Denarrion sensed Lissandra’s withdrawal the moment the Ravenwings left. She’d been talking to Charlie, but his foster brother had been uncharacteristically fidgety and taciturn. He had no idea what had set her off. Did Charlie or Torri say something to her? He’d rehashed all the conversations in his head, but nothing seemed out of place.
When he’d wrapped his arms around Lissandra, she’d been stiff and reserved. He wanted to give her more pleasure tonight, but when she suggested sitting outside, he sensed she wanted to talk. What the hell is wrong? He put the kettle on to boil and pulled out matching mugs before heading back outside.
She’d settled into one of the plush outdoor chairs he had on his porch, her expression distant. Ignoring his foreboding, he turned on the outdoor lights inset at the corners of the porch and sat in the other chair. In his extensive experience with women, pensiveness rarely boded well. Swallowing his dread, he reached for her hand. She let him take it with a distracted smile.
“A penny for your thoughts.”
“I think we need to talk.”
His gut sank. He’d heard the ‘we need to talk’ line, and in his long experience, it meant the relationship was ending. Unreasoning panic rose in his chest and he gritted his teeth against the anguished moan surging from his gut. Don’t panic. She hasn’t said anything yet.
“Okay. What about?” Did it have anything to do with the look Torri had shot him earlier in the evening?
“I want to talk about some things before I decide if I’m going to go forward with this courtship.”
He froze and his gut sank as the kettle whistled from inside the house. He barely heard it over the thundering of his heart. Oh, no. What did I do?
“You don’t want to continue this courtship?”
“No, I said want to talk about things before we continue.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I know it seems a little late, but I need to know some things before we do anything more.”
“All right.” He nodded though he felt like throwing up. “Let me get the tea and we can talk.”
She nodded and turned her gaze back to the darkening night. He swallowed hard and forced himself to walk into the house to prepare the tea. His home had seemed perfect with her in it, sharing the meal and conversation with the Ravenwings. But ever since their shopping trip that afternoon, the courtship had shot into uncharted territory with a shit-ton of obstacles and speed bumps.
He took the kettle off the stove and poured the water over the tea bags in two mugs. The warm peppermint scent drifted up off the mugs, but it didn’t settle him like usual. Maybe that’s because I’m going to lose at this game before I get a real chance to play.
He returned to the deck and handed Lissandra her mug. She thanked him, but didn’t smile, and he tried to make himself comfortable on the other chair. Too bad it felt as if they sat a million miles apart. He told himself to relax, to go with the flow, but anxiety pinged through his mind as she cradled her mug in her hands.
“Now, what do you want to talk about?” He settled against his chair.
He watched her frown in concentration, a little crease forming between her eyes. She stared sightlessly at the sky and foreboding slithered through him. A vision of her lying on her back filled his mind, her eyes wide open and her features slack. He crouched beside her, shouting, but she didn’t respond to his voice.
Fear and rage flooded his system and he inhaled a deep breath to roar with the emotion building within him. No, she can’t be gone. Lissandra, don’t leave me! Then he was back on his deck, staring at her lively face, and he let out his breath with a surprised sigh.
“Are you okay?” She raised her eyebrows.
He tried to catch his breath and decipher what he’d seen. It had seemed so real, as if he’d really been there, his throat raw from screaming.
“Yeah.” He swallowed against the rawness and shrugged nonchalantly. “So, you figured out what you want to talk about yet?”
“I want to ask you about your family.”
His insides chilled until he shivered despite the early summer heat. Just like when he’d seen Lissandra dead in his arms. Wait, she was dead? He cleared his throat.
“Why do you want to know about my family?”
“I want to know why you seem to avoid them and why you spend so much…time with humans.” Her inflection held a wealth of meaning.
“Ah, you know, I’m a guy.” He waved flippantly, offering his usual grin. But he felt like she’d sucker-punched him. “I wanted experience with sex in this form and I’m heterosexual, so I found as many females willing to “teach” me as I could.” He shrugged. “Besides, dragons are few and far between. I have to fit in with the humans. Better camouflage. Can you imagine what the Department of Homeland Security would do if they figured out I’m not human?” He shuddered for effect.
Lissandra gave him a half smile in response to his joke, but her eyes remained serious. “What about your family?”
He sighed and sipped his tea. “That’s more complicated.”
“How so?”
“My parents are in a loveless marriage. If they were true mates before, it definitely ain’t the case now. They basically tolerate each other and my sister and me. Being in their house—shit, in their company—is like taking some sort of exam. You’re always stressed, worried about doing well, or well enough, and everyone’s miserable.” He picked at a splinter in the arm of his chair. “I got out when I could, but my sister has to live there, and as much as I want to protect her, I can’t put myself into that pain and suffering.”
“How old is your sister?”
He frowned for a moment. “I think she’s about Torri’s age. She isn’t sexually mature yet.”
“What’s her name?”
“Surianna.”
“As in sunshine?”
“Yeah.” He grinned. “We call her Suri.”
“It seems strange that your family is so miserable.” Lissandra rubbed her tea mug with her thumbs.
He shrugged. “When I was younger, I remember them being happier, but not anymore.”
“What changed between then and now?”
He sat up and draped his arms over his knees. “You’ve heard of the Great Chicago Fire, right?”
“Sure. It not only made news in the human world, but the dragon world as well. Your father took down a demon there, right?”
“Oh, yeah. Waltarrion Goldencoat, the savior of Chicago.” His voice sounded bitter even to himself. “Afterwards, he became a surly sonovaprick, rigid in his belief we had to hide our true nature and act as human as possible to blend in.” Denarrion shook his head again. “It just seemed easier to play along with his demands than get my head bitten off.”
“It seems odd your mom would tolerate that behavior. Didn’t she say anything?” Lissandra shook her head, puzzled.
“I think she just wanted to keep the peace, and it was easier to say nothing than fight him. She was pretty worried about him.” He waved his hand as if he could dismiss the past. “Tell me more about True Bonded partners. What does that mean?”
She studied him for a few moments. “I’m not done asking about your family, Denarrion.”
He nodded. “I figured, but if you answer my questions, maybe you’ll get a better idea of why I don’t seem to know stuff.”
“Your parents didn’t teach you anything about being a dragon?” Alarm filled her eyes.
He grimaced. “I don’t remember if they did before Walter got sick, but they sure as hell didn’t afterwards.”
“Your father got sick?”
“Yeah, after the fire.” Denarrion ignored the urge to hide his family’s shame. “It was a long time ago, but it took him forever to get better. When he did, he was pretty bitter.”
“That’s strange. I’ve never heard of a dragon getting sick.”
“Yeah, no one had. He was an anomaly. Do you think if my folks were True Bonded partners he would’ve gotten better?”
Lissandra shook her head with a frown. “Yeah, I do. True Bonding in dragons is when the yin-yang of the soul comes together and reconnects. I think it also occurs in werewolves and the Morukai, and maybe even in vampires. In dragons, the partners feel the urge to bite their mates while mating.”
“Recreational sex,” he murmured automatically.
“Whatever.” She tightened her lips. “But that’s how we get increased strength, vitality, longevity, health, et cetera.” She frowned. “You really don’t know this? I mean, you’ve bitten me twice. Haven’t you noticed the increase in our connection?”
“Yeah, I guess.” He frowned. “I hadn’t really paid attention.”
She nodded though the corners of her mouth turned down. “The longer we’re together, the better you’ll be able to sense when I’m in danger and vice versa.”
“Whoa, that’s kinda wild.” He rubbed his chin as a memory surfaced. “But you haven’t bitten me.”
She was silent a few moments. “No.”
“Why not? Haven’t you had the urge?” Oh sweet Goddess, maybe she doesn’t feel the same about me.
She inclined her head but didn’t say yes or no. “Tell me why you always refer to things in decades rather than in centuries. And why the idea of shifting into our natural form freaks you out.”
“I never said it freaked me out.” He tried to appear casual but his heartrate jumped at the idea of shifting.
“You didn’t have to. Your body language told me.”
He couldn’t read her expression and the uncomfortable feeling settled back into his gut. How did she read him so well after so little time together?
She bit her bottom lip. “You’re old enough to mate, right?”
“Yeah, of course I am.” He growled. “Chronologically, I’m one thousand and forty-eight years old.”
“So why do you get nervous every time I use the word ‘centuries’ when referring to age?”
Denarrion resisted the urge to squirm like a dragonet. “Aaah, I guess it just goes back to fitting in with the humans, you know? They don’t say their five decades old when they turn fifty. Besides, it always sets my old man off when we talk like that. He jumps down our throats.”
The description didn’t begin to cover Waltarrion’s reaction whenever they talked ‘like dragons.’ He’d rage and fume, spittle flying from his mouth, and his skin would take on a gray pallor lasting for days afterwards. It was creepy and Denarrion had found it easier to refrain from making any mention of dragon-related things.
“But you moved out and now live on your own away from his influence. You haven’t made your own choices about it?” Lissandra tilted her head, her brows lowered.
He held his tea in his hands as he realized he’d just been going along with his father’s edicts even after he walked away. It had never occurred to him to change until he’d met Lissandra.
And that was a long fucking time to go along.
Talking about dragon-related things with her felt good, natural, and his curiosity poked its head out of the ashes of his life. Too bad I didn’t notice how locked up I’ve been without help. And now she was thinking of walking away from their courtship. Because he was fucked up about being a dragon. He mentally shook his head. How in hellwinds could he be scared of being a dragon? He was one. Anger rose in his chest, but whether it stemmed from his father or himself, he didn’t know.
“Isn’t your father in favor of this courtship?” Lissandra hugged herself, her expression troubled.
“Yeah.” Denarrion nodded. “That’s why I wasn’t thrilled with meeting you at first.”
“Ahh.” She sipped her tea, her body language reserved. “You don’t trust his motives since you’re at loggerheads with him.”
“Pretty much.”
“Strange that he’d want you to find a mate when he requires you to hide your true self.” She frowned and turned to stare at him. “Has he ever told you why he wants you to hide so much?”
He shrugged, the old fear rising again. “Because he knows how dangerous humans can be when they put their minds to it.” He sighed and rubbed his arms against a sudden chill. “Humans damn near killed him.”
“I though you said it was the fight with a demon that almost killed him.”
“Yeah, well, the demon possessed a human host, and riled up the crowd to take him down before he managed to kill the host.” Denarrion grunted. “I didn’t see the ending of the fight, but Waltarrion was lucky to survive. Ever since then he’s been adamant about keeping our heads down and blending in to the community.”
“That doesn’t sound like the warrior we’ve all been taught about.” She shook her head.
“Yeah, well, you don’t really know someone until you have to live with them. Great heroes are usually just guys in the right place at the right time who get lucky. And the rest of us have to put up with the ‘greatness.’”
“Is that why you prefer to use your nickname, even around me?”
Denarrion frowned. That isn’t it, is it? When he’d touched Lissandra for the first time at the reservoir, he felt like she’d shined a light into the darkness in his heart. Like a box of precious things pulled out of the closet, things he’d been missing. Her touch had banished some of the old anger and bitterness dogging his thoughts.
But he sensed her touch wouldn’t have worked at all if she hadn’t arrived when she did. What the hell did that mean?
“Nah, it’s more like habit.” He shook his head and shot her a smile. “But I like it when you say my full name.”
“I’m sorry for your family, Denarrion.” Lissandra reached for his hand and he grasped it like a lifeline. More of the dark anger fled the heat of her touch.
“Yeah, well, he survived, so I guess it worked out okay.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She waited until he met her gaze. “I meant what you experienced at home. I can’t fathom why your mother didn’t stand up for you and your sister.” She smiled at him and it damn near stopped his heart. “I would’ve stood up for you.”
“Hey, thanks.” Goddess, he’d never met anyone like Lissandra and he’d be damned before he lost her. “Have I answered all your questions about my family?”
She tilted her head. “For now, I guess. Why?”
“’Cause I don’t really want to talk about them anymore. They’re not a happy subject. Tell me about your family and where you grew up.” Anything to escape the gloom the Goldencoats had brought to their evening.
“My first two and half centuries I spent in what would become Oregon before Solenarra moved us to what’s now Colorado.”
The mention of centuries pinged inside him, but not enough to kill the pleasure of listening to Lissandra describe her home. Her voice lulled him into relaxation, chasing away the stresses and concerns.
“Why did you move there?”
“At the time, it was still an empty place where humans didn’t venture as much. We were just another animal among the mammals.” She smiled in memory. “The native peoples were there, of course, but for the most part it was just us animals. But with the increase in human population over the centuries, came an increase in demon activity, and we were called on to seek and fight them more often.”
The word ‘demon’ made his gut clench and an irrational fear of discovery rose in his chest. Where is this shit coming from? He shivered and tried to calm the panic by taking deep breaths. We’re dragons. We fight demons. But the fear only intensified and he struggled to keep calm.
“Denarrion, are you all right?”
Lissandra laid her hand on his arm and the haze of fear dissipated from his eyesight. The panic receded and his breathing evened out with the weight of her hand.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Thanks.” He dredged up a smile, hoping she wouldn’t take her hand back before the fear had completely drained away.
“Let’s go inside.” She took her hand away and rose.
He braced himself for the return of his panic, but it only came trickling back instead of the flood he expected, and he was able to fight it off.
“Come on. I’ll tuck you into bed.” She held her hand out to him and he grasped it, the return of her touch soothing his mind.
They didn’t say anything as she led him upstairs to his room and moved her bag out of the way. He headed for the bathroom to get ready for bed and undress, but when he came back out, he found her seated on the bed still in her clothes.
“Are you going to go to bed?” He raised his eyebrows as he settled under the covers.
Lissandra nodded. “Yes, but I’m going to sleep in the guest room tonight.”
He froze. “What? Why?”
“Because it’s been a long day and I have a lot to think about.” She gave him a friendly but firm smile. “I need some time to think over what you’ve told me and make my decision about continuing the courtship.”
“You haven’t made your decision?” Ice shot through his veins. What could he do to convince her?
She shook her head. “There’s a lot to think over and I have my children to consider as well. You’ve thrown a lot at me today, and while I’ve enjoyed much of it, I need to take some time to listen to my heart. The Goddess’s wisdom resides there, but I can’t always hear it.”
“Don’t leave me yet, Lissandra.” He resisted the urge to grab her hand.
“I’m not leaving, Denarrion. I’m just taking time for myself to think this through.” She rose and smiled at him. “Get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Promise?” He hated to sound so damn needy.
“I promise. Good night.”
She switched off the light and took her mug back with her as she retreated down the stairs. He forced himself to relax in bed, but he didn’t want to be alone. How could he have fucked up so much she still wasn’t sure she wanted to be courted? He’d apologized for his promiscuity, and he meant it when he told her he was done with human women.
Is my damn father fucking this up for me?
Fury surged. Was the dysfunctionality of his family pushing Lissandra away? Sonuvaprick! Everything Waltarrion touched withered and died. And even though he’d set up the blind date, his presence infected the one good thing Denarrion had found in centuries. Centuries! You hear that, you sanctimonious prick? Lissandra purified him with her gentle voice, scouring away the anger and bitterness accumulated over decades. If he lost her now, he’d have to go back to his life before her arrival.
I think I’d rather die. That cheerful thought followed him down into restless sleep.
****
Lissandra stood outside on the porch and stared up at the night sky. The stars blazed clear, though given the light pollution from the many homes nearby, she couldn’t see as many as she could at home.
Home. She missed Cloudburst, Colorado, her children, and the calming presence of the Elder Races in her town.
Instead, she stood here in upstate New York, on a blind date. With my true mate.
She nodded to herself. But she suspected the disease affecting him ran deep. Given his aversion to all things dragon and his fury with his family, it had to from them. Why else would he reject all that he was?
She groaned as she ran her hands over her face. The question became, was she willing to make the effort to help him heal from whatever ailed him? Did she want to take the time to see him through the healing process when she’d only known him a day? For dragons, eighteen hours didn’t even get on the scale, much less register in memory.
He’s my true mate.
True, but was she willing to be a martyr, to slog through the muck with him, always at the mercy of his disease, like the spouses of alcoholics? She’d seen those men and women at the Al-Anon meetings when she was younger, with their hollow eyes and bleak outlooks. They couldn’t walk away because they loved the addict too much. Would she become the same way?
Lissandra shook her head. She wouldn’t give herself to such a lifestyle. Not with her children hanging in the balance. They certainly didn’t deserve it, and neither did she.
But is he irredeemable?
It was what kept her from biting him during mating. Recreational sex. Denarrion’s voice made her smile, but it quickly faded. He’d bitten her, but she’d held back, sensing the darkness riding his spirit. Would he find his way back to the light, away from the darkness that seemed to be crippling him?
The problem is he has to want to change.
She couldn’t make the change for him, and she couldn’t ask him to change for her. It wouldn’t stick and he’d go back to what he knew best.
“Oh, Goddess.” She threw her hands away from her body and jumped off the porch, running into the middle of the backyard. “Give me the wisdom to see the right path.”
Gathering the magic around her, Lissandra let it seep into her bones and stretch her true self out of the confines of her disguise. Relief shading toward joy filled her body as her bones lengthened and her tail unfurled. She moaned in delight as her wings spread, catching the soft summer breeze floating close to the ground.
Sweet glory, I needed this.
The world turned luminescent in her dragon’s Sight, and she shook herself to settle into her true form. Sounds and scents became sharper, a symphony of sensations as compared to the dulled-out version she received in her human form. She rumbled in relief and launched into the cool night air. The downstroke of her outstretched wings shot her into the sky and freed her from the earthly worries plaguing her mind.
She climbed high enough to be invisible to human eyes, but marked where Denarrion’s house sat in relationship to the reservoir to find her way back. Wearing her true form settled her mind and gave her the ability to see the points of light on the ground. Her Sight automatically took over while in her dragon form, and she picked out both the holy places and those in need of care.
The island in the reservoir sparkled with healthy, warm, living energy. She circled the place, listening to the wind in the trees. Someone had blessed this place and made it a sanctuary. Scanning the town of Redfield, she found black spots pulsing with puce-colored tendrils and wondered how the residents of town didn’t feel sickened and miserable.
As she wheeled around through the sky, she looked for the source of the insidious rot poisoning the town. Her warrior’s instincts screamed that a demon ran loose in Redfield, and perhaps she’d been brought to this little town to find and destroy it.
The black and puce spots grew together in a spreading stain around a small, dark house on the east side of town. She circled around in the air above it, but the stench drove her higher.
Sweet Goddess, this place stinks.
She hovered over the center of putrescence and snarled. She should burn it to the ground, but she didn’t know how many humans lived over the spreading muck, and she couldn’t hurt them indiscriminately. Gritting her teeth, she inhaled the stench and fought back a roar.
Demon!
A demon had infiltrated the town and its decay would destroy it if left unchecked. Lissandra’s fire churned in her belly. She thought back to the cloying decay she’d smelled at the burn scar on her short hike. It had to be from the demon. Dear Goddess, how long had this festering abomination been here?
It’s a good thing I’ve come.
Except she’d given up that part of her life. She no longer hunted demons, choosing instead to take care of her children and living quietly.
Her wing beats faltered and she slid away from the squalid marks of the demon’s presence. She glided back toward Denarrion’s house, her mind whirling. Could she continue to ignore the presence of a demon harming this community? What if the other dragons here didn’t know of its existence? Could she pretend like it wasn’t here and let them suffer its destruction without knowledge?
No.
She landed on the ground beyond the porch and shifted back into her human disguise. She wanted to be normal, ordinary, live a quiet life with her children and a mate. But she couldn’t ignore the danger and disease infecting Redfield. Though she’d come to enter a courtship with Denarrion, she’d have to make an effort to scour the town of the demon’s taint.
Maybe the taint is what’s discoloring Denarrion’s aura.
She shot a look at the top part of the house where he slept, and anger kindled. A demon had harmed her true mate. She growled as she shot a look east. She’d be damned before she allowed such a creature to survive.
Nodding, she let herself back into the house and locked the door behind her. She’d have to talk to Charlorrion and Torri in the morning to find out what they knew about the demon in Redfield.