The most crucial moment in the act of anal sex is the initial penetration. Remember, you are going through muscles that were not meant to open from the outside in, but designed to be opened from the inside out. In essence, anal sex is asking the body to work backwards and stretching muscles in the opposite direction from the way they are used to going. There is going to be discomfort.
Fear of pain is the number one reason many people give for avoiding anal sex. There are two things to know about the pain in anal sex:
1. It doesn’t last through the whole time.
2. It can be lessened.
Once the sphincters are opened they adjust to that position and with proper lubrication the nerve endings begin to send signals to the brain registering the pleasurable sensations occurring. After allowing a few moments (a minute or two max) for the body to adjust the receptive partner soon feels the fullness and movement inside them leading to heightened pleasure and response.
To lessen the pain of that opening, the inserting partner can do a number of things. First, make sure the area has enough lubrication and there has been enough foreplay for the muscles to be relaxed and pliable. Just giving someone a kiss and sticking your finger there is not going to work. Start by lubricating your partner with one finger, then slide two inside the anus, slowly widening and letting the muscles get used to their new position.
Remove your fingers and place the head of your penis against the anus, gently applying a small amount of pressure. As the anus opens to take the head in, slowly push forward until the head of your penis is fully inside. Pay attention to your partner’s body and feelings. Give her a chance to breathe and get used to the stretching sensation. Let her tell you when she’s ready to move forward.
Remember there are two sphincters. Go through the second one like you did the first. Move forward until you feel a slight blockage. That’s the internal sphincter. Gently move forward and once you pass through that one your partner will feel a sort of “pop” and you’ll be all the way through. Depending on the length of your penis start gently moving back and forth.
If, for any reason, you put pressure and the anus won’t open, do not force entry. Start over with finger massage and go back to some foreplay until your partner is more ready.