Come Home to Atropos

Steven Barnes

 

 

EDITORIAL NOTE TO Carver Kofax:

 

I understand that monies have been exchanged and that the Atropos account has been good for us in the past. However, I’m not entirely certain that we want to continue working with this project beyond this point. There are certain legalities (yes, this infomercial can be placed upon the internet through offshore servers) and moral questions that have to enter the equation. I’m not entirely certain that our finance department has considered the implications though I do acknowledge and respect the time and effort already invested. We agreed to the contract and I suppose we must continue, but I wish to formally register my discomfort with the situation. I am also puzzled about the stipulation that the infomercial be promoted to primarily white upper class markets. Isn’t this racist?

—Adrien Stein, President, Stein and Baker Advertising

 

[The following is rough script submitted for your approval. The Art Department can be trusted to add their own input and illustrations as we continue the process of development. Musical accompaniment is not my forte, but perhaps some of the more celebratory tunes by their native group Los Muertos?

— Carver Kofax, creative operations, Stein and Baker Advertising]

 

 

INFOMERCIAL SCRIPT, PROJECT ATROPOS

 

[Image: Crashing Caribbean waves beneath a summer moon. FX to enhance silvery reflection on the romantic waves. Narrator’s voice should have that “this is a cola nut” quality. Is that guy still alive?]

 

Narrator: Come home to Atropos, my friend. Here in the Caribbean you will experience a paradise of golden beaches and sunny days, enough to fill your senses and melt away your cares and woes.

 

[Image: Friendly brown-skinned natives. And should we change ‘days’ above? Technically, the average stay is less than 24 hours, after all.]

 

Narrator: We understand your very special situation and our smiling, happy guides will welcome you from the moment that you step off the plane—

 

[Image: St. Atropos airport. (Please FX wipe hurricane damage. Make it look good!) Can we get B-roll of arrivals? And for God’s sake, clean them up. Drooling and wheelchair-bound just isn’t sexy.]

 

NARRATOR: —surrounding you with love and support as you approach your final experience. While others may have mocked and discouraged you, telling you you haven’t the right to do as you wish with your own bodies, we understand that all journeys come to an end, and that choosing the moment for that is one of the greatest rights a human being can enjoy. We are a people who remember a time when our bodies did not belong to us, when we were told that there would be divine judgement for the ending of pain and sorrow. Understanding is the birth of compassion.

 

The history of Atropos has made us accepting of a wide variety of choices. We learned to take sadness in stride, to find the freedom within what others might consider oppression, and we know that despite whatever diagnosis you may have received there is still joy for you to be found in our smiling faces and cheerful eyes.

 

[Note: here our employers wished us to insert a specific clip of natives dancing in the street around three elderly, wheelchair bound euthatourists. I have to admit that the dancers seemed more than just welcoming and supportive. There was something... gleeful? Yes, that might be the right word. They seem too happy. Isn’t this a little inappropriate? Can we not find some alternative images? C.K.]

 

Narrator: Here you will find the shepherds you have sought to lead you to your destiny, from the moment you step off the plane or cruise ship near the docks, as so many of our ancestors did prior to reaching their final destinations, working in the Americas—

 

[Note to Image library: is Gone with the Wind in public domain now? There are some great possibilities there. Can we license?]

 

NARRATOR: —or enjoying any number of wonderful opportunities in Central America. Whether enjoying the sunshine raising cotton and textiles in the Carolinas, or treasure-hunting for gold and diamond deposits in the mountains of Brazil’s Minas Gerais, these migrant workers left their homes centuries ago with hope in their hearts, and were rewarded beyond their imaginings. We invite you to celebrate their first view of the New World from the same perspective.

 

[Note to Image Library: We need shots of the transport ships arriving. Happy workers disembarking, eager for adventure. It shouldn’t look EXACTLY like “vacation,” but let’s stretch the analogy as far as it can go, shall we? And for the Brazilian mines, can we find pictures of black kids digging in sand at the beach? Let’s keep it light, while respecting historicity, please.]

 

NARRATOR: Our people happily perform dances and rituals celebrating these arrivals and departures, playing their roles with practiced ease, and the weight of their papier mâché chains is lightened by the twinkle in their eye, knowing that as in all such delightful play, the slave is actually the master, forcing their supposed captors to provide all food and shelter and entertainment, allowing them to enjoy life as few ever have, or will again. But we hope to give you a tiny taste of their joy!

 

[Image library: Use your judgement. We need a variety of images of the beautiful people of Atropos, and the hospitality they can provide. Certainly we can find some who don’t look hungry? And no amputees, please.]

 

NARRATOR: Surrounded by love and comfort in air-conditioned buses, you will tour our beautiful island. You will of course see the extensive hurricane damage you have heard of. Do not be alarmed by the lack of water and power to these regions: our people are resourceful, and although your leaders felt it would be best for us to rely upon our own resources, our people feel only welcoming toward you, and will cheer you on your way. And considering that obesity is a plague of the modern world, you will be delighted to see so little of it here. In fact, the World Health Organization recently declared the Atropians to be among the least obese people on Earth.

 

You will see closed factories due to American embargoes and power outages, but as your great philosopher Napoleon Hill once said, “In every disaster is the seed of an equivalent benefit.” “Think and Grow Rich!” Had we but known that was all it took! We are a resourceful people who can be trusted to find other means of generating revenue. You are “living” proof of this yourself!

 

You will have the opportunity to visit the many locations where our ancestors learned to work in the sun through long hours and with modest caloric intake. Not for nothing are we called “The Spa of the Caribbean”! Our fortunate forebears found plenty of opportunities to learn the new chattel system, the one where our work could be transformed into good hard American money. What luck that we, who had not developed such systems, were able to take advantage of preexisting structures. What a blessing to simply slip into them, receive our new names, languages, and religions, say goodbye to the cares and woes of personal responsibility. How can we possibly show our gratitude to the descendants of these wise ones?

 

The depth of that gratitude cannot be expressed in mere words. At the end of your wonderful day you’ll be taken to your hotel, where you will have an opportunity to meet more kindred souls on a similar journey. Those still ambulatory enough to enjoy dancing may do so, while others can listen to our local musical troupe Los Muertos until dawn, or be wheeled out to watch the sun rise while savoring specialized tropical drinks with our well known coconut-pineapple phenobarb infusions, a new spin on an old favorite! Holothane inhalation and ketamine injections are also available on request, as well as trademarked Tetrodotoxin specialties hand-harvested from the “Zombie Cucumber” sea urchins for which our island neighbors are so famous! By special request we can also provide Acepromazine, Propofol, or Medetomidine, in combinations guaranteed to usher you gently to your eternal reward.

 

While our trademarked concoctions can protect your taste buds against any bitterness inherent in the medications offering the relief you crave, we respect that some are conflicted, and wish the bite of Socrates’ hemlock, an old favorite given a modern twist, served in a coconut shell with a tiny festive umbrella. For those even more convinced that voluntary exit is a sin, concoctions infused with potassium chloride can help purge your soul with intensity even a martyr would envy. We promise a truly stimulating passage.

 

Custom-designed exits are also available, and our expert staff is eager to consult with you on any refinements you may desire.

 

A variety of ministers, priests, and even a rabbi are on call for your prayer needs. We accept all major credit cards, but require cosigners for other deferred payment plans, of course.

Watching one final sunrise, you’ll be able to close your eyes knowing that you have ended your pain and suffering in the hands of those who have much reason to wish to assist you.

 

Isn’t it time?