The Minions climbed down into Herb’s lab. There was a giant metal contraption in the corner, with mechanical arms sticking out of the top. They crept toward it, trying to see what it was.
“No!” Herb cried. He rappelled down from a platform above, using a grappling hook and rope. “Don’t get too close, boys. When it’s completed, it’ll be my ultimate weapon, but right now it’s leaking radiation like you would not believe.”
The Minions stepped back, noticing the blue puddle that oozed out the bottom of it. “So you’re here for gear?” Herb asked.
The Minions nodded. Scarlet had told them to come here to get outfitted for the crown heist. Apparently, Herb had all the best henchman tools—fancy grappling hooks, stun guns, and fireproof suits.
Herb looked down at Bob. “Rob, Robert, Bobby. My boy! You get my far-out Stretch Suit—let me demonstrate.”
Suddenly, Herb’s arm stretched out. First just a few feet, then a few more, until it went out the window. Somewhere in the distance, they heard a woman scream. When he pulled his arm back, he had a chicken leg in his hand. “Mmm… chicken,” Herb said, taking a bite. Herb removed the mechanical stretch arm with the chicken leg still in its grip and handed it to Bob. The Minion inspected it, smiling.
“Kevin,” Herb went on. “Kev-bo. Seventh Kevin. You are the proud owner of my Lava-Lamp Gun. This baby shoots actual lava.” Herb held up a gun, and a drop of red lava came out, burning a hole in the floor. He handed the gun to Kevin. It was so heavy Kevin could barely hold it.
“And finally, Stu,” Herb said. “Stu-art. Stu-perman. Beef Stu. I got you the coolest invention, probably ever. Behold the Hypno-Hat!” Herb handed an orb-shaped helmet to Stuart. As soon as Stuart put it on his head, it began affecting Kevin and Bob. Bob’s eyes rolled back, and he started clucking like a chicken.
“You can use it to hypnotize anyone. Anyone! But remember: With great power comes a great hat!” Herb added. “It’s unbelievable, but you gotta believe it!”
Just then, Scarlet entered the lab. She strode over to Herb and wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Herb,” she cooed. “What Picasso is to paint, you are to illegal weapons and unlicensed, barely tested survival gear.”
The Minions stood in front of their leader with their new stuff. Scarlet looked down at them, smiling at her new henchmen. She had never been more proud.
“It’s getting late and you guys have had a big day. You must be exhausted. Let me show you to your room.” She led them to a spare bedroom with massive decorations made out of axes and maces. Then she helped the Minions onto the big bed. Bob began to bounce up and down excitedly. “Boooing! Booooooing!” He laughed.
“Maybe I should settle you down with a little bedtime story. How does that sound, Bob?”
Bob stopped bouncing. He asked, “Bedtime porry?”
Scarlet sat on the edge of the bed. “Once upon a time, there was a magic land, far, far away from here… and in that magic land, there were three little pigs.” She tapped each of the Minions on their head as she said it.
“One fateful day, the pigs encountered a big bad wolf… who had a wonderful surprise for them! The wolf offered the three piggies and all their friends a job working for her. Everyone would be so happy! It was everything they ever wanted! All the three little piggies had to do was steal ONE LITTLE CROWN that the beautiful wolf had wanted ever since she was a penniless little street kid. Unloved, abandoned. The thought of that crown was the only thing that made this little wolf happy. So she sent the pigs to get that crown.”
Bob could almost see the story in his head. He imagined the three little Minions as pigs, following their leader around. Scarlet was the biggest, baddest wolf of all. They would travel around the world in her jet, stealing paintings and jewels. Then he imagined them stealing the queen’s crown.
“But the little pigs were sloppy! They failed their mission!” Scarlet continued.
“So the wolf huffed and puffed…,” Scarlet started. “And she blew them off the face of the earth!”
Bob could see it—how Scarlet would kill all three of them if they messed up. She’d squash them like little Minion bugs.
Her face was bright red. Her eyebrows were two harsh lines. She looked like she might burn holes in their head with her vicious stare.
“The end,” Scarlet said with a smile. Suddenly, her expression returned to normal. She again patted the Minions on the head one by one. “Good luck getting that crown tomorrow, little piggies! I know you won’t disappoint me.”
Then she hopped off the bed and closed the door, leaving the piggies… errrr… Minions in darkness. Kevin and Stuart held each other tight, both extremely frightened by Scarlet’s story. They looked over at Bob, hoping he would join them. But he was fast asleep with Tim, his teddy, clutched warmly in his arms.