“David, how are you?”
“I’m okay.” He shifted on his boots then looked back up at her. “Actually, I’m not okay. But I’m working on getting better.”
A deep current of longing and understanding shot through Anna. “Is there something I can do to help?”
He shook his head. “No. I need to work through this myself. I think I just need to get back to my daily routine. I’ve got too much time on my hands.”
Anna leaned against her Jeep, the late-August heat quickly zapping her energy. “You needed this time, though. From what I hear from dealing with returning soldiers and their families, this is a time of readjustment for everyone.”
His gaze locked with hers. “I don’t have a family, Anna.”
Wishing she could drop through the earth, Anna purposely put on a smile so he wouldn’t see the sympathy in her eyes. “What about your mother? I’m sure she really misses you.”
“I’m going to see her next week.”
Anna’s heart hit a pounding beat, drumming through her pulse while she tried to stay calm. Next week. Everything would change then. “I guess you do need to see her while you still have some leave time.”
“Yeah. I’ve been putting it off long enough. I want to ask her about my father. And maybe this time she’ll level with me.” He let out a long sigh. “I’ve been struggling with this my whole life, you know. And now that I’m back here, I’ve realized I can’t move past it. I think that’s why I asked to come back here. I want this struggle to be over.” Then he stepped close. “Especially since I’ve met you.”
She tried to make her tone light, but her heart felt like a lead weight. “What do I have to do with it?”
“Everything,” he said. “I want to be the kind of man you deserve, Anna. And I can’t be that man until I get this out of my head. I mean, that is the reason you keep stalling out on me, right? I can be so bitter at times and I’m tired of being bitter. I have a lot to be thankful for and now I can see that.”
“David—”
“Don’t say anything, Chief.” He took one of her hands in his. “Let’s just look forward to this special night coming up. Let’s pretend everything is all right and that I am that man—the man who can make you happy. I want that for just one night.”
He kissed her on the cheek then started walking backwards toward the house. “I promised Caitlyn I’d help out with some of the client paperwork today. I’d better get in there.”
Anna watched him walking away, her heart crushed against her chest. She’d come so close to telling him the truth. David, you are that man, she wanted to shout. You are so much like your father.
Anna tried to catch her breath. All this time, she’d been so worried about David finding out the truth, not only because of what it would do to both Trisha and him, but mostly because she wanted David to care about her. She didn’t want to disappoint him. But the obstacles keeping them apart went so much deeper than that. She’d closed herself off from a life outside of work, simply because her grief and guilt over her father’s death had been the driving force in her need to help others. And David had shut down because he’d never had an opportunity to meet his father. And he still hadn’t managed to rise above his upbringing even though he was a true hero.
“How can he think he’s not good enough?” she wondered as she cranked the Jeep and hoped the feeble air-conditioning would kick in. “Can’t he see that he’s a good man?” David had flaws, but then who didn’t? Anna was willing to forgive those flaws. And she prayed he’d forgive hers.
But apparently he couldn’t forgive himself for being born out of wedlock. He couldn’t forgive himself for not being good enough to merit his father’s attention.
And that meant David didn’t think he was truly worthy of God’s attention, either. Or anyone else’s for that matter. Including hers.
Anna sat in her hot, humid Jeep, her prayers echoing inside the humming of the rattling air-conditioning. “Dear Father, help David to see the good in himself. Help him to know that he is doing the best he can.”
And help me to get through this and stand firm against his anger.
“Stand up straight.”
“Mother, please.” Anna rolled her eyes at Olga’s frown but she did as she was told. Staring at her reflection in the standing mirror inside her mother’s spacious, frilly bedroom, Anna couldn’t believe how she looked. “Is this really me?”
Olga, dressed in mint-green chiffon that floated in layers around her, nodded as she clasped her hands together. “It’s you, my Anna-bug. Oh, your father would be so proud.”
Anna whirled in a crush of blue watered-silk taffeta. “Do you think so?”
“I know so,” Olga said, making last-minute adjustments to Anna’s sleeveless, bead-trimmed dress. “You are so beautiful. David will be beside himself.”
“David—Oh, look at the time. He’ll be here any minute.”
“You’re ready,” Olga announced, satisfied with the tiny diamonds shimmering in Anna’s ears. “Your hair is perfect and the jewelry is just right, not too gaudy.”
“We wouldn’t want gaudy,” Anna said, smiling at her upswept hair. Trisha had left her long bangs loose to fall against Anna’s temple like a shield and Anna planned to use that shield. “Trisha did a good job on me, though, didn’t she?”
“She did indeed.” Olga whirled, the scent of gardenia following her as she grabbed her gold evening bag. “Now, I’m off. I’ll see you there.”
“Thanks, Mother,” Anna said. “For everything.”
Olga turned to smile over at her. “Don’t you worry about anything, Anna-bug. David is going to love you.”
Anna waved goodbye to her mother then turned to stare at her reflection in the mirror. “I love him already, Mother. But I’m not sure that’s enough.”
He couldn’t get enough of just looking at her.
David watched as Anna seemed to float across the room. Her dress was long and an iridescent blue that shimmered like a sapphire each time she moved. Her hair was piled up on her head in what might have been a severe style except for those adorable long bangs falling across one eye. Her smile was million-dollar quality as she greeted patrons and contributors to her cause. She knew how to handle this ritzy crowd.
David had seen her vivid beauty the minute she’d come sweeping down the stairs to greet him earlier. Now he could see the vivid contrast between their lives. Anna might have been shy in high school, but she was in her element here amongst some of the richest people in town, while he stood here in the corner, sweating in his crisp dress blues. How could he possibly expect someone like Anna to want to be with someone like him?
Their different lifestyles had become obvious at the formal sit-down dinner earlier. Anna could barely enjoy her meal, since people kept stopping by their table to talk to her and wish her well. But somehow, she’d managed to include him in almost every conversation. The party should bring in the funds she needed because it seemed everyone in town loved Anna.
Where did that leave him? While the patrons had been polite, thanking him for doing his duty, David still felt like a bronc rider at a ballet. Way out of his element.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find Chaplain Steve and Caitlyn grinning at him. Caitlyn’s golden-brown hair shimmered to match her glittering brown ball gown.
“Hi, David,” Caitlyn said. “How’s it going?”
“Pretty good. How are y’all doing?”
Chaplain Steve’s smile was just for Caitlyn. “I feel like a million bucks myself. We’ve been enjoying the band.”
“I didn’t know he could waltz,” Caitlyn admitted.
“It’s a nice party,” David replied, wondering where Anna had gotten to. “I might have to try the two-step myself.”
“I can guarantee Anna would love that,” Caitlyn said with another grin. “We’re off in search of some punch and food. They’ve put out the dessert buffet.”
David laughed. “After that big meal, I don’t know where you’ll put dessert.”
“For a small woman, she has a big appetite,” Steve said as Caitlyn tugged him away with a giggle.
David watched as they whispered in each other’s ears, envying the way they seemed perfect for each other.
“Don’t look so glum, soldier.”
This time it was Dr. Nora Blake and she was not giggling. But David saw the twinkle in her eyes.
“Hey, Doc. How’s Ali?”
“Progressing very well,” the attractive blonde said. Her hair was pulled up in a very severe chignon and her white dress followed her tall slender curves with tailor-made precision. “He tires out a lot so he has to take naps and rest in bed most days, but we’re watching him very closely. I hope to perform the surgery in a few weeks, barring any setbacks.”
“That’s reassuring.” David saw Anna coming toward him and breathed a sigh of relief.
“Don’t worry about Ali. We’re going to get him patched up and back in shape as soon as we can.” The doctor waved to someone across the room. “Excuse me, David. It was nice to see you.”
David watched her walk away, wondering how she’d managed to become a doctor instead of a runway model.
“Hey, stop checking out Dr. Nora,” Anna said with a wink.
David pulled her close. “I only have eyes for one woman in this room, trust me.”
Her smile told him she liked that. “I hope that woman is me.”
“You got that right, Chief. Wanna get dessert?”
“Maybe.” Anna glanced around then groaned. “Oh, goodness. My mother is determined to make Reverend Fields notice her. Let’s go and try to rescue him.”
She took David by the hand, dragging him across the crowded ballroom until she was beside Olga and the minister. “Mother, want to get some dessert and go out on the terrace?”
Olga turned with a beaming smile. “No, darling. I’m stuffed. That dinner was excellent. Trisha outdid herself with the steak medallions and rosemary potatoes, don’t you agree, Reverend?”
Reverend Fields looked like a trapped rabbit. David felt sorry for the man. The minister had done his duty by dressing in a nice tux, but he looked as out of place as a cowboy at a cotillion. David could understand the good reverend’s pain.
“How’s it going, Reverend?” David asked after Anna nudged him with her elbow.
“Not so good,” Franklin said, his tone dry as he watched the crowd. “I hate these things.”
“Now, Reverend, you know this is for a good cause,” Olga replied, her bubbling personality going into overdrive. “And we’re having fun.”
“I believe in good causes, Mrs. Terenkov, but I don’t like having to get all gussied up to be a part of one of these formal events.”
Olga giggled again. “But you look so handsome in your tux, don’t you think so, Anna?”
“Very nice,” Anna said, this time nudging her mother.
“What is it?” Olga asked, clearly not taking the hint. “Do you need me for something, darling?”
Anna leaned close, but David heard the warning in her whisper to her mother. “I need you to stop making a spectacle of yourself.”
“Anna!” Olga looked shocked then hurt. “What are you talking about?”
Anna raised her voice above the music but the music ended just as she spoke. “Stop flirting with the pastor, Mother.”
Reverend Fields heard that one. As did several people standing nearby.
Olga turned a bright pink while Anna put a hand to her mouth, her eyes going wide. “I’m sorry.”
Reverend Fields put his own discomfort aside and said, “No harm done, Anna. I don’t mind getting your mother something cool to drink. Come on, Mrs. Terenkov. Let’s find that punch bowl.”
With that, he extended his arm to Olga. She took it, but she’d lost a lot of the luster from her eyes. Tossing Anna a hurt look over her shoulder, Olga marched away with the minister.
“That didn’t go so well,” Anna said as she looked up at David. “Can we get out of here for just a few minutes?”
“I’d like nothing better,” David said as he escorted her out a side door to the coolness of the country club terrace. “Want to go to the river or Lake Austin?”
She sighed then shook her head. “I can’t leave. Let’s just get some fresh air. I need a break.”
David didn’t argue with that. He’d wanted her to himself all evening. But now that he had her to himself, he wasn’t sure what to say. So he remained silent.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, sounding fragile while her smile remained courageous.
“Nothing that can’t be fixed with this.” He pulled her close and kissed her. When he lifted his head, the music was back. “Want to dance?” he asked, holding her at arm’s length as the slow, romantic song drifted out into the night.
Anna nodded. “I’d love that.”
Anna loved being in David’s arms. He looked great in his dress uniform and she’d been proud to have him on her arm as they’d entered the country club. Although he’d been quiet during dinner, his presence beside her had given her the confidence she needed to get through this night. Nervous energy had her jittery and the smile she’d worn all night had given her a headache. And she’d hurt her mother, something she hadn’t set out to do. But now, being out here alone with him more than made up for all of that.
As the music ended, he released her then stared down at her. “Finally. I’ve wanted to do that all night.”
Anna smiled, her hands settling on his shoulders. “Kiss me or dance with me?”
“Both. But mostly I just wanted you to myself.”
“Has it been that bad?”
“Nah. I knew I wouldn’t get to spend much time with you, but at least I’ve been able to enjoy watching you do your thing all night. I think I could watch you forever.”
“You’re sweet. Trisha and Mother insisted I get all dressed up. I usually wear something much more sedate to this affair.”
“You go through this every year?”
“Like clockwork. We need the funding to keep our doors open.”
“I wish I could do more, but on my salary—”
“You’ve done a lot. And you’ve made me realize I need to take time for myself…to enjoy some of the perks of being single.”
“That has perks?”
“It does when I’m standing in your arms.”
“I sure like the sound of that.”
Anna laughed then let out a breath of frustration. “I shouldn’t have said that to my mother. I’m just so worried. She’s never looked at another man since my father’s death. And now all she can talk about is our minister and how she thinks they’re ‘made for each other.’”
“She deserves a second chance, I reckon. Even if she did wait about twenty years to take that chance.”
“I suppose so. And she’s taking a big risk, going after a man of God. I’m so afraid she’ll be crushed by his rejection. Somehow, I can’t picture my mother as a minister’s wife.”
“What’s wrong with that? Your mother is still young enough to enjoy life and Reverend Fields might need someone like her in his life, you know, to balance things.”
“So you think I’m being unfair to her?”
“I think you’re just being cautious. Maybe you don’t want her to get hurt, but she has to be lonely and we all know what that’s like. It’s the same reason Trisha kept warning me off you at first. She’s lonely, so she’s afraid she’ll lose you to someone else. You could be afraid you’ll lose your mother, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen.”
“You’re right,” Anna said, glad to have a different perspective on things. “It’s been just the two of us for so long now, I’m probably a bit possessive. I’m going to have a long talk with her later. I’ll try not to be so judgmental when we do talk.”
“Good idea. I think they’re kinda cute together.”
“Cute? I wouldn’t quite call it that, but something is sure stewing between them.”
“How about us?” he asked, holding his thumb to her chin. “Is something stewing between us?”
“I think so,” she said with a sigh. “Or I wouldn’t be wearing this dress and these shoes.”
“I like you whether you’re wearing this or not, you know that, right?” He kissed her as she nodded then took her hand as they walked toward the stone banister. “Where’s your sidekick Trisha anyway? I haven’t seen her all night.”
Anna looked out over the golf course and the twinkling lights beside the pool. “She’s running around making sure everything goes as planned. She amazes me. Trisha loves this. She’s so good at fund-raising because she knows so many people in town.”
“Yeah—all the rich people. All the right people.” Chaplain Steve suggested I talk to her about tracking down my father. And since I’d already decided to ask her anyway, I did call her. She said maybe after all of this is over. But I’m not so sure I need to involve her.”
Anna heard the doubt in his words, a chilling dread curling like mist throughout her system. He would never forgive Trisha or her when he found out the truth.
Hoping to end the subject, she said, “Well, whatever you decide, I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“I intend to, one way or another.”
Anna had to ask. “But what if you don’t like what you find?”
He looked out over the trees and rolling hills. “It won’t matter. At least I’ll finally know. It’s the not knowing that’s driving me crazy.”
She stood silent for a minute then said, “Isn’t it a beautiful night?”
David pulled her back into his arms. “Yes, it is. I wish we were at the river.”
“Not in this dress,” Anna replied on a giggle.
He stood back to admire her. “You’re beautiful. Too beautiful for the likes of me, I think.”
“Now, why would you think that?”
He shrugged. “Look at me, Anna. No matter what kind of uniform I wear, I’m still the poor kid who didn’t have a father growing up.”
“Only if you let that guide your life. Only if you continue to see yourself that way. You’re worth more than that, David. And honestly, I don’t see how you can expect any more from yourself if that’s the image you carry in your heart.”
“It’s the way people see me. It was that way growing up and now that I’m home, it kind of feels that way again.”
“Have any of us treated you unkindly?” she asked, compassion giving her the strength she needed to combat this mighty enemy. “Has anyone here shunned you?”
“No,” he said as if it had finally dawned on him. “No, you’re right. Everyone has been more than kind to me.”
He groaned. “I’ve made a mess of things, haven’t I? I should look for the good but all I see is the bad. Maybe I shouldn’t have returned to Prairie Springs. Too many memories.”
She touched a hand to his arm. “And yet, you didn’t let that stop you from serving your country. You went out and signed up to fight, David, and you came back to face those memories. Don’t you see the honor in that?”
He whirled to stare down at her. “I see that I did it for all the wrong reasons. I was trying to live up to this image inside my head. This image of an absent father who didn’t care enough to be a part of my life. Now I wonder whether he would have been proud of me. If I don’t find out the truth, I’ll never know that, will I?”
Anna gave him a resigned nod. “No, and you’ll never get past this, either. And I don’t see us having a future until you do. I can see the resentment in your eyes when you’re with me. You think our lives are different, but I didn’t have it any better than you did. I made a new life for myself in a new place. You have to do the same, but in a familiar place. You have to move forward. And if that means finding out things about your father, well, then I guess that’s what you need to do.”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I have to do, and soon.”
Anna was about to tell him that his father would have been very proud, when they heard a discreet cough in the shadows. Trisha stepped out, her red dress falling around her ankles. “I can help you with the truth, David. In fact, I think it’s time you did know the truth. All of it.”