ASK MRS HUDSON, by Mrs Martha Hudson

I am ever so grateful to my friend Mrs Amalie Warren for filling in for me with this column. However, I do need to correct one error that she understandably made in reference to my late husband Archibald. She states that he took up residence as a private investigator in the New World, specifically, Manhattan. But she has confused the issue. He did not go there, but rather to some place in the state of Ohio. He had a son with the same name, and it was he who eventually travelled eastward.

And now for a few bits of correspondence.

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Dear Mrs Hudson—

I am ever so puzzled how you have been able to tolerate the erratic behaviours of Mr Holmes over the years. I concede that he is, of course, a genius, and violin playing in the middle of the night is not so terrible a thing to deal with, but obnoxiously-odourous chemicals? Ragamuffins and shady characters visitng at all hours? And shooting holes in the walls for target practice—really!!

You must possess the patience of a saint.

Miffed in Mulberry

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Dear Miffed,

There was a time, I do admit, when I seriously considered asking my tenant to find other lodgings, but there are three reasons why I came to put up with it all. First of all, and I do admit that this displays a certain degree of cupidity on my part, but Mr Holmes and Dr Watson were always prompt with their monthly rent, and I have been a landlady long enough to know that this is not always the case. Secondly, both gentlemen are ever so considerate and caring…well, the good doctor certainly is, and I do think his influence to some extent has mellowed his companion. Finally, when I perceived how Mr Holmes’s detectival investigations not only righted injustices, but assuaged the fears and tensions of his clients (especially the women!), I determined to accept his many idiosyncracies as the price for the privilege of having him as my tenant.

I did, however, put a stop to his “bullet-carving” the initials V. R., on my walls!

Yours Truly,

Mrs Hudson

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Dear Mrs Hudson,

Do you know what sort of music Mr Holmes liked to play on his violin?

Harmoniously Curious

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Dear Harmoniously Curious,

I did have to ask him about this. His musical tastes are wide-ranging, though he is especially fond of Beethoven. However, the one composition I have heard him play more often than any other is Bach’s Chaconne in D Minor, which he says is the fifth and final movement of the Partita Number Two.

This is a lengthy piece; it takes him perhaps twenty minutes to play, and it is always the final music of the night. It is—he tells me—in the form of a theme and variations. The theme, I can tell you, is quite haunting.

Yours Truly,

Mrs Hudson

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Dear Mrs Hudson,

Have you ever heard Sherlock Holmes tell a joke?

Risible in Rochester

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Dear Risible,

Never.

Yours Very Truly,

Mrs Hudson

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Dear Mrs Hudson,

Dr Watson assures us that Mr Holmes had no romantic interest whatsoever with Irene Adler, but with all due respect to him, I would sooner trust your woman’s instinct. Was the Great Detective ever smitten?

Eager in Edinburgh

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Dear Eager,

I am amused that a Scot would show interest in such matters, so I conclude that you are not a man, but a woman. Had you asked me this at some earlier time, I certainly would have said No, but in this issue Dr Watson has finally convinced Mr Holmes to allow him to tell a secret that I had not known about. I suggest that you read The Adventure of the Nine Hole League.

Sincerely Yours,

Mrs Hudson

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Dear Mrs Hudson,

How did you learn that Mr Holmes had not died at Reichenbach?

Concerned in Chichester

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Dear Concerned,

Dear, dear Dr Watson was ever so kindly about it. Late one afternoon, he surprised me by dropping by—he had not been living at 221 for some time—and invited me to dinner. At the end of the meal, over tea and cake he solicitiously insisted on taking my pulse and temperature, and he even listened to my lungs. Naturally, by this time I was aware that something was “up”! Then, and only after he’d reassured himself of my sturdy good health, did he make his revelation.

I rather surprised him, then, by telling him that in my heart, I was absolutely certain that Mr Holmes was not dead, though I had only my distaff intuition to go by. At that point, Mr Holmes appeared before us, and I am amused to tell you how disconcerted he was when I gave him a huge hug!

Very Truly Yours,

Mrs Hudson

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I always like to share recipes with my readers. Here are two, one of which thoroughly mystified both Dr Watson and Mr Holmes. But first, here is a fish dish that delighted my illustrious tenants. It is an Israeli dish that a neighbour introduced me to, and its original-language name is—

DAG BANANA BISHKEDEEM

4 large fillets of sole

2 bananas, halved the long way

½ cup blanched, slivered almonds

3 tablespoons of butter, plus ¼ cup butter

flour

salt and pepper, to taste

2 tablespoons of chopped parsley

½ lemon

Method:

1. Coat fish in flour and season with salt and pepper.

2. Sautė in hot butter for about ten minutes, or till lightly brown on both sides, then remove fish to a warm platter.

3. To skillet used to fry the fish, add ¼ cup of butter and heat. Add the bananas and sautė for two or three minutes till bananas are lightly brown.

4. Place half of a banana on each of the four fish pieces.

5. Into the skillet add ½ cup of almonds and sautė till light brown. Turn off heat.

6. To the almonds, add the juice of ½ lemon and also, 2 tablespoons of the chopped parsley.

7. Mix pan to combine ingredients and pour it over the fish.

When I first served my gentlemen the following dessert, they complimented me on it being “such an excellent apple pie.” Well, I astounded them both by stating that I used no apples at all, and then challenged either of them to solve the mystery. That is perhaps the only time that I remember hearing Mr Holmes laugh out loud!

APPLE PIE WITHOUT APPLES

20 whole Saltines or Ritz crackers

1 ¼ cups of sugar

2 teaspoons of cream of tartar

½ teaspoon of cinammon

2 cups of water

1 pie crust, top and bottom

Method:

1. Bring water to a boil without stirring it.

2. Add the crackers and boil for two minutes, again without stirring, then set it aside to cool.

3. Pour on the crust and put chunks of butter on top, then put the top crust on.

4. Bake at 425 degrees for twenty-five minutes.