The next genius idea came from Ben.
Which sort of surprised me, if you want to know the truth.
I mean, he’s a great artist and everything, but his ideas aren’t usually so hot. Like the time he decided to draw an entire Derek the Destroyer story on his bedroom walls.
Using permanent markers.
Specifically speaking, using Midnight Black permanent markers, which can never ever be washed off, even if your mom has a total fit when she sees what you’ve done.
That’s a pretty typical Ben idea.
His genius idea came after his dad’s visit, after Ben and Aretha won the election on Thursday morning. Even though Ben was only vice president and not president, his dad still flew all the way from Seattle.
It turns out that Ben’s dad thinks being vice president will look almost as good on Ben’s résumé as being president.
Not that Ben has a résumé.
To be honest, I’m not even sure Ben knows what a résumé is.
When Ben’s dad came to visit him the weekend after the election, he gave Ben his old video camcorder, since he’d just gotten a new mini-DV camcorder. He told Ben if he wanted to be an artist so much, he should at least be a video artist so he could make some money. Ben said he would think about it, which made his dad happy.
One day Ben’s dad will accept him for being the comic-book artist genius that he is. But for now Ben is having a lot of fun taking videos of everything that moves.
Even stuff that moves really, really slowly.
Ever watched a video of slime mold?
Now you can, every day at lunch, in the basement of Woodbrook Elementary School.
Mr. Reid provides the snacks.
Not that too many of the people watching the video have really felt like eating snacks. I like to think this is because they are so in love with the slime mold that they are too enraptured to even think about eating.
But I’m pretty sure it’s because they’re grossed out.
It took three weeks to make the video. Every day Ben would come over to my house, and we would set up bright lights and film the slime mold race.
From day to day it was hard to see any progress. But when you looked at three weeks of tape all run together, you could really see the molds moving.
It’s possible that slime mold racing will be the next big trend at Woodbrook Elementary.
Ben also videotaped me telling all the wondrous facts about mold, what it is and what it does. And Lyle lent me his digital camera so I could take lots of pictures of the mold I grew at home, as well as mold I found out in the woods and other places, such as my refrigerator and Ben’s shower. I put the pictures into a slide show that Mr. Reid shows on his computer for anybody that’s interested.
You will be happy to hear that a lot of people are very interested.
I think one reason mold has caught on in a big way at my school is that the first week we set up the exhibit, it was rainy. So after lunch you had the choice of being bored out of your mind playing hangman in Mrs. Tuttle’s classroom, or going down to the basement and watching Mold TV.
I don’t know one single fourth grader who would say no to a little TV watching during school hours.
Now that people know I know how to grow slime mold, I am getting a lot of orders. So me, Ben, and Aretha are thinking about starting a business.
“Maybe we should start a campaign to make slime mold our official classroom mascot,” Aretha said this morning at recess. We were sitting on the jungle gym, which had sort of become our meeting spot for discussing fourth-grade politics and mold ideas.
“I could design slime mold T-shirts,” Ben said. “We could sell them to raise money for a class pizza party.”
“And if a slime mold is our class mascot, our business would really take off,” I said. “Everybody would want their own slime mold to show their class spirit.”
“And if we have a successful business, I will earn the Business-Wise merit badge,” said Aretha. “Which means I only have seven more to go to meet my goal of twenty by December, since I got my health merit badge last week.”
Aretha ended up using her mom’s blender to get the penicillin juice out of the penicillium mold, in case you were wondering.
Her mom is making her buy a new blender. With her own money.
As I walked home from the bus stop, my brain was full of ideas for a successful mold business. Besides selling slime molds, we could sell Grow Your Own Mold kits, which would include bread, an eyedropper, some mold spores, and instructions. We could also give tours of my refrigerator, for a small fee.
Sarah Fortemeyer, Teenage Girl Space Alien, was sitting at the kitchen table polishing her fingernails when I got home. Today she was trying out various shades of purple.
I nearly broke out in hives just watching her.
“You know, Macky Mac, I’ve been thinking about it,” Sarah said, “and I’ve decided that we have a lot in common.”
I staggered backward a few steps.
This was the meanest thing Sarah Fortemeyer had ever said to me.
“For instance, we both like to experiment,” she said, waving her fingers at me. “You like to experiment with mold, I like to experiment with fingernail polish. Today I have ten different shades of purple, from Greatest Grape to Violently Violet.”
I checked my arm. I was pretty sure I could see little red dots popping up as Sarah spoke.
“Today I think I have accomplished one of my most significant experiments to date,” Sarah continued, standing up. “If you’ll follow me, you will witness an amazing transformation.”
Sarah began walking toward the stairs. I felt my stomach grow cold with fear.
She was heading toward my room.
I followed behind her, slowly. Very slowly.
As slowly as a slime mold, only slower.
“Come on, Mac!” Sarah called to me from the top of the steps. “You’re really going to like this. One hundred percent guaranteed.”
I slimed my way up the stairs. When I reached the doorway to my room, I closed my eyes.
I had always really liked my room. The comfortableness of it. The lived-in quality of it. The sheer sloppy Big Mac-attack factor of it.
I knew when I opened my eyes, that would all be gone.
“I checked with your mom to see if this would be okay,” Sarah said. Her voice sounded like it was coming from inside my room. My eyes were still closed, so I didn’t know for sure. “Since I’m taking a carpentry class in school, I do have the necessary skills needed for this sort of project.”
Sarah Fortemeyer, Teenage Girl Space Alien from the Planet of Really Pink Stuff, was taking a carpentry class? My eyes popped open from the sheer surprise of this idea.
And that’s when I saw what she had done to my room.
She had turned it into a mold museum.
She had mounted three shelves to the wall above my desk, and three more above the head of my bed. My mold samples, which now number thirty-seven, lined the shelves.
“I … I can’t believe it,” I stammered. “This is incredible.”
Sarah shrugged. “Yeah, well, I felt bad when I heard they wouldn’t let you display your mold at school. I know how much it means to you.”
I sat on my bed, stunned. Why hadn’t I thought of this? A mold museum in my very own room!
It was like a dream come true.
“I guess you don’t want to give me a hug or something, just to say thanks, do you?” Sarah asked.
I am a scientist. I do not hug Teenage Girl Space Aliens.
However, I do shake their hands when necessary.
So now I have decided to revise my goal list for Mrs. Tuttle’s class. Here are my new fourth-grade goals:
I was thinking I could use the extra money to build a chemistry lab in my closet.
I would definitely be the best fourth-grade scientist ever if I had a chemistry lab in my closet.
Just don’t tell my mom, okay?
