Lawks-a-daisy!’ Bertha croaked, sitting up and shaking her head till her ears flapped. ‘If that’s surfing, I don’t know what people see in it! Still, I suppose it was my first time.’
She groaned and winced as Leo and Mimi threw themselves down beside her and hugged her. ‘I’m bruised all over,’ she complained. ‘I can’t believe sand is so hard! And as for the very rough way the Tideseer pushed me out of that tunnel – slamming into me and sending me flying – well, the less said about that, the better!’
‘But she saved you!’ Mimi exclaimed.
Bertha sniffed. ‘I don’t think she meant to. Personally, I think she was just mad keen to get out to sea and I was blocking her way! She is extremely strong for such an old creature, I must say. I suppose the tail helps.’
‘I wonder if she can see, when she’s – when she’s in the water,’ Leo said, little chills running up and down his spine.
‘Probably,’ said Mimi. ‘She probably –’
‘Eek!’ Bertha squeaked. ‘Look who’s coming!’
Leo knew what he would see before he turned his head. And sure enough, there at the other end of the beach was the ogre, trudging down a sand dune with a string of fish slung over his shoulder.
‘Ha!’ the ogre roared, catching sight of the bedraggled little group in the distance. ‘Some poor castaways, washed up on my beach, by my life!’
He began walking eagerly towards Leo, Mimi and Bertha. ‘Allow me to offer you the hospitality of the Castle of Cruelcliff!’ he shouted. ‘Is one of you a damsel, by any chance?’
‘He can’t see us properly,’ Mimi whispered. ‘He doesn’t recognise us!’
‘He will,’ muttered Leo. ‘As soon as he gets close enough.’ He looked around desperately, but there was nowhere to hide. He wondered if they could make it to the Crystal Palace Gap before the ogre reached it, and decided they couldn’t.
‘Imagine asking us about damsels!’ Bertha said indignantly. ‘Lawks-a-daisy, he only broke his engagement to Dame Dally this morning!’
‘Ho there, castaways!’ bawled the ogre, sounding a little impatient. ‘Don’t you hear me? You – aargh!’
He stopped dead. His jaw dropped.
‘He’s realised who we are,’ Bertha moaned, getting shakily to her feet.
‘No,’ Leo said in confusion. ‘He’s looking above our –’
He glanced up, yelled, and ducked as a blur of black and white swooped low over his head, missing him by a whisker.
‘Come on, you thick-eared bunch!’ he heard Conker’s voice roaring. ‘Didn’t you hear us? Jump on!’
‘The flying rug!’ Mimi screamed. ‘Leo, it’s the flying rug!’
And it was. The flying rug was hovering right beside them, its fringe twitching with excitement. Spoiler was huddled in its centre with Freda. Conker was kneeling at the edge, beckoning impatiently.
‘Dame Dally!’ bellowed the ogre, and began to run.
Spoiler wrapped his arms around his bonnet and rocked in terror. The rug wobbled.
‘Spoiler, keep still or I’ll throw you overboard,’ Conker snarled. ‘Oh, my heart and lungs, make it snappy, you three! What are you waiting for?’
Dazed, sure that this must be some sort of waking dream, Leo scrambled onto the rug with Mimi and Bertha. The rug dipped under their weight but straightened itself at once and quivered expectantly. Leo noticed that it reeked of Dragon’s Bane.
‘The ogre’s getting close,’ Freda warned, looking over her shoulder.
‘Rug!’ Conker yelled. ‘To the Woffles Way Gap!’
Holding itself flat as a tabletop, its fringe stretched out so stiffly that it looked starched, the rug shot into the air. The ogre leaped for it, but missed. It zoomed over his head and soared away, leaving him stamping and shaking his fists.
‘Hooray!’ Mimi screamed, her face wild with delight.
Leo bowed his head, weak with relief.
‘It’s a miracle!’ gasped Bertha. ‘Conker, how in Rondo did you get your hands on the rug?’
‘I sent for it,’ Conker said grandly, smoothing his beard. ‘Called a mouse while we were hiding from the ogre. Told Hal it was an emergency. I mean, if a murderous ogre isn’t an emergency, what is?’
‘Quite right,’ Freda agreed.
‘We can’t keep it, of course,’ Conker went on, unstrapping his pack and rummaging inside it. ‘We have to drop it off at the Woffles Way Gap. It left its official driver there, and he’s waiting for it. Here, Leo! I’ll bet you thought you’d lost these!’
He pulled Leo’s boots, socks and leather jacket from the pack and passed them over, receiving Leo’s grateful thanks with a smug smile.
Sighing, Mimi prised off her sodden shoes. Water trickled from them as she shook them over the side of the rug. ‘Were you circling above us all the time Leo and I were on the beach, Conker?’ she asked.
Conker nodded. ‘Why you didn’t look up I don’t know!’ he grumbled. ‘There you were, playing around in the surf, and there we were yelling ourselves hoarse –’
‘I thought it was seagulls,’ Mimi said.
‘So did I,’ Leo agreed.
‘We wanted to keep a bird’s-eye view on the ogre,’ Freda explained. ‘He was just beyond the sand dunes, forcing that miserable fisherman to hand over his breakfast. Speaking of which, how about some grub, Conker? I’m famished.’
‘The plan was to swoop down and pick up all three of you together,’ Conker said, delving into the pack again and drawing out a few packets of food. ‘Oh, my lungs and liver, it was a near thing, though, as it turned out. You certainly took your time, Bertha.’
‘Well, I like that!’ Bertha cried indignantly. ‘I’ll have you know –’
‘From up above it looked almost as if the cave entrance was actually underwater!’ Conker went on cheerfully as he slapped the food packets down on the rug. ‘In fact, Spoiler kept saying it was! He thought you were a goner!’
He and Freda laughed. Spoiler glowered.
‘Well, for your information –’ Bertha spluttered, her ears growing very red.
‘And the next thing we knew, there you were, diving out like a champion, and catching a wave to shore,’ said Conker, handing out bread, cheese and pickled cucumbers. ‘It was a pleasure to watch. I said to Freda, “There’s a true quest professional in action,” I said. Right, Freda?’
‘Right,’ said the duck with her mouth full.
Bertha swallowed. ‘Lawks-a-daisy,’ she said in a high voice. ‘It wasn’t all that marvellous!’ She shot a quick glance at Leo and Mimi, who wisely pretended to be concentrating on their food.
‘So what did the Tideseer say, anyway?’ Conker asked, chewing energetically. ‘Anything useful?’
Leo’s glorious feeling of relief abruptly drained away. The food he had taken so eagerly was suddenly as dry as ashes in his mouth. He exchanged glances with Mimi and Bertha, who were both looking stricken.
‘What is it?’ Freda quacked sharply. ‘Is it bad?’
Leo bit his lip. ‘It’s not good,’ he said slowly.
Again he looked at Mimi and Bertha. He could see that they shared his reluctance to tell Conker and Freda about the Tideseer’s terrible prophecy. He wasn’t even sure he could remember it, word for word.
‘Well?’ Conker exploded, spraying Freda with breadcrumbs. ‘Oh, my heart and lungs, Leo, spit it out! What’s the potion?’
The potion! Leo thought. That’s what we were supposed to be finding out about. That’s what I’ll stick to – for now. It’s bad enough news to be going on with.
So, as the rug left the coast behind and wheeled efficiently south, he gathered his wits together and repeated what the Tideseer had said about the Great Potion.
He had expected Conker and Freda to be appalled by the news, but strangely enough it was Spoiler who reacted in the most dramatic fashion. Spoiler swore violently, went purple in the face and, apparently forgetting where he was, actually tried to jump to his feet.
‘What do you think you’re doing, you fool?’ Conker bellowed, as the rug rocked violently, food scattered, and Mimi and Leo threw themselves on top of the squealing Bertha to stop her from sliding over the edge.
‘Didn’t you hear what he said?’ Spoiler shrieked, slumping down again and biting his knuckles feverishly. ‘The Great Potion! I remember now – the name’s brought it all back to me! The dreams of the Ancient One! Seven…’ He boggled and swallowed. ‘Seven strengths!’
‘You told me “seven sunsets”.’ Leo found it impossible not to sound reproachful.
‘You can’t blame me for that!’ Spoiler almost screamed. ‘I was confused! And what does it matter? All that matters now is that we’ve got to stop her making that potion! We’ve got to!’
‘You can drop that “we” business for a start!’ snapped Freda. ‘This has got nothing to do with you.’
‘It’s got everything to do with me, you bone-headed featherbag!’ Spoiler shrieked. ‘Don’t you realise –’ He caught Leo’s eye, gulped, and made an effort to calm down. ‘Don’t you realise that if she makes this potion we’re all in the same boat?’ he finished pathetically.
‘We’re also on the same flying rug,’ Bertha pointed out haughtily, tossing back her limp hat ribbons. ‘Very high up! I’ll thank you to remember that!’
‘Let’s go through those potion ingredients,’ Conker growled. ‘We might as well know the worst. Seven of them, weren’t there?’
He began counting the ingredients off on his fingers. ‘Strix dreams, the tide at its strongest, the wind at its highest…’
‘She’s definitely got those three, worse luck,’ said Freda.
‘Then there’s the dragon’s heart,’ Bertha put in, carefully not looking at Mimi. ‘She can take that whenever she likes. So that’s four.’
‘She can get spider web any time she likes as well,’ muttered Spoiler, who had also been counting feverishly on his fingers. ‘The castle dungeons are crawling with spiders. Big ones.’ He shivered.
‘It’s very odd that spider web is one of the ingredients, in my opinion,’ Bertha said critically. ‘Spider web isn’t very strong.’
‘It is,’ Leo said. ‘Spider silk is stronger than steel of the same thickness. It takes more force to break.’
‘Leo, you know the most amazing things!’ Bertha exclaimed.
Mimi snorted.
‘Right,’ Conker said. ‘That’s five. Then there’s…’
‘Diamond dust,’ Freda put in. ‘Now, that’s something you don’t see every day.’
Everyone looked hopeful.
‘She’s got buckets of the stuff,’ Spoiler said gloomily. ‘Waste of good diamonds, I always told her, but she –’
‘So that’s six,’ Conker muttered. ‘Six out of seven! This isn’t looking good, team.’
‘What’s the one we’ve missed?’ Bertha asked. ‘Oh, I just can’t think of it! My mind’s a blank!’
‘The hair of a hero,’ Mimi said, glancing at Leo. He wondered if she was thinking the same thing he was.
‘Yes!’ Bertha squealed. ‘The hair of a hero! And the queen hasn’t got that, or I’m a mushroom!’
‘I think you’re right,’ Leo said quietly. ‘But she’s trying to get it. I think that’s what she’s using the dragon for – to catch a hero.’
Everyone stared at him disbelievingly. Only Mimi seemed to understand what he was talking about.
‘Well, now, Leo, I’m not sure you’re on the right track there,’ Conker said kindly. ‘I mean, just look at who the dragon’s taken, as far as we know – Barbara the sheep, Crumble the pie-seller, Princess Pretty –’
‘And they’re all about as heroic as one of Crumble’s turnip and chilli pies,’ Freda added.
Leo leaned forward. ‘But think about the way they were caught,’ he urged. ‘Barbara was standing right beside Bertha. Crumble was serving Officer Begood with a pie. Princess Pretty was being guarded by Sir Clankalot…’
‘Lawks-a-daisy!’ Bertha breathed. ‘Leo, are you saying –’
‘The green dragon is so mixed up by the queen’s enchantment that he keeps making mistakes,’ Mimi finished for her flatly. ‘He keeps overshooting the mark and taking the person next to the hero he was supposed to take.’
Conker clenched his fists. ‘Right!’ he snapped. ‘So our first job when we get back to town is to warn all heroes to stay safely out of sight!’
‘But Conker!’ gasped Bertha, swivelling around to blink into the distance. ‘We’re heroes. And we’re not out of sight!’
‘That’s right!’ Spoiler wailed. ‘You’re flying around in the open air, just asking to be captured!’
The rug stiffened its fringe. Conker bared his teeth. ‘This rug is soaked with Dragon’s Bane, and has been trained in dragon avoidance,’ he snarled. ‘We’re as safe here as we’ll ever be.’
‘It doesn’t matter, anyway,’ Freda commented. ‘We’ll be on the ground in a minute. Look below!’
Everyone looked over the side of the rug. Far below, but not too far ahead, a lonely figure paced to and fro in the middle of the long strip of deserted road that was Woffles Way. As the rug began to lose height, Leo saw the Crystal Palace, the witch’s tower in its field, and, close to the pacing figure, the bushes that masked the Gap leading to Brewer’s potion shop.
Conker began to push the food packages back into his pack. ‘Get ready, team!’ he said tensely. ‘This will have to be a fast transfer. We have to look professional.’
He glanced at Mimi’s bare feet, winced, and dug his hand back into the pack, pulling out Princess Pretty’s boots. ‘Put these on!’ he ordered, pushing the boots at Mimi. ‘It won’t make a good impression, one of us being barefoot. It might look as if the quest ran into trouble.’
‘But it did run into trouble!’ Bertha exclaimed.
‘Conker, those are the princess’s boots!’ Leo protested. ‘We were supposed to return them!’
‘Well, luckily we didn’t,’ said Mimi, slipping on the boots with relief. ‘My feet were cold. It’s all right for you, Leo! Your boots are dry.’
‘Because I had the sense to take them off before I went in the water!’ Leo snapped.
‘Never mind, never mind,’ Conker said, heedlessly stuffing Mimi’s wet shoes into the pack with everything else. ‘Spoiler, straighten your bonnet! We don’t want anyone to recognise you – it’ll just hold us up. Leo, fix up Bertha’s hat! Freda, you’ve got crumbs on your chest feathers!’
‘Whose fault is that?’ Freda retorted, but Leo noticed that she preened away the crumbs as soon as Conker had turned his back.
‘Right, team!’ Conker said, sitting rigidly straight. ‘Prepare for landing!’