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OFFICER MELISSA JAY always felt downright hideous and un-sexy. Sort of like a shapeless blob of dark chocolate melting in the hot sun. When out of her equipment, she looked like a typical 32-year-old woman with a cute, blonde, pixie hairstyle and trim five foot five figure with sculpted arms and legs. She wasn’t a gym nut but used the gym to release anger and stress. Usually, the stress manifested from relationships that ended badly. Her re-cooperating period often lasted as long as the relationship. The last scumbag had lasted six months. She had been determined not to make the same mistakes as in the past. Go slow and for God’s sake don’t live together right away. The main rule she laid down for herself was, don’t date a cop or anyone connected with law enforcement.
Things started out great with her and Alistair Fletcher. They took things slow. He was a bond broker at some big firm, or so she thought. He had been until the SEC took a look at his company and he decided to amscray with several accounts. She began to notice weird transactions in her savings account. There would be a large sum of money in her account one day that were gone the next. She at first thought it was a bank error. However, when she backtracked through her account, there were more of these transactions, and they all started shortly after Alistair came into her life. Alistair Fletcher. Geez, the name alone should have tipped her off. What a pretentious name. Who could have such a name? Well, not this dirtbag. He was one Murray Haggs of Akron who had the SEC hot on his ass. She made an anonymous call to the SEC and tipped them off to an Internet café that he had been hanging out at all day instead of going to his bond job as he had told her. She watched as they grabbed him coming out of the café and made sure he saw her as she dumped a bagful of his crap into a nearby dumpster. After spending the rest of the afternoon in a nearby D-Queen, she went into her stress relieving, post-breakup routine of working out and then watching every type of thriller and sci-fi paranormal type movie she could find for the next six months. She didn’t want to see anything remotely mirroring real life.
So Melissa was rethinking the rule of not dating fellow law enforcement as they had already been given a thorough background check and the odds of hooking up with another Alistair/Murray was minuscule. She was at the five months two-weeks and three-days mark since that particular romantic disaster, (but who was keeping track) when she ran into Kevin and Danny. She first considered them possible homegrown terrorists, but that assumption was immediately downgraded to clueless morons when they actually appeared on the scene. After watching Danny and Kevin for a while, she felt that Kevin wasn’t as goofy as the first impression given, and when she ran into him, instead of being annoyed, she found it wasn’t an unpleasant experience.
He is sort of attractive. He has that shaggy dark hair I like, and he is nice and normal looking. Average height not skinny or fat and not one of those guys with no neck I see at the gym. Such lovely dark eyes and those cheekbones, hey, get a grip. I really am an idiot. I need to get professional help or maybe transfer to a convent. I wonder if nuns can carry weapons, perhaps just a small one, she thought, right before replying, to Kevin’s question about going out sometime.
“Um, this isn’t exactly the time, but I’ll think about it,” Melissa said as her inner voice immediately started chastising her. What did you just do? You just told him you would think about it. What is the matter with you? You’re like one of those women who keep on dating assholes who beat them up. You’re stuck in some sort of hideous moron dating circle of hell.
“Cool. And, this isn’t as bad as it seems, you know,” Kevin said. “We are victims. At least you will know how to get to my place if you decide to take me up on my offer.”
“You’re about as much a victim as the unexpected passenger that shanghaied the Nostromo. Now shut up. You are home sweet home.”
“Oh my God, I think I’m in love, an alien reference,” Kevin whispered, and then followed Danny into their apartment building.
It was conveniently located between Maggie’s place and Lexi Corp. Between the two of them, they could afford a three bedroom unit in which Danny could keep his clutter confined to his bedroom. They used the third bedroom as an office in which Kevin did the household accounts, and Danny kept his mad scientist journals and unknown debris Kevin did not want to go near.
On their floor they waited out in the hallway, feeling eyeballs looking at them through the peepholes of neighboring doors. An officer clad in black camo came out of their apartment, looked at them, shook his head, and then spoke to Sgt. Preast. “Sgt., the apartment’s clean, well except for the one bedroom; you won’t believe that. Sorry. Um, nothing listed on the warrant, sir.” Officer Becker, who had wished for arm length gloves while searching Danny’s room, shook his head once again and exited down the hallway.
“Now gentlemen, shall we?” Preast said, motioning for Kevin, Danny, and Millwood to enter the apartment.
Thanks to Kevin the apartment was spotless. There were only a few signs of Danny’s presence, such as some Lexi Corp. stationery from the desk of a VP on the coffee table, and a scanner and battered laptop that had the look of Danny’s ownership. He immediately grabbed the scanner and stationary and whisked them off into the kitchen, saying, “Kevin leaves his various projects out. God knows I’m only one man and can only do so much around the house.”
Kevin started to go after Danny to do him some grievous harm but realized that Jay was still hovering in the hallway. More importantly at this moment, Mr. Millwood was giving Danny’s back a look that could peel paint. Thus realizing that Mr. Millwood knew what an ass Danny was, Kevin decided to sit down and forgo doing Danny some grievous harm.
“Sooooo, what happens now?” Kevin directed his question somewhere between Mr. Millwood and Sgt. Preast, unsure whom he should address.
“Mr. Kensington, if it’s not too much of a bother, will you deign to join us?” asked Mr. Millwood. He sat in a Mission style chair across from an old leather couch that had barely survived the move to this last apartment and lost whatever color the factory had initially assigned it. Millwood and Sgt. Preast had both instinctively avoided the couch as if it would swallow them up a la the bed from Friday the 13th.
Kevin didn’t mind the couch, even though it had begun to look like something that had been through a dinosaur’s digestive system. The sofa was the first piece of furniture he and Danny had ever bought. Kevin liked it for sentimental rather than aesthetic reasons, and he didn’t have to look at it as long as he was sitting on it.
A lot of crashing, and sounds of drawers opening and closing preceded Danny exiting the kitchen, carrying a plate full of Wheat Thins and some sort of dip in a jar with a faded label. At least Danny thought it was a dip since it kind of tasted like garlic and onion and something else.
“Sorry, I was just getting us something to snack on,” he said setting the plate down with a bang and causing a pile of the Wheat Thins to slide off the plate, across the table and onto the floor. “Sorry about, that I’ll just scoop them up.” Danny grabbed a handful of wheat thins and threw them back on the plate.
“Mr. Kensington, sit down!” shouted Preast.
Danny immediately sat like a well- trained dog next to Kevin on the couch. Kevin, meanwhile was wondering if his handheld vacuum was fully charged up so he could suck up the Wheat Thin remains from the carpeting.
“Sorry.”
“Now, this is just an informal interview with the two of you. I would like to ask you a few questions, and then you will have to make a formal statement down at the station. We at first thought that you two, well, never mind. After meeting with you and speaking with Mr. Millwood, I’ve come to the conclusion that you boys were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mr. Kensington and Mr. Montgomery, you both work in the same department of Lexi Corp., an R & D lab headed up by Mr. Millwood, is that correct?”
“Yes,” chorused Danny and Kevin.
“From what I have learned, your workday and that of everyone else in your department ends at 5:00 p.m., at which time everyone punches out and exits through security. However, tonight you two were still in the building after 5 pm. Why was that?” Sgt. Preast asked.
“Um, well” stammered Danny as he looked for some helpful Cliff Notes on the ceiling.
“We have, or I guess had, a major presentation to give on Monday regarding a”
A loud throat clearing came from Mr. Millwood. “If I may, there are some products that we cannot and should not talk about,” he said pointedly, looking at Danny, “due to formulas that are still in the formative stage. I feel the incident involving Ms. Verassing was corporate espionage, so when we discuss this, could we use generic terms and not go into any specifics?”
“Yes, but I don’t want any important details left out. You don’t have to mention ingredients or anything. I’m just interested in what happened in the lab, your movements, what you saw and heard. I also want your impression of Ms. Verassing. Now, Mr. Kensington, continue,” Preast said.
Danny’s brain was working furiously on what exactly to leave out without making it seem like he was leaving gaping holes in the story. Then he remembered Maggie’s advice, keep it short and to the point. He took a deep breath, and out gushed the story minus a few illegalities here and there. There was a lot of hand-waving and re-creation of gunfire and explosion sounds, but all in all, Danny managed to tell the story without actually telling the whole story. He did wander off point in describing some of Suzanne’s baked goods, but a helpful kick from Kevin put him back on track.
Kevin, who kept his head in his hands at the beginning of the story, got sucked in during the part about the entrance of Tweedles and went along with the ride. He would “clarify points” when Danny started to wander too close to either things that they shouldn’t know or entrances that they should not have been using.
When Danny finished, Preast said, “Well that certainly is an interesting story, and the statements of Mr. Rodger and Mr. Mitchell do seem to back up your version of events.”
“Um, not to get picky, but their Christian names are Roger and Mitchell,” informed Kevin.
“According to my information, the security guards employed by Lexi are as follows: one Roger Mitchell and one Mitchell Rodger,” Preast said, checking his notes. “Aren’t those the same guards that assisted you during tonight’s little adventure?”
“Roger Mitchell and Mitchell Rodger, you gotta be fucking kidding me! No wonder they’re interchangeable. And they would answer to either name. That is too fucking funny,” snorted Danny. He turned to Kevin and said in a sing-songy voice, “Roger Mitchell, Mitchell Rodger, Roger Dodger, Mitchell Twitchell.”
Kevin replied, “Roger, Roger, Mitchell Twitchell. This is Mitchell Twitchell coming back at yah. Roger Mitchell Tweedle III reporting for duty, sir. I’m looking for Mitchell Rodger Tweedle IV.”
“Gentlemen, this is not the time or place for this nonsense. I will see the two of you in my office first thing Monday morning. Is that clear?” boomed Mr. Millwood.
“Yes, Mr. Millwood,” chorused Kevin and Danny who were just about to launch into another verse of the Tweedle song.
“Thank you, Franklin, for joining us, I’ll see you out on the handball court tomorrow,” Sgt. Preast told Millwood and walked him to the door.
“You two, however, will come to the station tomorrow at 09:00 and make a statement. A clear, concise statement with no bullshit attached. Do I make myself clear?” Sgt. Preast shouted at Danny and Kevin, who scrambled to their feet and managed to squeak out an affirmative to Sgt. Preast’s back as he stormed out the door.
Kevin was hot on Preast’s heels trying to rearrange his clothing and de-smudge his face, and only managed to stumble into the door with a crash. He looked through the peephole to see if Jay was still there, and saw her turn toward the door, presumably to see what just crashed into it. He opened it quickly to make it look like he was going out, and not checking out the hallway like some sort of perverted stalker. But he overestimated the force necessary to open the door and flung it open with a bang. The door struck the round porthole door deflector and crashed closed, leaving Kevin staring at the inside of his bisque colored door with the faux brass doorknob and trim.
Jay had briefly seen Kevin’s shocked face just before the door closed, and crept slowly forward, wondering what in the hell she had just witnessed. Kevin decided to open the door again with much less gusto now found himself face to face with Jay.
“Uh, I was just checking the door to see, you know, if it had been damaged by the search warrant guys. I didn’t know how they got in and I would hate to have an unsecured door all night. Ummm, well, it turns out the door is fine,” Kevin offered feebly as heard a muffled gasp behind him, then a faint whisper, “Right on, Casanova,” followed by more stifled moans and giggles courtesy of Danny.
“Right, why don’t I step out into the hall while Danny straightens up,” Kevin said guiding Jay along the corridor.
“They used a passkey from maintenance; there shouldn’t be any damage to your door,” Jay informed.
“Of course, how silly of me. So have you had time to think about us, as in you and me going out somewhere nice and quiet? Free from all distractions work-related and otherwise. Somewhere with soft music and a menu in a foreign language, where the waiter sniffs at your pronunciation of the entrees and your choice of wine.”
“You know, you only just asked me I’m going to need some more time to think about this. I heard the Sergeant say you were coming in tomorrow morning. Maybe I’ll have an answer for you then.”
“You could hear him when he was leaving? He has such a soft, soothing, calming voice that I’m surprised you could hear it from the hall.”
“I think I could hear my Sergeant with a jet plane taking off down the corridor. I best be leaving and rejoin the rest of the team before they leave me behind. See you tomorrow.”
Kevin grasped Jay’s left hand, kissed it gently, and said, “Until tomorrow, when seeing you will be the highlight of my day, possibly the decade.”
He then walked back to the apartment door, which had closed again and was locked. He grasped the doorknob and waved until Jay was out of sight, whispering madly for Danny to let him in.
Danny, was being a dick as usual, was asking for his name, what he wanted and, informing, no, he hadn’t ordered a pizza, but that sounded like a good idea.
“Fine, I’ll just go over to Maggie’s. I’m sure she is pretty shaken up by tonight’s events and will need someone to talk to. Maybe have a glass of wine and watch some Netflix. I know, we will watch a marathon of “Mythbusters” and perhaps she’ll take pity on me and offer to let me spend the night.”
At first, all Danny heard was blah blah blah coming from the other side of the door, but then his brain began to reorganize things and heard “Maggie,” “wine” and “spend the night.” He flung open the door and said, “You wouldn’t. If anyone needs to go over to Maggie’s, it’s her boyfriend, the one and only man in her life. I’m the one who should be sharing a bottle of wine and a marathon of “Mythbusters,” not you buddy.”
Danny then shook his keys at Kevin, and a few minutes later he and the beast were headed to Maggie’s.
“I thought they would never leave. Now I can get some work done.” Kevin opened up the pantry which he had converted into a cleaning cupboard that “Monk” would have swooned over and pulled out the vacuum cleaner. He Hoovered until the neighbors pounded on the walls, at which point he switched to his arsenal of cleaning supplies and dust bunny wands.