‘I was a horrible baby, just didn’t stop crying from the moment I was born till I was about three years old.’ I wrapped my arms tighter around him. ‘Mum and Dad had never had a happy relationship. Abigail, my sister, was six when I was born and she said even before I came along they were always arguing and shouting at each other. I was an accident, that much was clear, they argued a lot about how they didn’t want me even before I came into the world and so Abigail hated me as well. I don’t suppose the constant crying endeared me to her either. My parents put me in her room as they couldn’t put up with the crying. Looking back now on what Abigail told me, they were just rubbish parents.’
He looked down at me, probably to gauge my reaction. Whatever he saw in my expression made him continue.
‘The crying stopped, I guess, well according to Abigail it did, but I had terrible night terrors. Still do sometimes. I’d wake up in the night screaming. Every night, sometimes two or three times a night. Though I have no memory of my parents ever coming in to see if I was ok. I do remember my dad shouting at me to shut up. That is pretty much the only memory I have of him. I was nearly four when he left. Just walked out and I never saw him again. I have almost no memory of him and no idea even if he’s still alive. My mum drank herself into a stupor almost every day for the next four years. My sister raised me, made sure we both had food – we lived off sandwiches and cereal mostly. She took us both to school. I’m surprised no one noticed anything. My mum would occasionally come out of her catatonic state to wash our clothes and go shopping, to claim her benefits, to occasionally show her face at school, maybe it was enough so that the authorities didn’t notice our neglect.
One day, when I was eight, she took us out. Loaded us and two big suitcases into the car and drove us for hours. I was really excited, we had never been out before and suitcases clearly meant we were going on holiday. We pulled into this park and there were loads of kids playing with their families. And I think then was the first time I truly realised how our little family was so different to everyone else’s. The love that was clearly shown in every single one of the different families that day was glaringly missing from ours. I mean, I loved my mum, I knew she was a bit rubbish but I loved her unconditionally. I think for the first time I saw that she probably didn’t return those feelings. She told us to get out, which we did, and she drove off. I’ve never seen her again either.’
‘Oh Harry.’
He looked down at me. ‘Don’t pity me Suzie, that’s the last thing I want.’
‘Of course I’m going to feel sorry for you, you were a child and what you are telling me is awful.’
‘I’m not telling you because I want your sympathy, that’s exactly why I never told you before. I just want you to understand me, all of me. Why I am like I am.’
‘One of the most beautiful people I know.’
‘Urgh. I may look ok on the outside, I mean I must do because I get quite a lot of female attention. And it’s nice, that girls want to be with me. I spent my whole life not being wanted and suddenly I hit my twenties and the girls were all over me. It’s hard to turn them down when I’ve never had that before. But they don’t really know me and to be honest I don’t want them to.’
‘I meant that you’re beautiful on the inside.’
He let out a hollow laugh. ‘I’m bitter, angry, emotionally crippled. I fell in love with the most incredible woman and I could never tell her for fear of rejection. What kind of woman would want a man like that?’
He had no idea.
I put my hand over his heart. ‘This is beautiful. You’re kind, generous, smart, funny.’ I smiled. ‘Really funny. Protective, supportive. Any woman would be lucky to have you. We all have issues and baggage. Don’t doubt that what you have is a pretty incredible package.’
He stared down at my hand then wrapped his hand around it but kept it over his heart.
‘I can’t lose you,’ he said, so quietly that I barely heard him.
‘There is nothing that you can say that will push me away from you. You’re my best friend.’
‘The job, in New York…’
‘Oh Harry.’ Suddenly all his anger and upset over the job made sense. ‘I thought we could move to New York together.’
‘But… you never said.’
‘You never gave me a chance.’
He leaned his head back and laughed with relief.
I shifted closer to him, not wanting to push him but not wanting the dam to close just yet. ‘Did they find your mum?’
He shook his head. ‘She flew to France hours before we were taken to the police by some family who realised we were alone in the park as it was getting dark. She must have got on a plane as soon as she dumped us. They tracked her to South America after that but there’s been no sight of her since. We lived with my gran after that – who spent every day telling us how much she hated us and how we had ruined her life. Thankfully she died two years later. After that, we were in and out of foster care for the next few years – but Abigail was a nightmare, causing trouble at school, trashing the house, she was rude, aggressive. My night terrors continued. There wasn’t a single family that wanted to put up with that – her moods, and me screaming at early hours in the morning. No sooner had we been placed in one home they were sending us back a few days later. I learned very quickly that I couldn’t trust any of them.’
My heart was breaking just listening to this.
‘There was one family that stuck with us, when I was about fourteen. They weren’t particularly nice but they weren’t horrible to me either. Though I found out later it was only the extra cash incentive the state threw at the family that kept me living with them for so long. It was there that I met Chloe, another waif that the family had taken in.’
‘But… you said you dated, that she was an ex.’
‘She was, we did for like two weeks when I was fifteen. Before she dumped me for Isabel Carmichael.’
‘She’s gay?’
He nodded.
I supressed the smile of relief. So she really did love him like a brother. He was her foster brother.
‘Anyway, my foster family. I was with them for four years. Abigail had already moved out to live with a boyfriend and I kind of felt I had a real family. It wasn’t a great one, admittedly, but I still figured that they would always be there for me. At eighteen, the funding stops for any children in care. Literally on my eighteenth birthday they told me that I would have to find somewhere else to live. I was practically kicked out on the streets after that. I vowed then that I would never put my trust in anyone again.’ He gripped my hand tighter. ‘Except you. I trust you.’
I smiled.
‘And do you trust me too?’
‘Yes.’
‘I would never hurt you.’
‘I know.’
‘So now you know everything there is to know about me, and you’re still here holding my hand. Shall we talk about that kiss?’
I felt my face fall.
Oh no. He had trusted me with his biggest secret, now he was expecting me to do the same. As much as I trusted him not to stamp all over my heart if he didn’t feel the same way, I still didn’t want it to be weird between us, not when things had just started to go back to normal for us. And there was no escape from him either, we were going to be together for the next two months as we travelled the world, two months of weird awkwardness. And I couldn’t forget how he had pulled away from me in the days immediately after the kiss, distancing himself from me. And the negative comment he’d made about me being naked in his bed – although it had been weeks before, the night I had covered myself in noodles, it still echoed in my head. But then… The way he was looking at me now, if he did feel the same way then we could be back inside our little log cabin within a few seconds and he could make love to me in front of that fire. My gut clenched with desire and need. I was so confused.
‘Harry. I…’
His eyes filled with fear and it was enough to stall me in my tracks. He didn’t want things to change between us either.
‘The kiss, what it meant to me, what it meant to you, can we talk about it when we get back? This, what we have now, I don’t want to spoil that. We have the whole world to see and I want to do that with my best friend – not with an awkward cloud hanging over us. We are going to have an amazing time.’
He frowned slightly then nodded. ‘We will. There’s so much of the world to see, so much to do, I can’t wait to share it all with you. But we do need to talk, though I’m happy to wait until we get back. I don’t want to spoil this either.’
I knew that talk was coming – ever since we’d kissed, I knew he wasn’t going to let it go. But I had just earned a two month reprieve. We would talk. I’d tell him everything. I had to know one way or another.
I leaned into his shoulder and returned my attention to the sun that was just rising in the east, sending pink tinged clouds across the sky. ‘Ok,’ I said.
He pulled me tighter against him and looked out over the mountains too. ‘Good.’
*
Proposer’s Blog
Day 40: The Fire Proposal. Location: Prince Rupert, British Columbia.
We were supposed to be flying from Vancouver to Japan today but I’ve delayed it until tomorrow. When I asked Suzie if she had seen everything she wanted to see in Canada, she said she was disappointed not to see any bears. Khutzeymateen Sanctuary is a bear sanctuary just north of Prince Rupert where you can view the bears by boat, so I couldn’t resist changing our plans to incorporate a quick visit up the coast. Plus we had heard that Prince Rupert does the best seafood for miles around. So we had taken a small sea plane up to spend the day in Prince Rupert.
I thought Suzie might get bored of Canada – we have spent over three weeks looking at mountains, lakes and forests – so I was keen to take her to Japan where the landscape is completely different, especially with the bright lights of Tokyo. But there is a peaceful quality about being here, undisturbed by city noises. Suzie loves it and I don’t think she is in any rush to leave.
With only a few hours to rustle up a proposal with this last minute change of plans, I wasn’t hopeful of creating anything spectacular. But my would-be proposers and followers of this blog, you guys are truly magnificent. I put out a plea for help earlier this morning and within minutes I had the number of a local fisherman, David Whittaker, who was more than happy to help me put something together at the last minute.
The sea plane came in low over the little islands and rivers as it prepared to land in the bay. I think Suzie was a little nervous about landing on the sea and not on solid tarmac, so I tried to distract her by pointing out the incredible views of the iced rivers and snow-capped hills. That’s when she saw it.
As we swooped over the snow covered shores of Smith Island, flames licked the sky and Suzie gave a little scream before she realised that the flames were arranged in the shape of the now familiar words, ‘Marry Me’. Six foot high letters in golden flames set against the backdrop of the snowy beaches, even I had to admit, it was bloody impressive. I don’t know how David had done it in such a short amount of time, but he had.
Suzie was silent, her face pressed against the glass and I could see the wonder in her face. Although that wonder quickly turned to fear as the plane touched down on the water and the waves engulfed the sides of the plane. Then she was screaming for an altogether different reason.
Thanks David.
Proposer’s Blog
Day 46: The Symphony of Lights Proposal. Location: Hong Kong
Hong Kong is an incredible city – the tall skyscrapers, the forests on the hills beyond, the mists rolling in off the harbour, the pagodas, the bridges, the insane views over the city, the people, the dragon boats, the beautiful junk boats. It’s such a thriving, buzzing place. And for me there’s nowhere that epitomises Hong Kong and all its splendour more than the Symphony of Lights display in Victoria Harbour. Over forty buildings are involved in the show on both sides of the harbour, so the best place to view it is from the boats.
Music blares out over the harbour as the skyscrapers light up in a kaleidoscope of colours, with laser beams and searchlights that pierce the night sky. It is all timed beautifully with the music as the sky swirls with red, gold, green and blue. It is an incredible sight.
I have to say, this proposal was the hardest to organise of all the proposals so far and one I started preparing at the very beginning of this trip. I have spent hours on the phone, and sending emails to co-ordinate this but as we have gained more followers, more people were willing to help.
But even standing there on the boat with my arms round Suzie, I still wasn’t sure if it would work or even happen at all. What if it only partly worked and Suzie was left looking at the letters UZ MR ME?
I had a back-up, a snow globe of the city of Hong Kong which had the words ‘Marry Me,’ in lights above the city when it was shaken. If all else failed I would present her with it at the end of the light show, though I wanted the big spectacle – and after almost a month of planning I was so excited to see it pulled off.
The lights lit up the sky taking us through the huge finale and as it came to an incredible end, the buildings were momentarily plunged into darkness.
Then selected lights lit up the sides of the buildings for just three seconds, ‘Suzie Marry Me,’ blazed through the darkness, and sparkled over the water. People around us screamed with excitement and then it was gone, the city in darkness again. But as I closed my eyes the words still danced in front of my eyes, and I knew Suzie would be able to see it too. Slowly the city came back to life as if it had never happened and people on the boats cheered at the unexpected finale.
Suzie was shaking in my arms and she didn’t say a word as the boat went back to the dock. In fact she has barely said a word since. We came back to the hotel and apart from to say goodnight she hasn’t spoke to me at all.
Not sure if that’s a good reaction or a bad one
Proposer’s Blog
Day 58: The Air Ambulance Proposal. Location: Nepal
Hi, Suzie here. Harry’s fine by the way, now. He wasn’t looking so good a few hours ago. As you know, we are hiking through the Himalayas for a few days. Harry has been so looking forward to this. He didn’t think we would get as far as the Everest Base Camp, but he just wanted to be in the foothills of this great mountain and it’s all he’s talked about for days. We stayed in Monju last night and we got up early this morning to head towards Namche. This was as far as Harry wanted to go as he was worried I might get altitude sickness. Oh how wrong was he.
No sooner had we left Monju Harry started feeling ill. He complained of a bad headache and dizziness and he was really short of breath. I kept saying we should turn back but evidently my proposal was up ahead and he wanted to keep going. As we started up the steep hill to Namche, Harry had a bad nose bleed and passed out.
I have literally never been so scared in all my life.
Luckily one of the porters who was taking some equipment up to one of the other camps was passing and he spoke fluent English. He explained that altitude sickness was very common, even in the fittest of men. He said he would summon help. I expected him to run to a nearby village and bring back some kind of local doctor who would shove herbs under Harry’s nose. But the porter whipped out his mobile phone and called an ambulance.
Harry and I were airlifted to the nearby Lukla airport and from there taken to the nearest hospital. Harry had come round by this point but he was very incoherent. The helicopter stayed close to the ground as we made our way back, not wanting to aggravate his condition.
And that’s when Harry proposed to me, when he was barely conscious he just grabbed my hand and muttered the words. I told him if he survived I would marry him, the very next day.
By the time we arrived at the hospital Harry was sitting up, talking and laughing with the doctors. The doctors say altitude sickness normally passes once you return to a lower height. They are keeping him in overnight just in case, but they’re not too worried. I think Harry might still be delirious. He keeps talking about our forthcoming wedding.
But I wouldn’t rush out and buy a hat just yet, blog followers, I’m sure he will come to his senses in a few days.
Proposer’s Blog
Day 64: The Tattoo Proposal. Location: Dubai
We dined in the dunes tonight, at a secluded hotel resort, surrounded by sand and sky. Suzie looked stunning in a long satin silver dress she had bought from the market and her hair swept back with sparkly clips. I couldn’t take my eyes off her for a second. There were belly dancers and other entertainment from lots of beautiful exotic women, but Suzie was the most beautiful woman there and everyone knew that. Everyone, that is, except Suzie. I told her, I told her several times throughout the night but she didn’t believe me. That’s one of the things I love about her, she just doesn’t get how incredibly beautiful she is. With the stars, the heat, the amazing food, the incense burning, it was all a heady combination. I wanted to kiss her tonight, I wanted her so badly it actually hurt.
There was sword fighting and horsemanship to watch and Suzie was enjoying herself immensely, even though I was creepily staring at her all night.
The henna tattooists came round and as Suzie got her hands painted with beautiful intricate spirals, curls, geometric designs and flowers, I too had my own tattoo done.
Afterwards, I showed her the back of my hands and she laughed at the pretty flowers that I’d had done. I took her hands in my own and as I entwined my fingers with hers that’s when she saw the proposal. The lines on the back of her hands were just that, lines, nothing of any particular shape – but when combined with the lines on my hands, when our hands were connected, the henna clearly spelt out the words ‘Marry Me’.
Her eyes lit up in the glowing flames of our surroundings. We sat for ages with our hands entwined. It was my favourite proposal yet.
Proposer’s Blog
Day 83: The Spider Proposal. Location: Kenya
We have had an amazing few days on safari here in Kenya. We have seen elephants, lions, rhinos, hippos and the highlight so far of our entire trip – giraffes galloping across the plains. Suzie has not stopped smiling for one second.
We were staying in a large tent last night. It’s one where you can walk around inside and it even has a little stove.
I thought I would have some fun and play a little joke on her, which I totally thought she would realise was a joke straight away.
She has a thing for creepy crawlies, she hates them. Though I didn’t realise quite how deep that fear ran.
I placed a fake spider in her bed. It was bigger than her head and I figured she would see it and laugh straight away.
She didn’t see it. She climbed into bed and only when she was getting comfortable did she brush against it. She lifted the sheets, saw the beast lurking in the shadows and leapt out of bed screaming and crying. She grabbed one of the sledgehammers we were using earlier to tighten the tent pegs and attacked the spider. She completely destroyed the bed and I had to pull her off to stop her hurting herself in the struggle.
She was actually sobbing.
Worst proposal ever.
When I managed to get her to calm down, I picked up the fake spider and showed her the proposal underneath.
She didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night and she’s still not speaking to me this morning.
Proposer’s Blog
Day 97: The Firefly Proposal. Location: Springbrook National Park, Australia.
I was worried about this proposal probably more so than any of the others. Although most of the proposals have relied on outside help, relying on animals is something completely different.
We had gone to a cave, underneath the plunge pool of a waterfall. The waterfall had eroded the land underneath and formed a cave with a hole in the roof where the water tumbled through. It was here that the fireflies lived
I was told this special fruit juice was something the fireflies loved – but what if they weren’t hungry, what if they were too tired, what if the moon wasn’t in the right place in the sky? Never work with children and animals they say. So this was either going to work or it wasn’t.
I squirted the juice onto the walls in the shape of the words ‘Marry Me’, then asked Suzie to open her eyes. Nothing happened. Long seconds stretched on. Still. Nothing. Then a few of them obviously caught a whiff of the juice and flew over to it, then a few more. Slowly, slowly, as they feasted on the juice, the words ‘Marry Me’ were clearly seen on the cave walls.
Suzie was stunned and she was clearly thrilled by the beauty of it. I do love surprising her with something beyond the normal proposals.
She said there was still something missing. I’m running out of time and I don’t know what else I can do to get the answer I want. Three more proposals and it’s over.
I read the blog and smiled. The followers of our blog adored the loving comments Harry made about me, they lapped it up and Harry’s blog posts had become more and more loved up as the weeks went by. They were all big romantics and wanted to see me and Harry married off with a whole football team of babies by the end of this trip.
I didn’t know what we were going to tell the bloggers when it was all over, but they would be desperate for some satisfying conclusion and it was never going to end in the way they hoped it would.
I scrolled through some of the older blog entries while we waited for the boat to leave.
It had been one hell of a ride over the last three months. Initially, I’d had reservations about how I was going to protect my heart. A hundred proposals from a man who didn’t love me was a cruel and unwanted punishment but I had become adept at shrugging them off now. And a lot of the proposals had been fun. In trying to find the ultimate proposal, Harry had taken me to the most amazing places and we had done some incredible things. We had stood on top of the world’s tallest buildings, seen the most beautiful beaches and forests, swam in the bluest oceans and eaten the strangest food.
But now there were just three proposals left and my torment would be over.
Harry slid his arm around my shoulders as he sat down next to me in the booth.
‘I’m so hungry I could eat a moose,’ he said, nibbling my shoulder playfully.
‘We may have to go back to Canada for that, not too many moosies round here.’ I deliberately got the word wrong so he would focus on that and not how my whole body had just erupted in goose bumps at his touch. Even now after so long, he still affected me in ways which were mostly X-rated.
Harry laughed, ‘Moosies?’
‘Moosi?’
He scrunched up his nose, knowing I was teasing him.
‘Moss? Mosses? Moses?’
For a split second his eyes scanned down to my lips before he looked away. What was that? He had become a lot more tactile over the last month or so and, coupled with the looks I sometimes caught him giving me, I often convinced myself on an almost daily basis that he returned the feelings for me. But the holiday, our trip together had almost put a block on me telling him how I felt. How awkward would it be to throw myself into his arms after one of his proposals, for him to turn me down? I’d then have to spend every day with him with that horrid awkwardness hanging over us. Plus I kept on waiting for him to utter the words himself. Harry pouring out his heart about his past had been a small but vital turning point in our relationship. Harry had told me everything, he trusted me completely and I loved him all the more for taking that risk and telling me. Surely now he trusted me he could trust me with his heart too. If he felt that way. But there had been nothing from him, no words of encouragement at all.
Part of me was really looking forward to the conversation I’d promised Harry we would have at the end of the trip. Finally I would find out once and for all whether he returned the feelings for me, though part of me was dreading it with an all-encompassing fear.
‘Come on, the boat is leaving, we should go out on the deck.’ Harry stood up and pulled me to my feet. I closed the laptop, slipped it into my bag and followed him out.
We were heading out to spend a few days at the beach resort of Tangalooma on Moreton Island. It was a convoluted boat trip, not taking the most direct route but the one most likely to encounter whales and dolphins.
‘So three more proposals,’ Harry said.
I stared out at the waves, hoping to see some kind of whale, tail, or dark shape. ‘Yep.’
‘We need to do something big for the last one, a spectacular finale. The followers of our blog will be expecting it.’
‘You know I like the small gestures as well as the big ones. What are you suggesting?’
‘Well a wedding would be a good ending, they’d like to see that.’
I saw the humour in his eyes. ‘I should marry you to keep our followers happy?’
‘Just imagine it. The vicar waiting at the end of a candlelit aisle, you walk up and I ask you one final time, “do you want to marry me?” and you say “I do”. That’s pure gold right there. The followers would love that.’
‘And then?’
He was teasing me, I could tell that. ‘We get married, then we have amazing honeymoon sex.’ He waggled his eyebrows, saucily. ‘That’s the law.’
‘And we’d put that in the blog too, all the ins and outs.’
‘Well we want to give our followers a complete picture.’
‘Ewww.’ I swiped him and he laughed. ‘It seems a bit… far-fetched to go to those lengths just to give our followers what they want.’
‘We need to give them something, it can’t just be another no like all the others.’
‘I’ve never said no.’
He looked at me. ‘You’ve never said yes.’
‘Maybe you’re just not asking the right question.’
‘It’s ‘Marry Me’ Suzie, it’s pretty black and white, yes or no.’
‘It’s not how you say it, with all the bells and whistles, it’s what you say that’s important.’
‘So you want a huge declaration of love for the last one? Then I’ll get a yes? The followers will just go mad for that.’ He grinned at me. He wasn’t taking any of this remotely seriously. ‘We could invite all the followers there to see the last one. Then there can be a big kiss, and you can lean in on one foot like they do in the movies.’
A flash suddenly went off in our face and we both turned to see a Japanese man we had spoken to briefly as we were getting on the boat. He was waving a camera in our direction.
I looked back at Harry in confusion. ‘Did he just take our picture?’
‘Probably not, he must be taking it of the view.’ Harry guided me out of the man’s shot but weirdly the man took another photo of us before he disappeared through the crowds of people.
A shout rang out on the other side of the boat. En masse, a whole boatload of people ran to where the shout came from. I could feel the boat tipping under the weight of such a force. Harry grabbed my hand and ran to the other side too.
We stared at the waves, some of the tourists taking pictures of water swells, but if there was a whale there it was concealing itself well.
Another shout rang out from the other side and the boat almost groaned in protest at the mass exodus as we ran to the opposite rail. In a minute the boat would pitch us all into the sea in revenge. There was a definite dark patch this time but it could just have been a patch of seaweed. The beauty of the sea was incredible. The turquoise waters, the sun glinting off its surface. In some parts you could see right down to the sea bed.
A message was announced over the loud speakers.
‘We have a sighting out the rear of the boat, it seems like a humpback is following us.’
I felt the boat pitch as everyone ran towards the rear. Harry nudged me in front of him and with his hand at my back he guided me through the throngs.
People were laughing and clapping and I hurried to see the great humpback myself. As I fought my way through the crowd, I saw what it was that everyone was laughing at. The humpback sighting was in fact a large inflatable whale being towed by the boat. Out of the top was a blue ribbon, supposedly representing a spray of water, and emblazoned onto the material were the words ‘Suzie, Marry Me.’
I smiled. The whale was cute and dorky with googly eyes that rolled in its head as it bounced along in our wake. I quickly pulled my camera out and started firing off shots.
Just as people were turning away to head back to the front, a huge real life humpback whale breached the surface as it leapt out the wake, twisted in the air and flopped back into the waves – sending a deluge of water over the deck of the boat.
There were shouts of excitement as everyone rushed to the barrier to take pictures. But although the whale followed us for a while, giving the passengers ample time to take some shots through the waves, he didn’t breach again.
A quick check on my camera revealed I had taken two winning shots. My proposal endorsed by a real humpback whale.
I turned to go back inside but Harry was there smiling at me.
‘You really do pull out all the stops, don’t you?’
‘You wait till the last one, I have big plans.’
*
Tangalooma was like stepping into a Bounty advert. The long strip of golden sand nestled into the sea of emerald palm trees was a tropical paradise. The only thing missing was the beautiful girl shipwrecked on the island with her incredible non-melting bar of chocolate. If that had been me, the chocolate would have melted all over me before I’d managed to take the first bite.
Our hotel room looked straight out onto the beach. From the open window I could see the fat pelicans waddling up the shore, flapping their great wings as the sun set into the rosy waters beyond.
We had missed most of the beauty arriving on the island after dark the day before, and today we had left early to tour the area and go sand tobogganing – which was easily one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. Though I had brought most of the dunes back with me. It was in my clothes, my hair, my shoes. I managed to clean most of it off me in the shower.
I nibbled on a piece of pineapple but the fruit lodged in my throat as Harry stepped out the bathroom, soaking wet with only a towel wrapped round his hips. Harry had no problem with his nudity or with me seeing him practically naked. I had seen his fine, beautiful bottom many times and I knew I would never tire of seeing his half naked body. It was a glorious daily treat now. Yes it was wrong to perv over my best friend like that but nothing was ever going to happen between us so the odd appreciative glance didn’t do anyone any harm.
As Harry dressed, I quickly diverted my attention to the spectacular view but his reflection was very clearly displayed in the glass in front of me. I tried to focus on the sea and the sky rather than the vision of naked loveliness that was parading around the room behind me.
In the glass, I saw the towel drop as he pulled on a pair of boxer shorts, the tight black kind, that left very little to the imagination. A white shirt was next, covering that beautiful tanned body of his.
I focused on the sea.
I’d not had a proposal today, so I presumed Harry was going to whip one out of his pocket tonight when we went for our meal.
We weren’t going anywhere fancy tonight, just some beach bar that was having a barbeque and served the best burgers and cocktails for miles around. At least that’s what the posters advertising the place said.
I’d worn a sea green floaty sundress, it was one of Harry’s favourites. I loved the way he looked at me in it.
Seeing he was dressed, I turned around and saw that his eyes were already on me. I smoothed out my dress then met his gaze, arching an eyebrow at the way he was unashamedly admiring me.
He smiled. ‘I do love that dress.’
‘It’s a pity they don’t come in your size.’
He laughed as he scooped up my pashmina and carefully wrapped it round my shoulders. ‘Let’s be very clear. I love you in that dress.’
I looked up at him as he arranged the pashmina, unsure what to say to that. He offered me his arm and I took it.
‘Come on then Suzie, let’s see what all the fuss is about with these amazing cocktails.’
‘I want Sex on the Beach.’
Harry cleared his throat. ‘That can be arranged.’
My stomach clenched unnecessarily. It was ridiculous to be excited by the dark implied threat in his voice but for a few seconds I let myself enjoy the fantasy – the waves crashing on the beach, the incredible passionate sex – until I realised Harry was speaking.
‘Sorry, what did you say?’
‘I said I prefer the Sloe Comfortable Screw up Against the Wall.’
I laughed. ‘So that’s your plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me?’
‘I was talking about the cocktails, what were you talking about?’ Harry looked at me innocently and I laughed again.
*
‘You know your trouble,’ I waved my hand theatrically through the air to make my point as Harry steered me along the beach back towards the hotel. I was very drunk, I knew that, and my mouth had somehow disengaged itself from my brain and was talking without any consent from me. ‘You don’t realise how bloody amazing you are. How lovely, how kind, how scrumptious, how sweet you are. You just don’t get it. You are just gorgeous. And not in a fit way, inside you are gorgeous. I mean you are fit, very fit, freaking sexy hot fit. But that’s not what makes you beautiful – you are beautiful Harry, inside and out. Where are we going?’
‘I thought we’d sit on the beach for a while.’
I’d thought that Harry was perhaps a bit more sober than I was, despite the fact that we had drunk the same, but he didn’t seem that steady on his feet either.
With his arm round my shoulders, he guided me down the beach to a dark patch near the end, where the lights didn’t shine. Moonlight licked the waters but other than that it seemed to be pitch black.
I shivered a little in the cool night air.
‘Here sit down here, I’ll build a fire.’
‘Oooh you’re such a man.’
Harry smiled and I sat down watching him as he moved amongst the trees gathering sticks and bits of wood. I looked up at the stars and then lay back on my hands to study them more closely. There were thousands of them, millions, all filling the night sky, shining so brightly that the sky no longer looked black but a sparkling blanket of charcoal grey.
Orange flames distracted me and I sat up to see a fire burning strongly. I was impressed.
‘That was quick, did you rub two sticks together, or use a flint stone?’
Harry showed me the lighter in his hand and I laughed.
The flames turned through green and blue, the heat igniting the salt water that had dried on the bits of driftwood. It was beautiful.
Harry looked up at the tops of the trees and I followed his gaze.
‘Fancy a coconut?’ he asked, leaping lightly to his feet.
I looked at the pair of coconuts hanging from the tree like a large pair of green testicles. ‘You’ll never get them, they’re too high.’
But Harry was already running off into the trees. I heard him stamping around for a few minutes and he returned triumphantly with two coconuts in his arms, one small hairy one which had obviously come out of the green husk, and one still in its large green outer shell.
‘Here,’ he passed me the small one. ‘Crack this open on the rock.’
I scooted over to the rock excitedly, and smashed it down hard. To my surprise it cleaved open in two neat halves, but there was no milk inside at all. Instead, in the light of the fire, I could see letters on the inside of the shell. I brought the coconut back towards the fire and held it up to the light to see the words ‘Marry Me’ branded onto the inside of the shell in black burnt writing.
I squealed in delight and looked up in surprise at Harry as he watched me.
‘How did you do that?’ I had asked that question so many times in the last few months. I looked back at the coconut and could see the shiny glue on the rim of the two halves. Clearly the coconut had been cut in half, branded and glued back together. Very sweet.
This was number ninety-nine. I had one more to go.
‘Thank you.’
Harry scooted over to the rock and smashed the other coconut on the side of it. Nothing happened, the green hard shell stayed resolute and unbroken. He brought it down three more times and then suddenly milk spurted from a small crack and he quickly brought it back for me to drink. I licked up the side and sucked over the hole. The milk was warm and watery rather than an actual milk. There was a definite coconut flavour but it didn’t taste great. I passed it to Harry and I watched as he licked round the sides too, then closed his mouth over the crack, closing his eyes in what looked like sheer bliss. There was something incredibly intimate about having his mouth over the same spot my mouth had been seconds before – almost as if we were kissing. Harry let out a tiny, involuntary moan and a bolt of desire slammed into my stomach. He was tasting me.
I shuffled closer and he eyed me over the coconut, his eyes dark with lust.
‘Can I have some more?’ I whispered.
He stopped drinking and passed it back, holding it for me. My hands joined with his as I licked along the crack, and I watched him, his eyes burning into mine as I drank. I barely tasted the coconut this time. I could taste him, his dark, sweet, sensual taste. I could smell his spicy, clean scent. I wanted more but the shell was now empty as I lowered it to the ground. I ran my fingers over my lip and sucked the last residue off them, longing to taste him again.
‘Tastes so good,’ I said, his eyes still on mine.
His voice was strangled when he spoke. ‘What did it taste of?’
‘You.’
I heard the breath catch in his throat and suddenly he launched himself at me. Or I launched myself at him. Our mouths met, hard, but as he cupped my face he tried to turn it gentle – holding himself back.