Laikyn
When Rule took my hand, something shifted in my chest. It was the strangest feeling. Like falling from a high distance and not expecting the drop. My heart beat erratically for several pumps, then returned to a normal rhythm. When it did, I felt safe for the first time in my life.
I knew I shouldn’t. Not only because I hardly knew him but because Rule was a man people feared, not someone you could lean on. As those kids had said, he was known as the Hollywood Fixer around these parts. The man who cleaned up other people’s messes, regardless of what they were. And while those kids thought he was cool—and maybe he was— he certainly wasn’t someone you could trust your heart with.
Not that I had a heart to begin with. Not the kind people boasted about in poetry. Mine pumped blood; it didn’t get hysterical or mushy. Not for my mother or my friends, and definitely not because of a man. I often wondered if mine was broken or if I was simply a byproduct of my upbringing. When you had a mother who cared only for her own well-being and worried about what strangers thought of her over her daughter’s needs, it wasn’t surprising that I was what therapists considered an ideal subject for research on a variety of emotional disorders.
But my heart didn’t have to be involved because my body was in tune with his. I’d spent the better part of an hour looking into Rule’s eyes. Although he was guarded, I felt as though those gorgeous brown eyes gave me a tiny glimpse into his soul. And what I saw there … well, I wasn’t trying to determine whether he could love me. That didn’t matter. I was looking for something tangible, something I could feel and taste. I sensed a dark passion beneath the gruff exterior. There was no doubt in my mind that he would satisfy me in a way I’d never been before. I wanted that. I wanted to let go with him for a little while, to give him my body and let him do wicked, dirty things to it. He would. Of that I was sure.
I just wasn’t sure what approach to take. He reacted to my taunting and teasing, and I could tell I was wearing him down, but I knew he would never make the first move. I would have to take charge, or he would keep turning a blind eye to the chemistry between us. For whatever reason, I got the feeling Rule wanted to protect me. And by not fucking me, he thought he was.
The drive to the beach took only a few minutes, and we did it in silence. I watched him as he drove, admiring his big, strong hands and the dark hair on his forearms. I snuck a peek at the strong column of his neck and the flex and pull of the muscles in his chest. I wanted those big, callused hands on me, those strong arms around me. I wanted to hear the rapid thump of his heart against my ear. I wanted him to wrap me up tight while our bodies were joined so I could feel something for the first time. I could all but guarantee the sensations would be heightened because of that electrical spark that arced between us, the one he was readily ignoring and I was constantly being singed by.
When I got out of the car, I realized I probably should’ve brought a sweater. The breeze was chilly coming in off the water, even when the temperatures were in the high 70s. Being a native of California, it was cooler for me than those who’d grown up in colder climates. I figured this might work in my favor, though, since Rule didn’t seem to be having problems with the temperature.
As we walked along the short wooden platform down to the sand, I took a moment to admire the sunset. It would be dark soon enough, but I didn’t mind. Sunrise or sunset, I could find beauty in either for the most part. My favorite part of the day was when the sun was low in the sky, casting the last of its radiance on the day as the sky darkened and the light was slowly consumed by darkness.
“What got you in the line of work you’re in?” I prompted when it was clear Rule wasn’t going to spark up a conversation.
“Happenstance.”
“Meaning someone needed your help and was willing to pay you a million a pop to take care of it?”
He glanced down at his feet and smiled. “My fee fluctuates depending on what I need to do.”
“So not everyone has to pay a mil?”
“No.”
“Interesting.”
He cut his gaze to me. “How so?”
I shrugged. “I figure I might one day need your services, and since I don’t intend to have any dead bodies lying around, I’ll expect a discount.”
He chuckled. “Hopefully, you won’t need my services.”
“To what extent will you go to fix a problem?”
His forehead pinched, and his eyebrows angled into a V. “I won’t cause a problem to fix one. That’s my rule.”
“Meaning … you won’t inflict bodily harm if someone wants someone to go away?”
“Not unless I have to.”
I knew he said not to think of him as the hero, but I couldn’t help thinking there was more good in him than he was willing to acknowledge.
“Where’d your name come from?”
“It was a nickname.”
“Is Jinx a nickname?”
“It is,” Rule confirmed. “I gave it to him when we were kids.”
Interesting.
“How’d your name come to be?”
“I have a lot of rules.”
“Really?” That intrigued me. “And you legally changed it?”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“Someone dared me to.”
I believed that. Rule did not seem like the sort to back down from a dare.
“What was your name before?”
“Irrelevant,” he said softly.
“You didn’t like it?”
“It was given to me by someone who felt sorry for the diaper-wearing kid found in the police station. I had no value, nor did the name they gave me.”
“So you think it was irrelevant.”
He glanced my way. “No, I think I was irrelevant.”
Remember when I said I didn’t have a heart? I think I was wrong because that statement ripped my chest wide open, flayed me straight down the middle. The way Rule said the words … as though he truly believed them … it caused something inside me to shift.
Because I could tell that was not a topic he was willing or eager to venture into, I shifted tactics.
“Does it bother you that I’m asking all these questions?”
“No.”
“Would you tell me if it did?”
“Yes.”
“I believe you.” I grinned, tucking my hands in my pockets to warm my fingers. “I like to ask questions. I like to know things about people.”
“But you don’t let people know you.”
There was no heat in his tone, no accusation. “It’s easier that way. Lessens the chance of disappointment. Plus, most people don’t want to know me. They want to know my mother. I’m merely a path to get them there.” I glanced over at him. “You’re not exactly an open book, either.”
He didn’t respond, but he tended not to when I didn’t voice a question.
“You said you wouldn’t fuck other women while we’re married. Why not?”
I think I surprised him with my candor because his gaze snapped to mine before he could hide his reaction.
“I don’t want to,” he said gruffly.
“But you don’t want to fuck me either? Why is that?”
“Because that’s not what this is.”
“Then what is it, exactly?” I stopped walking because I wanted to look him in the eye when I asked my next question.
Rule stopped, too, but he didn’t turn to look at me immediately as though sensing what I was going to ask.
“What’s in it for you, Rule? This marriage, I mean.”
“Nothing.”
I wished I could’ve detected a lie in his answer, but I didn’t. Whether that was because I didn’t know him well enough to detect one or because he was telling the truth, I wasn’t sure. He assured me he wouldn’t lie because he had no reason to. Was that true? Or was that a lie simply to keep me from thinking the worst?
“Nothing besides three million dollars, you mean?”
His eyebrows pinched.
“You know it’ll take me a hundred years to pay off that debt, right?”
“I know.”
“You’re really going to waste your life married to someone you don’t even want to fuck?”
His eyebrows dipped low.
“Did you do this to punish my mother? Because she doesn’t care.”
“She cares.”
I snorted, peering out at the horizon and the wash of color splashed across the sky. Soon, it would be swallowed by night, but for a few minutes, it was the most beautiful thing in existence. With the exception of the man beside me.
We were both silent for a moment, staring out into the distance. I figured Rule was hoping I would drop the subject, and I was taking the time to gather my thoughts.
I sighed. “I didn’t ask you for details on my mother’s part in my kidnapping because I don’t want to know the truth. I know what she’s capable of. I can’t tell you how many times she’s used me to gain favor with the press. I’ve been used my entire life as a pawn for her image. She even used my father.”
“I thought she didn’t know who he was?”
“That’s what she said in an interview when she was pregnant with me. She garnered favor for being strong enough to venture into motherhood as a single, working woman. She latched onto that image, stood by it.” I sighed. “I think she knows who he is, but she likes how it makes her look to the media.” I glanced at him. “She plays the doting mother for the cameras. Behind the lens, she’s a selfish bitch. But I never thought she’d put me in harm’s way.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I do believe she did it. I believe she thought she had a valid reason and that it would all work out in the end.”
“It did.”
He was so wrong about that. “No. Not really.”
This time, he turned to face me, his dark eyes moving over my face.
“I have nightmares,” I admitted. “I wake up in a cold sweat more often than not. I never feel safe anymore. Maybe I never did, I don’t know.”
“Did he hurt you?”
He was referring to Diggy. I hated thinking about what happened, but I figured if anyone deserved an answer, it was the man who had saved me.
“No. But he threatened to, and I believed him. I pretended I didn’t. Pretended those bars were in place to keep him out, not me in. But I kept waiting for it. For the day he would make his way into the cage and do horrible, vicious things to me. The way he looked at me … watched me…” I shivered from the memory and from the cold penetrating my bones. “I think if the time had run out, he would’ve hurt me. He would’ve raped me because he’d built it into this big thing. He was convinced that was the way to knock me down a peg. He said that.”
His tone was cold and hard when he said, “I put a bullet between his eyes.”
“I know.” I met his stare. “I never thought of myself as a violent person, but I’m thankful for that. It’s the only reason I can sleep at all. But Diggy wasn’t in charge. He answered to someone. I always wondered who that was. The day you came, he thought you were Javier. What if Javier’s out there waiting for a chance to kidnap me for real? If my mother never paid the ransom, what’s to say he won’t get his money one way or another?”
They were all rhetorical questions, ones I’d asked myself a million times. I appreciated that Rule didn’t placate me with nonsense. He didn’t try to tell me the boogyman wasn’t real or that there wasn’t some slighted asshole hellbent on getting back at Monica Quinn for the money he was never paid. We both knew it would’ve been lies because, if I had to guess, Javier was out there. Whether he was looking to exact revenge on my mother was a question no one would have an answer to except for him.
“Are you cold?” Rule asked.
I realized I was shivering, but it was only partially from the cold. “Yes.”
Rule stepped forward, closing the gap between us. He pulled me against him as he took a deep breath. His big, callused hands moved over the bare skin on my arms, infusing warmth into my body. I rested my head on his shoulder and inhaled his musky scent. He smelled so good I did it again, pressing my nose to his neck. I didn’t think about what I was doing or the fact that I was technically making the move I’d been wanting to make. I wasn’t trying to seduce him, but I was trying to get closer.
“Laikyn.”
His breath was warm against my ear, his voice so low, I hardly heard it over the sound of the surf.
I couldn’t resist sliding my hands beneath his shirt so I could feel the warmth of his skin. He breathed in deep, his muscles tensing beneath my fingertips, but he didn’t pull away.
“We can’t do this.” His voice was a guttural growl that sent another chill over me.
“So you’ve said. I promise not to let you get attached.”
He chuckled softly, and the sound reverberated through my entire body.
I pulled back and peered up at him. “What if I promise not to get attached?”
“Can you do that?”
I could tell he wasn’t asking because he believed it.
I opted for complete transparency. “There’s a rule about love. To have it, you have to be willing to be hurt. I’m not willing. I’ve been fighting for attention all my life, and when I think I might get it, my mother steals it from me. It’s not worth it. So yes, I can promise you I won’t get attached.”
For a brief moment, I thought I saw a glimmer of sympathy in his gaze. But I didn’t want that from him either.
“I’m not a virgin, Rule. I haven’t been for a really long time. I know how to separate sex from love.”
His hands stilled on my arms, his fingertips pressing into my flesh. I wasn’t sure if he was gearing up to push me away or trying to hold himself back. I hoped for the latter because, although I was hiding it well, his constant rejection was battering away at my self-esteem.
Taking the lead, I leaned into him, bringing my lips closer to his. For a moment, we shared the same air. But the second I pressed my mouth to his, he pushed me away, taking a step back. He didn’t look angry but perhaps disappointed. Instantly, I felt like an idiot.
“Sorry,” I said, turning to walk back toward the car.
Fuck. Why did I do that? It was an open invitation for more rejection, and I jumped right in with both feet. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“Laikyn, wait.”
I didn’t. I couldn’t. “You told me you didn’t want me. I didn’t listen. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I should’ve listened.
It took every ounce of my self-control not to run to the car. I didn’t want to admit it but his rejection hurt. I mean, I’d married the man, and he couldn’t even stand to kiss me.
I pounded up the steps to the parking lot, my chest heaving but not from exhaustion. I was angry. At myself. At the situation. And yes, I was angry that he’d pushed me away, but I had no one to blame but myself. He had warned me, and I didn’t listen.
I was almost to the car when I heard a guttural “Goddammit, girl” from behind me.
Rule’s hand curled around my arm, spinning me around. When he took a step forward, I stumbled, my back hitting the car. The next thing I knew, his mouth was on mine. I whimpered, blaming it on surprise, but the heat that pooled deep in my core called me a liar.
The kiss was brutally beautiful, the way his tongue thrashed against mine as though getting inside me was the only thing that mattered. I kissed him back with equal passion, my brain short-circuiting.
“Damn you, Laikyn,” he groaned against my lips before kissing me again.
I clung to him, wanting to stay like this forever.
“First off,” he growled hotly, “I never said I didn’t want you.”
His hand curved behind my head, his body pressed to mine as his tongue thrust into my mouth. He wasn’t gentle, and this wasn’t a sweet exploration. A part of his body was inside mine, and though it was his tongue, it could’ve been his cock for the sensations that blasted through my being. I felt that kiss between my thighs.
Rule twined his fingers in my hair and pulled so our mouths separated. He was breathing as hard as I was, his eyes so dark I could no longer see the gold flecks in them.
“Don’t think for one second that I don’t want to fuck you,” he growled, his hips pressing forward, the evidence like a steel rod between us. “I’ve never been tempted by anything like you before.”
I assumed that was a compliment, but my brain wasn’t functioning well enough to form words.
The chirp of a siren ruined the moment. Rule instantly released me, stepping back. I glanced toward the sound and noticed a patrol car stopped near the entrance.
“Get in,” he snapped. “We’re going home.”
I got in the car.
* * *
Jinx
The moment Laikyn came inside, I knew something happened.
I could only assume it wasn’t good since Rule didn’t come in with her. And since he didn’t text to let me know of a job, I had to assume this was one of those instances when he was running away. That was something he was good at, too. Even Waldo was used to it, giving the sound only a cursory glance before huffing a sigh and flopping back onto the ground.
Since there wasn’t a television in the house, I was sitting on the back porch when I saw Laikyn emerge from her room a short time later. She’d changed out of her jeans into a pair of loose pajama pants and a long-sleeve T-shirt that looked about three sizes too big. Strangely enough, she was sexy as fuck, and I found myself shaking my head at the nonsense that was brewing in my brain.
I had no business thinking Laikyn was sexy.
“Oh, hey,” she said, her expression a mixture of sadness and surprise as she carried a glass of water outside.
Waldo lifted his head from his spot in front of the couch. His gaze skimmed her before he flopped back down to continue snoozing.
I patted the cushion beside me, urging Laikyn to sit. The fact she opted to sit on the very spot I patted wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but I refused to acknowledge that it meant anything.
“What are you watching?”
I tapped the button on the remote to show her the menu.
“The Breakfast Club?” She set her glass down, then smiled at me. “Very interesting, Jinx. I didn’t take you for a Molly Ringwald fan.”
I shook my head.
“Ally Sheedy?”
I shook my head again.
“Judd Nelson?”
I nodded, then grinned.
“Me, too.” Laikyn leaned back, her shoulder resting against my side. “Not so much in anything else.” She laughed softly. “Except maybe, Fandango.”
The girl wasn’t born until 2001, sixteen years after both movies were made. Then again, her mother was an actress, so movies could be her thing. Nothing in the information I’d unearthed revealed as much, so it was nice to learn something about her that I didn’t already know.
While she stared at the television, I grabbed my phone from where it sat on the armrest and typed a message using only one hand, then hit send.
“Are you talking to me, Jinx?” Laikyn asked when her cell phone chimed.
I typed YES, then hit send.
Her phone chimed before she had a chance to look at the first message, and she laughed again.
I liked the sound of her laugh. Far more than I should.
“How was your date?” she read from her phone screen. “Great. Right up until I kissed Rule, and he rejected me. Then it pretty much sucked. Until he kissed me. But that didn’t happen until after he chased me down the beach because I ran away with my tail between my legs. That was actually pretty great, too. The kiss part, I mean. Not the running. Then he dumped me here and ran away.”
Laikyn leaned into me, resting her head on my shoulder. “Tell me something, Jinx. Am I not his type?”
That was one of those double-edged questions. Rule was adamant about keeping her at arm’s length for her own good, so anything I told her would be to keep his cover. And more than likely a lie. But if I didn’t tell her he was interested, she would be hurt. More than she appeared to be already.
“I’m sorry,” she said before I could come up with a way to respond. “Ignore me. It’s not your problem. I don’t mean to drag you into it.”
I patted her shoulder, ignoring how good it felt to simply touch her. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d touched a woman and paid attention to how it felt. The majority of my interactions with women were sexual, and none of them left a lasting impression. It was more about sating the urge and moving on—for them and me. Not many women were interested in a man who didn’t talk. Once they realized it, things usually became awkward. Rarely did I meet a woman like Laikyn who was willing to put forth the effort to communicate on a deeper level. Not that I was complaining. I didn’t give a shit. I had Rule, Rhyan, and the twins when I needed to converse, though those were rare, too.
“I know I shouldn’t,” Laikyn said, snuggling closer, her hand resting on my chest, her head on my shoulder. “But I like him. I think there’s more to him than meets the eye.”
I was glad she did because Rule deserved that. He was a tortured soul who did his best to keep his distance from everyone. The four of us were the exception, but he didn’t open up to any of us either. Not the way he should. And that wasn’t for lack of trying on our part.
“When I say I like him, I don’t mean I want him to fall in love with me,” she continued, but I wasn’t sure she was talking to me so much as trying to work through the problem. “I’d like to fuck him, sure. But I also like him. I think we could be friends. Definitely fuck-buddies.”
I smiled to myself. I liked that she was brutally honest about her desires. It was refreshing.
At the same time, I got the sense she used sex as a coping mechanism. Similar to the way Rule did. As a distraction. They’d turned the act into something that was only supposed to be felt, not accepting it as an experience that allowed you to get closer to someone.
Laikyn yawned, her body relaxing against me. I knew I should’ve excused myself, but I didn’t. I remained where I was, staring at the television screen and doing my best not to fall for the sweet woman who was simply trying to follow the new course set for her.
“I like you, too, Jinx,” she said softly, patting my chest. “More than I should.”
The feeling was certainly mutual, but rather than text that to her, I held Laikyn until she fell asleep. It was my intention to carry her to her bedroom. It would’ve been the noble thing to do.
Instead, I stretched out beside her and fell asleep with Laikyn in my arms. The couch wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, but I slept better than I had in years.