to do something else with the fire that’s long burned between us.”

“We could also douse it in cold water and walk away, thus ensuring our sanity and clean criminal records.” Seeing the muscle in his jaw tighten, she inched back and prayed the self-control she’d worked so hard for wouldn’t disappear. “I, for one, have no interest in seeing what would happen if we—”

“Gave into it…again?” Leaning in, he brushed some stray hairs off her cheek. “You think we’d mess with the earth’s orbit or something?”

“Isn’t that what happened last time?” she asked with way more breathiness than she was comfortable with.

“Em, you still with me? You’re looking a little flushed.”

“I’m fine and don’t need you crowding me.” She put her hand on his chest and was about to push him away when he covered it and dropped his head. “We have a lot of history, and a bunch isn’t pretty, so let’s be smart and leave it alone.”

“I want a chance to talk about that history. I just found out I missed a big chunk of it and want a chance to make sense of it together.”

“Not necessary.”

“I’m going to have to disagree.”

The sound of the thundering hooves disappeared along with the sweet melody of unhappy cows as her mind flew back to that upsetting time. “I don’t want to revisit it.”

“We’re going to have to, because if we don’t, it’ll infect our future, and I’m not about to let that happen.”

“Future?” she sputtered as the sound of her hammering heartbeat filled her ears. “We have no future.”

“Bullshit, Em.”

“What the hell has gotten into you? You’ve been home for a year and never once tried to get in touch. I was just living in San Antonio, not on Mars, and…”

“I was in bad shape mentally and physically after the Navy medically retired me. I had to get myself together, and I’d like to see if the reason why I fought through all those difficult days was to have some happiness with you.”

“Happiness with me?” she repeated. “We don’t do happy, Rick. We do…” Not able to define exactly what they had, she pinched her lips together, wondering if he’d ever feel like home again. Not sure if she wanted an answer either way, she licked her dry lips and watched his eyes track the movement. Lord, how was she gonna resist the man?

“We got a glimpse of what we could be to one another all those years ago, and the kiss we had the other night reminded me that some dreams never die.” Running his nose along her cheek, he smiled. “Em, it’s always been you. I just had to go around the world a couple of times to figure out there will never be another.”

Not able to stop her fingers from gripping his T-shirt, she fisted the soft material and allowed herself to enjoy his nearness. “Rick…you and I have the power to do one another real harm if we’re not careful.”

“Em, I’m not gonna break your heart—”

“Twice. You already broke it once,” she said with nothing more than a whisper. “The last time we played with the fire, I barely survived.” Not able to move away like she wanted, she watched old fantasies roar back to life as his familiar sunshine, male-musk, and laundry soap scent filled her lungs.

Why were pictures of a happy ever after floating across her mind? Specific ones…that included his Monday morning sleep-soaked eyes and roughened voice. Not to mention shared Tuesday afternoon jokes followed by Wednesday evening make-out sessions and Thursday night drinks and dancing in the kitchen. And Sunday mornings spent making love in cool white sheets followed by pancakes and a long ride in the meadow.

How could she still crave those old dreams?

Rick tightened his hold. “Darlin’, there’s no equation to get life right. Everyone tries, fucks up, and then starts over. Us included. We may not have gotten it right when we were teenagers, but that doesn’t mean we can’t as adults. And I, for one, would like to try.”

Not able to respond or pull away, she pressed her head against his chest, letting the sound of his steady heartbeat replace her racing thoughts. She’d been strong for over a decade and decided to allow herself a moment of weakness, hoping it wouldn’t make the craving for his company impossible to deny.

“I promise you with everything I am that my intentions are nothing but good.”

“Everybody starts out that way.”

“Well, I’m ready to gamble that we can end up that way, too. I think we have all the ingredients to make something incredible, and all we have to do is figure out the right recipe.”

A tremor coursed through her body as her mind churned over the chance his words were possible. “I can’t…”

Bending down, he put his mouth next to ear. “Think about it, Em.”

Feeling his soft, warm lips move from her ear to her cheek, she pressed her back against the truck and hoped she didn’t slide down it like hot butter on a biscuit. He placed a trail of sweet kisses along her cheek and then let his mouth rest lightly against hers.

“You can shoot me right after, I promise.”

His mouth melted against hers. Heat sparked deep in her belly, and she wondered where he’d learned more black magic in the years they’d been apart. The kiss was delicious, devastating, and deeply disturbing in its perfection, and she didn’t know how to make sense of it.

His hands slid around her neck, and she had no choice but to move deeper into his arms, the only place in the world that had ever felt completely perfect. Falling under the spell of their mouths fusing, she sent out a mental SOS and then immediately reeled it back, knowing the last thing she wanted was the kiss to end.

A shrill ring of Rick’s SAT phone filled the air around them, and she knew the universe had just saved them from making a real spectacle of themselves. She tore her mouth away, gasping for breath. “You better answer that call.”

He kept a hold of her. “Stay right where you are. We’re not done.”

“Oh, yes we are.” The second he turned away to talk to whoever was calling, she slipped out of his hold. Keeping her eyes down, she moved toward the front of her rig and told herself all the men near the pen weren’t gawking.

No, they’re just listening to Rick’s phone conversation is all.

Yeah, right.

Panic welled in her belly. What was she thinking, kissing Rick like that? Worse, why’d she have to like it so damn much?

She opened the door to her truck right as he ended his call, and she ground her teeth together when she heard the sound of boots making their way toward her. “I need to get on with my day,” she said as he approached. “The Millers horse is about to foal, and I need to grab some lunch, gas up the truck, and…”

He turned her around and forced her to look him in the eye. “Breathe, Em.”

“Let’s not make a big deal about it.”

Resting his arm on the top of the truck door, he leaned in. “Wasn’t planning on it. But don’t think that was a one-time thing. I’m coming for you and am praying we can find a way to do a lot of kissing from here on out.”

“You think that’s a good idea, given our history?”

“I sure the hell do.” He ran his thumb over her mouth slowly and then tilted her chin up. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me that wasn’t the finest kiss of your life, I’ll back off.”

She gaped at him. “That’s…that’s just ridiculous.”

He smirked. “Knew you couldn’t do it.”

“Leave me be, Rick.” She lifted her chin. “I have places to go and can’t be wasting my time on your nonsense.”

“You can’t go yet, ’cause I need an hour of your time.”

“Why?”

“That call I took was about a horse that came up lame near the cookhouse. I’m hoping you can run out there with me and bute him. We won’t get a trailer there until early evening, and I don’t want the horse to be in pain until then.”

“How long if we ride?”

“An hour and half, one way.” Moving closer, he took her hand. “But if I fly us out there in the helo, it’ll take us fifteen minutes each way. You’ll be back in plenty of time to get over to the Millers.”

“All right, I guess that’ll work.” Even if it meant spending more time in Rick’s presence. “I don’t like the idea of leaving an animal in distress if I can help it.”

“Thanks, Em.”

“It’s my job, so you don’t have to thank me.”

“I know, and you don’t have to be extra grouchy just ’cause the kiss we shared made all your arguments crumble like a cookie.”

She mashed her lips together and counted to ten, telling herself not to react in the same old way. “I’m going to ignore your comment.”

“Doesn’t make it less true.”

“Doesn’t make it more true, either.” Hating and loving his cocksure smile, she wondered how many times she’d seen it in the years they’d spent fighting and almost loving each other. The hard lines she’d drawn so long ago were starting to waver, and she didn’t know if that was fate playing with her resolve or just God’s truth finally making a stand.

Either way, she wasn’t prepared.

And she needed to be, since impossible dreams of happy ever afters, babies, and a man who never left her side were crowding her brain.

Where was the hard-cold reality she liked to keep company with?

Maybe it had left town when it saw how easily her resolve disappeared when Rick kissed her. Seemed possible since they’d been powerful enough to make her think that string theory wasn’t total bullshit and ten dimensions of the universe were completely plausible.

Rick bent his knees so they were face-to-face. “Did you really hate it?”

“What?”

“Where’d you go?”

Blowing out a breath, she looked from side to side. “Nowhere.”

“I so want to call bullshit but know it’ll just get you more fired up.”

Not able to stop herself, she ran her hand across his jaw and felt his stubble against her fingers. Familiar and yet so foreign. “You are my Achilles heel, Rick, no matter how much I’d like to pretend otherwise. You’re the love letter I can’t read anymore and the one I can’t stand to throw away.” Seeing his brows knock together, she let out a long breath. “I’m trying so hard to be smart.”

“Em, smart isn’t always an ingredient for being happy.”

“Sure it is.” She looked down and watched his big fingers link with her smaller ones and let out a breath. “Don’t think that confession I just made changes anything.”

“All right, if you say so.”

She stepped back and tightened her ponytail, knowing if she said more, the hole she’d dug would swallow her up. “I’ll meet you at the helo in ten minutes. I’m going to check in with the Millers and then pack my medical bag.”

“I’ll let Norma know we need some lunch when we get back, so don’t worry about going hungry.”

“That’s not necessary. She has more than enough to do with keeping all the men fed.”

He scoffed. “The woman will have my hide if she thinks I let you leave the ranch without feeding you.”

“Fine, anything else you want while I’m feeling agreeable?” Seeing the corners of his mouth lift, she groaned. “Don’t be an ass.”

“I didn’t say anything, woman.”

She pushed him away and rolled her eyes. “But you were about to.”

“I’m going to get out here and get the helo prepped before you get yourself wound up and think of more things to falsely accuse me of.”

“Good idea.” She watched him tip his hat and stride off, wondering if she was the one who’d lost her mind. It seemed likely, since the nonsense he was spouting didn’t seem as off-track as it should.

Maybe their past wasn’t a thing to be avoided.

Was it possible that the pieces and fragments she’d been reduced to had been necessary? Did all the heartbreak give her a chance to put herself back together stronger and better than before? Had she’d been building a heart to take on the strongest, bravest man she’d ever known?

Maybe their past was in fact going to be their strength.

…

After he set the helo down and started the shutdown process, Rick glanced over, noticing the tension in Emily’s shoulders had diminished. “Remember the first time I took you up?”

“Yes,” she said with a laugh. “You hadn’t even gotten your license yet.”

“But I had been flying since I was fifteen and had plenty of hours logged.” He shut down the engines and then turned, taking her hand. “I was a dumbass seventeen-year-old, but I never woulda done anything to put you in jeopardy.”

“I know,” she replied as she squeezed his hand. “Because not having me around would’ve bled your life of color. And there wasn’t another person within a hundred miles that would’ve agreed to half the things we tried.”

“Mmm.” He smiled. “You think we had more good times than bad?”

“What are you talking about?”

“We spent all of our school years together, finding more trouble and fun than anyone else our age, and then we tried to be something more. I’m just asking if your good memories outweigh your bad.”

“Rick…”

“I’m ready to talk about it whenever you are.”

“I came out here to take care of a horse, not go down memory lane.”

“I know, it’s just that you’re part of all my good memories, Em. Even after what happened…”

She twisted her hands together. “If that’s true, then go ahead and finish the sentence.”

He saw her fidget in her seat and realized that he wasn’t quite ready to dredge up the old story, after all. “We can do it another time. I don’t want to make you upset.”

“No, let’s get this over with.”

He frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Taking several large breaths, she narrowed her eyes. “We lost our virginity to each other and then had a pregnancy scare that frightened you enough to—”

“Break up,” he finished quietly. He scraped his hand down his face and let out a sound that wasn’t any less than a wounded animal would make. “I thought it was the right thing to do at the time.”

“I know, and believe it or not, I got over it a long time ago.”

“Really?”

Emily straightened her shoulders and then nodded. “Of course. We both had dreams to chase, and if we’d stayed together, then we might not have gone after them.”

Seeing the pain etched across her features, he gathered her into his arms. “I’m so fucking sorry for how I handled the whole thing. I was a stupid kid who panicked, and I’ll never forgive myself for how I hurt you.”

“Maybe the coldhearted way you ended things was best.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Emily shifted away and frowned. “No, it’s not. Anything less wouldn’t have worked, and in the end, it allowed me to move on.”

His gut twisted, and he looked out the window of the helo. “I never stopped thinking about you, Em. Not for one day.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’d like a shot at a second chance.” He watched doubt and a little bit of hope war in her features and knew she needed to consider the idea. She’d always needed to take her time about things. Didn’t matter if it was a choice between chicken or steak tacos or rice pudding and a nice slice of sheet cake. The woman liked to consider her options, carefully.

Pressing a kiss to her head, he let his impatience go. “Just know that I’m ready to deal with every misstep I’ve made and the inaccurate stories and conclusions we’ve concocted over the years.” Feeling some of her stiffness disappear, he moved his fingers slowly over her arm. “I’m ready to dig into it the minute you give me a go signal.”

“All right, Rick.”

“Is that a yes, we’ll be doing it directly, or a no, I’m gonna kick this can down the road for as long as I can get away with?”

“A little bit of both.”

He squeezed her in a tight hug and then released his hold. “I’m gonna call that a win.”

Emily rolled her eyes and let out a small laugh. “Of course you are.”

“You’re the best co-conspirator a man could ever hope for, and though we fought and argued more often than not…yours is the company I’ve always wanted.”

“Because no one else would’ve take you up on your dares and gone along with the half-baked ideas.”

The last engine shut down, and he wondered if he’d be a jerk to point out her snappy retort was born of fear. He got why she had to play it cool and reduce their history to nothing more than two kids getting into trouble…but it didn’t mean he’d let it stand forever. “All I’m asking is that you don’t close your mind to the possibility that with enough work and God’s grace, we could be one another’s happiness.”

“I’m not saying no to the possibility, but I’m not saying yes, either.”

He kissed her cheek and nodded. “All right, I’ll take that non-answer as another win for the day.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“I’ve never lacked confidence and see no reason to start now.”

“I’m going to leave that lil’ nugget of gold alone and go see about buting your horse so he’s not in pain standing on that leg.”

He watched her turn toward the door and tugged her hand. “I want you to know that I’m going to do my best to focus on what I feel and not what I fear.”

“What does that mean?”

He studied the small turquoise band on her pinky and remembered when he’d gotten it for her at the fair when they’d been in middle school. “It means that I’m going to give into this thing between us with an open heart, since anything less would be an insult to what we’ve been blessed with.”

Running her finger over his, she exhaled a long breath. “I don’t know if I’d use the word blessing, but I will think about what you’ve said.”

“Fair enough. I just thought it would be good if I laid out my plans plainly.”

“Something you’ve done since the first grade.”

“No reason to change a winning strategy.”

Emily let out a laugh and opened the door. “I’m going now before a snarky response passes my lips.”

“I’ll be right behind you.”

“Had no doubt.”

Loving the sass, he watched her grab the medical bag and then hop out of the helo, cutting across the pasture in long strides. Whistling silently, he scraped his hand down his face and told himself to take a minute to appreciate the fact they’d finally begun talking about what broke them.

It was going to take a hundred hard conversations to get to the right side of things, but they’d taken the first step, and that was a hell of a thing.