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November
Alicia
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“Are you sure Dante really won’t mind I’m crashing in his home?” Bethany asks for the tenth time.
“Yes, I told you he’s just bummed he’s out of town for Thanksgiving. He really wanted to meet you. However, there is no way if Dante were here Cesare would let you stay with him. Cesare wants to put in a Murphy bed in my room for Christmas so you can stay with us.”
“Why wouldn’t Cesare have let me stay with Dante here?”
“Because Dante is a manwhore. I’m pretty sure it’s an ingrained reflex for him to hit on a woman. And he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from trying to get into your panties.”
Bethany blushes as she shakes her head. “Yeah right, like a guy that hot would want my chubby ass.”
I tilt my head. Bethany is the same size as me except she’s shorter, only five foot four, an annoying height as she’s just out of petite but doesn’t always fit in the average size. All of her pants and jeans have to be hemmed to fit. She is a beautiful young woman with reddish-brown hair and a heart-shaped face. With her small nose and cupid’s-bow mouth combined with her hazel eyes, she’s been approached on the street. “Don’t put yourself down like that, you are beautiful. Dante also prefers women with curves, so there’s that and the main reason Cesare wouldn’t let you stay here if Dante were here.”
She yawns as she lies down on the bed. “It’s a moot point anyway since he’s not here. God, I’m exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a week. Have I told you yet I’m only going to be able to be here for three days at Christmas?”
“What?”
“So I didn’t.” Her eyes close. “There’s a project I’m working on in a team. Believe me, I wish there was a way around it, but we have it planned Christmas Eve and Christmas off, back to school the day after Christmas and back at it while we hopefully have the labs to ourselves over break. Also remember the master’s program is way different than undergrad without all the breaks.”
Groaning, I lean against the door. “I guess this is the reason why people with a master’s degree make the big bucks they earn it upfront. I’ll let you take a nap. Come on over when you’re up.”
She nods as she kicks off her shoes and wraps herself in the covers. With a last look, I turn off the overhead lights and turn on the bedside table lamp so she won’t wake up in the dark.
In the condo it feels empty, Cesare is working late to cover for Dante being out of town. Dante’s latest relationship is getting serious, and her father is having health issues. She wanted to go home to Dallas to be there for Thanksgiving, as her family was sure it would be his last. Cesare and Enzo were surprised, saying it was the first time Dante had been so involved with a woman before. It’s disappointing he wouldn’t be here for Thanksgiving tomorrow, but we’re all trying to be supportive. I’m just annoyed I haven’t met the woman yet. Enzo’s the only person to have met her, and his opinion was he hoped Dante came to his senses because the woman was more interested in his money than Dante.
Cesare isn’t exactly excited about the holidays, saying he and his brothers usually just had a lasagna and watched movies at Dante’s for Thanksgiving, and for Christmas they ordered Chinese and again spent the day watching movies at Dante’s. I told him too bad, Thanksgiving and Christmas was the only time Bethany and I always spent time together and we made a big deal out of it. Although I didn’t admit we usually made a chicken instead of a turkey, but we still had dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans with ham and bacon, scalloped potatoes and candied yams, with pumpkin pie and cherry pie for dessert.
With a sigh he gave in, saying if it made me happy then so be it. He suggested a ham as well as a turkey in case people didn’t want just turkey. Hannah, her daughter Ruthie, and her brand-new granddaughter will be coming, as with the new baby both women were too exhausted to cook. Lydia is also coming, as she hadn’t had any plans. I invited Claudine as well; however, she and her husband are going to their son’s home in Wisconsin for the weekend.
While I love cooking, I’m not a baker, so the two pumpkin pies and two cherry pies have been delivered along with the groceries I’ll be cooking and a lasagna I had delivered from Giordano’s, for Cesare.
I begin the prep, I’m going to have to be up by five to start, and since I’ll be half awake, I don’t want to have to worry about doing everything in the morning. The dressing I make is a combination of cornbread and white bread dressing. For the white bread I’m going with already seasoned dried stuffing, the cornbread I’m making from scratch. Since we have double ovens tomorrow should go smoothly.
My cell phone ringing startles me. It’s Cesare. “Hi honey, when are you coming home?”
“I’m leaving now. I thought I would pick something up on the way home. Any requests?”
“Porters sounds good to me right now.”
“Porters it is. I’ll call in the order now and should be home within a half hour.”
“Okay, see you soon.” Before I hang up, my phone is ringing with another call. It’s Lydia.
“Hi, I was calling to see if I can bring anything tomorrow. I’m good for anything prepackaged from the grocery store.”
“No, unless there’s something you want.” I list off what I’m making.
“Wow, that all sounds yummy. My mom was a Boston Market kind of mom, so that sounds like a spread made in heaven. Can I at least come over and help? Or I can drink wine and give you the scoop on my pain in the ass clients. You’re like the only person I can tell because I know you won’t blab to anyone.”
“If you want to come over early that’s cool. It will be nice to have someone to drink wine with.”
“What’s the matter? You sound on edge. Are you okay?”
“I just...you said we’d be married by the end of the year, and he still hasn’t even said he loves me. I love Cesare but he’s driving me crazy. I’m just kind of losing patience with him.”
“Have you told him you love him?”
“Oh my god, why do I have to say it first?”
“Okay, deep breath, you went up an octave there. It’s just usually it’s up to the woman to say it first. He might be worried that you haven’t said it yet. Remember the whole him having the power thing we talked about forever ago? Remember how he snatched up the chance to get you as long as he was in control?”
I bang my head against the counter. Why does she have to be right? Why does she have to sound like Bethany? “I don’t know. I can’t get away from the fear I say it and I say I want three kids and a dog and a house in the suburbs, and he goes no thanks.”
“So you’re content to just stew in your own misery rather than face what might happen?”
“I’m not stewing, it comes and goes. If it means I get to stay with Cesare longer, then I’ll deal with it.”
Lydia sighs. “Okay, it’s your liver, your choice.”
Hanging up, I lay my cheek down on the cool countertop. I could do it; I could be miserable for a few days, a week out of a month when the rest of the time I get to soak up being with Cesare. I can only marvel that almost nine months after I moved in, he still thinks I’m the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world, that he makes me gooey inside at the way he looks at me, that the sex is still amazing, like rock your entire world amazing.
Cesare is a workaholic no more, there was the week in Florence followed by a long weekend in Paris, and another long weekend in Charleston, and two weekends ago we went to Napa to get out of the freezing weather. He’s trying to talk me into going away for Christmas to somewhere warm and sunny. When he talked about it I immediately thought of Bethany. Now she’s saying she won’t have a long break, and I don’t know if it makes sense to go far. Just another something to stew about.
Cesare comes through the door, so I force down my fears, unwilling to let him see my worry.
***
Cesare
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My home is filled with people. Laughter flows freely along with oohs and ahs over Amari, Ruthie’s daughter. I’m pretty sure Ruthie hasn’t held her daughter since she walked in. Almost immediately Lydia held her, then Bethany, and now Alicia is cuddling the small baby close. Her eyes closed, Alicia inhales the smell of the baby then sighs. Fuck. I want to throw her over my shoulder and carry her off to the bedroom to give her the baby she obviously wants so badly.
Until this moment I never gave the idea of children much thought. With my plan to never marry, I believed I would never have children. It didn’t bother me. Being the big brother then raising my brothers hadn’t been easy. While I never changed diapers, I laid awake at night worried about them and their future. I also felt pride at their accomplishments, felt pain when they hurt; there was more to having children than cuddling a baby. I never felt some deep-seated need to procreate.
There were things Alicia said about how she raised Bethany, telling her marriage and children weren’t the be all and end all to complete a woman, that had led me to believe she didn’t want kids and wasn’t all that excited about marriage. I also wondered if after having spent her childhood and into her twenties responsible for one child, maybe she didn’t want to do it all over again. Now that I know my woman wants a baby, I want a half dozen little girls with big brown eyes and their mama’s smile. And whether she likes it or not, she’s not getting my baby unless my ring is on her finger.
The fears I had of marriage, of forever with one woman, a woman whom I could trust with everything I am, died in the fierce fire of us making love the very first night. I hadn’t even realized the fear was gone. At first I thought all the happiness I was feeling was because of finally having Alicia. Only the more I thought about it, I recognized there was no more fear, no more anger, no more resentment of the past left in my entire body.
In that moment I knew it was because of Alicia. I understood why my father’s love turned into obsession: when love wasn’t returned it made you hungrier for it, especially once the love was had, then gone. I’m not crazy enough to believe our love won’t shift and change over the coming years. I do know it won’t die. We’ll need to make sure to nurture it, make each other a priority over everything else. There will be times it won’t be easy, but I’ll do whatever it takes.
Looking around my home, I marvel at the changes Alicia has made in my life. This time last year, I believed wholeheartedly my life was exactly as I wanted it. Only now I’m able to see how empty it was. Even though I was lucky to have my brothers and enough money to buy anything I wanted, none of those things gave me what I needed. A woman who loved me, body and soul, who made my house a home, who wanted me for who I am, not what I could give her. I wonder if I can talk her into going to Vegas to get married.
I’m so caught up in my plans I don’t see Amari until Hannah has the baby pressed up against my chest. I have no choice but to hold the baby. Damn she’s small. She’s also a pretty baby, smiling and gurgling as if she was trying to talk. I run a finger over a downy soft cheek, and she grabs my finger, her grip tight. Heat washes over me, and I look up to meet Alicia’s eyes. I wonder how long it will take until everyone leaves.
***
Alicia
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I roll over with a groan. Damn it, I had way too much wine last night. I’m embarrassed it was so much wine Cesare had to put me to bed. Burying my face in my pillow, I struggle to remember who was here when it happened. Then sigh with relief as I recall Hannah and Ruthie left early because they were both tired and the baby was fussy. They left with plenty of leftovers, then not long after Lydia also left, but only took pie for her breakfast.
I’m cranky as I find the note from Cesare telling me he needed to go into the office today to handle a few things and see a client, he’d be home as soon as he could. I stumble into the shower and turn on the hot water as high as I can take it.
Bethany is in the kitchen making bacon. “Morning, sunshine,” she calls as she waves with her spatula.
“Please don’t be chipper before I’ve had my coffee.”
“The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
“Please don’t talk before I’ve had my coffee.”
She makes the motion of buttoning her lips. Don’t pick up a knife. Don’t pick up a knife. Ignore her and make the coffee. My birthday present from Claudine was an easy to use push-button coffee maker. I do like the pot espresso maker, but this is what I use when I don’t have the patience for the pot. I swallow some water as I wait for the coffee to finish.
I sit down with my coffee and bottle of water in front of the plate Bethany has made for me. After some coffee and food I’m beginning to feel human. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but what’s with you making me breakfast?”
“I felt bad I didn’t really help you with making all that awesome food. Instead I slept the day away like a bum.”
“Please, you aren’t a bum. You’ve been working flat out. You obviously needed the sleep. Don’t worry about it.”
She shrugs. “I figured breakfast would help me with my guilt, and it did. Anyway, Cesare was talking last night about you guys going away for Christmas. He said you were concerned about me for the holiday. You know I love you. Because I love you, I want you guys to go away together by yourselves. We’ve had twenty-three years of Christmases together; this will be the first for the two of you. This is your time to start making good memories together. Without worrying about me. Like I said, I’m only taking off three days, and as much as I loved our trip to London the whole three-day thing left me exhausted. I’m more than happy to just hole up and get some rest to recharge.”
“Did Cesare put you up to this?”
Her eyes go wide. “No. He didn’t. He was trying to pick my brain on where I would like to go so I could help him talk you into it. When I told him about only having three days, he shrugged and said never mind because he knew you wouldn’t want to leave me.”
Her surprise is so genuine I don’t doubt her. “Okay, I never know with him. When he wants his way he can be a force to be reckoned with.”
Bethany laughs. “I know, he’s kind of awesome that way. I love him—he’s perfect for you.”
***
Alicia
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Saying goodbye to Bethany, I get a little weepy knowing I won’t see her for months. Cesare closes the door behind us, then guides me toward the couch. He presses me down as he sits down on the ottoman, keeping ahold of my hand. The expression on his face reminds me of how he looked when he was holding Amari, as if he were completely enchanted by her, followed by longing. Seeing Cesare holding Amari, my whole body clenched tight with longing to see him with our baby, to jump him so we can make our own baby, to tell him I love him.
Swallowing the words as I have for months doesn’t work; this time they refuse to go away. “I want a baby, your baby. Actually, I want three little boys with big black eyes and a dimple in their cheek. And as much as I love this place, I want to raise our children in a house in the ’burbs with a big backyard. Somewhere where they can ride their bikes and build a fort and get dirty.”
Cesare closes his eyes. Sighing, he brings my hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to my palm. “I’ll be right back.”
I watch, unable to move as he gets up and walks out of the condo. What happened? He didn’t say, Me too, yes please. He didn’t say, I only want two kids, is that okay? His expression was sad, I think. Fear grips my entire body. Where is he? Seconds feel like hours. Why did he walk out? Is he going to get security? Out of every worst case scenario I had thought of, none of them were what is happening right now. I roll off the couch and run for my closet. I grab my go bag, Grover, and I’m gone in seconds.
I’m out on the street, trying to wave down a cab in the freezing cold, when I feel a hand around my arm. It’s Cesare, I don’t even have to look. He doesn’t say a word, just marches me back into the building. I’m crying, I hate crying in front of him. The quiet in the elevator is suffocating me. He pushes the door closed with a bang, then pushes me up against it.
“How the hell could you walk out on me? What the hell is going on in that fucked-up head of yours? I leave to go get a ring to put on your finger, and after you telling me you want my baby, you walk out?” he thunders and I’m shaking.
“You didn’t say anything you walked away. You didn’t say yes, I want children too. I finally told you I loved you and you walked away.”
“I was overcome with emotion because I had begun to wonder if you would ever say it. I didn’t want to fucking cry in front of my future wife. There are some things a man does not do. Like letting go of the woman he loves.”
Anguish is running through me, for the honesty in his words, for screwing up all over again. “I’m sorry. I’ve loved you for so long. Even though you said all this about being yours, you never said you loved me. You never talked about the future.”
“You spent the first few months going on and on about raising Bethany not to think becoming a wife and mother was the be all and end all for a woman, so I wasn’t sure how you felt about marriage. You never mentioned children. It wasn’t until I saw you with Amari on Thanksgiving I knew you wanted them, and I do too. I want little girls with big brown eyes and their mama’s smile. If you want to live in the suburbs we’ll live in the suburbs; you want to live on the fucking moon, I’ll make it happen. I’ve told you over and over, whatever you want, all you have to do is ask and it’s yours. My heart, my fucking soul—it’s yours and it’s been yours, always.”
It’s there, his whole heart in his eyes. My hand goes up to his chest, to touch him. The heat of him, the solid muscles, the vibrating of his heart pounding beneath my hand—this is no dream, this is the real thing. “I love you, Cesare. Te amo.”
His hand captures my hand, holding it tight. “I’m going to need you to say it again.”
Tears fall. “I love you. I think as stupid as it sounds, I loved you from the first moment I saw you. You snatched my breath away then sent me reeling. Me not sharing my worries was because I was afraid I would tell you I loved you and you couldn’t say it back.”
“I love you with everything I am. I know I messed up by trying to maintain control of this. Thinking it was just lust, I was determined to get you out of my system. It only took once to realize I didn’t want to fuck you; I wanted to make love to you. Then we made love and...” He shakes his head. “I had no idea I was so empty until you filled me full, had never guessed there was a part of me missing until I found it in you. Why do you think I kept telling you I would never let you go, that you were mine? If you left you were taking me with you. I belong to you, body and soul, the same way you belong to me. Please don’t cry, it makes me ache to see it.”
“They’re happy tears, and tears because I’m sad and sorry I didn’t recognize it for so long.”
“All that matters is you do.” His mouth is on mine. Dimly I’m aware we’re moving down the hall, then we’re on the bed. We’re both frantic; clothes are torn apart, pushed out of the way instead of all the way off. His first thrust sends him home, buried deep inside me. We both gasp, our breaths mingling, our souls connecting, merging, recognizing we have found the other half of us we never knew we were missing. Mine. Cesare’s mouth finds mine, bringing tears to my eyes. I’ve been so stupid. He’s told me he loved me a thousand times already, every time we make love.
The sun is setting as I run my hand over his tattoo, tracing the ink. His eyes are closed but he’s awake, a smile on his face. Suddenly, he sits up. Gently, he moves me off him. I sit up, wondering where he is going. He finds his jeans, and I watch him take a small box out of the pocket. As he gets back in bed he opens the box, takes out an enormous ring, and without saying a word he slides the ring on my finger then leans against the headboard.
The ring is too big: an enormous diamond solitaire is surrounded by a halo of even more diamonds. I would never have picked it. It’s so completely Cesare, and I love it. I hug him tight. “When did you get my ring.”
“The day after you said that stupid shit about leaving because the twenty five days were up. I already knew I wanted you forever, I wanted you to know too. After I got it I stashed it at Dante’s, I was worried you would find it before I could think of the perfect way to propose. Then the very next night you said something about Jeanine’s and Billy’s problems they were having. I remember vividly you saying it was always the women who got shafted in marriage then you shuddered.
“I figured I’d give you more time, hell you had only just moved in. I was hoping gradually you would become comfortable in our home, with the idea of making it all legal. I wanted to lock you down tight, you are never getting away. But you never talked about it in a positive enough light to think it was safe to ask you. So I’m not asking, I’m telling you that we are getting married and soon.”
Now I laugh, god I’ve been so stupid. “I’m thinking I want a spring wedding on Dante’s boat.” We’ve spent several sunny warm days on Dante’s boat. Calling it a boat is laughable, though, when it’s actually a three-hundred-foot yacht with three levels and two gorgeous decks.
“Why not do Vegas?”
Rolling my eyes, I cuddle up to him. “We are not getting married in Vegas. It doesn’t have to be a big wedding, that’s not the point. We could find a house and get married there. I want to make sure Bethany isn’t under stress while she’s there. If we wait until school’s out it will be easier for her.”
He sighs. “Whatever you want, however you want. As long as my ring is on your finger I don’t care. When will be working on our first baby girl?”
“Hmm...I don’t want to be showing on our wedding day, so is March okay?”
“I can’t wait.”
“Me either. I love you, Cesare Sabatini. I made up my mind. I don’t regret taking that money. I would do the same thing a thousand times again.”
“I love you, Alicia Jeffries. As I told you long ago, I’m grateful you took the money. That you were patient enough to give me another chance, to give us another chance. I don’t even want to think of my life without you. You’re mine forever, my love.”
“Thank fucking god. Now show me.”
Epilogue
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Six Months Later
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"This place is insane. It's an honest to god mansion. Holy freaking crap."
I look up from the text I just received from Dante. "Where did you go? I came out of the bathroom, and you were gone."
Bethany holds up a bag of white cheddar popcorn, bought specifically for her since she's addicted to it. I hope Claudine never leaves us. Since we moved into our home three months ago, Claudine hired a cleaning service to handle the deep cleaning in our home and Dante's but has continued making our lives easier by splitting her week between the two homes. For now, the condo is empty. Cesare has no plans to sell it. He is considering gifting it to Bethany when she graduates next year. "I used the elevator. I didn't take the stairs. An elevator, your home has an elevator." She shakes her head as she walks over to the French doors that open to a balcony. "Seven bedrooms with a bathroom attached to every one of them, and three more half baths in the house. Then a guest house with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. You guys have a private beach, an indoor pool and an outdoor pool and a freaking elevator. It's gorgeous. I can't believe it was built in 1912. Man, they built things to last back then. I thought you were exaggerating this place. If anything, you undersold it."
"I told you. The first few places I tried to look at, Cesare thought I was joking. Anything below ten thousand square feet and less than an acre of land wasn't even up for consideration. The three other homes we looked at were all this huge. It’s nuts. What do we need with a ten-car garage? Decorating this place for Christmas was a pain in the ass, but I had fun decorating three trees. Dante loved it. And I will admit I love having the indoor pool." I shrug. "This isn't a place I thought we could make a home, but it's been easier than I thought. I'm also warming up to the idea of having four kids instead of three. Cesare is so persuasive."
There is no warning before Bethany pats my stomach. "A baby, I can't wait." Then I'm enveloped in a hug. "I'm so happy for you. I'm also so happy I get to hold her and play with her then I can hand her right back to you guys when she needs her diaper changed."
"Spoken like an aunt. Dante said pretty much the same thing. But he, like Cesare, are sure it's a boy."
"Boys." Bethany rolls her eyes as she goes back to her popcorn. "You're four months along. I'm shocked Cesare hasn't already found out the sex. It also totally sucks Dante can't be here for the wedding tomorrow. The girlfriend's dad dying is awful for her to go through but him being there for her is important. He is getting serious about this chick, huh?"
"Oh, he's tried. I wanted to wait and be surprised but the more we talk about the nursery and everything I changed my mind. Don't tell him, I want to surprise him. After we come back from the honeymoon, an appointment for an ultrasound is scheduled.
“Yeah, Dante might marry this woman which terrifies us all. I'm bummed he won't be here, I mean the whole point of not doing the Vegas wedding Cesare wanted was for our family to share this with us. You're right. Even if we don't like her, Dante cares about her and he needs to be there with her."
"You guys don't like her? Why?"
"Because she doesn't love him, she loves his money. If Nina ever once looked at Dante with love, I'd welcome her in a heartbeat. I hate the way she constantly complains about him to us when he's right there. It’s like she's trying to shame him. He didn't buy her the SUV Mercedes she wanted. He bought her the sedan. Dante only gave her one credit card when her best friend's boyfriend gave her two, never mind that there's no limit on the card and she goes through money like its water. Cesare found out she charged almost a million dollars in a single month. I swear, he bit his tongue so badly it bled not to tell Dante that she's just a money hungry bitch and to drop her. Enzo did, and they got into a huge fight. It was weeks before Dante talked to him again. Ever since we've all been careful not to say a peep against her. But, fuck, it is not easy."
"That sucks. I'm also bummed I haven't even met Dante yet. It's weird to talk about him and feel like I know him, but after more than a year of hearing about him, I still don't. So who all is coming tomorrow?"
Huh, that is kind of weird. "I didn't even realize that. Then again with you not being able to come back to Chicago much, it makes sense. It will be Lydia and her guy Decker Holt, Enzo, Cesare's uncle and his cousin, Gertrude, and her wife, she's that awesome woman I told you about. I got that lingerie I sent you from her. Claudine and her husband, Hannah, Ruthie and her man Stephen and the baby.”
“Ooh, the mob uncle and cousin are coming? Do I have to kiss a ring or something?”
Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. “Don’t even go there. Please be cool and not an idiot. It took me going to visit his uncle to get him to come. Cesare asked me if it was okay and I said yes. His uncle was worried about Cesare’s reputation and declined, at first. However, enough is enough. After more than twenty years of keeping their distance I think it’s long past time. Family is important if they don’t want to come to Sunday dinner that’s fine but they should be here tomorrow. Besides, it’s not like this is some society affair. Cesare will put a picture in the paper after but no one except the people invited know it’s happening and we asked them not to anyone.
“It was supposed to be low-key which you would never know if you looked at what Cesare is spending. I don't need an arch filled with four hundred blush roses and three hundred white peonies. We don't need centerpieces and vases filled with over a hundred of both peonies and roses filling the house. And oh my god don't get me started on the food. There is no way it's going to all get eaten. Claudine already called around to see where we can send the leftovers. I kept telling him it's not about having a big, fancy wedding it's about doing it with family and friends. I'm not sure if he's deliberately obtuse or what."
"He didn't have to spend over thirty thousand on a couture Monique Lhuillier wedding dress that's made for a freaking princess either. He's doing it because he knows it will mean more in the future. Sure, you won't look back with regrets if you had just a bouquet of roses and an off the rack dress but to look back and see how beautiful the day was. Those pictures he's spending a fortune on will be something you show your kids with pride. Don't be a brat. Just say thank you."
The more I consider what she's saying, the more I get she's right. Crap. I have some apologizing to do. "Fine, you're right. While we're being honest, I'm going to tell you: I can't wait until you are done with school. You never get to come to Chicago. Are you going to be able to visit us at Christmas? The baby will be here by then. Our due date is for the fifteenth of December. Don't you want to meet your niece?" Her eyes dim as they slide away from mine. My stomach sinks, I'm a horrible sister for making her feel guilty. "I'm sorry. If you can come that's awesome. Ignore me."
She blinks fast. "No, you're right. I'm sorry too. It's just so embarrassing. I study for hours; my notes are insane. I'm constantly quizzing myself and studying with others in the program, and I'm barely treading water. Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it. I'm exhausted all the damn time. Maybe I'm not good enough."
My arms are around her. "Hey, it's going to be okay. You are awesome. It's because you care so much that you put so much pressure on yourself." She's sobbing, and the pain I feel shocks me. It feels like forever since I felt this kind of pain. "Bethany, sweetheart, if you want to take a break there is nothing wrong with that."
Her arms tighten around me as she shakes her head. "If I stop, I won't go back. I have to keep going. I'm sorry for being a baby."
"You aren't a baby. Don't put yourself down like that. There's nothing wrong with admitting shit is hard, and you're having a tough time. I went through the same thing my entire four years of school. Between you, school, and work there were times I wanted to crawl under the bed and never come out. I never told you this, but I failed two classes that were requirements for my business degree. Retaking those classes made me feel like a loser. I also had to pay for them out of my pocket, that hurt even worse. I was taking money from our budget because I couldn't get it the first time. I'm sure other people are having as hard of a time as you are, but they're hiding it well."
Sniffling, she pulls away and nods. "In a few of my classes, the professor said people were failing one test or another, but none of the people I know will admit it's them. I haven't failed anything, yet. But it feels like it's just around the corner."
"Damn, that's sounds stressful. Do you maybe want to make an appointment with a therapist and have someone you can talk to about it? I'm not going to mention I'm incredibly hurt you haven't told me any of this until now." I get up to grab the tissues on the bedside table. I take a few before handing her the box.
She takes two then begins wiping her eyes. "I don't know. Paying to whine to someone? I felt like I couldn't admit to you that you were wasting your money on school and me."
"We all need someone to whine to without worrying our words are going to haunt us later. I want you to at least think about it. Your insurance Cesare switched you to is awesome and covers all of that. Cesare is going to talk to you later. He's already upped your allowance by another five hundred a month. I'm not sure if you noticed that. As far as he's concerned, you're already his little sister to worry about and take care of. Hence the whole him hiring you a housekeeper for Christmas. I am sorry he gave her a key to your place without telling you. I didn't even know he had it."
Bethany laughs. "I hadn't. I'm so careful with my money. I rarely check my balance. Also, with him having Jessica shop and pay for stuff on a credit card he's paying for it's not like I’m spending money on anything. I've made a few more trips to Starbucks that’s it. I have to say at the time I walked into my apartment to find her there, I was pissed. Within two weeks I wanted to kiss him for Jessica. Not having to worry about cleaning, laundry, and there always being food in the house, and not just microwave dinners, she's an awesome cook. I'll think about therapy."
"Will you think about it or are you just saying that for me to shut up?"
She throws back her head as she laughs. "Oh my god, I'm so going to need to be around for my niece. You are a next-level parent. Okay, I was just saying it, but now I will for real think about. I promise."
"Don't make me talk to Cesare." I threaten.
She stops laughing. "Okay, fine. I said I'd think about it."
Now I laugh. "Yeah, not so funny when he comes at you with all that bossy crap now is it?"
"Nope, not funny at all. I still want to go down on my knees in thanks for him finding you though. I can't remember a time when I've seen you so happy and glowing. Some people might think it's the baby, but it's not, it's him. Him being a billionaire is awesome but even if he weren't I know he would work his ass off to make you happy. And I'm not jealous at all. Okay, maybe a little."
I snatch the Kleenex from her as I clean up the tears she caused. "Yeah, I know. This last year has been amazing. I never thought I could be this happy. Sometimes I want to pinch myself. It’s not just Cesare; it's Dante and Enzo too. I have this whole family now. We make dinner together, then we sit around the table, and we talk about our day, the world, each other and it's home. I worried about us buying a house out here in Lake Forest but we still go up to the apartment and have dinner or we go out to a restaurant as often we did before. I also love the way Enzo and Dante will come out and spend the weekend or the day with us. They both have a guestroom here, so they don't have to drive back to the city late at night. I'm so lucky."
"You aren't lucky. You are finally getting the happiness you worked so hard for."
The knock on the door startles us both. Cesare calls through the door, "Alicia, are you two decent?"
Bethany laughs. "No, I'm naked go away."
I laugh as I slap her leg. "She's kidding. Come in." He opens the door, and he's not decent. All he has on is pajama bottoms. So damn gorgeous and he's all mine. Grover barks at us then climbs into Bethany’s lap, hoping to get some popcorn. "What, honey?"
"It's almost one in the morning. We need to go to bed. I don't want you falling asleep on me tomorrow or yawning while you say your vows."
"Cesare, I told you. It's bad luck. I'm sleeping in the room next door."
He doesn't say anything, just crosses the room, picks me up then nods at Bethany. "Get some rest.” He orders. Bethany laughs as she salutes him then goes back to cuddling Grover. “Luck doesn't have a damn thing to do with it. You don't sleep anywhere but with me."
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I don't even bother arguing. I didn't really want to sleep alone tonight. "Hmm... you aren't going to be able to carry me around much longer."
He frowns, I reach up to run a fingertip over those lines on his forehead. "Why not?"
"Because I'm going to be all big and pregnant, silly."
"Now who's being silly? You could be pregnant with triplets, and I'll still be able to carry you around. I might not spend hours in the gym every day, it doesn’t mean I haven’t maintained the body you love so much."
We're in our room. He sets me down on the bed with care. Strong hands clutch the fabric of the cotton nightgown and tears. I knew it was coming, and it still sends a thrill me. A shock goes through me at the way his eyes glitter obsidian as they run over my body. His pleasure clear that he loves my body. "Thank you."
"I'm sorry I bitched about the flowers and the food. You always seem to know what will make me happy when I don't even know. I'm so grateful for everything, for the flowers, for the house, for tomorrow which I know will be perfect. I’m grateful for our honeymoon, two weeks of just you and me in the sun in Greece. Most of all I'm grateful for all your love." I say the last in Italian, over the last year I'm almost as fluent as Cesare. We want to speak Italian at home with our kids the way he grew up. Cesare can never hide how much he loves when I speak his language.
His kiss is a light grazing of his lips against mine. "All I'm doing, my love, is giving you back everything you have given me.”
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Christmas Eve
“Bethany, please give me my son. I need to put him to bed.”
Big brown eyes look up at me. “He’s asleep already. Please just ten more minutes. Lydia held him for like two hours, then Cesare’s uncle had him the rest of the afternoon. I hardly got to hold him at all today.”
“Fine, ten more minutes. But the next time he needs a diaper change you’re on it.”
Her eyes go wide. “Okay, okay. God, you’re so mean.”
Matteo is thrust against me. Cesare chuckles from the sofa where he’s watching us. I catch my son close, grateful he hasn’t woken up. “Brat.” I hiss as I take my son upstairs.
Bethany sticks out her tongue as she follows me. “I warned you. I’m not changing any stinky diapers. This nursery is insane. I bet Prince George doesn’t have a nursery this dope.”
“Dope? Are you smoking dope?” I laugh. Quickly, I check Matteo to see if he’s wet enough I should change him. He’s dry. Although one of the few good things to come out of Matteo’s premature birth at thirty-three weeks is after spending two weeks in the loud, bustling NICU once he’s asleep no noise or amount of lifting or even changing his diaper will wake him.
“I wish, maybe it would calm my ass down. My therapist goes on and on about meditation every damn appointment. I am loving the yoga though, I should have started doing it sooner. But meditation just isn’t something I can do, shutting off my mind never happens.”
“I’m glad the therapy is working. I wish Dante would go to therapy. But no, men don’t do therapy. He’s going to fix his pain with drinking and women.”
Rolling her eyes, “I cannot believe he’s spending Christmas in Ibiza getting drunk and laid. Poor Cesare, he puts up a good front, but it’s obvious he misses Enzo and Dante. Why does Enzo have to be a babysitter? Dante is a big boy.”
“It’s safer this way. Dante has a habit of getting into trouble if left alone while drinking, a broken wrist and concussion, buying a shitty building in a horrible side of town, losing his yacht in a card game, winding up in Timbuktu after spending the night drinking and wondering if it was even real. That poor pilot flying him there at three in the morning.” I shake my head in memory of Cesare getting the call asking if the pilot could come home or if he should stay until Dante told him to go home. “Besides, Enzo says the only thing they’ve been doing is sitting on the balcony drinking while Dante ruminates on women and if he should consider going into the priesthood and leaving it all behind.”
Bethany laughs so loud I look over to make sure she didn’t manage to wake up Matteo. “Dante Sabatini in the priesthood? Still haven’t met the guy and I can’t imagine a worse priest than him. Then again he has more depth than I thought he does. It’s been since Thanksgiving that he and the chick broke up. I kind of thought he would have gotten over it by now.”
“Yeah, maybe it was the way it happened though. Overhearing her bragging about how she had him whipped while fucking around on him. How she knew she was getting the ring for Christmas and she was going to cash in on him. Not to mention the way he defended her to Cesare and Enzo, him not speaking to Enzo for weeks and all that mess. Dante admitted before he left he wasn’t sure if he loved her, maybe it was the idea of her. I promised I wouldn’t tell Cesare, but it hurts Dante to see us so happy and he’s afraid he won’t ever have what we have.”
“Ouch, poor guy. With the whole family thing of Christmas with you guys all glowing with baby Matteo being a gorgeous little mini-me of Cesare. Yeah, I get that. I don’t even want kids and marriage anytime soon but seeing you guys together yesterday and today it’s made me a little envious.”
“I’m sorry.” The words are almost a reflex.
“Oh my god, don’t say you’re sorry. That’s hilarious. It’s no big deal. Like I said, I am so not ready for any of it. I think it’s a good thing though, to see what a healthy, loving relationship should be. If he had been paying attention, he should have seen that what he had wasn’t it.”
“That’s exactly what Dante said when he admitted seeing us together has him wondering if he’ll ever have the same thing.”
“Huh, I never thought men worried about stuff like that. Especially not dirty manwhores like Dante. Come on, I’m sleepy. Fair warning if you guys aren’t awake by the time I get up, I’m waking you up. I can’t wait to open my presents. It’s nuts how many presents are under the tree. So exciting.”
I laugh as Bethany runs down the hall to her room. Cesare is leaning against the wall in front of our bedroom. “Did you hear her? No morning cuddling. I think we should take our shower before bed, Mr. Sabatini.”
His eyebrows go up. Although I got the all clear from the doctor a few days ago the stress of decorating, planning today’s lunch for our friends and family had me simply asking to be held by Cesare. Cesare, as always was understanding, telling me that he was content to wait until I was ready. This morning I woke up very ready, only to wake up alone. I found him up seeing to our son’s needs. I shouldn’t be surprised but I kind of am at how much Cesare enjoyed taking care of Matteo. Since I wasn’t able to breast feed as Matteo wouldn’t latch, the doctor’s said it was common for premature babies. So Cesare was up in the middle of the night to feed or change the baby sometimes without me ever hearing our son wake up.
While Matteo was in the hospital, so were we. I hated the idea of going home without my son. At the end of the day Cesare was able to get me out the hospital and into the condo we hadn’t been in for months. Every morning we ate breakfast then went right back. I never thought to ask about work, Cesare never said a word about it. We would sit in the rocking chairs rocking the baby, skin to skin the way I read would help, talking about our plans for when we took him home, play fighting over the benefits and limitations of our son playing sports over pushing him into more academic pursuits. I fell in love with Cesare all over again during those days in the hospital, his strength, his love, his care all of it given with unending patience. Yes, I’m very ready.
His arms go around my waist, pulling me close. “Are you sure, my love? It’s been a long day.”
“Hmm... I’m sure. And it’s going to be an even longer night.”
“I missed you.” He whispers in against my mouth as he swings me up into his arms.
“I missed you too. I love you.”
“I love you more every day. I didn’t think it was possible, but it’s true.”
“Hmm... I think you’re going to need to show me.”
“All you have to do is ask.”
I hope you enjoyed this story. If you did please, please leave a review.
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Look for Dante and Bethany’s story coming in May
His Dirty Promises (BBW Romance)
Dante Sabatini. Billionaire, manwhore extraordinaire—and my new next-door neighbor. Two years ago, my sister married his brother. Over the years I’ve heard all about him and seen his pictures everywhere, yet between me away in school and Dante’s hectic... ahem, “social life,” we keep missing each other. Until the day I move in across the hall from him. Nothing could have prepared me for Dante Sabatini in person. He’s more gorgeous than a photo could do justice—and more of an a$$hole than I thought was humanly possible.
Oh yeah, and he wants me. Me? Plus size, virgin, twenty-four to his thirty-five, nobody to the models and actresses he’s been with. Seriously? Only the jerk refuses to take me up on my begging to learn everything I can under his expert tutelage. We’re family now, and there’s too much at stake when we crash and burn he insists.
This guy is giving me whiplash and driving me crazy. We’re only five hundred feet from each other, but we’re separated by so much more. All I want is some fun, no promises or hand-holding necessary. Once I get what I want, will we be able to survive everything that comes our way... or will we crash and burn, hurting the people we love the most as we do?
While this is book 2 in the Dirty Billionaires series they are standalones and you need not have read His Dirty Demands to enjoy His Dirty Promises.
His on Demand (BBW Romance)
To make my dream come true I’ll do anything, even put up with an a$$hole like Leandros Kaplan. Four years, five tops and I’ll have enough money saved to stop working and write full time. I know lying to him to get the job is crazy and stupid. It’s as crazy and stupid as the requirement for his new assistant to be married. I’m not married, and I’m not like his past assistants, the ones who dropped sexual innuendo daily and then would hand him their underwear when he asked for reports. I’m a freaking virgin at thirty-one.
I swear I never thought I would fall for him, it doesn’t matter that he’s a gorgeous Greek god billionaire, he’s also a jerk who takes pride in being ruthless and cold-blooded. He’s so out of my league we don’t even play the same game. He’s into dating double zero models. There’s no way he would ever be interested in a plus size like me.
When he finds out I lied I’m not surprised he wants his pound of flesh, I’m surprised he wants it in the form of my flesh, naked for him. The retribution he demands is me, whenever, however, he wants my body. I’ll give it to him, everything he demands. He doesn’t want my heart or tears, only I can’t stop giving him both, and it’s slowly tearing me apart. Can he ever forgive me for lying or will that one lie be the end of us?
His Fire Inside (BBW Romance)
Okay, I know it's crazy to hate someone you've never met before but Rourke Vega is not the average man. The arrogant billionaire manwhore is to blame for turning my beloved Austin from quirky, cool college town to hipster paradise.
It's a good thing I don't have to deal with him while I help his mother recover from a stroke. Her, I love. Him, all right I might have this insane desire to lick the dimple in his chin. Then there's the way from the outside he's calm, cool, collected and in control as if nothing fazes him. It makes me want to press his buttons, to make him lose control, to see the fire he hides inside. The fire I felt all too briefly. The fire I can't forget even as I tell myself I'm crazy because no way could a man as gorgeous as Rourke want a plus size like me.
If my plus size doesn't put him off my family situation will. Both of our lives are too complicated to add romance to it. Besides, he's made it clear for the six months I'm his employee I'm off limits. Except he's still staring at me with the heat of a volcano ready to explode.
Like a fool, I'm drawn to the fire even when I know it means one of us will get burned, but who?
His Sweetest Sin (BBW Romance)
I can’t believe it. Christopher Baldwin, the baddest boy in baseball, wants me. Amelia Bishop...I was maybe a solid seven before an accident changed my life, leaving me fat, broken, and avoiding mirrors. If he hadn’t said it with a stare hot enough to melt brain cells, I would never have believed him when he told me my curves are what he wants.
An arrogant a$$hole with tattoos, a diamond glinting in his ear, and a dirty mouth promising wicked things, Chris Baldwin is no boy. Chris is all man, and a lethally gorgeous one at that. With dimples flashing as he invites me to sin in a slow Southern drawl, I’m trying to remember I don’t swoon, sin, or—wait, what? I forgot not to stare directly at his dimples, and those bright blue eyes aren’t safe either. Sorry, as I was saying.
As appealing as the idea of sinning with Chris is, there is no doubt in my mind I would fail miserably at it, even under his expert tutelage. Chris has been on a steady diet of strippers, women who have all the right moves. Me, I have no moves at all. Chris is major league; I would get laughed out of little league.
I’m also his lawyer, at least until my brother, Ethan, comes back from vacation. Getting involved with clients is a huge no-no, no matter what primetime television might show. As gorgeous as he is, Chris isn’t worth the possibility of hurting my career or losing the hard-earned respect of my boss and brother.
Only I can’t deny he makes being bad sound so good. Once Ethan is back I’m no longer Chris’s lawyer and it’s open season on all my good intentions. Being with him is still dangerous, as his fame attracts all sorts of trouble. Who knows what complications could tear us apart?
His Under Contract (BBW Romance)
––––––––
Holly
I never thought I would end up a housekeeper scrubbing floors on my hands and knees for one of the most obnoxious a$$holes I've ever met. It doesn’t matter if the floors are in a million-plus dollar condo, in one of Chicago’s most exclusive addresses. I never had huge aspirations for my future but it certainly wasn't this. While even his sister thinks he’s best taken in small doses, she offers me a job I can’t refuse. I need this job, and it’s not like it’s forever, just until I’m not on the edge of poverty. Let him be the unrepentant manwhore who didn’t do repeats. It’s better for him not to be at home, so close that my stupid body goes nuts when I even think of him. It’s better this way, because he could never want me. I’m a plus size not a size two model he’s used to having. I’m safe, it doesn’t matter how badly I want him, he doesn’t want me. Does he?
Ethan
In my world, the stakes are high, million dollar high, so no, I’m not nice. I don’t say please or thank you and I never apologize. If you have a problem with that, it’s your problem not mine. I didn’t make partner at one of the biggest law firms in Chicago at only thirty-two with my winning personality. I’m on top because I make money for my clients, whether it’s a high stakes takeover, or a player getting paid every dime he’s worth. My clients come out on top. I have worked hard for the life I have, the million-dollar condo, the Ferrari in the garage, and the hottest woman on my arm and in my bed. So, if my b!tch of a new housekeeper wants to look down on me, like I give a fu*k. My one weakness, my little sister parked me with a housekeeper who is far from perfect. Okay, she has the cooking and the cleaning down. But damn, does she have an attitude and a mouth on her that smiles even when she’s insulting me. It’s a good thing she isn’t my type, or I would make her pay the best way possible. At least, I’m trying to tell my c@ck she’s not my type, only the a$$ole has had his own idea since he saw her. It won’t last long though, it never wants any woman for long. When she offers herself to me, it’s with a contract where I hold all the control, all I have to do is sign.
His Healing Touch (BBW Romance)
Maggie Pruitt can take care of herself, thank you very much. She doesn’t need the drool worthy ER doctor carrying her away from her problems. Although she is pretty impressed he’s strong enough to carry her size fourteen muffin-topped butt away if he wanted to. She’s been taking care of herself for years and she doesn’t need anyone’s help.
Okay, maybe just this once and just until she can walk without crying. Besides this is a one-time kind of thing. It’s not every day a nearly one hundred pound Rottweiler takes off on her without warning. As soon as her right ankle stops exploding in pain when she steps on it and her left knee stops feeling like it’s being poked with a sharp object she’s out the door.
––––––––
She’s gone this long alone and really she’s happier that way, really. She doesn’t need some man to complete her. Now if it’s sex he’s after (with her?) that’s something she’s very willing to have the doctor’s healing touch for.
Rafael’s Woman (BBW Romance)
Carrie Whitney’s young twin brothers have messed up one too many times. Rafael Castillo now holds their future in his hands. The ruthless billionaire isn't interested in giving them a second chance. She has no choice but to go to Rafael to beg for her brothers to be given another chance. Nothing goes as planned, and in a whirlwind of tears and accusations, Carrie finds herself in the arms of a man she knows has the power to make or break her world. Never expecting to find someone like him, she is willing to take him any way she can get him. A relationship based only in her bedroom, no promises, no holding hands.
––––––––
Rafael Castillo wasn’t expecting the tiny woman with the bright blue eyes to turn his world upside down, and he doesn’t like it. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go, and now that he’s lost in her beautiful body, the way out of their nights locked in her room, away from the pressures of expectation, is harder to find.
His on the Rebound (BBW Romance)
Sarah
How could I have let Maxwell Brandt kiss me? I can't stand the arrogant, billionaire who treated women as if they were disposable, to be used then thrown away. Who the heck am I kidding? I’m just as bad because I kissed him back, with a hunger I've never known before. Despite the fact Max keeps coming back to entice me, I stand firm. I won’t cheat on on Kevin, my fiance. I won’t become that person, no matter how badly my body wants him.
Until the moment Max drops a bomb that destroys everything. Kevin has been cheating. His words destroy the illusion I’ve been hiding behind, because I know he’s telling the truth. Breaking things off with Kevin isn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be, my pride hurts more than my heart.
All I want to do is hide and lick my wounds but Max demands I fulfill the promise of that kiss, in a rush of anger, pain, and hunger, I give in. The feeling of being wanted by a man like Max wiping away the humiliation of Kevin’s betrayal. Maybe a fling, a rebound affair, is exactly what I need. No promises, no expectations, and no broken heart. At least, that’s the way it started
.
––––––––
Max
––––––––
Out of curiosity, to get a look at the fiancée who put up with a cheating weasel like Kevin Jarvis, I find myself looking into the bright green eyes of a woman who makes my body hard with longing. Then the weasel does the unimaginable and introduces green eyes as his fiancée. Even though she looks at my hand like it’s a grenade about to go off, she takes it and we both feel the attraction. We’re both in deep $hit now, because I know she feels what I feel and I’m about to go after her, fiancé or not.
His Hostile Takeover (BBW Romance)
Ellie Shaw has been in love with Greg Turner since she first met him at sixteen. It doesn’t matter that now at twenty-four he still treats her like a kid sister, Ellie still loves him. So, why did her body go haywire when she first met Dmitri Markhoff? Dmitri was taking over the company she had worked so hard to keep going; Ellie wasn’t part of the bargain. She needed the job of personal assistant he was offering, but it was only for three months. Once it was over she could come back to Greg. What she felt for Dmitri was an aberration, she was sure of it. Besides all of that, men as gorgeous as Dmitri Markhoff didn’t look twice at women like her, who wore a dress size in the double digits; they went for models that were a size zero.
Dmitri Markhoff is a ruthless corporate raider and had long given up on soft feelings for women. He enjoyed their bodies and paid for it in diamonds and other trinkets. All he wants is Elise’s lush body, which has the kind of curves that should come with a warning sign; love isn’t something he’s looking for. When he figures out that Elise is untouched, his body goes into overdrive. Even though he’s aware that keeping her is wrong, since all he wants is sex, he’s having the hardest time letting her go.
His Sugar Baby (BBW Romance)
Grant
I made my first million at sixteen, my first billion before I was thirty. I get what I want how I want it, and I have no problem paying for it, that includes women. Hell, I’ve already been doing it with the women I’ve been dating. They enjoy my credit cards during the day and I’m supposed to be able to enjoy them at night but as the weeks go on the excuses pile up but they still spend my money. So I’m done with dating. It’s time for a woman who knows the deal and signs on the dotted line. I’m looking for a sugar baby, it's instant lust when I find Anne and see her curves that should come with a warning sign. Until I find out she hasn't just been a sugar baby before; she's sold herself by the hour in Las Vegas. It's one step too far for me, only I can't stop thinking about her. I find out she had her reasons for what she did, like I have mine. Her past is her past; I want her for what she is now. Besides, this is just sex, a simple exchange for time and money. Except, little by little, it becomes far from simple as I find out money doesn't buy everything.
––––––––
Anne
I thought I was done with being a sugar baby, of selling myself for security and a better life than the one I grew up in. Even though I’m a plus size, not a size two, men were more than willing to buy what I was selling. I tried to go white collar, to be normal. For four years I worked my ass off to get a degree in accounting; only, things don’t always go as planned. The instant attraction to Grant is a cherry on top; he's gorgeous and very generous. Is that why all my rules begin to blur, blend, and break to please him? I'm not ashamed of my past and all I’ve experienced, but it doesn't prepare me for Grant and all the things he wants and needs from me. I don't believe in forever, in happily ever after. What happens when he wants more than I can give?
His Hidden Agenda (BBW Romance)
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. He’s always so charming and gorgeous and everyone in the office loves him but not me. He’s my competition and I hate him. I deserve the promotion, I’ve given not just my nights but my weekends and even my marriage to this company and I deserve the promotion. Only it’s Alex my bosses are patting on the back and taking meetings with. I’m positive the only reason Alex is nice and smiling to me is because he’s trying to throw me off my game. Men as gorgeous as him don’t let their eyes linger on fat girls like me. He’s blueblood, I’m south side Chicago below the poverty line, he’s Harvard and I’m night school six years to get a degree, on paper it’s laughable. He can’t really want me, there has to be something he’s hiding, a hidden agenda only he knows.
There is and when I finally find out I’m going to have the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. The company I’ve put my life into or a chance at the kind of love I never believe existed before.
His Secretary with Benefits (Erotic Romance)
For two years, Ria has longed to touch the fire in Drake Hawthorne’s eyes, but she doesn’t dare. The hotel where she works has a strict hands-off-patrons policy and if it’s found out she’s even lingered too long in his room, she’ll lose the job she’s worked so hard for. Maybe if she were more reckless and willing to step out on a ledge she would, but she isn’t and she can’t. Because it isn’t just Ria’s welfare at stake, but her little brother’s, and she’s not able to put his happiness on the line for her own. So, she’ll keep hiding behind the meaningless wedding ring and fake husband that she knows is the only thing that has kept Drake from pushing her for more. She’s seen enough rich and powerful men like Drake Hawthorne to know they didn’t care about the havoc they left behind only for the moment where they got what they wanted. Ria needs more than a moment, she wants and needs forever.
When Drake finds out there isn’t a husband, he demands marriage, and Ria opens her mouth to say yes, until he warns her about the ending. Marriage shouldn’t come with a time limit and Ria refuses to give in. Just when it looks like forever is promised, will a threat from her past cost her the future that’s within reach with Drake?
His Next Chapter (Erotic Romance)
Lukas Everett might be gorgeous but he's damaged. As damaged on the outside as Avery is on the inside. Lukas is Avery’s new reclusive landlord. A car accident that killed his wife left him with physical scars that cause him to hide from the world. Avery hasn’t had it easy in her few physical relationships and isn’t looking to get involved with anyone let alone someone as cold and hard as Lukas. She discovers that Lukas is also hiding behind a pen name as a popular writer that she herself has enjoyed. It isn’t long before Avery demands all the passion she sees in Lukas but will she just be the next chapter in his story or will they find their own happy ending?
A Favor (Erotic Romance)
One is scarred externally by war, the other internally by life. Can love heal two broken people? The security contracting firm Zoe works for needs the former Ranger, Sam, and soon Zoe realizes she needs him too. Except life has taught her not to let people in as it only leads to pain in the end. Will letting Sam lead to more pain or could it be the best things she's ever done, for the both of them?
His Marriage Demand (Erotic Romance)
For two years, Ria has longed to touch the fire in Drake Hawthorne’s eyes, but she doesn’t dare. The hotel where she works has a strict hands-off-patrons policy and if it’s found out she’s even lingered too long in his room, she’ll lose the job she’s worked so hard for. Maybe if she were more reckless and willing to step out on a ledge she would, but she isn’t and she can’t. Because it isn’t just Ria’s welfare at stake, but her little brother’s, and she’s not able to put his happiness on the line for her own. So, she’ll keep hiding behind the meaningless wedding ring and fake husband that she knows is the only thing that has kept Drake from pushing her for more. She’s seen enough rich and powerful men like Drake Hawthorne to know they didn’t care about the havoc they left behind only for the moment where they got what they wanted. Ria needs more than a moment, she wants and needs forever.
When Drake finds out there isn’t a husband, he demands marriage, and Ria opens her mouth to say yes, until he warns her about the ending. Marriage shouldn’t come with a time limit and Ria refuses to give in. Just when it looks like forever is promised, will a threat from her past cost her the future that’s within reach with Drake?
The Gangster’s Girlfriend (Erotic Romance)
Miranda Beckett has been born and bred in Chicago and with that comes the knowledge that the city built firmly on criminal enterprises by every group that could gain ground is still a city where crime is as much of the economy as the retail shops and hotels that line Michigan Avenue. Just like others in Chicago a blind eye is a content eye until it’s all brought into sharp focus by her younger brother one late night. She hasn’t seen her brother in years and the last time she had she’d told him she never wanted to see him again so she knew it was desperation that led him to her door. Before, he’d flat out stolen from her but now he’s pleading for the money. He pleas for the money that he owes the head of the IRA in Chicago and then he threatens that Declan Kelly knows about her and that she has the money and if she doesn’t give it then Kelly will come for it himself.
Miranda refuses her brother and she knows she’ll be able to refuse Declan Kelly when the time comes. But she’s wrong, so very wrong. It isn’t money Kelly wants, it’s her. Her expertise as an accountant to audit his books and find who is stealing from him, that’s it he tells her but his eyes tell her there’s more.
Without even being quite sure how and why she agreed, a deal is struck and Miranda wonders how long she can fight the need for a man she can’t have. It’s one thing to know what Declan Kelly does and another to allow herself become involved with him. She is sure she can keep Declan at bay, she has no plans to become a gangster’s girlfriend or lose her heart to him.
His for More than One Night (Erotic Romance)
Kate Frazier wants one night and one night only. It’s the only thing she’s made for, the only thing she’s capable of. She doesn’t want any hand holding or cuddling, she wants to get off and then she wants them to leave. She likes her men, bland boring and non-threatening only the Nordic god staring at her from across the pub is anything but. One by one she’s breaking her rules for only one night because the moment he gets close she can’t help herself.
Only Trey refuses to let it go at one night. He knows her secret the one she’s tried so hard to pretend didn’t happen, didn’t exist even as her nightmares still haunt her. He knows and has her admitting to the rape she suffered from her mother’s boyfriend for two long years and he knows about the frantic, ugly things she did with anyone who would have her in her teens. He sees it all and it doesn’t faze him, he wants the woman she is now and he’s not going to let her go.
Now Kate has to make the decision to go through the painful door of her past to the other side where Trey and the happiness she never thought she could know is waiting.
His Back Bay Princess (Steamy Romance)
Diego Suarez is a Boston homicide cop who comes from a completely different world than Catherine Fisher. He’s the son of Mexican migrant farm workers; she can find the founders of Boston in her blue bloodline. He’d had to endure a stint in the Marines to fund college; she’d gone went to a private university and her graduation present had been a three- story home in Back Bay, where Diego couldn’t even afford property taxes. They are different, too different for it to work out between them. Cat deserves better than what he can give her. It will never work.
It doesn’t matter if the only time he feels alive is when he’s with her. It doesn’t matter that she looks at him with all the love she feels for him in her eyes. One day she’ll wake up and figure out she can do better than him. It’s better to never start something that won’t last, can’t last.
Catherine doesn’t care about money, the having of it or lack of it. All she cares about is Diego. After Diego has been shot and she is asked to look after him, she knows she has just one last chance to find out what is keeping Diego from her. She knows he feels something for her, so why is he pushing her away?