She heard his sharp intake of breath and wondered if she’d gone too far. But he'd said she could talk about anything.
“I put them all away after she died.”
“She’s been dead for three years. I think Hailey would like to see a picture of her mother. She asked when she saw the one I have of my mother on my dresser. She doesn’t remember her, I think.”
“That’s not true. Of course she remembers her mom.”
“Think about it. You don’t talk about her. There aren’t any pictures around. How could a little girl remember when there’s nothing to jog her memory? Or keep her memories alive? And Avery had nothing to remember to begin with. I bet she’d love to see what her mother looked like.”
He was silent.
Arden bit her lower lip, wondering if she’d gone too far. Had she made him angry? Sad?
“Brendan?”
“What?”
“Tell me something more about Lannie. What was she like? What was her favorite food, any movies she especially loved?”
“As you said, she’s dead. What would be the point?”
“Maybe she’s gone, but surely not forgotten. Not by you, nor should she be by her children. She was an important part of your life and of your children’s lives. I want to know more about her.”
“Why?”
To know what she was up against was her first thought. She brushed it aside.
“To help with the girls, of course. When something comes up, if I could say, you know your mother loved this, or hated this. Think how that could keep her memory alive for them.”
“If you really want to know more about her, I’ll tell you when I get home, but not tonight.”
“Do you know when you’ll be home?”
“Wednesday afternoon. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She listened as he hung up and then tossed her phone beside her on the bed. Discussing Lannie was something she should have never brought up. She knew she’d heard the love in his voice when he spoke about her.
Would she ever hear such love when someone spoke about her?
Brendan hung up and rose from the hotel bed to walk to the window. Washington sparkled in the night. The Capitol dome was illuminated for all the world to see. He leaned his forehead against the glass, the image before him fading as he tried to remember the very essence of Lannie.
It was harder and harder to do each day. He had to admit it had been ever since he interviewed a tall, leggy blonde.
Tuesday night, when her phone rang, Arden didn’t answer it. She didn't want to talk to Brendan this evening.
Five minutes later, the house phone rang. After four rings, the answering machine picked up. The girls had already gone to bed, and she was finishing up cleaning the kitchen. She could easily hear the answering machine.
“Arden?” It was Brendan.
She listened, loved hearing his voice.
“Arden? It’s Brendan. Pick up if you’re there.”
She clenched her hands into fists and refused to pick up the phone. It was necessary for her to maintain her distance. She’d thought about it long and hard. And tonight she’d start.
“Call me when you hear this.”
A minute later, she pressed the play button on the machine to listen to him again. She loved his voice, the intonation, the deep, rich tones. Closing her eyes, she could see him as clearly as if he were standing in front of her.
She listened once more to the message, then switched off the kitchen light and went to check on the girls one last time before heading for her room.
The temptation to talk to Brendan was strong, but her resolve was stronger. She refused to be drawn in any deeper. She'd keep her distance and do her best to gain some perspective.
About an hour later, her phone rang again. Again, she ignored it.
She began the final study for another class, just skimming over her notes and the text. She’d done well during the semester, knew the material, and wasn’t worried about how she’d do. But a last-minute brush-up couldn’t hurt.
The house phone rang again. She held her breath, hearing the murmur of Brendan’s voice on the machine in the kitchen.
Trying to concentrate, she did her best to ignore him. But the temptation to race to the phone was strong.
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Surprised, Arden glanced at the clock. It was after ten. Who came calling so late?
She went to the front door and peered through the glass panel on the side. A couple she recognized as living across the street stood on the porch.
She opened the door.
“Yes?”
“Are you Arden Glover?” the woman asked.
Arden nodded.
“Is everything all right here?” the man asked.
“Yes.”
“Brendan Ferguson has been trying to reach you all night. He’s very concerned because no one is answering the phone. The girls are all right, aren’t they?”
Arden felt horrible. She’d never thought about what Brendan might think when she didn’t answer.
“We’re all fine. The girls are in bed already.”
The woman held out a scrap of paper.
“This is his cell phone number. He wants you to call him. He thought something might be wrong since he couldn’t reach you.”
Arden took the paper, guilt swamping her. Of course, Brendan would worry when she didn’t answer. He knew she and the girls should be home. Not answering would definitely raise his concern. Why hadn’t she thought about that? He must be frantic.
“I’ll call him right away,” she said.
“Better check the phone is working. We can wait. Must be something wrong if he can’t get through,” the man said. “You can come use our phone if you need to. Molly can stay with the girls.”
“I’m sure it’s fine. I’ll come over if I can’t reach him. You live in the yellow house, right?”
“That’s right, Molly and Bill Dougans,” Molly said brightly. “I’ve seen you here for several weeks but haven’t had a chance to stop by. Welcome to the neighborhood. I understand you are watching the girls now that Ella has moved to California.”
“That’s right. Nice to meet you both. And thank you for coming over. I’ll call Brendan now.”
The couple left, and Arden closed the door.
What an idiot she was. Brendan was probably pacing his hotel room worried sick about his children and she’d deliberately not spoken to him when she should have.
Now what was she going to tell him?
She got her phone and quickly dialed him.
“Is everything all right there? I tried calling you several times. All I got was your voice mail or the answering machine.”
“Everything’s fine. I was, uh, studying. I have finals this week, you know. One tomorrow.”
“You can’t be too busy studying to pick up the phone and tell me you can’t talk?”
She was silent. She should have done that.
“I didn’t mean to have you worry. I’m sorry.” There, she had to get that out.
“What’s going on?”
She couldn’t tell him. The last thing he’d want to hear was his children’s nanny was falling for him. That she had to protect her heart the only way she knew. Yet what else would keep him from pressing her?
“Arden?”
“I really don’t have time to talk, Brendan. I really need to study. Everyone is fine. The girls went to bed on time and we had a great day. The mural is almost finished. But I have to go now. Goodnight.”
“Wait. Arden, what time is your final tomorrow?”
“Ten.”
“Good, you’ll be finished before three, right?”
“I’ll be finished before noon. Why?”
“Can you pick me up at the airport? I’ll be arriving at three o’clock on the flight in from Washington. Larry’s staying on until Friday, so I need a ride home,” he said, referring to the employee he’d made the trip with. He gave her the name of the airline he was flying.
“Okay, we’ll be there. I have to go.”
She hung up, her heart racing. He’d be home tomorrow. And then what? All efforts tonight to avoid hearing his voice were futile. What would she do when he was home again?
Arden and the girls arrived at the airport a few minutes past three. They stopped in front of the baggage claim area. She hoped she could stay until he came out. The airport police were strict on the no parking policy.
“Where’s Daddy?” Hailey asked.
“He’ll be coming out of one of these doors any minute now,” she said. Arden had double checked the updated information for his flight and knew it was on time.
She felt anticipation rise as first one, then two and three people began walking out of the automatic doors.
Two businessmen hurried out, briefcases in hand.
A family.
Then Brendan.
He saw the car immediately and headed there.
“Hi, Daddy.” Hailey called, waving.
“Daddy,” Avery shrieked, laughing. “Did you come on an airplane? We saw airplanes flying!”
“I did. It landed a few minutes ago.”
He put his carry-on bag in the trunk and opened the back door to lean over to kiss each daughter, giving them a hug.
He slid into the passenger side of the car and then, with a light in his eyes, he leaned over and kissed her firmly on the mouth.
Startled, she clung for a moment, savoring the contact, the racing of her heart, the feeling of being wild and romantic and on the edge of passion.
He released her and fastened his seat belt as if nothing monumental had happened.
Arden looked at him in confusion and sudden sadness.
She couldn’t stay.
She couldn’t be a part of his family, loving him the way she did.
She had to leave.
She started the car and focused on driving.
He’d be furious. She’d promised three years.
But if she told him why, he’d have to let her go.
In fact, if he had a clue she loved him, he’d probably fire her to save her the trouble of quitting.
“I missed you and the girls,” he said.
She tried to smile, but felt the wobbly attempt wasn’t very good.
“We missed you, too. Was it a successful meeting?”
She blinked her eyes, trying to clear the tears so she could see.
“Mostly. Larry's finalizing a few details, but the major points are taken care of.”
She concentrated on her driving. She had to keep it together for a little longer.
For a moment Arden had felt as if they were a family, greeting the husband and father returning from a trip. Going to their home where they could shut out the world.
She wanted it so much that the longing was almost a physical pain.
It'd be so hard to leave. So hard to say goodbye.
“What have you three been up to? How did your exam go this morning?”
“I think I did well. I have the last exam on Friday morning.”
“So you’ll be carefree and ready to party Friday night,” he said.
“Friday night?”
“The Andrews party. I asked you a while ago, remember? My plus one?”
She’d completely forgotten.
She couldn’t go.
Could she?
It’d be one last night together, a memory to cherish down through the years.
“I remember. What time is it?”
“We’ll leave around seven-thirty. Since you forgot, I expect you didn’t get a babysitter?”
“No.”
“Jamie Sue Morton used to watch the girls if both Ella and I needed to go out. She’s in the address book in the drawer beneath the phone. I’ll call her to see if she can watch them.”
“It’s short notice,” Arden said. “If she can’t, I could ask my aunts. They’d have to stay over. There’s a curfew at their retirement home. They can’t stay out to all hours and then show up. Stupid rules, if you ask me.”
Brendan nodded, amusement glimmering in his eyes. “I think you mentioned those stupid rules before.”
By the end of the week, Arden thought she’d imagined the kiss at the airport. Brendan had done nothing since he returned Wednesday afternoon to show he even remembered kissing her. He came home early Thursday and spent time with the girls before dinner. After they went to bed, he disappeared into his office.
Arden couldn’t complain because it gave her time to study. Not that she could concentrate. She spent most of the evening listening for him. If he came into the kitchen, she could go out for a glass of iced tea. If he watched television, she'd be able to see him through the opened door.
But he didn’t come near her.
Friday, she finished her exams, picked the girls up at the university day care and headed for the mall at Military Circle. She had a dress to find for that night.
She wanted the perfect creation. One that would stay in Brendan’s memory long after she’d gone.
She also wanted something that would give her the courage to tell him she was leaving. She’d go to the party, enjoy as much of it as she could, and then tell him when they returned home.
Of course, she wouldn’t leave immediately. She’d give him time to find someone else. But the sooner he got started, the better.
And she had to look for another job, as well.
For a moment, doubt rose. Did she have to leave? Could she get over the feelings she had for Brendan without leaving?
She didn’t think she’d ever get over falling in love. She’d never wanted a special man to share her life with. Knowing she could not have children, she’d resigned herself to a single life. Nothing had changed just because she’d fallen in love.
She’d tell him tonight.
“You look pretty, Arden,” Hailey said, looking up at her with a wide smile. Both girls had followed Arden to her room to watch her get dressed for the party.
“Are you a princess?” Avery asked.
“No, sweetie, same old Arden. And thank you, Haley, I’m glad you think so.”
Arden looked into the mirror, turning from side to side to see as much as she could. She tried to quell the butterflies in her stomach. She did look nice. She hoped Brendan thought so.
The dress was perfect, a deep rose color, soft and feminine yet wildly sexy. It was short, showing off her long legs nicely displayed by the high heels.
Brendan was tall enough so she could wear the highest heels and still not be eye to eye with him.
She’d coaxed her hair into an elaborate style, piled on top of her head with wavy tendrils on either side of her face. It left her neck bare and showed off her dangling silver earrings perfectly.
“I’m pretty, too,” Avery said, leaning close to the mirror, examining the makeup Arden had put on her.
Both girls had wanted to dress up. With loads of eye shadow and lipstick, they almost looked like clowns, but both thought they were perfect.
She wondered what Brendan would say. Maybe she should warn him to be complimentary.
“Ready?”
It was time. She’d heard Brendan arrive with the babysitter a few minutes ago.
They walked into the family room. Jamie Sue turned and greeted the girls. They ran over to her to show off their makeup. She was enthusiastic in complimenting each girl.
Brendan looked at Arden, his eyes darkening to deep silver as his gaze ran from her hair to her toes.
Arden flushed, feeling that fluttering inside again. She wished they were alone. Would he kiss her if they were?
Stop it, she admonished herself. She had to stop thinking about his kisses.
He introduced her to Jamie Sue, and then turned slightly to say softly,
“You look lovely.”
Avery danced over to her father and smiled up at him.
“Aren’t I pretty, Daddy?” She fluttered her eyelashes to make sure he could see the makeup.
Before Brendan could say a word, Arden reached out to touch his arm.
“Both girls decided to dress up like me. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”
“Give me some credit,” he murmured.
Stooping to Avery’s level, he gravely studied her face, then smiled. “You are beautiful, honey. All dressed up. You look like a princess.”
“Uh-huh. And me and Hailey are going to get dressed up again. Next time, we’ll have fancy dresses like Arden.”
“I look forward to that.”
“Can we go dancing?” Hailey asked, drawn to her sister’s side.
“One day, when you’re a little taller.”
He stood up and looked at Jamie Sue. “Any questions? I left the usual information by the house phone, doctor’s number, neighbor’s number and, of course, my cell number.”
“No, questions. We’ll be fine. They’re great kids. Have a nice time.”
The Andrews party was at their stately old home in Ghent. Since parking in the area was difficult and they’d arranged valet service, so Brendan drove right to the front and gave the young man the keys.
The wide veranda that ran the width of the house was crowded with guests. Uniformed waiters circulated with beverages and hors d’oeuvres.
Brendan escorted Arden up the shallow steps and through the wide-open double doors. They greeted their hosts and then began to mingle with the other guests.
“Are you here for fun or business?” Arden asked when he appeared to be searching the crowd.
“Business. Large parties aren’t my idea of fun.”
“Oh, why not?”
He dropped his gaze to her.
“I prefer picnics in the backyard, or watching television with my daughters.”
“You’d have loved the beach last weekend.”
“I already said I’ll go next time.”
For a moment Arden almost forgot there’d be no next time for her.
She smiled and looked away. She changed her mind. She wouldn’t spoil tonight by announcing her departure. Time enough for that in the morning.
“Does your firm supply security for private homes or only offices and public buildings?” she asked.
“We do both. The Andrews have been clients for years. They were one of my first private homes. You’ll like Cissy Andrews if you have time to visit with her. She’ll talk your ear off, but she’s funny and always kind. Ah, the very person I want to see.”
He pressed his hand at the small of her back and guided her to a couple just arriving.
Before long, Arden was listening to Brendan and Lance Warwick discuss the ramifications of not using Brendan’s company’s services versus the expense. When the man’s wife asked if Arden worked for Brendan, she explained the relationship.
Discovering Jenny Warwick had two young children, they were soon talking about summer activities appropriate for preschoolers.
Music drifted in from the back. Cissy Andrews joined them, urging everyone to the backyard.
“We have an area for dancing. And the buffet tables are full, you’ll get first pick.”
She chatted briefly with Jenny and Arden, then moved on to another group.
The backyard was huge, with a canopy over the food tables to the left, a five-piece combo playing in the rear, complete with dance floor laid out near the band. Colorful Japanese lanterns illuminated every inch.
When Brendan asked her to dance, Arden felt excitement shimmer through her. It was a slow tune, and she moved into his arms without hesitation. She was here to make memories, and what better one than dancing with the man she loved?
Their steps meshed perfectly. She relaxed and enjoyed the movement, enjoyed the feeling of his arms around her, the feel of his muscular chest against hers, the scent of aftershave he’d splashed on.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked, his voice soft in her ear.
Arden closed her eyes and imagined what it’d be like to be with him forever. To go to bed together and spend the night wrapped in each other’s arms. To hear his voice in the darkness saying things only she would ever hear.
Nodding, she didn’t want to break the spell. It was magic. Being with him, dancing, meeting his friends and acquaintances. Bittersweet memories, she thought with a pang, as she realized she wouldn’t share this with him again.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said about Lannie and her pictures,” he said after a moment.
Arden opened her eyes and pulled back enough to see his face. “What?”
“That Hailey and Avery need photos of their mother, so they’ll know what she looked like to remember she was their mother.”
She nodded. She cherished the photographs she had of her parents. It was so hard to remember them. If she didn’t have the photographs, she knew she'd no longer be able to see their faces.
“Thursday night, I got the box down from the closet to choose a couple of photos. I’d packed them all away when she died. It was weird. I looked at them last night and it was easier than I thought it’d be,” Brendan said.
Easier and yet difficult, he remembered. Lannie was young and pretty when she died. She'd been happy in their marriage, in the life they’d made together. At least he had that.
But Lannie was forever gone. It was time to move on.
He drew Arden closer, involuntarily comparing the two women.
Lannie had been much shorter. Arden was easier to dance with, their steps matching, her head resting against his cheek.
And the feelings he felt around Arden were different. She threw him more times than not with her outspoken views, her wild schemes and her zest for living. It shook him up.
And he needed that, he admitted. He’d kept a tight control on his emotions for three years. Almost depriving his children of their remaining parent.
Which brought up the thought of what if something happened to him? Who would love his daughters as he did? Who would take care of them and help them grow into womanhood?
He knew his parents would step in, or Ella. But maybe his children needed something different, something that Arden brought.
The song ended, and Arden stepped back, smiling up at him. Brendan had the strongest urge to kiss her. But not here, not during a party with a hundred guests or more.
When he kissed her, he wanted it to be in the privacy of their home.
He’d told her he didn’t want an affair. But now he wondered if he’d known it was a lie. He wanted Arden Glover, and that surprised him to his core.