20

The Party

All week long I fooled myself with the hope that A. would take me to B.’s party. B. came instead and I went with him disappointedly. This way, if A. comes to the party at all, and he shows up with another woman, at least he’ll think that I wasn’t waiting for him.

At B.’s home I met many guests. Mrs. B.’s friends with their husbands and children. Several more without husbands, and of course without children. Mrs. B. showed off her baby daughter to all of us. “Isn’t she beautiful?” she asked in English, excitedly. “And her name is also pretty. My husband picked it out. The first name for a daughter was my choice, but since his idea for a name was prettier than the one I would’ve given her, I let him have the honor. He promised me he’d let me name our second child whatever I want, even if it’s a son.”

B. called the child by her name a few times, gave her a couple of kisses, and winked at me slyly. He’s such a jokester.

Rae arrived. She was dressed nicely, but she didn’t look good. Straining not to appear forced, she flung off her hat and gloves with exaggerated lightheartedness. I thought if I loved B. like she does, I wouldn’t have come to his home. I wouldn’t have been able to look his wife in the eye. I felt uncomfortable enough as it is. But the knowledge that I don’t return his love, and haven’t sought it out, left me with a clear conscience. She, Mrs. B., should thank me. It’s because of me that he’s so good to her and the child, to whom he speaks my name so affectionately.

B. bowed politely to Rae and told her to make herself comfortable. But it seemed to me that he, himself, was not very comfortable in his own home. He seemed like a guest among his guests.

Rae sat down next to me. She said that she hadn’t wanted to come, but when she came to my room and saw that I wasn’t home, she decided to come anyway. “And where’s A.?” she asked, looking around. “Didn’t you come with him?”

“No.”

“Katya must have turned his head. If she sets her mind to it, she can do it. What do you think of Katya? Isn’t she an extraordinary girl?”

“Perhaps.”

“She says that you are the kind of girl who knows how to stay quiet. One can never tell for certain what you’re thinking.”

“No, you can’t.”

“She thinks that you’re in love with A., and maybe also with B.”

“Is that what she thinks . . .”

“And what do you say to that?”

Just at that moment, Katya tore into the house like a storm wind and I was saved from having to answer the question. Her copper-red hair and purple-red lips sparked like firecrackers. A. entered behind her with measured steps. B. greeted them with a loud “Hello!” The house and all the people swayed before my eyes and it felt like my heart had stopped beating.

A. was standing in front of me. He took Rae’s hand first, and then mine.

“Your hand is so cold!” he said.

“It’s a sign of a warm heart,” teased Rae.

“Oh, how banal that is,” Katya chided. “And you, Rae, could say such a thing? Come, my cavalier, and introduce me to Mrs. B.”

“Why don’t you ask B.? He’s right here,” A. answered.

“Oh, how—”

“—banal you are!” B. finished her sentence with a smile.

“How unhelpful, I was going to say.” She went away with B. and came back with a full report: “B. has a very pretty wife, and his child’s like a cuckoo bird. And they have a lovely home too. What doesn’t he have? Such a fortunate man. I like to see happy people. And how are you?” she asked, noticing me. “How’ve you been? Do you remember when we left you the other night? We walked down the street for a while. Then B. took us to a wine cellar. It was very interesting, isn’t that right, B.?”

“Yes, that’s right, Katya. But why do you have so many words to say? Wouldn’t it be better to put something else in your mouth?” B. led her to the table with wine and food. “Enjoy!” Katya didn’t take much convincing and was soon enjoying herself.

“And you?” B. turned to Rae. “Will you sing us one of your pretty folk songs? Maybe Akh du sheyne meydele:

Oh you pretty girl

Oh you fine girl

How can you go

So far away?”

Rae shook her head no and rebelliously sang to B., “It is good to have a romance, who would refuse? But with one, not with three!”

Katya began to gesture with her hands. She was going to sing. “Desiat’ia liubila, deviat’ razliubila!”

It was getting loud. I stood apart from the fray, looking out at the street. Clouds covered the dark sky. A lonely star twinkled faintly above me. My star . . .

“Why are you so contemplative?” A. asked, approaching me. “It’s so cheerful here but you sit alone with your sorrow.”

“Happiness fades quickly, sadness lingers.”

“Do you prefer that it doesn’t vanish so fast?”

“Yes.” A pause.

“May I walk you home?”

“Wouldn’t you rather ask the girl you brought here?”

“I did not bring her. She came to me. She told me that she didn’t know the way, and asked me to show her. Now she can find her own way home. What do you think?”

“I don’t know. She’s had a lot to drink . . .”

“Then let her spend the night here. B. invited her. She’s his guest. Let him take care of her.”

I didn’t feel so depressed anymore. I laughed out loud. B. squeezed my hand when he thought no one was looking.

B. gave a speech in his daughter’s name. I took my necklace off—a little golden charm with my name engraved on it—and put it around the baby’s little neck. Mrs. B. was enchanted with the present and A. quietly said to me, “What a lovely and good woman you are, all of a sudden.”

“That’s because I’m so happy.”

“Why are you so happy?”

“I’ll tell you on the way home.”

“No, when we are in your home. Yes?”

“Yes.”

Many people could be very good friends, if only they knew when to leave each other alone. But they don’t know. They cling to you just when they’re not welcome. When they’re so unwelcome.

As A. and I left the party, Katya, Rae, and some others followed us. Rae had forgotten the key to her room and she didn’t want to ring the doorbell so late at night. She invited herself to spend the night in my room. Katya, who did, in fact, have a key, wanted to stay with Rae because she thought it would be fun. Once Rae decided to stay with me, Katya didn’t want to go home alone and so A. had to escort her home.