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Alicia
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I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Throwing myself down on the bed, I scream into my pillow. The man who has fucked so many women I stopped counting because it hurt my fucking head to think of it refused to fuck me. He said he didn’t want me, yet his body said something very different. Is he turned on by any willing woman? It didn’t seem like it that night when he whispered those dirty things as he pressed his hard cock into me. Was it really because I’m a virgin? I’m so confused. None of this is how Lydia said it would go. Then I cringe as I remember I hadn’t told her I was a virgin.
I’m kind of hating Jeanine and Dante right now. There’s only one way Cesare could have known for sure I’m a virgin. Jeanine blabbed to Dante, who for some insane fucking reason felt the need to tell Cesare. And now even though he wanted me he was pushing me away. I’m so confused. I blink and damn it, the tears are back.
***
Alicia
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I’m on the train to work when the call comes from Lydia. I consider letting it go to voice mail except I find myself answering. “How did last night go?”
I blush all over again remembering it all. Thankfully, the few people around me have earbuds in, but I still lower my voice. “Not well. I failed to mention I’m kind of a virgin. I didn’t think after all this time he would be able to tell, so I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. He found out because Jeanine told Dante. Cesare says he doesn’t do virgins because of some stupid bullshit. It’s was a complete disaster. I’m done. I can’t take all this drama.”
“Alicia, holy crap, leaving out the virgin thing was kind of a big deal. Yeah, Cesare is going to run a mile as fast as he can from you. Don’t you remember me telling you he’s an honorable man? He probably thinks he should offer you marriage before he even takes you to bed. If you hadn’t been a virgin, he would have slowly come around, but now he has to come around before you two even leave the starting line. Don’t give up so easily. I’m going to admit, game playing is dangerous. However, it’s the quickest way to push Cesare to admit his feelings. Are you up for it?”
God, I’m so pathetic. “What do I do?”
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As I go up in the elevator, I try desperately to think of a single guy like Lydia described. While there is Decker, he’s not an option as he’s a client. There’s only one guy at work. He had done three out of the four things Lydia described, which meant he was interested in me. He’s a nice guy, I guess. I barely remember what he looks like. I do remember his name is Wyatt because he pronounced it a little oddly.
He had hung around my desk a few times after meeting with Dante or Cesare. We often went into the break room at the same time for lunch. A few times he got talkative and invited me to eat with him. Politely, I made an excuse to get back to my desk.
Dang it, I know nothing about flirting. This is going to be a disaster. I don’t have long to try and figure out what to do because he’s talking to Debbie as the doors of the elevator open. His face lights up into a smile when he sees me. Now I get it. I force a smile. This is wrong, so wrong. “Hey Wyatt, how are you?”
“I’m good, better now that I see your pretty face first thing in the morning. Hey, I had plans to take a client out for lunch today only his kid is sick. Care to join me at Vishi, the new Japanese fusion restaurant?”
“That sounds great. I’ve heard great things about it.” Liar, I hate pretentious fusion restaurants.
“Great, swing by your desk at twelve thirty?”
“I look forward to it.” My face hurts from smiling.
“See you then.” His hand goes up on my arm. I hate it but try not to shrug him off.
I walk away, right into Cesare. His eyes are burning into me. He says nothing. His eyes flick to Wyatt’s back then to me. Without a word, he continues down the hall. I make it to my desk on unsteady legs.
Dante is busy with a deal with a whale of a client and out of the office. When Cesare goes into his office, he’s careful not to look my way.
Hannah is happy to hear I’m going out for lunch until she asks who I’m going with. When I tell her Wyatt, she shakes her head and tells me she hopes I know what I’m doing.
The lunch is everything I thought it would be. Wyatt is eager, he talks the whole way through, barely needing more than a few murmurs of encouragement from me. I study him; he is good-looking, he’s also charming, and it’s easy to understand his success as an agent. There’s also not a single spark between us. When he walks me to my desk, I force another smile as I thank him for lunch. “I had a good time. How about dinner tonight? There’s a great pho place only a block from me.”
I hate pho. “I love pho, only I can’t tonight. I make quilts, and I have an order due in just two days. I’m way behind. Maybe lunch this weekend or coffee or something?” I actually shut down my online store when the last of the quilts I had already completed were sold. But there were a few former clients who still pleaded for baby quilts. Baby quilts were the easiest and ones I took the most joy out of making so I’ve accepted a few orders for them but I don’t have anything due for another two weeks.
He tries to cover it, but his unease is clear. “Actually, I’m crazy busy this weekend. My mom needs me to help her around the house. I already made plans, I’m pretty popular, you know. How about next week instead?”
I’m too relieved to care about his weirdness about doing anything over the weekend. “Sounds good.”
“Can I get your number to text you?”
“Oh yeah, sure.” I write my number on a sticky note. As I hand it to him, Cesare and Dante are walking toward us.
“Great, I’ll text you.”
“I look forward to it,” I say as I force a smile. Dante goes still as he stares at me. Cesare keeps walking into his office, slamming the door so loud I wince at the way the doorframe shakes from the force of it.
“My office,” is all Dante says.
He drops the file he’s carrying on his desk. “Are you suicidal? What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m making a date. I’m trying to move on from the colossal mistake of thinking I was attracted to your brother. I found someone who does want me. Who doesn’t care whether I’m a virgin or not. How the hell could you have told Cesare?”
Dante winces. “I know, I know. I swear if I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have. What the hell are you talking about? Cesare wants you, he wants you so badly he’s driving himself into the ground to keep away from you.”
Long past embarrassed, I admit, “I told him I wanted him. I told him I’d take him on his terms and he turned me down flat. Muttered some stupid bullshit about me being a virgin and he didn’t do them. Fine, I’ll make it so I’m not a virgin.”
“Fuck.” Dante runs his hand through his hair as he stalks the room. “I can’t believe him sometimes. You, you’re trying to grab a tiger by the tail. Be careful what happens when you’ve caught it.”
On that note, I back out of his office with my tail between my legs.
The day passes with the kind of tension that ties my stomach into knots. Hannah is stiff, Dante is short, and Wyatt is sending me memes every five minutes. By the end of the day, I’m ready to run for the door.
I’m barely through my front door when I have a call from Lydia. I relay I did what she suggested with Wyatt, and Cesare seemed suitably pissed off but hasn’t said anything.
“So are you and Wyatt going out this weekend?”
“He asked if we could go out tonight. I wasn’t up to it, so I made an excuse. When I offered to do lunch or something this weekend, he acted a little weird and said he was busy. He asked if we could do something next week.”
“Ah, well put those guilty feelings to rest. He’s not looking for anything more than a hookup. If he were interested in something more, he would have taken you out this weekend. Chances are he has another woman he’s taking out over the weekend, and he’s worried about you two running into his family or friends.”
“Asshole.” I wondered about the week-only dates.
“Whatever, don’t worry about him. He’s a means to an end. Do you think Dante could be trusted with helping out?”
“No, not after him telling Cesare about the virgin thing. While I like Dante, I don’t know if he’ll keep his mouth shut or help or what.”
“It’s fine then, it can be done without him. Although it would be better with his help. Okay, sweetie, I have to go, work is calling.”
I wish I had Lydia’s optimism. With a sigh, I go to get changed into something comfortable. I’m in old silky pajama pants and a soft T-shirt sewing a few squares by hand on the couch when the pounding starts, threatening to take the door off its hinges.
Heart beating fast, I check the peephole. Cesare. I yank open the door. “What the hell is the matter with you?”
I have to back up fast as the anger and aggression emanating from him threaten to knock me down. His eyes flick around the room as if he expected to find someone else. “Your little trick won’t work. I want you to know it and stop right fucking now.”
God he’s stunning in his rage: his color is heightened against the black of his beard, he seems even bigger as his chest works to contain his outrage. I have no doubt Cesare will see my confusion as genuine, because a tiny part of me is extremely confused. He really does want me despite what he said last night. “I don’t understand, what trick are you talking about?”
“This business with Wyatt Carter. You’re using him to make me jealous. It won’t work. Stay away from him,” Cesare roars.
Holy crap, it sure as hell worked. And suddenly I’m so fucking pissed off at him. How the hell could he want me yet deny the both of us what we both wanted so badly? “Excuse me? You told me you didn’t want me. You made it crystal fucking clear you didn’t want anything to do with me after I made a fool of myself offering myself to you. What I’m doing with Wyatt doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you. You aren’t even a part of the equation. I told you, I’m tired of living life the way I was. Wyatt has shown interest in me for weeks, he does want me. I told you, I don’t want love, I’m just looking for some fun. I’m tired of being a nearly thirty-year-old virgin. I doubt Wyatt cares one way or another. Who I fuck is none of your concern. You can leave now.”
Cesare moves as fast as lightning. His hands are around my arms, pulling me hard against him. “If he touches you, I’ll break him, and when I get done with you, you’ll wish you had never met him.”
He’s driving me out of my mind. How can he say no when a simple lunch date with another man has him hot enough to spontaneously combust?
“I already wish I had never met you.” I spit out the words. God, I hate the way I’m sinking into him. My stupid body craves his touch, is melting into his hard chest.
“Liar.” His kiss is hard, punishing, at first. I can’t fight him. I don’t want to fight him. I give him everything he demands, lost in the taste of him, the feel of him. Then he’s pushing me away. My body screams in angry frustration. I blink, and he’s gone. Damn him.
“Coward!” I screech at my open doorway before slamming the door closed. I turn to find Grover shivering in fear, in a little puddle of pee. Oh no, poor baby. Grover is terrified of men. I clean up the mess then Grover and cuddle him close until the tremors stop in both of us.
***
Cesare
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I slam into my condo in a rage. Damn her, Alicia was making me fucking nuts. She was lying, she had better be fucking lying. I saw her face when Wyatt had his hand on her arm—it was clear she was uneasy. Alicia is using Wyatt to make me jealous, and it’s fucking working. Seeing Wyatt touch her made me want to break him and fuck her where she stood so she knew exactly who she belonged to. She didn’t want him, she wanted me. How the fuck could she let him lay a finger on her when she was already mine?
Then it hits me all over again, the way she called me a coward. Alicia doesn’t belong to me. She can’t. I need to let her go, for her own good. Closing my eyes, I do something I haven’t done in over twenty years. I pray for strength I don’t have.