Monica Crosson
It was March and it was wet. The rain had been falling nonstop for a week, saturating the ground until it could hold no more. It filled my shoes with muck and my heart with a damp dreariness, and once it set in … well, not even a triple shot caramel mocha with a healthy shot of vodka was going to pull me out of my March slump. So when I received a call from the Washington State University extension office asking me if I would prepare a PowerPoint presentation about a new gardening program I had been involved with for families experiencing food insecurity, my mood lightened. In fact, I felt good.
Why? Because of all the educators and master gardeners who had been involved with this program, they chose me to speak in front of our county commissioners and various other state and county officials about a proposed program to teach low-income families how to grow healthy food for their families, in part by buying seeds and plant starts with their food assistance vouchers. Yes! They chose me!
As I hustled about the house that afternoon, a million ideas popped into my head: the pictures I would use, the analogies to be made, what I would wear, and how I would speak. But in the far reaches of my mind, there was something troubling—whispers of inadequacy that I tried desperately to hush. So in an effort to take control of my confidence, I repeated: “I am a creative, intelligent person who is capable of great things.” It worked—until I received another call later in the week.
“Thanks again,” the master gardening program director said near the end of our conversation. “I am so pleased you have agreed to do this, Monica.” She was pleasant and seemed genuinely happy about my involvement.
“Well, thank you. I’m excited to be a part of the project,” I said.
“Oh, before I go, I forgot to tell you the presentation will be televised. I hope that doesn’t bother you. It’s only public access. I did hear they might use a clip for a short news story, so dress appropriately.”
Oh, dear Goddess! “Not a problem,” I lied. “I’m glad you told me, though, because I was considering wearing my pajamas,” I said, making a lame attempt at a joke.
She laughed. “I’ll see you in two weeks, Monica.”
If my confidence had been wavering before, it took a full-blown nosedive after learning my presentation would be televised. It didn’t matter if it was “only” going to shown on public access or if the chances of it being on a local news station were slight. I wished she’d kept that tidbit of information to herself, as it increased my stress level tenfold. I was convinced I couldn’t do it. So what did I do? I did what any other mature, adult woman with a job and a family of her own would do: I went to see my mom.
“Oh, Monica. You always do a good job at whatever you do. Stop thinking poorly about yourself.” The voice of my mother was soothing. “You’re a very talented woman.”
“Well, you kind of have to say that,” I said with a weak laugh. “You’re my mom.”
She put her hands on her hips, just like she had done when I was a child and untruths had fallen from my lips.
“Come on, honey. If they didn’t have confidence in your abilities, do you think they would have asked you to do it?”
I sighed. “No.”
“Be proud of yourself. Everyone else is.”
Later, my daughter, Chloe, who was ten years old at the time, came to me with a cloth bag she had made. Inside was a very large, unusual necklace. It was composed of thick red yarn strung with a mixture of large red wooden beads and very large blob-like beads she had made from polymer clay. Etched into the blobs were little winged dragons. I looked at her and smiled. “Thank you, sweetie.”
“It’s a bravery necklace,” she said. “I made it and invoked the power of the dragon to help you find your confidence.”
“I think this is just what I need,” I said as she helped me tie the necklace around my neck.
The next two weeks ran relatively smoothly. I worked diligently on my presentation, enlisting my boys for help with the PowerPoint program. I memorized my speech, picked out a simple black dress, and prepared myself for possible questions. I meditated and repeated my mantra: “I am a creative, intelligent person who is capable of great things.” I calmed my nerves with lemon balm and borage tea and tried to maintain a positive attitude. The night before my presentation, I called upon the Valkyries for a fierce spirit and a powerful boost of warrior-like determination.
The morning of the presentation I awoke feeling pretty good. There were no butterflies flitting about in the hollow of my stomach and I held down my breakfast (which was a plus). I met with some of the officials before the presentation, and they were easygoing and friendly. Why had I built this up to be such a monster? I was actually enjoying myself. My presentation was first and I felt great. I introduced myself and started the PowerPoint program, which showed brightly on a large screen. But when I looked up, I found myself facing the blinking red eye of the camera that was taping the presentation. I swallowed and cleared my throat. What am I talking about? Why am I here? What’s my name? All of these questions ran through my head in an instant. Then I held tight the necklace Chloe had made for me and remembered my inner dragon. I am a creative, intelligent person who is capable of great things. I swallowed again and continued without a glitch.
The Black Cloud of Self-Doubt
This story is just one of many that demonstrate a lifetime of needless self-doubt in both my mundane life and (as a new Witch) my magickal life. As a young girl, I was the student who knew all the answers to the questions but kept her hand resting in her lap. I was the young Witch who felt strongly connected to an herb or a stone when spellcasting but didn’t use it because I didn’t trust my intuition. And I am the adult who still sometimes questions whether she is good enough, smart enough, or creative enough.
We’re all human, and inevitably at some point even the most confident individuals struggle with self-doubt. It’s that little black cloud that rains insecurity down on us. But if not dealt with, that little cloud can turn into a storm that can lead us to abandon a project, leave a spell unfinished, or walk away from an exciting opportunity. Acknowledging our feelings of inadequacy is a great first step. It can help us identify where these feelings originate and analyze possible solutions. Ignoring our self-doubt or denying a lack of confidence does not make the feelings go away. In fact, it can just make things worse.
So whether you’re a magickal practitioner struggling with self-doubt in your ritual or spell work or you’re just trying to navigate self-assuredly through your mundane world, here are a few ways to conjure a little confidence.
Go Outside
People who spend a lot of time in nature tend to have a better sense of well-being, less anxiety, and improved memory, not to mention the vitamin D we absorb outside can help elevate our mood and increase focus and creativity.
Spend time in simple meditation in a shady area communing with the spirits that dwell within the landscape. Find a sunny spot on your balcony and use visualization techniques to see yourself as a fierce warrior ready to take on the world. Next time you walk along the beach, release your fears and anxieties into stones, and ritually throw them into the water.
Celebrate the Little Things
Did you just prepare an amazing incense blend that is going to be perfect for your next ritual? What about the amazing jam you made and gave out as gifts at Yule? These are a couple of examples of things you may have done and brushed off as nothing. For confidence building to work, you need to celebrate what makes you special. I’m not saying you should throw a party every time a spell goes right, but you can go ahead and pat yourself on the back.
One great way to celebrate the little things is by indulging in a bit of dark chocolate. And by the way, dark chocolate can increase magnesium levels, which is calming and increases confidence.
Stay Curious
Keep your mind active by asking questions and being observant. Being open to learning helps open new doors of possibility and gives us a better perspective on how we, and others, see the world. So get out there! Take that class on tarot, learn to make soap, or dare to finish that degree.
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
For growth and change to occur, we must face what we fear. Stepping out of our comfort zone can be challenging but will leave us with a greater sense of accomplishment, which can help us gain more confidence in ourselves and leave us ready to take on more.
For growth and change to occur, we must face what we fear. Stepping out of our comfort zone can be challenging but will leave us with a greater sense of accomplishment, which can help us gain more confidence in ourselves and leave us ready to take on more.
Start by trying to do one thing per month that may be out of your comfort zone. Maybe you’re the type of person who has many talents but is only comfortable working behind the scenes—conquer those fears by leading a ritual with your coven or circle. How about teaching a class on spellcraft or tarot? You don’t have to start in a large classroom setting—start out with a few close friends in your living room. When you get a little more comfortable, set up a couple of classes at your local library, community center, or bookstore.
Are you the kind of person who never strays from a recipe? Test your knowledge by creating your very own incense or tea blends. Try unusual spice blends to add a magickal flair to your favorite recipes. Put the spellbook away and try some magick using only your intuition as your guide.
Stay Positive
Using positive self-talk can help us to be more resilient when facing stress or challenges in our lives. Staying positive broadens our perspective and leaves us open to new possibilities, whereas negative self-talk can narrow our thinking—we no longer see the big picture, but focus only on the negativity.
Imagine what negative self-talk does to your magick! If you’re preparing for a spell and the entire time you’re thinking I don’t know if this will work or What if I’m not powerful enough? well, guess what? The spell won’t work and you won’t be powerful enough. Using positive visualization is especially important if you’re going to work magick. As you gather your supplies for a spell or ritual, visualize the results of what you want to achieve coming to fruition.
Spend Time with People Who Hold You Up
How can you feel good about yourself if you’re surrounded by downers? Don’t let other people’s pessimism and limiting beliefs transfer over to you. Spend time with confident friends who hold you up.
How can you feel good about yourself if you’re surrounded by downers? Don’t let other people’s pessimism and limiting beliefs transfer over to you. Spend time with confident friends who hold you up and support you. This is true for the magickal folk in your life as well. I had a coven mate who was very critical of everyone and took every opportunity to patronize us. “Hmm,” he would say, with one ear in someone else’s conversation. “Interesting. I don’t know if I would have invoked Hekate for that spell. Very interesting choice.” His tone and disapproving stare would always convey the feeling to whoever he was speaking with that they’d just failed potions class.
Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
You know the old saying “Laughter is the best medicine”? Well, when it comes to confidence building, this is most certainly true.
So you mispronounced the name of the deity you were invoking on Beltane. The ritual continued on just fine, and come on, it was funny, right?
A more lighthearted perspective can make challenges less threatening and elevate the mood of everyone around you.
Have a Cuppa
There’s nothing like a cup of tea to settle the nerves and release anxiety. To make the perfect cup of herbal tea, a good rule of thumb is to use a heaping teaspoon of dried herbs to every cup of water. To avoid bitter tea, keep the water just below boiling and steep for 8–10 minutes. Add honey, if needed, and enjoy.
Here are a few brews that may help increase your confidence level.
Lemon Balm (Melissa officinalis)
Known for its calming effects, this herb can reduce symptoms of anxiety disorders.
Peppermint (Mentha x piperita)
Menthol is the key to this herb’s capabilities. Known to stimulate the mind and enhance your mood, peppermint may boost your concentration level. Give it a try.
Ginger (Zingiber officinale)
This plant may suppress cortisol levels in the body, enhancing your mood and calming stress.
Licorice Root (Glycyrrhiza glabra)
This root may reduce symptoms of adrenal fatigue (caused by chronic stress) and can be used to brighten the mood and calm stress.
Lavender (Lavandula officinalis)
This longtime garden favorite can be used to reduce stress, promote restful sleep, and improve the mood. The scent alone makes me happy!
St. John’s Wort (Hypericum perforatum)
This longtime mood enhancer has been used for centuries to relieve anxiety, depression, and insomnia.
Red Clover (Trifolium pratense)
This beauty, found growing in many yards, has been linked to raising dopamine levels in the brain, which increases motivation and elevates the mood.
Confidence Reflection Spell
Sometimes we need a little extra something to remind us that we are powerful beings capable of creating beauty and inspiring others. This little spell can help do the trick by allowing you to see yourself with new eyes. Remember, as with any spell, you are the most important component. Your positive energy is vital for this spell to work.
You Will Need
• A hand mirror
• A red tealight candle
• A sharp object for carving (such as a nail, heavy needle, or small knife)
• A piece of ginger root
Lay the mirror reflective side up on a table. Light the tealight and place it beside the mirror. Use your carving tool to carve whatever symbol, sigil, or rune symbolizes courage and confidence for you into the ginger root. As you do this, visualize yourself conquering whatever is causing your self-doubt. Place the ginger root on the mirror and gaze down into the mirror. Imagine the fiery power of the ginger root absorbing your insecurity and replacing it with self-assurance. As you do this, say:
I have the power to create. I have the power to inspire. I am a reflection of the power of three. Let my magick hold—so mote it be.
Let the tealight burn out safely on its own. Bury the ginger root in the compost or garden.
Love Yourself, Warts and All
Above all, the most important thing you can do to gain confidence is to accept and love yourself for who you are. Don’t dwell on your mistakes, take time to play and relax, and be grateful for your beautiful, imperfect self. Remember, you are a unique expression of the Divine—there is no one else like you. Own your talents and celebrate your strengths. Live your life doing what feels right to you.
I still have that bravery necklace my daughter made for me to increase my confidence. I wore it when I trained to be a whitewater guide and when I had to take a driver safety course when working at the post office. And now it’s hanging from the bulletin board behind my computer, so as I write and self-doubt raises its ugly head, I just look up and I know: I am a creative, intelligent person who is capable of great things. And guess what? So are you.
Monica Crosson is a Master Gardener who lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, happily digging in the dirt and tending her raspberries with her husband, three kids, two goats, two dogs, three cats, a dozen chickens, and Rosetta the donkey. She has been a practicing Witch for twenty years and is a member of Blue Moon Coven. Monica writes fiction for young adults and is the author of Summer Sage. Her latest book, The Magickal Family, was released by Llewellyn in October 2017.
Illustrator: Jennifer Hewitson