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THE UNIVERSITY’S LEGAL department served Tranwrach paperwork claiming ownership of the formula given he’d signed a non-disclosure agreement. Teaberry was also served notice that the university had sole proprietorship of the formula as Tranwrach was in their employ. Tranwrach, thinking his paperwork was an advertisement, threw it out. Teaberry, through their team of lawyers, promptly filed a barrage of incomprehensible legalese at the university’s lawyers.
Tranwrach went back to work and continued to set small fires at the university. He was still being interviewed, but now mostly for the entertainment value. It became a game of sorts between the print media and the news media to see which could make him mispronounce the simplest words, or if he would faint and/or vomit out of sheer terror during the interview.
Currently, Tranwrach was beside himself with joy and terror. In his office was Jason Cranston of Scientific American, interviewing him about his marvelous formula. Ever since the announcement from Teaberry, Tranwrach referred to the formula as his. Well at least to himself or under his breath at Teaberry, when people were out of earshot.
During his interview Cranston, almost hit the daily double of mispronunciation and vomit when Tranwrach said “spearmint” instead of “experiment.” When he caught himself, he felt his university lunch special, the “Mexican Manwhich,” traveling up through his unfortunate esophagus. He froze as he always did in such situations, hoping for a miracle, and saw Cranston watching him in a slightly gleeful manner while simultaneously inching his chair backward. Tranwrach thought to himself, Jason Cranston, I’m sitting here with Jason Cranston, who is interviewing me for Scientific American, I need to, get a grip on myself. All systems went into pause mode, then reverse, and finally normal working operations for his body, such as it was.
Tranwrach suddenly felt confident, and articulate. When he started talking again, he began to make actual sense. When he used hand gestures, he didn’t flap about or break anything. At one point he stood up and began pacing talking about the actual formula and its ingredients.
Cranston had become momentarily interested in the transformation of Dr. Jerky and Mr. Fraidy Pants. But interest, soon turned to boredom when Tranwrach moved on to blabbing about his university days like some old tycoon giving his memoirs. But wait... what was this? Blabbermouth was giving out ingredients. Cranston threw a pen at his cameraman, Philip, who usually lapsed into a coma during these interviews and motioned for him to start videotaping. After only three sharpies were thrown at his head, Philip roused and started filming.
Trainwrach was in full rant now, “Aspirin, now wasn’t that an all-natural ingredient found in the wilds of well, the wilds. It was outdoors and not in a lab is my point. Like all the ingredients in this formula,.....almond oil and honey, mint leaves with lime juice and rose water, vitamin E, castor oil, and grapefruit seed oil, umm a variety of oils, coconut, sunflower, rosemary essential. Natural fruit extracts from custard-apple, also called bears heart, mango fruit, and strawberries, aloe in gel and liquid form.”
“ And that is all of them? How can that be?” asked Cranston.
“Well no, the binder, so to speak, is very common in cosmetics. Nanotechnology found in all the high-end products. Basically, you just go to a combo grocery, store drug store, buy the ingredients in the fruit aisle and then get yourself a bottle of face cream or even sunscreen and tah dah, miracle cream! Certain plants react to each other and, boy, these babies really react to each other......but I’ve said too much. Teaberry doesn’t really want me getting too specific about the specifics, if you know what I mean. Oh, dear is that that the time? I have a sophomore chemistry class to teach. It’s been a great interview. Keep that bit about the ingredients under your hat. It’s a bit hush-hush if you know what I mean.”
Tranwrach did notice that as they left the room, Cranston and Philip were twirling each other around and chest bumping.
Wow, I must have really impressed them with my technical knowledge. Yes, you’ve got the hang of interviewing now you'll be eating their hands now or something to that effect, he thought to himself. He nearly skipped down the hall to his next class but wasn’t sure how to skip, so he just sort of hopped down the hallway for a few feet with a big grin on his face.
Cranston and Phillip after making a stop at the nearest grocery store that carried fresh fruit and cosmetics, headed to their editor’s office, still grinning giddily.