nine

“Yes, Nice to Meet
You, Skitch”

Although The Tonight Show made Johnny’s attempt at privacy impossible, it took a little longer for me to become well known.

My evenings with Johnny were usually all male, either the two of us quietly alone or with other men in whose company Johnny felt relaxed. During the fall of 1963, however, shortly after Johnny’s painful divorce from his childhood sweetheart and mother of his three sons, there was a brief but memorable variation of this routine. That fall, after his first full year with The Tonight Show, Johnny was famous, but his time as Mr. Late-Night Television was still far in the future, just as was my own time as Mr. Second Banana, a title for which there was considerably less competition.

One October night, after taping the show, we went to Sardi’s, where I soon noticed a pretty young woman smiling at Johnny.

Politely, he returned the smile, the one that was already keeping millions from going to sleep. Through the years, I had noticed that women often were drawn to Johnny, but only the ones who for some reason found appeal in talent, looks, and charm.

This particular girl was pretty in a wholesome way, like Miss Sunflower at the Nebraska State Fair, where Johnny had once displayed his card tricks. With sandy blonde hair and cheeks that looked like Delicious apples, she was straight out of a Norman Rockwell picture.

“She looks like a cheerleader,” I told Johnny.

“Gimme a T,” he said. “For trouble.”

“I think she’d like to meet you.”

“Ed, you know I don’t do that kind of thing. I haven’t done it since I tried to score at college and was called for interference.”

“You’re doing a monologue now?” I asked and he laughed.

“Johnny, she looks like a college girl. It might be fun just to talk to her.”

“Well . . . I have been wondering just how much of your company I can take,” he said.

“Good point, Johnny. Go talk to her.”

He paused thoughtfully for a few seconds and then said, “No, I can’t do that and you know why.”

“All right, I’ll ask her for you.”

“You’d do that?” he asked.

“It won’t be the first time I’ve introduced you.”

“You don’t have to say ‘Heeeeere’s Johnny! Just see if she wants to have a drink with us—but just one drink. You’ll be my chaperone or else the Enquirer will say ‘Carson Has Sex Romp à la Carte.’”

Two grown men, graduates of major universities, at their first broadcast of The Tonight Show in 1962.

“It’s perfectly innocent,” I said.

“That’s what Eve said when she had that McIntosh.”

Happy that Johnny was able to unwind this way, I got up and went over to the smiling young woman.

“Pardon me, miss,” I said, “but Mr. Carson is wondering if you’d like to have a drink with him.”

“I’d love to,” she replied.

What a surprise.

Her name was Linda; and she proved to be as charming as Johnny. I felt transported back to a dance at Sigma Chi.

“Please don’t get the wrong idea from this, Mr. Carson,” she said.

When Johnny started on The Tonight Show, he inherited Skitch Henderson (center) from Jack Parr.

“Wrong ideas can be nice,” said Johnny, “ but no, Linda, I know you’re here just as a fan. You are a fan, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I love The Tonight Show.”

“Ed is on it too,” Johnny graciously said.

“Yes, I’ve seen him.”

I would have to find another president for my fan club.

“We’ll have to make this kind of short,” Johnny told her, “because . . . well, you understand.”

“Oh, I certainly do. I can’t believe you asked me over!”

She couldn’t wait to tell all the kids at the malt shop.

“Where are you from?” he asked.

“Bakersfield,” she replied.

“So you’re from Bakersfield,” Johnny said, as if introducing someone who had brought a collection of dancing mice.

“Well, just outside,” said Linda.

Which, I sensed, was a good place to be.

“I once did stand-up in Bakersfield,” said Johnny. “It wasn’t a pretty sight.”

And then, Linda’s eyes darted to Sardi’s door and she began waving at a young man who was coming in.

“That’s my date!” she said, signaling the young man to come to our table. “That’s Stan. He’ll be thrilled to meet you.”

A moment later, Stan reached us and Linda cried, “Stan, this is . . .”

“I know!” he said with a big smile. “You sure you still want to go out with me?”

And gesturing to me, she said, “And this is Skitch.”

“Almost,” I said, offering my hand to Stan. “Ed McMahon.”

“Oh, Ed!” said Linda. “Of course it’s Ed!”

“I knew that,” said Johnny as Linda got up.

“Have a good time, kids,” Johnny warmly said.

“Thank you both!” said Linda. “I’ll never forget this!”

Yes, she would always remember her drink with Johnny and Skitch. Or was it Jack and Hugh?