Chapter Fourteen

“Fuck off, Eric,” CJ said as he canceled Eric’s call for a fourth time. He wasn’t in the mood to talk. His head was a jumble of contradictions and all he wanted to do was chase everything away. How could he have been so wrong about Eric? Plugging in his earphones, he selected his running playlist and headed downstairs. The song was interrupted as another call came through and CJ stared at Eric’s name. A tinge of guilt sparked in his chest. Had he overreacted? Eric must understand how it looked. With a sigh, he canceled the call again. He needed some time to think on things and a run was as good a way as any. Mikey could handle the center for the evening.

As he reached the front door, he zipped up his jacket and pulled on his sneakers. Eight miles should do it. His music cut out again as he opened the door and was surprised to find Marcus standing on his porch, his cell phone pressed to his ear.

“Oh, thank God.”

CJ watched Eric’s name disappear from the screen of his cell when Marcus lowered his phone. “You have Eric’s cell?” he noted curiously. “And if you’re calling me…” This was probably not good.

“I don’t know where he is.”

“And you’re looking for him here?”

“No. Yes. Maybe. I was hoping you could help. I don’t know anybody around here but you. I’m not sure he does either.” Marcus looked concerned.

CJ pulled his earphones out and folded the wire in his hand. “I can’t help you.”

“Please. I think he might do something stupid.”

“Like what?”

Marcus shifted his weight and tapped Eric’s phone against his hand. “You’ve read some of the stuff that’s been written about him, right?”

Sure he had. The media had painted Eric as some binge drinking playboy.

“He’s not always like that. He has highs and lows. It just seems when he’s at his worst there’s always a camera waiting to catch it.”

What did Marcus want? Did he want CJ to feel sorry for Eric? “He’s not here. I haven’t seen him since this afternoon.”

Marcus nodded. “I know. I was outside in the car. You left and then he left. He walked straight past me.”

Maybe Eric needed time to get his head straight too. “I’m not sure what you want me to do.”

There was a laugh in Marcus’s voice as he spoke. “I wasn’t sure what it was he saw in you, but I see it now. You’re just like him.”

“I’m nothing like him.”

“Too proud to admit when you need help? He did it for you, you know? He didn’t want you to lose that place.”

CJ shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you do. The center and the fact you’ve put everything into it and still it’s not enough.”

How the hell did he know that? CJ looked at the ground and swallowed back the lump that had formed in his throat.

“I’ll find him myself,” Marcus said and held up Eric’s cell phone. “If you think of anything, call me on this.”

Pressing his hand to his chest, CJ rubbed away the low ache and watched Marcus walk down his driveway. How had Marcus known about the center? How had Eric? Nobody knew how much trouble the center was in. Just him, the bank and…

“Jodie. Son of a bitch,” he hissed and dialed her number.

“Hey,” Jodie answered.

“You told him, didn’t you?”

“Told who, what?”

Now was not the time for Jodie to act dumb. “You told Eric about the center. About the money.”

“Oh, that,” she said. “We were just talking and it kind of slipped out.”

Slipped out? “How does something like that just slip out? And when the hell were you talking to him?”

Jodie hesitated. “I bumped into him on Saturday. We had coffee.”

They’d had coffee. Well, that was just super. “Did you know what he was going to do?”

“About what?”

“The money,” he said angrily. “Half a million, Jodes.”

“What?” The rise in her voice was enough to guess she’d had no clue. “Okay he asked how much you needed, but I never thought he’d do this. Wow. Are you going to keep it?”

Should he? Could he? What did Eric giving him the money even mean? Did he expect something in return? “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s weird.”

Jodie said, “You don’t have to decide right away. But it’s amazing. Just think what you could do.”

“I don’t need his guilt money.”

“Who cares if it is? The kids are what’s important, right? You could do something good with that money. It doesn’t matter why he did it.”

“Maybe.” He could easily pay the mortgage each month and look into the much needed refurbishments.

Jodie’s tone softened. “Have you ever stopped and considered that maybe he did it for a different reason?”

Originally, he’d assumed it was some way to pay him off, to stop him going to the press about the night they’d spent together. Guilt money was just as bad a reason. CJ didn’t want that. In some way, it felt like he was taking advantage of Eric. The man was messed up.

“Maybe.” For a brief second CJ had considered a reason worse than guilt or bribery.

“He loves you.”

“What if he does?”

Jodie sighed loudly on the other end of the phone. “You’ve been dancing around each other since he returned. You need to make a decision one way or the other.

Decisions suck. “What should I do?” Jodie could be rational when she needed to be. He valued her opinion.

“You’re asking me? I’ve had more relationships than a promiscuous dolphin.”

Very helpful, Sis. She must have been watching the Discovery Channel again.

“You know what my feelings were about him.”

Were?

“But this is about you. As much as I hate to say it, this thing with him has been good for you. He’s been good for you and I think you’ve been good for him too.” She paused, giving CJ time to think on what she’d said. “Deep down, you know why he gave you the money. He wants you to be happy, to be okay. Just like I do. And if that means you and him, then I’m okay with that.”

Gently, he ran his hand downward to his stomach and rested it over the place where the worst of the scarring was. Eric had accepted everything about him and despite the obvious flaws, he still saw CJ as perfect.

“Jodes, I did something stupid.”

“Don’t we all?”

What if Marcus was right? What if Eric did something stupid and it was all his fault? “I need to find him.”

“Okay?” Jodie said. “Well, go see him.”

“He’s gone AWOL. Marcus was here looking for him.” He rubbed the nape of his neck. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

Jodie fell silent.

“Jodes?”

She said frankly, “He’s an alcoholic. If he’s looking to hurt himself the best way would be to have a drink.”

Shit. “Any ideas?” Eric didn’t necessarily have to be in a bar to find alcohol.

“Sorry. But I hope you find him. It’s a horrible thing thinking alcohol is the only answer.” With that, she hung up.

Okay. Where the hell to start? Eric had been gone for a good couple of hours, which was plenty of time to get himself in a state. He figured the best thing to do was to start in town and head outward, going bar to bar. Maybe he’d get lucky.

* * * *

So, here he was. Eric rested his chin on his forearm and stared at the poured drink of neat vodka. After two hours of walking the streets and the park, he had headed back toward town and stepped into the first bar he’d come to. Thirty minutes ago, he had ordered a double vodka and he’d been staring at the damn thing ever since. He was so tempted to take a drink. Hell, he could almost imagine an angel and a devil, one on each of his shoulders, vying over whether to take a drink or not. The one in white with the shiny halo, that had to be Marcus. Eric expected the little guy would be wearing the patented Marcus look of disgust as they stared at the filled glass together.

Everything was so damn hard, and Eric didn’t know what to do for the best. He had wanted to help CJ, not make the man feel like crap. All he’d managed to do was upset CJ and in turn had screwed with his own head some more. Slowly, he reached out for the glass and ran his fingers around its lip. He hadn’t had a drink in over two weeks and he was having a hard time deciding if his newfound sobriety was a good thing. At least when he was drunk, he just screwed up his own life. Snatching back his fingers, he returned to simply staring at the glass. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be that person anymore.

“Eric.”

Eric turned his head, surprised to find CJ sliding onto the stool beside him.

“Hey,” CJ said and looked from Eric to the glass in front of him. “You drinking that?”

Was he? Eric pushed the glass across the bar and toward CJ and curiously met CJ’s eyes. “Why are you here?”

CJ picked up the glass, sniffing at its contents before placing it in front of him. “Marcus stopped by. He seemed worried.”

“Yeah. He gets like that,” Eric said and snorted a laugh. Someone had to look out for him, he figured, because he did a damn shitty job of it himself.

“What are you doing here? This is never the answer.” CJ pushed the glass a little farther away from Eric.

“No, but sometimes it helps distract me while I wait.”

CJ breathed in deeply and shifted in his seat. “Look, about before. I’m sorry.”

Shaking his head, Eric said, “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. Marcus tried to warn me about going behind your back. I should have been upfront with you.” He struggled to look at CJ. “I want you to know it had nothing to do with the other night.”

“I know,” CJ assured him. “I overreacted. Let’s just say I’d had a bad morning.”

“I’ve had plenty of those,” Eric joked and rubbed at his brow.

“Thank you,” CJ said and rested his hand on Eric’s arm. “For the money. But it’s too much.” He curled his fingers against the Eric’s warmth. “I’m not sure I can keep it.”

“Please,” Eric simply said. “Please.” Better his money was spent on the center and the giving the kids something decent than on drink and sex or worse.

CJ didn’t look sure but eventually nodded. “Okay. The kids will appreciate it.” He smiled. “I appreciate it.”

A silence fell between them and Eric had no idea how to break it, so was relieved when CJ made the first move to make further conversation.

“So, I’m going to ask you some questions and I need you to be honest with me.”

Eric narrowed his eyes and looked at CJ. Was there really anything else to ask? His life, it seemed, was pretty much common knowledge. CJ had known exactly where to find him. “Okay,” he agreed. It couldn’t be any worse than his mom asking if he had tried to kill himself.

CJ breathed in deeply and started, “First, how many of these have you had?” He looked at the glass of vodka then at Eric.

Eric shook his head. “None,” he said truthfully. “I kind of wanted to, and maybe if you hadn’t shown up I’d have taken a drink. But no, I’ve had none.”

“Good,” CJ said, seemingly relieved by the confession. “Marcus will be pleased.” He hesitated before asking his second question. “Why did you come back here?”

“I needed to. I needed my family.” That was hard for him to admit. He had needed something more than LA could offer him. He’d needed the help and support of his family. “I wasn’t doing so good and it seemed a good idea at the time.” He snorted a laugh and placed his hand over CJ’s on his arm. “I didn’t come back to hurt you. I never planned for any of this and just wanted to help.”

“So, the money was you helping?”

Eric nodded. “Jodie was worried about you. I just figured this was something I could fix.” His gaze drifted down to CJ’s chest. “Guess I screwed that up too.”

“Nowhere near,” CJ assured him. “Look,” he said, glancing around the bar as he squeezed Eric’s arm. “Let’s get out of here.” He met Eric’s eyes. “We can talk some more at my place.”

* * * *

“Okay. Whoa.” CJ pressed his hands to Eric’s chest and caught his breath. Somewhere along the way talking had turned into hugging then kissing and was now edging on something more. “I need to tell you something.” He ran his hands upward and curled his fingers over Eric’s shoulders.

Eric raised an eyebrow. “Right now?” He went to kiss CJ, but CJ pulled away.

“Sorry,” CJ said as he noticed the hurt expression in Eric’s eyes. Reaching up, he cupped Eric’s face reassuringly. “I want to tell you something—”

Eric pressed his finger to CJ’s mouth. “I already know.”

CJ looked into Eric’s eyes. He smiled as Eric slowly drew his finger down over his mouth.

“And I love you too,” Eric confessed. “Always have.”

CJ nodded and pulled Eric close. “Let’s go upstairs.” He wanted Eric to make love to him, real love. Not a fuck overshadowed with regrets or remorse. He needed it to mean something.

“You sure?” Eric said.

He gently soothed Eric’s cheek. “Two conditions. One, no more feeling sorry for ourselves,” CJ insisted. “And two, you stay the night and in the morning neither of us run away. Not this time.” He held Eric’s face. “Okay?”

Nodding, Eric leaned in for a kiss. “Okay,” he whispered against CJ’s lips. “I can do that.”

Together they headed upstairs. They shared more kisses and touches as they undressed each other before settling naked and entwined in each other’s arms on the bed. The feel of Eric’s warm, naked body against him sent delicious waves of excitement through CJ. Though they had slept together once already, this time was different. This time it was real. CJ wanted Eric and he was under no illusion just how much Eric wanted him too. Eric brushed the head of CJ’s dick with his fingers, sending sparks of desire along his length. Fuck, what being with Eric was doing to him.

Wrapping his arms around Eric’s neck, CJ rolled so Eric lay on his back. He then straddled Eric’s thighs and smothered him in passionate kisses. Breathing in deeply, he reluctantly pulled away and met Eric’s eyes. He had never stopped loving Eric, didn’t think he could. The man had truly captured his heart and there was no breaking free.

“You okay?” Eric asked. He stroked his fingers through CJ’s hair and tugged gently at a curl.

CJ nodded and carefully pulled his arms from beneath Eric’s neck. Sitting back, he cupped Eric’s face and gently soothed his thumbs over Eric’s cheeks. “I’m glad you came back,” he said.

Eric nodded, arched up off the bed and met CJ in a kiss. “I should never have left.”

Smiling, CJ kissed Eric on the forehead. He wondered what might have been if Eric had stayed all those years ago. But there was no point lingering on the what ifs. He met Eric’s eyes. From what he saw in them, he was certain Eric was done running.

As if he knew what CJ was thinking, Eric said, “I’m not going anywhere. Not ever again.” He then wrapped CJ in his arms and rolled him onto the bed. Reaching past CJ, Eric took the lube and condom from the nightstand.

CJ groaned as Eric rubbed a path downward from the base of his spine and between his ass cheeks. Eric circled CJ’s hole, teasing the space briefly before applying lube to his fingers. There was something more determined in the way Eric touched him from there on in. Hungrily, Eric pressed inside, fucking CJ with his fingers as he prepared and stretched CJ’s entrance.

CJ didn’t know how many of Eric’s fingers he had taken, but the feeling of fullness was incredible and warmed him from the pit of his stomach. God, he wanted Eric and he wanted him now.

Finally, Eric pulled away and CJ was left wanting. Waiting was almost too much to bear and CJ squirmed in anticipation for Eric to sheath his dick.

“Move over,” Eric said, nudging CJ on to his side then lying down beside him.

CJ did as he was told and was rewarded with Eric giving gentle tugs on his dick. He was so damn hard he was sure a few more strokes by Eric and he’d be losing it right there.

Oh, God. CJ lifted his leg as Eric settled in behind him. The head of Eric’s dick pressed against his ass and CJ bit his lip as Eric pushed forward, breaching his hole and sinking inside him. Oh fuck yes. Relaxing, he focused on the gentle circles Eric stroked over his thigh and slowly rocked his hips against Eric’s careful thrusts.

“That okay?” Eric pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and ran his hand over the inside of CJ’s leg as he pulled him against him.

CJ hugged the pillow as he lay on his side and waited. He gave a soft moan. Everything was great. Desire sparked in his gut and after a firm thrust, Eric’s body was flush with his. The sensation of Eric’s dick filling him was beyond satisfying. Eric stilled, stroking and kissing CJ’s neck and shoulders as they settled into the position. Being together, naked and wrapped up in each other, was better than CJ could have hoped for.

Closing his eyes, he listened to the sound of his own shallow breaths and enjoyed every kiss and touch to his skin. Eric ran his hand downward and held onto CJ’s waist. His fingers pressed in an almost bruising hold as he pulled CJ close and steadily moved his hips. His thrusts were slow but deep, his thick length pushing inside and evoking soft sounds of desire and want from within CJ.

“Mmm.” CJ reached down for Eric’s hand and threaded their fingers together. He rested their hands over his scarred stomach and squeezed, reassuring Eric that everything was okay and them being together was right. This wasn’t like last time. This wasn’t goodbye. This was hope and a second chance.

Eric’s thrusts quickened and he guided CJ’s hand downward to where his own erection awaited attention. “Touch yourself,” he whispered and slid his fingers from CJ’s loose hold. He then ran his hand up over CJ’s arm and shoulder and pressed a kiss behind CJ’s ear. “For me.”

With a short nod, CJ wrapped his hand around his dick and matched Eric’s rhythm. Pleasure surged through him. Leaning back his head, he twisted around, trying to claim Eric’s mouth with his own. God he wanted to be kissed. He needed Eric’s mouth on his. Eric angled himself and engaged CJ in a sideways kiss. Their lips clashed hungrily and a surge of emotion washed through CJ. Overwhelmed by sensations, CJ felt his orgasm rise. He kissed Eric harder, fisted himself faster and shifted his leg to encourage Eric to drive deeper. A few focused moments and heat coursed from within his balls and with a final sharp tug he came over his hand.

Groaning, he arched back, desperately kissing Eric as the man pounded into him for a few moments more, reaching his own orgasm with a low growl. Sounds caught in Eric’s throat as he collapsed breathlessly behind CJ.

Running his fingers over CJ’s skin, Eric created a delicious shiver to run the length of CJ’s spine, accumulating in the rise of pimples across his skin. “I love you,” Eric said and wrapped CJ in a hug and pulled him close.

CJ smiled to himself as he idly ran his fingers across Eric’s arm. Slowly, his smile faded and he stared at his bedroom door. Eric was supposed to leave and head back to LA soon.

“Stay.” He traced circles over Eric’s skin. They needed time to figure out this thing between them.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Eric assured him once again. Kissing CJ’s shoulder, he added, “I promise.”

CJ shut his eyes and rested his arm over Eric’s as they snuggled closer. Somehow, and no matter what it took, they’d make it work this time. Neither of them was running away.