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Alicia
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I thought it would be easier getting up for work this Monday after handing in my notice on Friday, but it actually felt harder knowing I would be leaving soon. Over the weekend a part of me hoped, sat waiting in my apartment for Cesare. God, I’m so pathetic. He’s probably relieved I put in my notice. I got almost no sleep last night as I tortured myself thinking about Cesare and leaving. As I walk into the office I wonder when I should tell Hannah. I’m barely settled into my chair when an instant message comes through. It’s from Cesare. All it says is:
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My office
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Why the hell does my stomach drop then twist painfully? Is it about me giving my notice? It has to be—he can’t know, not so soon. I look to Hannah, who is engrossed in the report she’s writing, doing that mumbling thing she does as she’s typing. Heart pounding, I push up from my chair then make my way to Cesare’s office. I knock, I hear him say come in. My palm is sweating as I turn the knob then push the door open. He’s leaning back in his chair. For the first time in what feels like forever his eyes are meeting mine. They give nothing away.
“Yes, sir?”
“Have a seat, Ms. Jeffries.” He gestures to the chair in front of his desk.
Slowly, I sink to the edge of the chair. “Do you need something?” I feel it now: a heady satisfaction surrounds him. He smiles, it’s blinding, it’s scary. The hair on the back of my neck goes up.
“Maybe I should be asking you that. Do you need something, Ms. Jeffries? Was there a difficulty in your personal life?” Oh god, my heart stutters. “It must have been an enormous difficulty to run into twenty-five thousand dollars. I take it the matter has been resolved?” His tone is of concern, of solicitation, with just the faintest twinge of sarcasm. I don’t respond. I can’t. “The matter has been resolved, has it not?” I don’t move an inch. “Ms. Jeffries, I asked you a question. The reason why you needed twenty-five thousand dollars, has it been resolved?”
I nod, just once. I hate the tears that pour out of me as I blink. It’s clear he’s not happy about them either. “Ms. Jeffries, this isn’t a speeding ticket where you’ll get away with a warning if you turn on the waterworks. You stole twenty-five thousand dollars from my company, from me.”
“I gave it back. I only needed it to make a trade. I can pay you interest if you want it.” The words come out of me before I can swallow them. “Bethany was being blackmailed. If I didn’t pay fifty thousand dollars her entire future, everything she worked so hard for was going to get flushed down the toilet by a malicious brat.”
His eyes narrow. “You made a trade with that money? Are you crazy? In this volatile market, you could have lost everything.”
I shake my head. “I’ve made this trade three years running every quarter and it’s never gone against me. Your twenty-five thousand was safe—I made even more this time around. I’m sorry, I’m already quitting. Isn’t that enough?” I plead.
He cocks his head as he studies me. His eyes run over me slowly, so very slowly. It’s back, the heat I haven’t felt in so long, burning me from the inside out. “No, it’s not enough, not nearly enough. I’m going to need twenty-five thousand dollars’ worth of recompense in the form of you.” A plain manila folder is pushed toward me. “Option one: I pick up the phone and make a call to the police and give them that file that details every step of your removal of funds, unapproved, into your grandmother’s account. Or option two: You agree to give yourself to me when I want you, how I want you, as often as I want you.”
This is supposed to be humiliating, I’m almost sure of it. Yet, his words cause a rush of wet heat to flood my core. What is the matter with me? Lydia’s words come rushing back to me as I fight not to fall on my knees screaming option two, a thousand times option two. Cesare needs to feel like he has the power, he needs to be in control. I had already told him I wanted him, would take him whatever way he was wanted me. Yet as a virgin, somehow I had the power of obligation over him; now he has the power all over again. Forcing a deep breath, I meet his eyes, glowing with fierce hunger. “What if I don’t meet your usual standards? With my lack of experience and everything?”
“Let me worry about that. All I need from you is a willingness to please. I’ll take care of the rest.”
Hell yes, I’m willing. God, I’m such a slut. I nod, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?” I swear he purrs the words like the tiger Dante once compared him to. I’ve caught a tiger by the tail—now what the hell do I do with him? No sudden movements flashes as a shiver runs up my spine.
“I’m yours, any way you want me.” A dark eyebrow goes up. “As often as you want me. I belong to you.”
“You’ll withdraw your letter of resignation. I’ll deal with Dante. At noon you’ll leave early, to go home and get packed. Movers will be at your home at two. Pack everything you will need for the next twenty-five days. You’ll be living with me in order for you to be within easy reach to fulfill the whenever I want you, as often as I want you portion of the agreement.”
Living with him? I get to keep my job too? “I have a dog. I can’t leave him at home.”
He sighs then shrugs. “Bring the dog. He won’t be sleeping in the bed. I’m not willing to share my bed with a dog.”
I shake my head. “Me either, he sleeps in his own bed at the foot of the bed on the floor. Um, how long am I keeping my job for? The twenty-five days or...” I’m almost afraid to ask the question, yet I need to know.
“For now, the twenty-five days. I’ll look into moving you into another position, where you don’t have access to money, maybe as an admin in our legal department.” He says the last drily. I fight not to blush and lose.
“I’m sorry, you don’t know how sorry I am. I have never so much as taken a penny from one of those take a penny leave a penny things. But this was for my sister, and I can’t say I wouldn’t do it again.” I shrug. “It was her whole world at stake—hers seemed more important than my own at the time.”
He’s quiet for so long, I can’t take it anymore and look up to meet his eyes. We connect and he sees into my soul. Every secret I have ever had he knows, every lie I’ve ever told is revealed to him. “For the next twenty-five days, I’m your whole world.” I nod, my mouth dry. “Go let Hannah know I need another espresso.”
I’m dismissed. Standing is harder than I thought it would be—my legs are still shaky. Holy fucking crap. Holy fucking crap. What the hell have I just agreed to? At my desk my head is in my hands. This is insane, I feel like I’m in a dream all over again. Yes, I have dreamed of scenarios pretty damn close to what happened in Cesare’s office. My pride where he was concerned died that night when I offered myself to him, when his body was pressed against mine, when he kissed me and the entire world fell away. The things I’ve dreamed of him asking for, demanding, doing to me would have made the old me shrivel in embarrassment, but she died in the wildfire of Cesare’s kiss. She’s dead now and thank fucking god.
Putting in my notice was the hardest thing I had ever done, yet I knew I had to. Staying was locking myself and Cesare into a place of pain I couldn’t take anymore. Wanting him, being near him but not allowed to have him, to feel his touch, even his eyes on me was tearing me apart day by day. I told myself, out of sight out of mind. I’m such a fucking liar, but it was a step forward. I’m pretty sure Churchill said, “If you’re in hell keep going.” Well, I was in hell and standing still, and I needed to move again.
Deep down I hoped putting in my notice would prompt a response from Cesare—he had two weeks to figure out what the hell he really wanted. Was that why I took the money? Had I really thought I could do it without getting caught? I’m well aware Cesare is the one who balances out the account monthly. Martin does so on a sixty-day schedule. Dante never does, he said the whole thing gave him a headache. Closing my eyes, I wonder, what chance had I really been taking? Was it that Cesare would see it and use it against me, or was it that he would see it and not care?
I never see either Cesare or Dante leave their offices. When I receive an instant message a few minutes before noon to go into Dante’s office, I school my features into something I hope doesn’t broadcast my complete and utter joy. Apparently I was unsuccessful because he smiles. “So it is what you want? He didn’t apply any pressure or leave you with what you felt was no choice?”
“I had a choice, and he’s what I want.”
His relief is palpable. “Finally—you two were going to turn me gray before I was ready for it. Your job is safe as long as you want it. I can find you something else somewhere else, maybe not as well paying but close enough if you want that too. If you need anything, an ear, help, an out, I’m here.”
Stupid tears, I blink and they appear. “Thank you for the offer. I’ll remember it.”
“Good. See you tomorrow.”
When I shut down my computer for the day, Hannah gives me a hug. “Thank goodness you two finally figured it out. I’ll be praying for the both of you.”
“Thanks, I’ll need it.”
At home I pack all my clothes except the old ones. They don’t fit in the two suitcases I have. I have to use a small trunk I kept filled with quilts at the foot of my bed. I’m not sure how much time I’ll get to work on my quilts but pack up the two I have due within the next month. From the bedside table I make sure to put my birth control in my purse. Seeing the vibrators, I consider bringing them just to see what Cesare does, but chicken out.
It’s a little embarrassing when two large men show up and I don’t have much for them to move. As I lock my front door, for some reason I get the eerie feeling despite the twenty-five days Cesare says it will be, it will be a long time before I’ll be back.
When I get to Cesare’s building, I’m barely through the doors before I’m met by an effusively polite Asian man who introduces himself as John. He hands me a plastic card then guides me into one of the six elevators. He shows me how to scan the card—it turns the buttons on so I can select Cesare’s floor. I’m told the floor only holds Cesare’s and Dante’s condos and because only specifically programmed cards will allow his floor to be selected, Cesare usually leaves his home unlocked. But as the elevators open, he smiles as lets me know Claudine is home waiting for me.
I’ve never met Claudine, but she sounded ruthlessly efficient the few times I’ve spoken to her. When I open the door to Cesare’s condo I’m in awe at the place. It’s massive, and hollow. All the walls are a stark white, and there isn’t a single piece of art on the walls. I’m still taking it all in when I hear a woman giving instructions, then the two men are nodding as they walk past me to leave. That was fast.
A tiny, smiling Asian woman whom I think is Korean throws her arms around me. I don’t hesitate to return her hug. “I’m so happy this day has finally come. I’ve been praying for Cesare for years. Thank goodness you are here. Come see your room. He was concerned about whether you would be comfortable here.” She looks down at the carrier. “You have a dog. How sweet.”
My heart sinks. I’ll have my own room? I wouldn’t be sleeping with him. Then I follow her into the room. There isn’t a bed in the room. While the floors are dark, wide wood, a huge fluffy white rug is on the floor. A long chaise lounge in pink velvet sits along one side of the room. It goes with the pale lavender upholstered comfy chair I like so much I can’t resist sitting in to find it’s also a rocking chair. How cozy. I swoon a little at the massive craft desk I would have loved to be able to afford for quilting. It comes with baskets in the style of a filing desk under it. And there is a massive flat-screen television on one wall.
“Do you like it? Yesterday this room was a bedroom. He went on a shopping spree last night. I put it together the best way it seemed to fit. If you want to change anything, say the word.”
I’m not surprised Cesare had so little doubt I would turn him down he spent the day and what looks like a few grand to change this room for me. I wonder what he would have done with this room if I did say no?
There’s an attached bathroom. I thought it was the closet. It’s huge, my bathroom would fit in here three times. The shower is long with a bench and a row of body shower heads and a rainfall shower head above. I’m in love with the tub, it’s jetted and could fit four people. “It’s great. I love it.” I set down Grover’s carrier then undo the catch. He comes out of the carrier warily. A few sniffs around the perimeter of the carpet and he runs to his dog bed under the desk.
“What a cute puppy. There are several dog walkers in the building I can contact for him.”
I shake my head. “Grover doesn’t like walks. He prefers a patch of Astroturf on the balcony.” The tour doesn’t take long. My new walk-in closet is the same size as my old bedroom. My clothes barely make a dent in the space. I’m impressed by the kitchen and pantry. Right next to my room along the hall is another former bedroom converted into a home gym to rival actual gyms. There is a treadmill, a rowing machine, a stationary bike, a heavy weight bag, a row of free weights, two different weight machines and a weird cage thing that is holding a bar with weights on it. The only thing that isn’t in it is an elliptical, which is pretty much the only thing I’ve ever used. This room also has an attached bath that’s only slightly less impressive than the one in my room.
Across the hall is an office Claudine looks pained to allow me inside. How funny, it’s the exact same as his office at work. The same desk, the same chair, there are even chairs in front of his desk that match the ones at work. Everything is the same down to the accessories on his desk and where they are. I’m not a hundred percent sure I know what it means, but it means something.
I follow Claudine to the balcony to put out a patch of Astroturf for Grover. The balcony is massive, almost half the size of the condo inside. I’m also relieved there is a perimeter wall that is chest high. Potted trees are arranged every five feet to give it some green, and at the far end I see a raised box. “What’s that?”
“A beehive. Cesare had them put up on all the properties they manage when he read about it being a way to help conservation efforts. Dante has one on his balcony as well. The beekeepers come by twice a month to collect honey and it’s donated to the local food pantries.”
Is it weird this side of Cesare turns me on as much as when his eyes strip me naked? I knew the company does a huge amount of philanthropy, donations to local schools for everything from food to equipment for students and teachers. I have seen the huge amount of money that goes out for monthly contributions to everything from the local no-kill animal shelter to food banks, to a battered woman’s shelter, to a large group in the city that helps the homeless.
Dante had mentioned they were going to set up a devoted foundation a few years ago, only Cesare hadn’t found anyone he liked enough to run it. For now they handle requests as they come through and set up monthly contributions as they see fit. The thing is, it’s easy to write a check; this is having someone come into his home. Like when Lydia told me about Cesare handling a shopping trip of a group of young women, I’m wondering if I’ll ever know everything there is to know about Cesare Sabatini. I’m interested in trying.
I put Grover’s patch of Astroturf right by the door. He’s trailed along with us on the tour. While he comes out on the balcony he makes it five steps before he runs back inside.
As Claudine leaves she’s grinning ear to ear. “Cesare was so excited about you coming. I’m glad you like the place—he was really concerned about how comfortable you’ll be here. If he had time he would have the entire placed redecorated to look less like a mausoleum, his word but I agree with him. Then again I think it’s not the things inside that make something a home, but the people.”
I find myself drawn back to my room. He had set this up in a single night for me. Is it supposed to be a prison while I think about what I’ve done? As my feet sink into the fluffy white carpet, it doesn’t feel like it. I have twenty-five days to make the most of our time together. Except I’ve never done anything like this before. Cesare assured me all he wanted was my willingness to please, and I’m more than willing.
Then I remember the kind, sweet older woman, Gertrude from the lingerie store that Lydia sent me to the day I went to her for a dress that would tell Cesare I wanted him. The woman had the silk stockings and garter belt along with a black bra and panty set waiting for me because of my limited time. She had assured me that Cesare would need no words from me—once he saw me in the set, all of his dreams would be answered. The only problem is aside from what I bought that day everything else I have is cotton granny panties. I think a little more help from Gertrude is in order.