Rachel slammed on the brakes, jumped from the car and raced up the steps of Aunt Flora’s house. Her heart hammered against her chest as she thrust open the front door and entered. She came to a halt halfway into the living room. Amy and Shaun sat on the couch, facing their mother, who stood by the fireplace, tall, stiff, frowning.
Shaun leaped to his feet and launched himself at Rachel. “I’m so glad you’re home.” His arms went around her.
Rachel placed her hand on his back and patted him. “Everything will be okay,” she whispered, then looked at her mother. “Hello, Mother. This is a surprise.”
“It shouldn’t be. I told you I was coming.”
Rachel walked with Shaun to the couch and waited until he was seated before facing their mother. “No, the surprise is the part about Amy and Shaun packing their bags.”
Her mother’s tanned features were pinched together in a deep frown. “Weren’t you the one who a few weeks ago brought me to task for not doing my duty by my children? I’m here now to take Amy and Shaun back with me.”
Amy shot to her feet, her arms ramrod straight at her side. “No, I won’t go!”
Rachel gave her sister a reassuring smile. “Amy only has another year of high school left. She shouldn’t leave Magnolia Blossom right now.”
Her mother quirked a brow. “And you’re staying here?”
Amy pushed past Rachel. “This is my home. You can’t make me go with you.” She left.
Shaun rose, tears brimming in his eyes. “Me, neither!” He ran from the room.
Her mother sighed. “I thought this would make everything better.”
“How?”
“Weren’t you the one who said I should take responsibility for my children? That’s what I’m doing. Your father and I talked it over. They can come live with us.”
“How generous of you.”
“I don’t need your sarcasm.”
“Why did you have children?” Rachel desperately wanted an answer to the question that had been eating at her for years.
“Your father wanted a son to carry on his name. At least that’s why we had you and Amy. Believe it or not, Shaun was an accident. By that time we’d realized raising children and doing our research didn’t mix well. It wasn’t safe for children in our camp. Our lifestyle didn’t go well with parenthood.”
“So you discarded us.”
“I gave you the best home I could. My sister always wanted children and couldn’t have any.”
“And now suddenly the camp is safe for children?”
Her mother looked away, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “It’s better than before. I should be able to keep Shaun and Amy safe.”
“That’s not good enough. We’re a family now.”
“What do you mean a family? They’ve always been your sister and brother.”
Rachel advanced toward her mother, locking gazes with her. “Until recently I didn’t realize what the word family really meant. Now I know. For family you make sacrifices if you must. For family you stick together through the good and bad times.” She drew in a deep, cleansing breath and added, “Yes, Mother, I am staying in Magnolia Blossom at least until Amy graduates from high school. Go back to the Amazon with a clear conscience. I want to take care of Amy and Shaun because we are family.”
Her mother blinked, backing up several steps. “You want to stay in this town?”
Rachel lifted her chin and met her mother’s direct look with one of her own. “Yes.”
“But what about your plans for your own restaurant?”
“They can wait. Amy and Shaun come first.” Not until this moment had Rachel realized she’d committed fully to her siblings, and it felt as right as did her decision to stay.
Her mother squared her shoulders, snatched her purse and headed for the front door. “Then I’ll sign the guardianship papers Robert has.” She paused at the door and faced Rachel, a strained expression carving tired lines about her eyes and mouth. “If you’re sure?”
“Yes, very.”
She turned to leave.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. The Bible verse popped into Rachel’s thoughts, showing her what she must do to be at peace with herself. How could she expect Michael to forgive her if she couldn’t forgive her parents? “Mother, why don’t you stay for dinner?”
Tossing a glance over her shoulder, her mother hesitated. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, very. We don’t get to see you nearly enough.”
Her mother peered at her watch. “It’ll have to be an early dinner. I have to make a late flight from New Orleans for the congressional meeting in Washington.”
* * *
“Dad, Mom wants to take me deep-sea fishing this weekend. Can I go?”
Michael turned from staring out the window into the darkness. His son’s eager expression faded to a frown as Michael wrestled with what to say.
“We get to spend the night on the boat. She even said I could invite Shaun to go with me.”
“Not this weekend,” Michael finally answered, bracing himself for the ensuing battle.
“Why not?” Standing in the middle of the den, his son stiffened.
“We need to talk, Garrett. Have a seat.” Michael gestured toward the couch.
His son remained where he was, his frown deepening.
Michael heaved a sigh and moved away from the window. “Your mother and I—” He searched for the right words and decided there was no easy way to tell his son the truth. “We don’t see eye to eye on some things. We’re going back to see the judge to help us make some decisions.”
“What kind of decisions?”
“When your mother can see you and how often.”
“Why can’t I see her whenever I want? Whenever she wants? She’s my mother.”
Tension bore deep into Michael’s neck and shoulders. “It’s complicated. I’m not sure it’s best that you stay with your mother a lot.”
“Why not?”
Because she might start drinking again. Because she left you and me years ago. Michael couldn’t say what he wanted, and no substitute words came to mind. “It just isn’t.”
“That’s not fair! You have to let her see me. She won’t love me if she doesn’t,” Garrett shouted, then he spun on his heel and ran from the room.
Michael placed his hand over his chest to ease the tightness constricting it. Each breath he drew hurt his lungs, and his heart pounded a mad beat. He was losing his son and he didn’t have any idea how to stop it from happening.
He started to follow Garrett but decided against it. Instead, he stood in the middle of the den. Mary Lou kept trying to see Garrett, knowing how Michael felt about it. At least he could be thankful she hadn’t told Garrett about the custody hearing. Michael plunged his hand into his hair. But then maybe it would have been better if she had. He’d certainly made a mess of it.
The sound of the doorbell rang through the house. He wished he could ignore it. He had no desire to see anyone tonight, but it chimed again. Determined to send the person away as quickly as possible, he headed for the front door and wrenched it open.
The light from his veranda illuminated Rachel in a soft glow. She smiled, the gesture reaching deep into her eyes to enhance her natural beauty.
“I hope I haven’t come at a bad time. I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to talk to you.”
Michael stepped to the side to allow her into the house. “What couldn’t wait?”
She pivoted toward him. “I decided to stay in Magnolia Blossom this year while Amy’s finishing high school.”
“And then what?” He quietly shut the door, resisting the urge to slam it.
He walked toward the living room, needing its formality to remind him not to get too comfortable around Rachel. She moved to the sofa and sat. He remained by the brocade wing chair, his hands gripping the back.
“That will depend. I haven’t made any plans beyond that. I only made the decision to stay this evening.”
“Why?”
“Why am I staying?”
He nodded, his fingers digging into the brocade.
“Mother came today to see us. She was going to take Amy and Shaun back with her to the Amazon.”
“That would be an answer to all your problems.”
She flinched at the sarcastic bite to his words. “But it wouldn’t be what’s best for Amy and Shaun. Magnolia Blossom is their home. We’re a family. I convinced Mother that I wanted to be their guardian and live here.”
“And you really do?”
“What’s wrong? I thought you would be happy about my decision. This is what you’ve wanted all along.”
“Is that why you’re staying, because I wanted it?” His anger infused his voice.
“No. I want it. But I would be lying if I denied you weren’t part of this decision.”
“How nice. And when you begin to feel trapped, you can blame me right before you leave again.”
The color drained from her face. She rose, clasping her hands in front of her. “Is that what you’re worried about? That I’ll blame you if something goes wrong? Or is it something else that’s bothering you?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m ecstatic for Amy and Shaun. But what about your restaurant? What are you going to do this next year?”
She took a deep breath. “I’m putting my plans for a restaurant on hold.” She paused and drew in another fortifying breath. “I was hoping you would offer me the chef position on your riverboat.”
“What happens when you leave in ten months?”
She glanced away, then brought her gaze to his face. Her eyes shone. “I wanted us to start over. See if we could be more than friends.”
“Again the question, what happens when you leave in ten months? Am I supposed to pick up the pieces of my life like I did ten years ago? Forget about you? Forget about any feelings I might have for you?”
She trembled. Hugging her arms to her chest, she said, “I know I haven’t been very good at making a commitment, but I’m learning. I care about you, Michael. Very much. You’re important to me, and I want to see if we have a future together.”
He ached to hold her, to wipe away the haunted look in her eyes, but he couldn’t. He remembered the anguish, the loss, he’d experienced when she’d left him. He knew his limits, and he’d reached them. He couldn’t deal with losing Rachel on top of everything else happening in his life. “But I don’t, Rachel.”
Pain flickered in her eyes before she veiled them. When she looked at him, her expression was neutral. She’d always been good at hiding her emotions behind a mask. She hadn’t really changed.
“If this wasn’t so tragic, I’d laugh. You’ve always been willing to take emotional risks, whereas I never have. And here it is, our roles are reversed.”
“I’m tired of exposing myself to those emotional risks you say I take.” He pushed himself away from the wing chair. “I don’t trust your sudden change of heart.”
“That’s what it boils down to. You don’t trust me. You can’t believe that I might have really changed. People do. And people deserve second chances, but of course, you have to forgive a person to give her a second chance.”
With her shoulders back, she walked past him into the foyer. He wanted to stop her, to tell her—what? At the moment he felt as though his life were falling down around him. Each brick resounded with a warning to protect himself from further pain.
“You don’t need to say anything else to me, Michael. Without trust and forgiveness we have nothing. Goodbye.”
The sound of the front door closing echoed through the house, announcing to the world that he was letting go of the best thing that had ever happened to him. He shuddered, cold to the marrow of his bones. Kicking Rachel out of his life would only cause him to suffer more. But then denying Garrett his mother was causing his son to suffer. When Mary Lou had left them, the one thing he’d vowed he wouldn’t do to his son was cause him undue pain.
He peered at the door, then up the stairs where Garrett had disappeared. Michael had to start putting his life back together. He suddenly remembered the nursery rhyme about Humpty-Dumpty and wondered if he could piece himself back together. The task seemed overwhelming. He trudged up the stairs, viewing his son’s closed door and remembering the sound of Rachel walking out of his life. The coldness burrowed deeper into him.
Almighty God, ruler of all things in heaven and earth, hear my prayer for guidance. Strengthen my faith and help me to forgive those who have wronged me and to right the wrongs I have committed. Open my heart to Your love and mercy. Grant me the ability to love and show mercy, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
With each word he whispered, he drew nearer to Garrett’s bedroom. As he knocked on his son’s door, a calmness washed over him. God was with him. God would show him the way. Michael would be all right.
“Go away! I don’t want to talk,” Garrett shouted.
“I’m not leaving until we talk, son.”
Seconds stretched into a full minute. When the door swung open, Garrett hid behind it. Michael stepped into his son’s bedroom and pivoted toward him. Garrett shoved the door closed, the sound reminding Michael of Rachel’s departure and the hurt stamped on her expression.
Where to begin? A momentary surge of panic flashed through Michael. The Lord was beside him every step of the way. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, visualizing peace and forgiveness.
“Being with your mother is important to you?”
Tears welled in Garrett’s eyes. “Yes. I missed her while she was gone.”
“You never said.”
“Because you never liked to talk about her. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Michael’s heart expanded with all the love he had for his son. He could learn a lesson about forgiveness from Garrett. He never held a grudge for long.
His son plopped down on the nearest twin bed, his shoulders slumped, his hands clasped between his legs. “She needs me.”
Surprised at Garrett’s words, Michael blinked. “Why do you say that?”
“She wants to make up for leaving me. That’s important to her.”
“Did she tell you that?”
“Not in so many words, but I can tell. She did tell me that she did some bad things and that she had to ask God for forgiveness. If God can forgive her, why can’t you?”
Michael sucked in a deep breath as though he had been punched in the stomach. “I—” He clamped his lips together and tried to think of the best way to reply to his son. “I don’t know. I’m trying.”
Garrett lifted his head, tears running down his cheeks. “I want to get to know her. Please let me.”
For a long moment Michael stared at Garrett, frozen, unable to move or say a thing. Tears continued to fall from his son’s eyes, unchecked, as they stared at each other.
Michael was across the room in two strides. He scooped his son into his arms and held him tight, tears misting his eyes. “I love you, son.”
“I know that. I love you, Dad, but I love Mom, too.”
“I can’t promise I’ll change overnight, but I’ll call your mom and talk to her about you going deep-sea fishing this weekend with them. Okay?”
Garrett pulled back, wiping at his tears. “You mean it?”
Michael nodded, a lump the size of the Gulf in his throat.
“Do you think Shaun can go, too?”
“You’ll have to ask him.”
“I’ll go call him right now.” Garrett hurried toward the hall, stopped halfway to the door and said, “No, wait. You’d better call Mom first, then I’ll talk to Shaun.”
Michael smiled. “I’m going to. Don’t worry. I won’t change my mind.”
Garrett blushed. “I know you won’t. I just want to make sure everything is still on for the weekend before I invite Shaun.”
“Do you want to talk to her after I do?” Michael tousled his son’s hair as he passed him.
“Sure. Just let me know when you’re finished.”
Michael arched a brow. “You aren’t going to listen?”
“No. I know you have things to talk over that are private. I’ll wait here.”
Michael paused in the doorway. “When did you get to be such a smart kid?”
With a huge grin on his face, Garrett shrugged.
* * *
“Well, that’s done.” Rachel replaced the receiver in its cradle and twisted to look at Amy. “And you know what? It felt good to tell my lawyer to hold off on the restaurant deal.”
Amy downed the last of her soda. “Then you really don’t mind staying in Magnolia Blossom this year?”
“No.” Rachel fingered the newspaper at her elbow. “But I’ll need to see about getting a job. I’ll have to travel to Natchez or Jackson, possibly even New Orleans.”
“What about Michael’s restaurant on the riverboat?”
“He’s interviewing someone else today.”
After the evening before, working with him wasn’t a possibility, Rachel thought with a touch of sadness. She couldn’t be around him all the time in a work situation, or a situation of any other kind. The idea that he couldn’t totally trust her hurt her deeply. Granted, she had given him reasons to feel that way, but she had changed. She had learned to make a commitment.
“Maybe it won’t work out.”
“Amy Peters, no more matchmaking. One Helen in Magnolia Blossom is enough. Besides, Michael isn’t interested.”
“Does that mean you are?”
Rachel held up her hand, palm outward. “Stop. Don’t go there. Whatever we had once is over. Period. No more.”
“Thou doth protest too much.” Amy rose and put her glass in the kitchen sink. “Are you through with the renovations on the riverboat?”
“I’m going over later this afternoon to meet with the carpenter about a few last-minute details, then I’m basically finished.” Thankfully, Rachel thought, trying to ignore the pain threatening to overwhelm her.
Amy leaned against the counter. “You know we didn’t get to talk last night after Mother left. You ran out of here so fast you made my head spin. Are you sure about what happened?”
Rachel’s smile came from the depths of her heart. “Yes. We’re a family. It took me some time to really realize what that meant, but I must say, you, Shaun and Michael have helped me with that.”
“Were you as surprised as I was about Mother’s offer?”
Rachel laughed. “Shocked.”
“Do you think she was serious?”
“Yeah, or believe me, she wouldn’t have made the offer to take you two with her.”
“Why did she do it?”
Rachel looked away from her sister for a few seconds. “I believe because I said something to her that last time she called about being your guardian.”
Amy’s eyebrows shot up. “But I thought you and Aunt Flora had talked about it several years ago.”
“Yes, but I got angry at Mother for not doing what I thought she should as the parent.”
“Oh.” Amy hung her head, staring at the floor.
Rachel stood and went to her sister. “This summer I’ve done a lot of thinking. Getting involved in the church again has helped me to sort out my feelings concerning our parents. I’ve always felt abandoned by them, and in a way we were. But you know, Amy, I feel they did the right thing by leaving us with Aunt Flora. Their medical research helps thousands of people. I’m not excusing how they handle everything, but I understand. I can forgive them. I can move on.”
The words, said out loud, felt so right. Rachel pulled her sister into her embrace and hugged her.
“I love you, big sis.”
“I’m glad, because you’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere.”
* * *
Rachel stood on the landing, peering at Michael’s riverboat. A man was positioned over the back of it, painting the name. So far there was a big black C.
She saw Michael’s truck parked nearby and hoped she could meet Brandon, the carpenter, and leave without running into Michael. Her heart ached too much to see him right now. Maybe later, with time, she could feel as though she weren’t coming apart if she met him on the streets of Magnolia Blossom. Somehow she had to pull herself together enough to live in the same small town for at least the next ten months. For Amy and Shaun, she would do it. She was through running away from her emotions and denying they existed.
With a heavy sigh she walked toward the gangplank. She would use the back way to the kitchen. In and out. Thirty minutes tops. Then her professional connection with Michael would be cut.
But never her emotional one, she thought as she climbed to the second deck. When she stepped into the kitchen, she was surprised to find it deserted. A feeling of coming home inundated her as she ran her hand along the gleaming stainless steel. She visualized herself standing in front of the stove, stirring one of her cream sauces, the scents and smells of a kitchen enveloping her. Onions sautéing. Bread baking. Coffee brewing.
She gripped the counter and leaned into it. She quivered with the vision she knew was just out of her reach. If only she had learned how to make a commitment earlier—ten years ago.
“Rachel.”
With her back to the door, she slid her eyes closed, her breath bottled in her lungs. Please not now, Lord. I can’t handle seeing Michael.
“I was afraid you weren’t going to meet Brandon.”
She spun. “I always finish a job, Michael. I have changed, but not totally.”
Michael moved into the kitchen, his face no longer in the shadows.
Rachel sucked in a deep breath at the haggard lines around his mouth and eyes. She wanted to smooth them away, ease what torment had put them there. She remained where she was, aware that a large wall stood between them, originally erected by her, reinforced by him.
“I told Brandon you would meet with him another day.”
“Why?”
“Because we need to talk.”
“I thought you had said all you wanted to last night.”
“A guy can change his mind.”
Hope vied with her natural wariness. Her hands on the counter tightened. “Yes, just as a gal can. What do you want to talk about?”
“Us.” He took a step closer.
“There is no us. Haven’t you said that enough these past few months? I’ve finally gotten it, Michael.”
He tunneled his fingers through his hair. “I was wrong last night about a lot of things.”
Her heart began to pound.
“I want you to be the chef on the riverboat.”
“No.”
“Why not? I thought that’s what you wanted. Have you changed your mind about staying in Magnolia Blossom?”
“No.”
He shook his head. “Then I don’t understand.”
“Ten years ago I ran because I couldn’t give you what you wanted, and yet I knew I could never watch you fall in love with another woman, marry and have a family. I’m staying in Magnolia Blossom, but I won’t work for you. I made a promise to Amy and Shaun, but I know my limitations.”
The frown that furrowed his brow vanished. “You won’t work for me because you have feelings for me?”
“I love you. I now realize that hasn’t changed in ten years.”
“Good.” The tension in his body melted. He moved one step closer.
“Good?”
“I love you.”
“But last night—”
He placed his fingers over her mouth. “When you came back to Magnolia Blossom, I fell in love with you all over again. With you as you are today, not ten years ago. What I feel for you now far outshines those feelings.”
The pounding of her heart thundered in her ears. Her throat contracted, making it difficult to draw air into her lungs.
“I’ve been up all night, trying to work through my problems. I did some soul-searching with God’s help and realized a few things about myself.” He rubbed his fingers across her lips.
The sensations created from his touch made the world fade. Her every sense became centered on the man standing in front of her.
“I do trust you. I have from the beginning. You were the one I turned to when things were heating up with Mary Lou. The past few months I have opened my heart to you, and that’s not something I’ve done in years. You know me better than anyone. That doesn’t happen without trust, Rachel. I was just being too stubborn to realize that.”
Tears flooded her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Michael wiped them away, but more fell.
“You aren’t supposed to cry.”
“Tears of joy. I didn’t think I would ever hear you say you trusted me. Does that mean you have forgiven me for leaving you ten years ago?”
“For a time I’d forgotten the power of forgiveness. You taught me how freeing it is to forgive another.” He cupped her face, leaning closer. “Yes, I have forgiven you. Will you forgive me for being so pigheaded?”
“Mmm. I don’t know.”
He brushed his lips across hers. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”
“Perhaps.”
He wound his arms about her and brought her against him. His mouth settled over hers. His kiss rocked her to the depths of her being.
When he pulled back, his eyes gleamed with happiness. “Well?”
“Not a bad start.”
“Then I guess I’ll have to spend the next thirty or forty years trying to convince you.”
“Oh, it probably won’t take that long.” She laughed and tightened her embrace, drawing him close to her.
“Will you marry me?” He kissed her lightly on both sides of the mouth.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes. Yes. Yes.”
“Will you be my chef on the Cajun Queen?”
“The Cajun Queen?”
“I decided to name the riverboat after you.” He grinned and snuggled closer, nibbling on her ear. “I want the very best, and you, my love, are that.”
“How can I turn down a proposition like that?”
“You can’t, since I’m giving you the Cajun Queen as a wedding present.”
Rachel gasped. “Giving me the boat?”
“Do you honestly think I’ll have the time to run the restaurant with my plantation and other business ventures?”
“But, Michael, it’s been in your family for several generations.”
“And you’ll be family, so it will stay in it. It’ll be something you can pass on to our children.”
She knew how much family and traditions meant to him, and the gesture took her breath away. “I don’t know what to say.”
“How about yes? I started this riverboat project to give you a reason to stay in Magnolia Blossom. At the beginning I told myself it was for Amy and Shaun’s sake. Now I know better. It was for me.”
She leaned her head on his chest and listened to his strong heartbeat. “The only thing I can say is yes.”