Chapter Twenty-One

Rick laid the reins over his horse’s neck and turned her toward the barn. He’d been running cattle for over a week and knew the physical exhaustion was the only thing preventing him from hightailing it to town and begging for Em’s mercy.

Something he didn’t think she was real interested in giving him, even if he dropped to his knees and stayed there. His best efforts had bombed, and now that he’d had some time to think, he realized that he’d let his fears get in the way of doing the right thing.

Rationally, he knew that steamrolling and dictating would never stand, but he hadn’t been able to get his impulses under control. He had all kinds of excuses, of course, and some really impressive rationalizations for wanting to secure her, but none of them meant shit. Because, in the end, he hadn’t respected her boundaries. Instead, he listened to the old combat tapes in his head that told him to protect the target first and ask questions later.

Too many years of going after evil had blinded him to listening to anyone who hadn’t been on the front lines. After all, what did civilians really know about the dark side of humanity? Very little if they were lucky. There was no way he could’ve let anything taint her goodness and light. He’d believed that an alive, angry Em was better than the alternative. Which he still kind of did, even though he knew that it was wrong.

So, it was time.

To lay down his excuses and overcome and outwork his demons.

He wasn’t on the frontlines anymore, and his way wasn’t the only way. And as Em had pointed out a hundred times, he didn’t always know best. In fact, he knew hardly anything at all when it came to giving her what she needed. Unless it involved getting her fed, loving on her so good his name became her prayer, and protecting her with his last breath.

It was time to move beyond meeting her basic needs and level up his game, see how he could earn her trust, learn what made her happy, and step the fuck back and listen. If there was ever a fight worth his blood, sweat, and tears…it was this one.

Because not living up to the blessing he’d been given would be downright criminal.

He’d always taken full responsibility for his successes and failures and believed hard lessons provided the hard truths that were necessary to become a decent human. It was time he dealt with the big one he’d been served and grab as much as wisdom as he could.

Seeing Jack waiting under the big oak tree, he lifted his hand in greeting. “Why haven’t you headed home yet?”

“Because you’re grilling me a nice steak and offering me a meal.”

“I guess that’s not a bad idea.”

Dismounting, he gave his friend a grin and then tipped his hat back. “Nessa still ghosting your ass?”

“Yes, and I’m laying the blame on your shoulders since you pissed her best friend off. I’m thinking it’s a solidarity thing and not because she doesn’t find me irresistible.”

“Clearly,” Rick responded with a laugh. A stable boy came out, and he handed Tootles’s reins over. “Can you give her a good rinse and then add the sweet oats to her bucket?”

“Yes, sir.”

He nodded and then rolled his shoulders. “You think a week is enough time for Em to cool off?”

“Probably not.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinkin’, too.” Scraping his hand across his neck, he was grateful his body hadn’t given up and regular reminders to breathe were not necessary. “I’m hoping a solid twelve months will do it, though.”

“If you’re lucky,” Jack said as he rested his hand on his hip.

“There’s no new intel developments, so I’ve got no excuses to go by and update her.”

“Has Weston given you any idea on what kind of timeline there might be before they can start hauling people in and ending the situation?”

“No, and believe you me, I’ve been on his back about it.” A few hundred times an hour, if he was being at all honest. Not that he could do anything about it, since he’d been sidelined. He ran his hand over his chin and looked out at the pasture, sending up yet another prayer for her safety.

“I know you’re worried about her. My gut is telling me y’all could work it out eventually, if you admit to screwing up and doing the real work to change.”

He took his hat off and slapped it against his knee. “Yeah, I was thinkin’ the same thing. It’s past time I quit acting like a spec operator and learn how to behave in a mature and reasonable manner.”

“That ain’t no small thing. I’m proud of you for recognizing that the thing that made you a successful lieutenant in the Navy isn’t going to do you much good in civilian life.”

“Gonna take me a minute to figure out what’s worth keeping and what I need to let fall away. And when I’m done, I hope Em will think about giving me another chance.”

“Me, too,” Jack replied, giving his friend a smile. “Because in a lot of ways, you two balance each other perfectly. And that long history y’all share means that there’s no pretenses. What you see is what you get, and for the most part, you both have accepted one another as is.”

“Except for the part of me that got up in her business and tried to insert myself into her life.”

Jack laughed. “Yeah, that’s not a part she’s likely to accept…ever.”

“Why couldn’t I dial it the fuck back and do as she asked?”

Jack pushed his hat up. “You want a real answer?”

He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. “Of course. I’m not a man who’s ever shied away from the truth.”

“You and your brothers have been raised with a strong sense of responsibility and have been taught to be leaders no matter the circumstance.”

Letting out a low chuckle, he wondered what his friend had in store. “I can hardly wait for the other shoe to drop.”

Jack smirked. “You’re a sheepdog and need to make sure that the herd is safe.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“Kinda makes you sound cool and chivalrous, doesn’t it?”

His best friend’s satisfied smile crinkled his warm, brown eyes. Rick knew he wasn’t going to like the next sentence. “Go on.”

“You are not the only one qualified to handle threats and conflicts. Every person has something to offer, and it might be time to take a step back and see what that might be.”

Jack’s words unsettled him. Rick needed to reflect on them because he’d do whatever it took to become a man Emily wanted to spend her life with. “You know, all I’ve wanted was to be the one Em put everything on, trouble, a mad, or whatever. I thought carrying her weight would be a good thing.” He shook his head. “I know she can handle everything by herself and just hoped there was one small thing I could give her.” Letting out a snort, he kicked his boot into the ground. “Why else would she let me in?”

Jack punched him in the arm. “Because she loves your ass and always has.”

“I might’ve made too many mistakes.”

“I’m guessing if you make amends and show her that you’ve seen the error of your ways, you may just have another shot somewhere down the road.”

He shoved his hat back on his head and slid his hand into his pocket. “I’m gonna learn how to give her what she needs and not what I think she wants. My heart tells me there’s a way for us both to be happy, and all I have to do is figure out what it is.”

“I have faith. No one works a challenge quite like you.”

“Appreciate it,” Rick replied. It was time to change his priorities and keep cooperation, concession, and conciliation at the forefront of his SOP.

God willing, it would be enough.