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Cesare
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Slamming into the car, I order Daniel to take me home. Christ, I’m still shaking from need. Why the fuck did I let her push me into giving voice to my desire? All night she had been asking for it, begging for it. Prodding and poking for a reaction, even though she had no idea what she was asking for.
I tried, damn it. I really tried. The cigar was nothing more than prevarication to annoy her, to keep her at a distance, to keep my hands from reaching for her and...fuck, I don’t even know.
While I was annoyed by Billings being too drunk to join us, I saw the evening as nothing more than a means to find out more about Alicia Jeffries, to find out what it was about her that drew me to her. A good dinner, hopefully, pleasant company, nothing more. Then she opened the coat. How I stayed standing, I don’t know. I’ve been hit in the temple by a guy twice my size with a fist the size of my head, and I swear I don’t think I was more stunned from the hit than I was at the sight of her.
Even now need is clawing at me. I hadn’t lied, I wanted to take her then and there without any preliminaries, raw, like the animal she was turning me into. This carnal need isn’t me. It’s never been me, and I resent the fuck out of Alicia Jeffries for what she’s doing to me.
I’ve barely closed my door before it opens again. Considering there’s a doorman and you need an electronic key card to get to this floor where only my and Dante’s condos inhabit the space, I don’t bother locking the door. I’m starting tonight, though.
“You’re home late. It’s almost eleven thirty,” Dante taunts as he hops on the bar separating the living room from the kitchen. After the foyer, the whole place is open plan from the kitchen to the living room to a massive dining room.
“I’ve been home later than this for client meetings.” I pull off the suit jacket, tossing it onto the long leather sofa. The fucker laughs. How he knew, I don’t want to know. The cuff links come off easily, and I slide them into my pockets as I roll my sleeves back.
“Except this wasn’t a client meeting. This was just you and Ms. Jeffries out to dinner. Imagine my surprise when I stopped by to make sure I didn’t need to protect Ms. Jeffries from you, and I saw her so enraptured in whatever you were saying she didn’t notice a single thing around her. Or the way you didn’t notice I was in the room either. Seeing as how you are home before midnight, I know how it didn’t go. I can keep my assistant for a while longer, but how much longer?”
Fuck, maybe if I’m honest he’ll let it go. I slump into the normally comfortable sofa. “It’s not happening. She doesn’t know what she wants. Which means she doesn’t want me. Which means, it’s not happening.”
I allow my head to fall back to search the ceiling. Nope, no answers there either. Dante’s quiet for so long I wonder if the asshole has lost his voice. I turn to see he’s hopped off the bar and is leaning against it thoughtfully, his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, the only thing he’s wearing. “She’s a virgin.”
Goddamnit. I close my eyes as I go through every second of the evening, which adds up to Dante’s words not being some sick joke. So many things make sense. Christ, I need to get drunk.
I had no idea I spoke aloud until Dante sighs. “It’s not bad enough to get drunk over.”
“Bullshit, or you would have told me sooner.” I’m up and heading for the bar. Fuck wine, I grab the bottle of Macallan that a decade ago I would have winced at the price of and take a nice, deep burning swallow.
“Che, come on.”
“No, no Che come on. No, whatever it was, it’s over. Virgins, they want more. They want forever and things I can’t give. I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve those things, fuck, she deserves everything she wants, but I’m not the one to give it to her.” I take another swallow of the scotch, thankful for the burn, for the fire that follows to warm me up because I’m afraid of the cold that threatens to take me over.
***
Alicia
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I’m lying on my bed, still in the damn dress I’m going to burn, with my mind spinning when my cell phone rings. There’s only one person who could be calling this late. I scramble for my phone as perturbed Grover makes it clear he’s not happy about being woken up.
“Hey, what’s up? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m feeling a little burned out from studying. I thought I’d see how the new job is going.”
I blink, not even knowing what to say. “Fine, good. It’s good.”
Bethany is quiet for so long I check to see if the call dropped. “What’s the matter?”
The seriousness in her voice gets to me. No one has ever asked me that question before, not even Bethany. It all comes tumbling out, from those first few moments in the elevator to the agony of what happened outside my door. I’m crying, damn it. I hate crying only the tears don’t stop coming.
“Wow. I don’t even know what to say. Are you absolutely sure he’s like not ever going to give in on the long-term thing?”
Swiping my eyes doesn’t stop the tears from coming. “You tell me. A guy who has managed to make it from a street fighter to a multi-billionaire in less than twenty years because of a single-minded determination is going to suddenly change his mind for a fat, nobody personal assistant who works for his brother.”
“Oh my god, why do you do that? Why do you always put yourself down? Okay, I get Mom and Granny weren’t the best at building your self-confidence, but you are awesome. I wish just once you could see yourself the way I see you. You are pretty. Guys check you out, you just ignore them, you don’t even see it. You are nice, kind, not just smart but intelligent. Your mind works to understand concepts some of the people I’m working with can’t grasp. You’re funny, okay, you have a temper that scares me a little, and sometimes you have the patience of a saint and other times none at all but still, you are an amazing person, and Cesare Sabatini would be the one coming out ahead. The thing is, I think he knows that, or else he wouldn’t have left you like he did.”
“What? He dropped me like I was infectious.” Is she taking his side?
“No, he dropped you like someone trying very hard to keep a check on their restraint. You said you don’t know, which was basically no. He tried to honor your no and stop when he could. It sounds to me like if he really wanted to, he could have wormed his way into your bed with you thinking it was everything you wanted, then dropped you when he was done like he has in the past. Only he knows if he did he’d hurt you, and he doesn’t want to. I have to admit I was all gung-ho to hate this guy for you, but I can’t bring myself to. He’s laid out who he is and is giving you the choice of what it is you want. What do you want, Alicia?”
Damn it, why does she have to make sense? “I want my nice quiet world back.”
Her sigh is loud. “God, you are such a wimp. I get it. It’s been on you for years, heck it’s still on you with school and me, and I thank you. I do. But you’ve also been hiding behind it all too. You’ve gotten so good at keeping everyone away, do you even have a friend other than Grover and me?
“Men or women, you don’t let anyone get close. Don’t you get lonely? I’m not going to encourage you to hook up with Cesare Sabatini, but maybe don’t rule it out completely, and while you’re doing that maybe try meeting other women just to talk to. I worry about you. I also feel guilty as shit. Not everyone is going to let you down like Mom and Granny. Shit, it’s after midnight. I need to let you go. Get some sleep and think about it, okay? I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Fighting back tears, I bury my face in the bed. Why can’t people understand that alone is the way I want to be? Alone is better, safer. No one to depend on who lets you down. I like alone. I like safe. Cesare left me with a choice. I choose safe.