Prologue

 

Paris, France

One Year before

 

Ariel Adisa looked down over the Place Vendôme and sighed. This job was taking longer than she’d thought and she absolutely had to make it back to London by tomorrow. She’d told her boss that she would be back in two days, and she wasn’t about to push his patience. It had been pushed enough lately. And there was the fact that she was supposed to meet with Robert to discuss the progress of a few of his teammates.

Robert. Even his name sent a thrill through her, and that was dangerous as hell because he was a patient. She was supposed to think about how she could help him, not how good it would feel to have his big, strong hands on her body.

It wasn’t professional but she couldn’t get him out of her head.

“Okay, who are you thinking about? You’ve got your ‘should I sleep with him or shouldn’t I’ face on.”

She glanced to her left, back toward the bed where the reason she’d taken the train from her home in London to Paris currently lay on her side, her head propped up in her hand. Kimberly Solomon was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt she managed to make look chic with black Louboutin flats and a simple Chanel necklace she’d probably bought at the store across the circle from the hotel. If anyone looked at her, they would see another pretty tourist enjoying the glorious Paris day in one of the most expensive parts of the city.

They wouldn’t see the CIA operative at work, and that was one of the reasons Kim was good at her job. She didn’t look like a lady who regularly got blood on her hands.

“I have that face? I was completely unaware,” Ariel replied. She had met the woman most people called Solo many years ago, in a life far, far away. It was good to see her again, but Kim’s reappearance and the favor she’d asked her to perform were reminders of why she’d gotten out of the spy game in the first place.

Not that she’d gotten far. When she’d realized she couldn’t go out in the field again, she’d found herself on Damon Knight’s doorstep. He was the former MI6 legend who now ran a security and investigative firm called McKay-Taggart and Knight. She was finally using her ridiculously expensive education for what it had been meant for—to help people. Oh, she was sure many of her fellow operatives would say taking down terrorists had certainly helped, but there was so much gray in that world. Gray that often bled to black and blood red.

Kim sat up, shifting her body with the ease of an athlete. “You definitely have that face. Remember when you weren’t sure if you should sleep with that incredibly hot guy in Shanghai? The one at the club we spent time in.”

She winced. Kim had often been her Agency contact when Britain and the States decided to work together. She rather thought the higher-ups enjoyed putting two younger women together and seeing what they could do—and who would underestimate them. “I was smart to not sleep with him since he turned out to be working for the North Koreans and nearly gutted me with a sword. Who uses swords these days? That was utterly ridiculous.”

Kim simply smiled. “Yeah, I saved you with a frying pan. Good times. Are you sure you’re out? Like totally out?”

Well she would be if Kim didn’t stop pulling her back in. “I’m absolutely out, and this has to be the last favor I do.”

The smile on Kim’s face turned upside down and she seemed a bit lost. “It’s all different now. I hate change. The chick who took your place at MI6 is boring. ‘No, Solo, we can’t get mani-pedis while we’re stalking a traitor. No, Solo, you can’t assassinate that Ukranian mobster just because he’s offensive and has BO.’ She doesn’t even do GNOs. She’s all about the job. Boring. She doesn’t even gossip. I have no idea what happened between Velma the analyst and Dick Face John.”

Kim always made her laugh. Often when they worked together they spent long hours watching and reporting on their targets. She’d wiled away the hours by sharing some good gossip. “Velma and John married two weeks ago, and I’m fairly certain he’s already cheating on her. But I can’t be sure. I’m getting everything secondhand since I left.”

She looked back to the plaza. It was quieter during the week than it would be this weekend, but it was never empty. The Vendôme Column rose from the center of the thoroughfare, the oxidized bronze making a brilliant contrast to the bright blue of the sky. It was a gorgeous Paris day, and she wondered how it would feel to walk around the parks with Robert’s hand in hers. They could stroll through the Tuileries Garden and enjoy the day. Maybe if they were away from London, they could be normal. Maybe they could pretend he hadn’t had his memory ripped away by a mad woman and she could pretend she’d never…

A Mercedes circled into the lane in front of the hotel. Not the one she was looking for. She forced a deep, calming breath.

“I miss getting to spend time with you,” Kim said wistfully. “Like I said, it’s all changing just as I’d started to find a rhythm again.”

Ariel knew what she was talking about. She’d met Kim right before she’d gotten a divorce from her fellow CIA agent husband. The divorce hadn’t been Kim’s idea.

Should she say something about the man who’d shown up at The Garden? The truth was Kim probably already knew. “I met your ex-husband.”

She wasn’t sure what to call the CIA operative since he wasn’t going by his legal name. Damon had introduced the man as Ezra Fain, but she knew that wasn’t what Kim called him.

Kim nodded. “Yes, I heard Beck was going to interview a few of the men Taggart picked up when he was rescuing his brother. How is that going? I assume you’re the one working with them. Do they really call themselves the Lost Boys?”

Ian Taggart was an American and sort of her boss, though she worked directly for Damon. She rather liked the big man. He’d been a Green Beret and a CIA operative, but he’d gotten out for many of the reasons Ariel had. Now he ran his company a bit like the Army, though he was an indulgent general. And he never left a man behind, not even ones who didn’t belong to him. When his youngest brother had been taken, he’d gone after him. When he’d found a whole group of men who’d been treated the same way Theo Taggart had, he’d freed them and set them up in London under Damon’s watchful eye.

That was how she’d met Robert.

They weren’t really boys, but they were definitely lost. “The nickname is something Kay came up with. You know she’s quite cheeky, that one.”

Kim stared at her with intelligent eyes. “What are they like? Has Tag made any progress on finding out who they used to be?”

This was the fine line she always walked when she was with Kim Solomon. She liked the woman, truly cared about her, but it wouldn’t do to forget that she was still a working spy. “Are you asking because you’re curious or as an operative wanting to gain intelligence?”

“Can’t I be a curious operative?” Kim asked before sighing. “All right, I’m asking because I don’t think Beck knows what he’s getting involved in. He offered to be the liaison because of his relationship with McKay-Taggart. I know him. He thinks he’s doing good.”

She kept her eyes on the plaza, watching for the right car. “I don’t see a problem with that. He was good with them. The lads can be difficult, but Ezra handled them well. He made them comfortable.”

“Beck,” Kim insisted. “His name is Beckett. I know he’s good at his job and he’ll actually give a damn about them, but there’s far more on the line than figuring out the identities of a small group of men.”

Perhaps there was something to be learned here. Though she’d left the business, she still knew how to play the game. “You’re talking about McDonald’s research.”

Hope McDonald, the wicked witch of the pharmaceutical industry. She’d developed a drug that helped her build a small army of soldiers who were completely enslaved by her. She’d wiped their memories and tortured them into compliance.

She’d done all of that to Robert. He still bore the scars of his time in her company.

It should have been over when Taggart had liberated the men and taken down McDonald, but now the race was on to see who could get her research first.

“Yes,” Kim agreed. “You should know that I believe there’s a faction in the Agency who will try to gain that intelligence and use it to quietly restart some research a lot of us think is better off left buried.”

Kim wasn’t telling her anything her team didn’t already know. “What makes you believe that?”

“Levi is slowly maneuvering himself into a position where he can potentially take over the case.”

Kim had a long history with the CIA operative known as Levi Green, and it all played into her relationship with her ex-husband. Ariel had met Levi briefly, and Beckett Kent not at all before he’d walked through the doors of The Garden and presented himself as Ezra Fain.

It was all confusing and made her happy for her staid and not at all messy love life.

“And that worries you? I know you have history with the man, but I haven’t heard that he’s dirty.”

Kim stood and started to pace. “He’s never been dirty before, but Levi can be…opportunistic. And he hates Beck for some reason. I’m worried, but naturally I can’t contact him. He wouldn’t pick up the phone for me.”

Because that divorce hadn’t been an amicable one. That was precisely why she couldn’t take Kim’s worries too seriously. She would take them to Damon, of course, but Kim couldn’t think rationally when it came to her ex. “The Lost Boys aren’t a group you should worry about. The outside factions might be dangerous but the men themselves seem solid. They’re just trying to feel their way through all of this. They’re actually quite likable, most of them. Given the trauma they’ve gone through, they’re surprisingly well adjusted.”

If one excused the fact that a couple of them were walking time bombs.

“You like them.” Kim’s blue eyes turned shrewd.

“They’re my patients, but you know it’s completely impossible to keep all emotion out it when you’re working this closely. Of course I’ve come to have opinions of them.” Some of them more strongly than others. She glanced down at her watch. “He’s more than an hour late.”

Kim waved that off. “I told you I thought he would go off schedule. He’s got a mistress here in Paris. He’ll return sometime this afternoon. I promise. Now back to the real stuff. It’s one of them, isn’t it? The man you’re thinking about sleeping with, but it’s not just sleeping, is it? You like him. You like like him.”

She hated the fact that she felt a blush go through her system. It was Robert McClellan’s fault. He made her feel like a schoolgirl with her first crush. It was ridiculous. She was a trained operative with a doctorate in psychology. She didn’t go gooey over a boy. Still, it wasn’t like she could talk about this with anyone else. She certainly wasn’t going to her boss to tell him she had some nasty sexual thoughts about one of the “lads,” as he called them. “They’re all lovely men and it’s been a long time for me.”

She hadn’t had a regular man in her life for years. She’d had a couple of flings, but nothing serious. Now even though one of the perks of her job was a membership to a BDSM club called The Garden, she still hadn’t dated or even found a casual partner to sleep with. It should have been an excellent way to burn off her stress. She should have found a hot Dominant partner and indulged. But no. She’d met Robert and couldn’t do much more than play a bit. No sex. No affection. None because they couldn’t come from the man she wanted.

Kim stared at her with wide eyes. “Whoa. This is a serious thing.”

“I told you it wasn’t.”

“Which is precisely how I know it is. Who is he? Come on, Ari, you know you need to talk about things. Do you have someone you can talk to? Kayla Summers?” Kim asked.

She couldn’t talk to Kay because Kay was far too close to the lads and she was a horrible gossip. Though apparently everyone knew there was something between her and Robert. “His name is Robert and I’m attracted to him.”

“Robert.” She seemed to go through her memory. “He’s the one who was found with Theo Taggart. He’s been out for longer than the rest of them. So you’re sweet on him.”

Ariel sighed. “I suppose I am. I don’t know why, but he moves me in a way no one has for a long time. Maybe ever. It can’t happen though.”

“Why?”

“Because we work together.”

Kim shrugged. “Who do you see outside of work that you might be able to date? You live in the building where you work. You spend all your time with your coworkers, so unless you’re planning on living the celibate life, I’m not sure where you’re going to find a partner.”

She wasn’t wrong. “I’ve met several lovely men through the club attached to my office.”

“And yet you haven’t dated any of them.”

Because she couldn’t get Robert out of her brain. “I’ve certainly played with a few.”

“Have you slept with anyone?” Kim kept up the questions.

There was only one answer to that question. “No.”

“Is he kind, Ari? Is he a good man?”

She felt the beginnings of tears pulse behind her eyes and tried to banish them. “He’s a good man.”

He made her feel. He made her feel so much and it scared her.

“Is Damon opposed to you seeing him?” Kim wouldn’t give up.

She’d thought about this a lot as she lay awake at night, wondering how Robert was doing. He had trouble sleeping at times. Nightmares. He was plagued with nightmares he didn’t understand because he had no idea what he’d been through in his life. “I haven’t talked to Damon about how I feel. He’s never had a problem with it before. After all, he worked with Penny before they got married.” And now they were happy and settled and had a lovely son. They were thinking about getting a place in the country. They were going to have a life.

She was only a few years younger than Penny and she wasn’t even close to having a family. By this time in her life, her mother had already immigrated to England from Nigeria with her father. At Ariel’s age, her mother had been pregnant with her. Ariel spent her nights playing with Doms she knew she wasn’t going to sleep with, and it was all starting to feel empty.

Who was she fooling? It wasn’t her age that made her feel empty. It had started the day she’d met Robert and he’d looked at her like she was the sun in the sky. For a moment, she’d felt that way, like she was the center of the world and not some supporting player in another person’s story.

“Ari, if you care about this guy you have to go for it. Can you move him to another therapist? Is it an ethical thing to date patients, even if they are no longer your patient?”

She’d already moved him off personal sessions. He was talking to another therapist, one in Dallas. They had sessions over the computer. But she still regularly worked with him.

There was far too much sexual chemistry between them for either to ignore. She was getting sick of pretending like it wasn’t there between them, that mystical tug that whispered to her this time would be different, this time would be good. “Robert is in a transitional phase of his life.”

Kim nodded. “He’s transitioning from a mindless zombie soldier to a dude who doesn’t know what he did before he was a mindless zombie soldier. I think that was a pretty quick transition. One minute he was getting his mind erased and the next he’s got a nice place in The Garden and likely takes a lot of shit from Taggart. I haven’t met the man personally, but he’s got a reputation.”

Robert had actually figured out how to handle Taggart quickly. He let all that sarcasm flow right off his back. He didn’t let Tag bug him at all. He was cool and composed and had slid into a leadership position. All the men looked to Robert. He was the big brother of the group and he didn’t seem to mind the responsibility. “He wasn’t a zombie soldier and he was never mindless. He was forced to commit crimes and he has to deal with that. He still has nightmares.”

“You don’t want to date him because he has nightmares?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to date him,” Ari explained. “I think it could be a bad idea. What if it doesn’t work out? We live in the same building.”

“So you think he could be an evil ex? You know Beck and I lived together and worked together. It was apparently easy to stop doing that. We untangled hard and fast. Do you think Robert would give you trouble?”

“Never.” Robert was one of the most honorable men she’d ever met. It was one of the things that attracted her to him. Somehow, even through all that pain he’d experienced, even with his memories being erased again and again, he’d kept a core of goodness in his soul. The doctor had forced him to rob banks, but she’d never been able to warp his soul. “Robert would never hurt me. I know I would tell anyone else that she was being naïve, that anyone can hurt another person if they’re pushed too hard, but I believe that of Robert. I don’t think he could ever willingly hurt me.”

“He sounds amazing and you should go for it.” Kim leaned over and put a hand on her shoulder. “You can’t let these moments pass you by. You have to be brave. I wish I’d been braver. I wish I’d fought harder for Beck.”

But guilt had weighed her friend down. “He should never have blamed you for his brother’s death. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen.”

She shook her head. “That’s ancient history and we need to talk about the now. Beck had his reasons and I suppose I had mine for walking away. But if a man you might be able to love is standing in front of you, don’t push him away because it doesn’t feel like the right time. Time is a funny thing. We always think we have time, and then we open our eyes and wonder where it all went. You deserve to find happiness. I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more. You’ve helped so many people find their way out of darkness, you need some light for yourself.”

She couldn’t help the tears that pooled in her eyes now. Robert was a light in the world. He was a man who’d looked into the heart of darkness and still been able to turn away.

What would it hurt to try? The only thing she was truly risking would be her heart, and she knew very well that a heart wasn’t worth much if a person never risked it.

She sniffled. “I don’t even know how to date anymore.”

Kim’s face lit up. “We should game-plan. Over drinks. I used to be a super-good wingman. I know I can’t go with you, and you’ll pretend like I don’t exist at all to your friends at The Garden, but I can help prep you.”

She held her friend’s hand. “Damon knows what I used to do and who I worked with. He also knows I’m here with you today. I don’t keep secrets from him. I keep quiet about it because it might make the others uncomfortable to know their friendly shrink used to be MI6’s go-to assassin.” She glanced out the window and her heart rate ticked up slightly. Ah, sweet adrenaline. It helped her focus. “There he is.”

Kim picked up the sniper rifle she’d brought along for the assignment. “Thank god. These people will be back at some point in time and then we’ll have a lot of explaining to do. Although I’d like to ask a couple of questions about their choice of lube. This is a ridiculously expensive hotel. They could upgrade the lube. Poor woman. Can you ID him?”

She didn’t have time to think about the people whose room they’d broken into. She could only hope they were out enjoying the Parisian day for at least another twenty minutes or so.

She was on this particular mission because the Agency needed a positive ID before they assassinated someone. It wouldn’t do to get it wrong, and she was the only one who’d seen this notorious bomb maker in person. She watched as the hotel employees opened the car door and helped the man out. They were solicitous to the man responsible for at least a thousand deaths. He made bombs and weapons for jihadists around the world.

“Give it to me. I’m a better shot. You get ready to go,” Ari said. A little more blood wouldn’t hurt, and she really hated this guy. He made his money off the suffering of others. “I’ve got a positive ID and I’m going to finish this job.”

Kim turned over the rifle and Ari did what came naturally. She’d done it so many times her muscle memory took over and she was in position in seconds. Thank god the windows opened in hotels in France. If she was in the States it would have been much harder. Here, she lined up her shot and took it. She didn’t even spray the valet.

Now it was time to take her own shot. With Robert.

She handed the rifle over to Kim as the shouting started. “Time to go.”

Kim had the rifle in pieces in seconds and stashed in her massive bag. “Meet you at that little café by the Louvre for drinks?”

“Sure.” She could go back tomorrow morning. It would be good to have some girl time. The truth was she could use some advice and she wasn’t ready to get it from anyone on her team. “I’ll head out the south entrance. See you there.”

She stepped out of their borrowed room and walked toward the stairs, a bounce in her step.

Robert should watch out because she was coming for him.

 

* * * *

 

Robert watched from the fourth floor as Ariel strode through the doors of The Garden, wheeling her overnight bag behind her. She’d only been gone two days, taking off to see some friends in Paris, but it had felt like forever to him. Somehow she’d become necessary to his everyday sanity. Seeing Ariel—even when he didn’t get a chance to talk to her—was the best part of his day, so he’d felt every one of those forty-eight hours.

“You know the word stalker comes to mind when I think of you,” a sarcastic voice said. Jax. Though honestly it could have been any of them. They were all sarcastic bastards.

“I was standing here and she walked in.”

On the floor below them, Penny walked out with her son on her hip. Ariel immediately opened her arms.

“Sure you were. You didn’t remember that we were told when to expect her back. It’s mere coincidence. Nothing more.” Jax leaned on the railing, looking down where the women were talking and laughing.

“I wanted to make sure she’s okay.”

“Hah, I win,” another voice said. Tucker moved to his other side.

Jax frowned Tucker’s way. “You don’t win because no one was willing to bet that he wouldn’t be here. He’s probably been here since the morning meeting because we didn’t know exactly when she was coming back. I don’t know what he was worried about. She went to Paris. According to Kay, it’s a magical place where shopping is a sport and nothing bad ever happens.”

“Tell that to Marie Antoinette.” It was odd how easy it could be to remember facts about other people’s lives. History came quite easily to him, but he couldn’t remember if he had any family. He couldn’t remember his own damn name. He was Robert. What she’d named him. Some of the others had taken new names, but he’d kept his. His name—even though it had been given to him by the very woman who’d taken his personal history—was the only thing of any permanency he’d had in his short life.

That and pain. Fear. Desolation.

“I don’t like Paris.” Tucker turned away from the scene playing out below. He grimaced and put a hand to his head.

Robert knew that look well. “You’re trying to catch a thought, aren’t you? Let it go or you’ll end up getting a migraine. We’ve got work to do.”

Jax crossed his arms over his chest and a stubborn glint hit his eyes. “So we’re supposed to accept it? We’re supposed to be okay with the fact that we’re never getting our memories back?”

He turned away from Ariel. He seemed to be doing that a lot. His men needed him, and it was a bad idea to get involved with someone as lovely and gentle as Ariel Adisa. If he ever exploded the way he knew he could, she would be caught in his aftershock, and he didn’t want that for her.

He’d never told her that he dreamed of killing at night. He dreamed of wrapping his hands around a delicate throat and squeezing.

It wasn’t an unpleasant dream.

There was something damaged inside him, and he wasn’t sure any amount of therapy could fix it. It didn’t help that he was forced to hide inside The Garden since the minute he stepped outside there was the possibility that some rogue intelligence operative would kidnap him. They would hand him over for experimentation in an attempt to figure out what Hope McDonald had done.

Ariel would be collateral damage.

“No, but we’ve already gone over this,” he pointed out. “Trying to force a memory doesn’t work. You have to let it flow over you. Write down everything you remember and we’ll start rebuilding our pasts from there. I know it’s a long process, but Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

“Yeah, well my life was ruined in a second,” Jax replied. “I’m going to hit the gym and then I’ve got some work to do. Damon put me on a corporate espionage case. I wish I could go onsite, but I’ll be going through about half a million lines of code instead. Movie tonight?”

He nodded. It was good to stay busy. It would keep his mind off the fact that The Garden would be open for play and Ariel would be down there. Well, it wouldn’t make him forget, but it would give him something to do beyond creeping on her. “I’ll see you there.”

Tucker sighed and seemed to relax a bit. “I’ll stay away from Paris. That won’t be hard since I don’t go anywhere.”

That could be changing. “Damon and Big Tag have been talking about loosening the leash a bit. They think it might be safe for us to go to Dallas if we’re with a senior agent.”

Tucker’s eyes went wide. “Seriously?”

“Don’t get your hopes up. We’re not entirely sure yet, but we’ve been cooperating with the Agency and MI6. We’ve shared intelligence and been open in interviews with them.” It was odd but he didn’t want to be the one to go. He had friends in Dallas. Some of his only good memories were of his time in Dallas.

The doors to the elevator opened and the reason he wanted to stay right where he was walked out.

God, she was beautiful. Ariel was the single most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, with her halo of dark hair and doe-like brown eyes. Her skin seemed to be made of velvety night, and when the light hit it, he could see jewel tones in her sweet flesh. He dreamed about what her skin would look like pressed to his.

If only he didn’t dream of other things…

“Hey, Ari.” Tucker had perked up, the way he always did around a woman. Tucker didn’t discriminate. He would flirt with any female. Young, old. Perfectly attractive or gorgeous in her own way. Tucker seemed to need female attention. “How was your shopping trip?”

Robert had been like that when he’d first been rescued. He’d viewed females as comfort objects. Now he only wanted one, and she was the one he couldn’t have.

Ariel smiled Tucker’s way. “It was excellent. I got some great deals.” She turned to Robert. “Can I see you in my office for a moment? I know we’re supposed to meet in an hour, but you’re the only person I’m meeting with this afternoon. Do you have time now?”

Did he have time? Maybe that was the only thing he had to give her.

“Of course.” They were supposed to talk about who might be ready to go visit Dallas. Big Tag wanted some time with the men.

“I’ll go find Owen,” Tucker offered. “And not think about Paris so my head doesn’t explode. See you tonight. Maybe we can get pizza. We’ve only gone through fifty of the one-thousand, three-hundred-and-one combos.”

His gut clenched at the thought because Tucker tended to get stuck on things. When they’d started the great pizza experiment, he’d thought they would work their way through a couple, deciding what they did or didn’t like. Pepperoni? Sausage? Tucker was on a quest to try them all in every combination possible. He couldn’t seem to make Tucker understand that adding mushrooms to anchovies didn’t make them less gross. Still, he had an odd soft spot for Tucker. “Of course.”

Tucker jogged down the hallway that would take him to the offices they were using while they worked. Damon gave them investigative tasks, and a couple of the boys had taken to it quite well.

He followed Ariel to the other side of the building. The Garden had a huge atrium in the center of the building, and every floor looked down on it. Ariel’s lush offices were on the opposite side of theirs. Their offices were decorated mostly in white boards someone always drew dicks on, but Ariel’s was a work of art. It was a temple to peace and serenity, much like the woman herself.

He stepped inside as she turned the lights on and rolled her suitcase next to the door.

“Why is Tucker avoiding Paris?” Ariel asked, turning to him.

Normally she would sit behind her desk and he would take the big chair in front of it. There was a space with couches that allowed for a more intimate setting, but he’d always chosen to keep the desk between them. “I mentioned you’d spent the last couple of days there and he said he didn’t like Paris. Then he did what so often happens to us.”

She pursed her sensual lips and nodded. “He tried to figure out why he didn’t like Paris and started to get a headache. You must have caught him quite early. A few months ago he would have been retching even at the thought.”

They’d been in bad shape the days after they’d been rescued. Ariel had helped them all through. She’d been by Robert’s side, taking care of each of the men. She’d worked closely with him because he’d been through all of it. He’d been rescued long before they’d found there was a secondary site.

Seeing her kindness, how she’d handled his men with care and empathy, had sparked something deep within him, and he hadn’t been able to douse that flame.

If only she were another agent. If she’d been an Erin Taggart or hell, Charlotte Taggart, he would have been all over her. He would have pretty much fallen at her feet and begged her to take him, but she wasn’t a warrior. She had no real defenses against the kind of violence he could bring into her life.

“Everything went all right in Paris?”

“Of course. I met with an old friend and did some shopping and had some lovely meals.” She frowned his way. “I did not need a bodyguard. I heard you went to Damon and requested one be sent. The last thing I needed was Brody or Nick being forced to follow me around while I shopped for handbags.”

“They could use you to get to us,” he argued. “I don’t think Damon is taking this threat seriously.”

“Did Ezra bring new information to light? Because if he hasn’t then I doubt anyone would kidnap me in an insane attempt to get McKay-Taggart and Knight to exchange me for the lads. Anyone sane would understand that would end poorly for them.”

He hated that she wouldn’t take her safety seriously. He’d spent two whole days worried about her. “And how about all the insane assholes? Because they’re out there, Ari.”

“I can handle myself. I’m quite good at self-defense and I’m not exactly unarmed.”

He knew she carried, but that didn’t mean she was good with a gun. “Let’s go to the range and you can prove to me you know how to use it.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you. And I don’t need a bodyguard.” She shook her head. “I didn’t intend to fight with you.”

“Then don’t. The next time you want a girls’ weekend, take a guard with you.”

“As long as that guard is you, maybe I will.”

When had he backed her against the wall? They hadn’t made it far into her office. Now he realized he’d been stalking her, getting into her space without even realizing he was doing it. Ariel’s back was to the wall but she wasn’t pushing at him. She wasn’t trying to take back her space.

Her eyes had dilated and her chest moved with her breath. Toward him. Not away.

All those months of training, first at Sanctum in Dallas and then here at The Garden, had taught him to watch a woman’s body. Everything about Ariel told him she wasn’t afraid. She was aroused.

That made him afraid, though not so much that he moved away from her. “You know why I can’t do that.”

“I want you to tell me.”

Where the hell was this coming from? “We’ve talked about this.”

His hand was moving toward her like she was magnetized.

“A long time ago and we resolved nothing,” she replied. She brought her hand up to rest on his chest. “We agreed to shelve the discussion for another time and go on as we had been. It can’t last, Rob. I know you feel the electricity between us. And you don’t ignore it. You act like my boyfriend all the time. You take rights over me that aren’t yours.”

“I’m trying to protect you.” He’d inched closer. He could smell her. Ariel’s unique scent washed over him. It was more than enough to get his cock going.

“From all the evil agents out there who want to kidnap me?”

That was where she was wrong. “I need to protect you from me.”

“I don’t want to be protected from you. That’s the last thing I want or need.” She went up on her toes and her lips were mere centimeters from his. “I can take care of myself. Play with me tonight. If you can’t handle a relationship outside the dungeon, I understand, but give us that much.”

Because he’d been playing her Dom for months. Whenever he could he ensured her comfort, watched over her, acted like a bossy asshole at times.

Before he could reply, his lips were touching hers and he couldn’t think straight. His every sense was attuned to her. Something primal threatened to take over, and damn if that didn’t feel good.

Her arms wound around him and the minute he felt her tongue trace the seam of his lips, he was gone. He dragged her body to his. There was nothing sweet in the kiss. There was hunger so long denied. He’d needed her arms around him from the moment he’d awoken in that fucking lab, blinking into the white light and finding only pain.

She could be his prize, his reward. She could make all that torture worth it because she would submit to him. She would sit at his feet and he would feel like the king of the world. Beyond that, she would let him have his way with her. Any way he wanted. Any time he wanted. She would be his.

He held her tight and took control of the kiss. She followed his lead beautifully, moving with him like they’d kissed a thousand times, like she’d been made for him.

He let his hand trail down until he found her breast. His cock strained against his jeans.

Just a moment. He would let go for a moment. It was only a kiss and honestly, what was really stopping them from becoming lovers? They were adults and consenting. They could play in the dungeon because no one would let him hurt her down there.

He could indulge his dark impulses, and someone would be there if he lost control. Someone would save her.

No one would let him wrap his hands around her throat because he lost sight of who she was in the moment.

A sudden vision of Hope McDonald blazed across his brain.

He stumbled away, backing up as fast as he could. “I’m sorry I did that.”

Ariel took a deep breath. He’d managed to pull at her dress enough to drag it over her shoulder. He’d been halfway to ripping it off her and shoving his cock deep, with no thought at all to her.

“Did what? Kissed me? Rob, I’m not sorry about that. I’m only sorry you stopped. I know this is difficult for you, but you can’t let that woman take everything. Please. Sit down with me. Let’s talk about it. I spent the entire time I was away thinking about you.” Her gorgeous eyes beseeched him.

His hands were shaking. She was right. Hope fucking McDonald was always there. She was the monster under his bed, and he was still a damn child who couldn’t get up and turn on the light.

He needed. He needed to hurt someone, to break something.

It wasn’t going to be her.

“I can’t.” He had to get out of here. All the nastiness that resided inside him was bubbling up, threatening to boil over. It needed an outlet. He’d kept it under the lid for too long, pretending he was better than the rest of them. Like he was above it all.

“Talk to me. Don’t leave it like this.” She stepped in front of him.

He pushed her out of the way. Harder than he’d intended. She stumbled but managed to stay on her feet.

“It’s okay. Something triggered you, love. Let’s figure it out and work through it.” There were tears in her eyes.

Fuck it all. He’d hurt her.

Without another word, he strode out the door.

Sasha was there, walking off the elevator with a bunch of files in his hands. Sasha. He didn’t understand the man half the time, but he had to hope he would understand what was going on now.

Ariel came out of her office. “Don’t leave it like this. Come back.”

If he went back, he would take it out on her. He knew himself well enough to know when he couldn’t pretend to be the nice guy anymore.

“Let him be,” Sasha said, stepping between them. “He needs a minute.”

The beast inside Rob didn’t like Sasha coming between him and Ariel. Logic meant nothing when he was in this state.

Sasha put his hands up as though showing him he wasn’t going to try anything. “Let’s go to the gym.”

Rob stared at her, indecision wracking through him. Sex would be the more pleasurable way to go, wouldn’t it? She was here. She was asking for it.

Fuck, he hated himself when he got like this.

Sasha slapped him lightly, enough to drag his attention back. “No. We go to the gym now. You would not allow me to do this. Look at me, Robert. You do not want to do this.”

He growled Sasha’s way, but now there was a hint of fear in Ariel’s eyes.

When Sasha gripped his arm, Robert let him.

She was too vulnerable to ever handle him. He walked away from Ariel and knew he’d made the right choice.