37

‘Hello, Micky.’ I didn’t really know Micky, I’d just seen him around. He was clearly in emotional pain. Should I ignore it or ask him? Well, he was sitting in my classroom, so I suppose he wanted to talk to me. Oh, shit.

‘What’s the matter?’

‘I was talking to Mo and he said you could help.’

‘With what?’

‘It’s my wife.’

‘What’s “It’s my wife”?’

‘She’s having a baby.’

Now I knew he was in trouble. I’d have to take care what I said next; he had been in here for at least three years.

‘Tell me.’

‘It’s due, well, soon.’

‘Can you get compassionate leave so you can be with her?’

‘It’s not mine for fuck’s sake.’

I knew I would have to be careful and I’d cocked up already.

‘Tell me more.’

‘Like what?’

‘Do you love her?’ I can ask some really daft questions sometimes.

‘Yes, I fucking love her.’

‘Does she love you?’

‘I s’pose. She says she does.’ He was now looking down with his shoulders hunched, looking at his clenched hands in his lap. ‘She writes to me, she visits me, she makes DVDs and sends them.’

‘What’s on the DVDs?’

‘Well, the kids and stuff.’

‘Do you write to her and talk when she’s visiting?’

‘I don’t write; I’m not good at writing. I see her at visiting but I don’t know what to say. She tells me about her work and the garden and the kids and my mum.’

‘So you have other kids?’

‘Two of them: Sue and Gill?’

‘That’s good.’

‘Before you ask they’re mine and, yes, I know they are.’

‘That’s good then.’ I didn’t know what he wanted from me, perhaps just to talk to somebody. ‘She loves you.’

‘Yes, I said so, didn’t I? She says she does.’ He was angry and hurt and I wasn’t handling this very well.

‘What do you think?’

‘I think she loves me.’ I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. He wanted this woman despite her having somebody else’s baby. It was the uncertainty that was tearing him apart and the pain he was feeling, perhaps the disloyalty, maybe the affront to his manhood – all of that shit.

‘Micky, look at me.’ He raised his misery torn face. ‘Why do you think that?’

He went quiet and was thinking. He wasn’t quite crying but he was on the verge. He looked down again.

‘Well, she writes and stuff. I think… I think she can, can’t she? She… Well, you know.’ That didn’t make any sense to me; the emotion was creating confusion.

‘Micky, look at me.’ He looked up. ‘Micky, I don’t know. Please tell me.’

‘She was screwing with this, this arsehole.’ There was bitterness in his voice.

‘You know him then?’

‘Yes, I fucking know him.’ There was contempt in Micky’s voice now.

‘And?’

‘He is a real snidey creep.’ The anger and hate was clear. ‘The bastard’s done this before when a guy gets banged up; you know, he goes round all sympathetic and helpful, and all that shit. Helps with the social security and stuff like the computer, you know, getting stuff online, and fixes things what are busted and then he shags them.’

‘Micky, why are you telling me?’

‘Cos I want to know what to do.’

‘Do about what?’

‘This shit bag, that’s what.’

‘What do you want to do?’

‘I want to kill him.’

‘And if you do, what then?’

He was thinking about it and his head dropped again. ‘I end up back in here.’

‘Is that a good idea then?’

‘No, it ain’t.’

‘What about the baby?’

‘She wants to keep it.’

‘Why?’

His head came up and he glowered at me. ‘I don’t fucking know. I asked her to have an abortion and she said she couldn’t kill a baby and now she doesn’t want to have it adopted.’

‘Okay, so let me see what we have here. Your wife wants you back because she loves you. You love her and you have two kids who need a dad and a mum. Your wife has another one, so you’ll have three kids and nobody need know the baby isn’t yours. Is that the situation?’

‘Sort of, but I want to get the greasy shit.’

‘What about your mates?’

‘I would have to tell them.’

‘And you don’t want to?’

‘No, well I can’t, can I?’ Logic was making a breakthrough. This was a proud man and he was feeling responsible for what his wife had done. I could relate to his pain.

‘So when do you get out?’

‘In a couple of years.’

‘Let me see. You can sit in here and be miserable and depressed or you can make the best of it. The other options are to take action against this guy in a couple of years or get your mates to take action now. The problem with that is you could end up back in here or your mates can and you get extra time as an accessory.’

‘What would you do?’

‘I’m different from you so what I would do is irrelevant, but if I were you I would talk to my wife and work something out so that the pair of you can get on with your lives. You, your wife, your kids and your mum are the important ones here.’

‘I s’pose.’ He was nodding. He seemed to be more balanced. ‘Can I come and talk to you again?’

‘Only after you’ve talked to your wife and found out what she wants.’

‘Okay, Captain, I’ll do that.’ He left. I wasn’t sure I’d done any good but then again, I wasn’t an agony aunt.