Kevin and Bob had all fallen asleep. Stuart was wedged between Tina and giant Walter Jr., his face squashed into Walter Jr.’s armpit desperately trying to avoid a swinging tendril of spit dripping from Walter Jr.’s mouth. They hardly noticed when Tina sat up. She rolled down the window and pointed outside.
“We’re here!” she yelled. The Nelson station wagon passed through desolate swamplands filled with alligators. There was nothing around for miles except a billboard that read, in big letters, ORLANDO! COMING SOON!
Walter drove the station wagon over the bumpy road until they finally stopped at a little wooden shack. Painted above the door were the words BAIT SHOP. Walter pulled the wagon up to a tiny microphone stand beside a sign that listed all the different kinds of bait. There were tiny critters and fish. MEALWORMS! $2 PER POUND! was written in sloppy handwriting.
“Welcome to Billy Bob’s Bait Shop,” a creepy voice said through the speaker. “How can I help you?”
Walter leaned out the window. “Hi, we’re here for, uh… so much fun, it’s a crime.”
A bell on the speaker box rang. Without warning, the shack split open right in front of them. A giant metal tube snaked out of the ground and slammed over the station wagon, locking them inside. Then the tube lifted up again. It pulled the station wagon down into the ground, the shack closing shut around it.
Seconds later, the wagon landed hard on a metal platform. The Minions looked out the windows, realizing they were on a long conveyor belt moving into the underground convention hall. Bob jumped up and down. Kevin clapped his hands together.
“Villain-Con!” Stuart cried with excitement. “La Villain-Con!”
The conveyor belt let them off in a parking lot, where the station wagon came to a stop. They started walking toward the hall in a sea of villains of all shapes and sizes.
“Here we go! This is it!” Walter said, looking down at the three Minions. “I want to tell you, and I really—I really mean this—I really appreciate what you did back there with the cops. Really.”
“Dad! It’s Frankie Fish-Lips!” Tina said, shaking him. “I can smell him from here!”
Walter perked up. “Junior, get my camera!” he said excitedly. They ran toward the convention entrance.
“Good luck in there, boys,” Madge said. “I hope you find what you’re looking for!”
And within seconds the Nelsons were gone.
Stuart looked up at the convention center entrance. A banner above the doors read WELCOME TO VILLAIN-CON. “Yupaki mala Villain-Con!” Stuart yelled.
“Yeah!” Kevin and Bob cheered. “Villain-Con!”
They ran toward the main doors. When they got inside, there were villains everywhere they turned. Furry monsters roamed in packs. A thin evil scientist wandered past, a black cat in his arms. Tables displayed every kind of weapon the Minions could imagine—futuristic stun guns, metal crossbows, freeze guns, and poisonous darts.
Kevin, Stuart, and Bob kept going, taking in all the sights. A henchmen specialist was interviewing a fire-breathing lizard, trying to find him the right boss. Two mob bosses discussed their latest plot over drinks at the Parole Room Bar. Then, off in the distance, Kevin finally spotted her. A towering golden statue with the likeness of a beautiful and evil woman stood in the middle of the floor. It was Scarlet Overkill, their next potential Big Boss.
“Scarlet! Scarlet Popapeil!” Kevin yelled. He dragged Stuart and Bob behind him toward the hall where Scarlet was scheduled to appear. As the trio rushed through the convention, they noticed all the different booths that filled the floor. There was a booth for cracking safes. There was one for Freeze Rays. There was one for poisons and another for rockets. There was even a Professor Flux booth with several scientists that looked exactly the same. But the Minions didn’t have time to stop and explore. They were in a hurry.
“Villain-Con presents our keynote speaker,” a voice announced, “Scarlet Overkill: the world’s first female super villain!” The announcer went on, urging everyone farther into the convention hall where Scarlet was speaking in just a few minutes.
“Stuart! Bob!” Kevin yelled, pulling them through the crowd. “Ma puta la Scarlet Popapiel! Komay! Komay!”
When they got to the main hall, it looked like a giant rock concert was about to start. All the villains were crammed together, shoulder to shoulder, waiting for Scarlet to appear. Kevin, Stuart, and Bob stood on one another’s shoulders, trying to get as good a view as possible.
This was the moment they’d been waiting for. All those days climbing snowy mountains and trekking through the thick grass to the beach… all those hours they spent trapped inside the Nelsons’ car, breathing in Walter Jr.’s farts… this was what it was for. They were finally here: Villain-Con.
And they were about to meet their new master.
A silhouette of a woman appeared behind a large screen. Her voice sounded throughout the room. “Doesn’t it feel so good to be bad?” Then, with one flourish, she burst through the screen, revealing Scarlet Overkill in all her glory. She was using her jet-pack dress to rocket above the ground. She stared out at the crowd. For just one moment, Kevin felt like she looked directly at him.
Everyone in the hall erupted in cheers. The clapping was so loud it hurt the Minions’ eardrums. They didn’t care, though. Kevin, Stuart, and Bob were in awe. They’d never seen such an amazing sight.