BY
SEANAN McGUIRE
THE SKY OVER INDIANA WAS Dorothy Gale blue, that shade of sun-bleached denim that spoke of faded dreams and dying youth and all the wasted days of summer. Aracely squinted up at the sky and wondered what they’d called that color before Baum came along with his silver slippers and his golden roads and his green, green fantasies of a better world. Probably nothing. Some things were so much a part of the way the world was that they never stood out until someone pointed out that it wasn’t always, hadn’t always, couldn’t always be that way.
People in Indiana lived and died under this sky, and they thought it was exactly right, and she thought that was exactly wrong. She lowered her eyes and walked on, cutting a path across the boneyard as around her, the carnival bloomed like some incredible flower. Tents for petals, people for pollen, and the straight metal spine of the Ferris wheel for a stem, rising from the dry-baked ground one piece at a time. It was a miracle of modern engineering, the way the whole thing broke down and came back together, and she didn’t understand it and would only be in the way if she tried to help, so she kept walking, waving to people who weren’t too busy to wave back, smiling at the rest, so they wouldn’t have to worry she’d feel slighted when they didn’t drop everything to say hello to the boss’s daughter.
The carousel sang as it was tested, calliope music drifting sweet as a dream over the field. A speaker buzzed with static louder than a beehive, sweeter than any honey. The garden Aracely had been cultivated for took shape, light and color and glorious, controlled chaos, and she breathed it in with a grateful heart, filling her lungs from tip to top with home, home, home. She did all right in motel rooms and trailers, but there was nothing like the honest, open air of the carnival.
Her mama’s tent was already up, walls fluttering gently in the breeze, neon sign above the door flickering to draw the midway moths inside. The buzz of the needle cut through the tarp, and Aracely relaxed that tiny bit more. Everything was normal.
She swept the hanging door aside with one hand and stepped through, into the surprising brightness of the tent. Her mother’s lighting array had been refined over more seasons than Aracely had been alive, until it would have taken a grand search to find a place—any place—with better visibility. The racks of inks and books of flash were in their places, and her mother sat, regal, next to Charlie, who drove the main wagon, his face pressed into the table, her needle pressed against his skin. A river unspooled behind it, waters dark and deep and beautiful, filled with mystery.
“Hi, Mama,” said Aracely.
“Hello, sweetheart. You have a good nap?” Her mother didn’t look away from her work, and that, too, was normal; that was the way things were supposed to go.
Aracely, who had been sleeping when the carnival pulled into this new resting place, nodded. “I did,” she said. More shyly, she added, “I like to be asleep when we arrive.”
Being asleep when the engines stilled and the unloading began meant waking to a garden already coming into bloom, a busy hive of chaos and choices. She hated to see the fields empty, knowing they would only be full—only be fully alive—for such a little time before the carnival moved on again, and the silences returned.
“I know, baby.” Her mother reached for a cloth, wiped the tattoo, and went back to work. The carnie stretched out on her table didn’t make a sound. “Run along, now. I have a list to get through before we open.”
Technically, tattoos could be done anywhere with light and power, and Daisy had done her share of work in roadside motels or while parked at rest stops. But there was something about the carnival air that the carnies swore sped their healing, and there was no advertisement like someone walking around with a smug smile and a bandage on back or bicep. Daisy only tattooed her employees on arrival day: after that, it would be townies until they rolled out again, and that made time on her table rare and precious.
Aracely nodded. “All right, Mama. I love you.”
“Love you, too, flower,” said Daisy, and then her tall, dream-dazed daughter was gone, leaving her alone with the buzz of the needle and the man on her table, who might as well have been a corpse for all the word he offered.
“You dead there, Charlie? Because I’m not wasting any more of this ink on a dead man.”
“Just thinking, Daisy.”
“Thinking about what?”
“Aracely.”
Most men with the show, they’d said that, they would have had concern for their anatomy immediately after. Aracely was seventeen, sweet and kind and lovely as a summer morning, and her mother protected her like she was the last rose in the world. Daisy had her reasons. No one questioned that. She looked down at Charlie, thoughtful, needle in her hand shaking and ready to sting.
“What about her, Charlie?”
“She doesn’t know much outside the show, does she?”
Daisy shook her head, aware he couldn’t see her, unable to put her answer, vast and awkward as it was, into words. Born in the back of the boneyard, that was Aracely, her first breath full of popcorn and sawdust and the tinkling song of the calliope. Raised where walls were either tin or canvas, where everything could change in an afternoon—that was Aracely too, daughter of the midway, anchored to the open road. Her life was an eternal summer, bracketed by deep-dreaming winters that passed without comment, leaving her exactly as she’d been before the snow fell.
“Her daddy’s people were town,” she said finally. “We don’t go there anymore. No point to it. He didn’t want to know her when she was just getting started, he doesn’t get to know her now.”
“How’s she going to take it when she has to leave?”
Daisy sucked in a sharp breath, putting the needle down before she could do something they’d both regret. Her art was more important than her anger. A flare of temper could last a moment, but a line malformed by a hand that pressed down a bit too hard, a needle wielded in anger . . .
Those were things that would last, and they would shame her. More than anything else, Daisy was a woman who hated to be shamed.
“She never has to leave, Charlie, so you set that thought out of your head,” said Daisy, picking her needle up again. “There’s nothing in the world outside that she can’t find right here.”
Charlie, if he thought otherwise, was clever enough to keep his own counsel. The needle flashed and buzzed, and nothing more was said, and too much went unspoken.
* * *
Aracely walked the midway as it came alive, a smile on her lips and a song trapped against her tongue, filling her with the heat of its hum. She walked the whole shape of the show, learning every inch of the land, every step of what was going to become her home, transformed by the sweet alchemy of light and sound and intention into something bright, and beautiful, and temporary.
Always temporary.
She stopped at the edge of the space portioned off for their use, melancholy washing over her like a wave, so that she had to press a hand against her chest to keep her heart from beating itself free and flying away. It wasn’t fair. Everyone else had a home that was allowed to endure more than the span of a season, but her home, her place had to disappear every time the wind changed.
Was it so wrong to wish for something that could last?
A piece of unsecured rope fluttered in the breeze. She glanced toward it and went still, gazing at the distant shape of a farmhouse. No: it wasn’t a farmhouse. She’d seen plenty of those, scattered across America’s heartland like a gambler’s dice across a felted table. They possessed a certain similarity of form and function, all drawn from the same blueprints, all with their own detail and design. Farmhouses were like people. You knew them when you saw them, and every one of them was different, and every one of them was the same.
This was a mansion. This was the kind of house where movie stars lived, the kind of house that got written up in the magazines that Adam who ran the hoochie-koo show liked to read, the ones he always hid when he saw her coming. Aracely didn’t understand why: there was nothing shameful in pictures of nice houses, or interviews with the nice people who lived in them. But Adam acted like he couldn’t think of anything worse, like she had no idea there was a world outside the carnival, and so Aracely went along with it. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.
She went along with a lot of things for the sake of not making anyone else uncomfortable. She thought, sometimes, that she was uncomfortable, and then realized if she started dwelling on that, she would never do anything ever again, because the impossibility of living her life without doing harm would be too much for her narrow shoulders to carry.
This house didn’t look like it worried about doing harm. This house didn’t look like it worried about much of anything. It was tall, and every line it had was perfectly straight, except where the architect’s hand had decided it should be bent, had coaxed an angle into an arch or a corner into a curve. It was white as bone, and it was beautiful, and Aracely couldn’t imagine anything more wonderful than seeing it up close.
She started to step across the line the roustabouts had chalked on the ground and stopped, overcome with indecision. She wasn’t allowed to leave the carnival. That was her mother’s first and strictest rule. She could murder a man out of boredom, she could lie and cheat and steal and howl down the heavens if that was what she needed to do, but she couldn’t leave the show. She had never left the show, not really; had been packed away with all its other pieces ever since she could remember, always traveling within the tenuous shell of “carnival.” She’d talked to townie kids who said they envied her freedom to travel the country and see the world, not confined in classrooms and expectations, but she thought maybe freedom was one of those things that looked different depending on which side of the cage door you were standing on.
Almost without thinking about it, she lifted a foot, set it down, and was standing suddenly outside the chalk, outside the carnival, outside the shell of everything she’d ever known. Aracely gasped. The wind took the sound and made it disappear.
She took another step. Then she took another step, and another after that, and she was suddenly running across the open field, that thieving wind blowing through her hair, urging her onward. The delicate spring grass bent and broke under her feet, filling the air with the smell of green, growing things, of life beginning and ending in the same careless, carefree step. She didn’t stop. She didn’t slow. She was running—for the first time in her life she was running—through a world that didn’t know her mother’s name, that didn’t know she was the flower of the midway, too precious to pluck, too delicate to—
The stone that turned under her foot knew nothing of malice, nor of carnivals, nor of runaway midway princesses fleeing gilded cages. It was an accident, nothing more, but it was enough to send Aracely tumbling head over heels down the slope, over and over again, until a strong hand caught her ankle and jerked her to a sudden, bone-jarring halt.
Aracely lay facedown, panting, trying to reconcile the end of her flight with the way the world had turned itself upside-down and wrongside-up all at the same time. Her chest was tight. Her knees burned, and she knew when she looked at herself, she’d find grass stains and mud and a hundred other proofs of her transgressions.
“My mother’s going to kill me,” she moaned.
A voice—a new voice, a strange voice, unfamiliar as a motel room in the light of morning—laughed, and the hand holding her ankle let go. “Maybe I should have let you keep rolling, then. A broken neck isn’t pleasant, but nobody’s mother ever killed them after they were already dead.”
Aracely stiffened. New voices meant townies, and townies meant danger. She’d listened to the older ladies talking when they didn’t think she was close enough to hear, cigarettes cupped in their hands and secrets hidden in every honeyed syllable. They were her oracles, the grand dames of the carnival, and when she was old enough and wise enough to know everything they knew, she would be allowed to go wherever she wanted. That was how it was, for flowers. They were delicate when they were fresh, but once they’d had time to dry and wither, they were strong. They could perfume the world.
“It’s all right. I’m not mad at you or nothing. Lots of people fall down in this field.” The voice paused. “Well, I suppose not lots. That would take having lots of people hanging around, and that doesn’t so much happen anymore.”
Aracely hesitated. Whoever it was didn’t talk like any townie she’d ever met. Carefully, she pushed herself up onto her hands and twisted around to look over her shoulder.
The girl—woman—girl behind her offered a lopsided smile of greeting, raising one hand in the smallest possible iteration of a wave. “Hi.”
She was striking. Not beautiful: there wasn’t enough softness to her for beauty. There were girls at the carnival that everyone agreed were beautiful, who could stop traffic when they walked the midway, who could talk townies into anything they wanted. This girl wasn’t one of them. She wasn’t quite a woman yet, either; she had the same softness and smokiness that Aracely had, like she could still decide to go in any number of directions, rather than growing up to be one singular thing.
Sometimes girls who weren’t beautiful could be handsome, but that wasn’t this girl, with her hair like coal and her eyes like cinders, with the scars of a bad burn pulling the skin of one cheek upward in a permanent, secretive smile. There were men at the carnival who would say that scar had ruined her, and even without hearing them speak aloud, Aracely felt a wave of hot, terrible hatred for them and their judging eyes. They didn’t have the right to judge. They never could.
“Something wrong?” asked the girl, smile fading.
Aracely’s hate turned into horror in her belly. She thought—the stranger thought—she thought Aracely was staring at her scars. It was plain as anything.
It was awful.
“No,” said Aracely. “I just took a worse tumble than I thought, I guess. I’m sorry. I’m . . .” I’m away from the carnival for the first time in my life, I’m scared, I’m not supposed to be here, I’m never leaving again. “. . . I’m Aracely.”
“Pretty name,” said the stranger, and offered her hand. The only one she could offer, Aracely realized: her other hand was as burnt as her face, and hung, stiff as an old tree branch, at the end of a motionless arm.
I want to kiss her scars, Aracely thought, and her ears burned as she took the offered hand and let herself be tugged to her feet.
“I didn’t choose it; my mama gave it to me,” she said.
“Still, it suits you,” said the stranger. “I’m Joanna.”
“That suits you, too.” Aracely realized she was still holding Joanna’s hand and dropped it, cheeks flaring red. It felt as if there wasn’t any blood left for the rest of her body, with the way it was rushing to her face. “I—I mean, you—I mean, do you live around here?”
“In a manner of speaking.” Joanna jerked her chin, indicating something beyond Aracely. Aracely turned, and there was the house—the big, white, impossible house that had lured her away from the carnival. The mansion in the middle of nowhere, the house that shouldn’t have existed.
“I came back after the fire,” said Joanna. “I couldn’t think of anyplace I wanted to go. This was home. Didn’t matter if it had gotten a little singed-up and smoky. Same thing happened to me. It didn’t seem right to leave without fixing what we’d lost.”
There was a story in every sentence, and Aracely knew if she peeled them back, if she looked them straight in the eye, she’d find things she didn’t want to see. Instead, she smoothed the wrinkles from her skirt and sighed.
“I’m with the carnival that’s setting up over the ridge,” she said. “I’m sorry to have disturbed you.”
Joanna raised an eyebrow. “Carnival?” she asked. “I own the land for a mile around here, and this is the first I’m hearing of a carnival.”
The blood that had been rushing to Aracely’s face drained away, leaving her pale as paper. “I . . . Our frontman was supposed to make sure everything was in order,” she said. “He has the papers.” Or did he? She never left the carnival boundary, not under normal circumstances. How would she know if everything was being done correctly?
There was never enough money. She knew that. There was never enough money, and the Ferris wheel needed repairing, and half the games were privately owned, they came and went like flowers in the fall, undependable, nothing you could pin a midway on. Her mother had been making concessions on their rent for years, letting them have their spaces for less than she should have, just to be sure of having steady attractions to sell towns on allowing the carnival to stop there. A big, empty field, near a house that had almost burned down . . . it would have seemed like a good place to set up without paying.
News of disasters travels fast. They could have been states away when the fire happened and still have heard about it, her mother filing the information for a dry spell, a time when an unguarded field would be a necessary thing. News that it had been rebuilt, that someone was living there, well. That wasn’t as interesting. It wouldn’t have traveled nearly as fast.
“I have to go,” said Aracely.
“I suppose you do,” said Joanna—and was it Aracely’s imagination, or did the other girl’s face fall, just a little, the expression dampened by her scars? “No one lingers here for long.”
Aracely wanted to tell her no, no, she wasn’t running away from Joanna; she was running toward the carnival, toward her mother, toward the answers to the uncomfortable questions she was asking herself. She wanted to stay where Joanna was more than almost anything she could think of, wanted to keep looking at this beautiful girl with her tousled hair and her suspicious eyes, wanted to daydream about what it would feel like to run her fingers down both sides of her face at once, to read the secret stories tangled in her scars. Her throat was dry; her tongue was strangled. All she could do was shake her head, and turn, and flee.
When she reached the ridge, she looked back.
Joanna was gone.
So was the house.
* * *
The carnival had continued to unfold while Aracely was running, was tumbling, was falling, although she did not know it yet, into the fringes of a thing that looked very much like love. As she walked along the familiar, ever-changing aisles, lights twinkling on every side, the Ferris wheel turning gently in the distance, she worried.
To any other girl, it might have seemed strange for a house to be there one moment and gone the next: houses were meant, after all, to be rooted, stationary things. But Aracely had grown up with the carnival. It moved. If it stopped moving, it would die. She hadn’t heard of houses that did the same: that didn’t mean they weren’t out there. Maybe the house had simply wandered off for a little while, and would be back when it felt like it.
The entrance to her mother’s tent was closed, but the buzzing of the needle had stopped. Aracely tugged it aside and peeked through. “Mama?”
Daisy looked up from cleaning her needles and smiled. “There’s my girl,” she said. “Everything coming together out there?”
“Not from anything I’ve done,” said Aracely, stepping inside. “Mama, did we pay to set up here? Do we have permits?”
“Aracely, what . . .” Daisy stopped mid-sentence, eyes narrowing. “What have you done to your dress?”
“It’s not nice to answer a question with a question,” said Aracely. “You taught me that.”
“I also taught you to respect your mother, and not to go getting grass and mud all over your clothes. Where have you been?”
Aracely lifted her chin, trying to look brave. She wasn’t sure what brave looked like, but she thought she could do it, if she didn’t flinch. “I went running in the grass. It’s beautiful out there, Mama, you wouldn’t believe how—”
But her mother was on her feet, eyes wide and horrified, cleaning rag and tattoo gun forgotten in her haste to cross the tent and grasp Aracely’s shoulders, fingers digging in until they left paths of pain behind them. “You went outside the carnival?” she asked, and her voice was as shrill as the screams from the roller coaster, the ones that hung in the air like a promise of bigger fears to come. “You left the boundary?”
“I wasn’t hurt! I met the girl who owns this land, Mama, and she’s beautiful too, she’s not like a townie at all. She lives in the house past the ridge.” The house that wasn’t there. But that was all right, because it would come back. Right? That was probably the real difference between a carnival and a house. Houses had to stay on the same land all the time, planted like roses, while carnivals went wherever they wanted to go, like wildflowers.
“Did she touch you?” Daisy’s hands grasped tighter, tighter, until Aracely gasped and pulled away, shoulders throbbing.
“Mama, stop! You’re scaring me!”
“Answer the question!”
Aracely took another step back, and did the unthinkable.
She lied.
“No, Mama. She didn’t want to get her hands dirty.”
Lies are meant to be false things that seem believable, but this lie didn’t seem believable to Aracely. She couldn’t imagine Joanna—beautiful Joanna, with her house that is and isn’t there—being afraid of a little mud, especially not when that mud came from land that she already owned.
Daisy relaxed, and Aracely did the same, knowing her deception had been successful. A pang of pain shot through her heart. She was a bad girl now. She was a girl who could deceive her mother, and not even feel a little bit sorry for it.
“Good,” said Daisy. “I don’t know what possessed you to leave the carnival, but you must never, never do that again, and even more, you must never, never let an outsider touch you. You’re delicate. People like that, in places like this, they don’t understand how to be kind to delicate things. I won’t have you risking yourself like that. All right?”
Aracely didn’t answer. Daisy grabbed her again and shook her by the shoulders, seeming to have forgotten her own warning.
“All right?” she repeated.
“All right, Mama,” said Aracely.
This time Daisy let go of her own accord. “Good girl,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “Good, good girl.”
Aracely turned and fled the tent, and Daisy did not pursue her.
* * *
The sun dipped lower in the sky. Not quite sunset, when the midway would light up like a summer morning and the townies would start rolling in, drawn by the lights and the sound and the promise of something better than their quiet, ordinary homes, but getting closer. Dawn was a distant memory, the moment closer to tomorrow than yesterday.
Aracely stumbled between the familiar attractions, clutching the front of her gown and trying to swallow the fear that had grown in her breast with every panicked word that dropped from her mother’s lips. Daisy wasn’t supposed to lose her temper. Not with her. Daisy was her mother, her sole protector in a world full of dangerous things, and if Daisy was a danger, too, well . . .
Aracely didn’t know what she’d do if her mother had somehow become another danger in a world she’d always known was out to do her harm. She was innocent, yes, and she was delicate, but she was both those things because it had been safer than the alternative. If she allowed herself to be innocent and delicate and naïve, her mother would take care of everything, and the dangers of the wider world would never be able to consume her.
“You look lost.”
Aracely froze. Charlie emerged from the shadows between two tents, a bandage on his arm and a rolled cigarette in his hand, sweet smoke drifting up to tint the air. He looked at her frankly, assessing her fear. Aracely clutched her gown tighter, the fabric bunching under her fingers.
“What happened, Aracely?” he asked, and his voice was kind—kinder than her mother’s had been, kinder than she would ever have expected it to be. “Somebody hurt you?”
Silent, she nodded, unable to make her traitor tongue admit who had done the hurting.
Charlie sighed, taking a long drag on his cigarette as he considered the mud on her hem and the grass stains on her skirt. When he spoke again, it was to ask, “You go off the grounds?”
This time, her nod had a sliver of defiance in it. She glared at him, her fingers unclenching from her gown as she silently dared him to say something, anything, against her going wherever she liked.
Instead, he smiled. “Good girl. You’re almost grown. You have the right to leave if you want to. It’s not right to keep you cooped up. You’re not the first person born to the midway, and I daresay you won’t be the last—the world may be shutting shows like ours down as fast as it can manage, but people keep making babies, and we’ve got a little time yet. That doesn’t mean you have to stay here. You can’t choose the carnival if you’ve never once been outside it.”
“Mama says I do,” said Aracely.
“Your mother . . .” Charlie paused, choosing his words as carefully as he could. “Your mother worries about you. That’s all. Mothers always worry about daughters. Yours maybe more than most. But she has her reasons.”
“What are they?” Aracely narrowed her eyes. “Everyone says she has her reasons, everyone says she’s doing the best she can, but everyone also acts like it’s normal for me to always be in the carnival, even when they come and go as they please. I’ve never even been inside the Walmart!”
Her last complaint was delivered with such an indignant wail that it was all Charlie could do not to laugh. He sobered quickly enough, regarding her with steady eyes.
“You know it wasn’t easy, birthing you,” he said. “Your mother thought she’d lost you, a whole bunch of times, both before and after you were outside her belly and looking at the world. If she’s a little protective, you can blame it partially on that.”
“But I didn’t do that,” said Aracely. “It’s not my fault if I was sickly when I was born. I didn’t decide any of that, and it’s not fair to keep holding it against me. I’ve never done anything wrong, not on purpose. I just wanted to see the house.”
Charlie stilled. Finally, in a soft voice, he asked, “The house?”
“On the other side of the field. I met the girl who lives there. She didn’t know we were coming. Charlie, did we not pay our rental fees? Are we here when we’re not supposed to be?” Aracely looked at him anxiously. “I don’t want to have to move along when we’ve just gotten everything set up, but if we don’t have permission, I guess that could be what we have to do.”
“There’s no house there,” said Charlie, voice still soft, like he was afraid that to raise it would be to shatter some thin and impossible peace. “This field . . . the people who owned it all died. The bank owns all the land for almost a mile, and we did all our rental paperwork through them, exactly as we’re meant to do. I don’t know who you met, girl, but there’s no way she lived in a house that doesn’t exist, and there’s no way she gets to say whether or not we’re allowed to linger here.”
Aracely stared at him, eyes gone wide and heart gone narrow until it felt like it was barely beating at all, like she was on the verge of toppling over. Then she turned and fled, not deeper into the midway, but out, toward the boundary line, toward the vast and formless freedom of the fields behind. Charlie swore and ran in the opposite direction, fleeing toward Daisy’s tent.
Two figures running, both as fleet as fear can make them, one heading for a secret, the other for a story. See how they run, these children of the carnival sky! The man, with his fresh tattoo still aching on his skin, who remembers rumors, yes, stories that will linger after he is gone, who knows that everything is about to change. The girl, as guarded and sheltered as any hothouse flower, perfectly adapted to the climate of the carnival, where walk things that are neither here nor there, now nor then . . . living nor dead.
She ran not because she knew the shape of the story she was becoming, but because she didn’t know it; because she was afraid, as all sheltered things are, of the aching unknown.
He ran because he understood.
Aracely was younger, more frightened, and less aware of her own limitations; when she ran, it was with the wholehearted abandon of a young thing, and this time, when she crested the ridge and saw the house set out before her like the shadow of a dream, she did not lose her footing. She ran, and ran, and ran, until her feet were pounding up the front steps of a house that shouldn’t exist, until her hands were hammering on the door. Was this how people knocked? She had seen it in movies and on television, but she had never really had the chance to try it for herself. Doors in the carnival worked a little differently. Knocking on a tent could knock it over; knocking on a tin-walled trailer was loud and hollow at the same time, taking so little effort that a child could do it.
Knocking on wood was different. The house felt solid, like she was beating her fists on bone, and when she pulled back for another volley, the skin on the sides of her hands was red and hot.
The door swung open. Joanna stood framed in the entryway, only blackness behind her, a quizzical expression on her beautiful, scarred face. “Aracely?” she asked. “What are you doing here?”
“Are you real?” Aracely blurted.
Joanna’s confusion melted into sad resignation—and yes, acceptance. “Ah,” she said. “Someone told you. I guess that was going to happen, once you went back to your carnival and told people you’d seen me.”
Aracely said nothing.
“I’m real. I was real, anyway, before the fire. I don’t know if you’d consider me real now. Are ghosts real?” Joanna looked at her, sidelong and thoughtful. “Are you real? The living can’t see the dead, usually. They sure can’t touch us. You didn’t have any trouble touching me.”
“Dead?” whispered Aracely.
“In the fire,” said Joanna. “We all died. I woke up alone in the ashes. I think . . . I think I stayed for my horses.” She waved a hand, indicating the rear of the house, the fields that rolled on behind it. “They died so quickly that they didn’t realize it had happened. They’re all still here, with me. I guess they will be until someone comes along and paves these hills to build condos or shopping malls or something. Even ghost horses don’t want to stick around to argue with bulldozers.”
“What happened?”
“Bad wiring in the walls. It was over a century old, and I guess every generation had decided it could be somebody else’s problem, until the place went up in the middle of the night, and no one made it outside to watch the burning.” Joanna reached up and touched the scar on the side of her face. “I could wish these away if I wanted to, be the girl who’d never known what it was to burn, but it feels like that would be cheating, somehow. If I get to stay here, I should stay here as the aftermath, not the anticipation. How is it that you don’t know this?”
“Why should I know it?” asked Aracely. “I’ve never been outside the carnival before.”
Joanna hesitated. Then, without stepping out of the entryway, she extended her hand toward Aracely. When the other girl took it, she sighed, the sound as soft and sad as wind rustling through the boughs of an old oak.
“I thought you knew,” she said. “Aracely . . . did none of them ever tell you that you were dead?”
* * *
Charlie burst into Daisy’s tent to find her sitting with an open bottle of wine and a book of baby pictures, drinking from the one as she wept over the second. Her head was bowed, her shoulders slumped; she looked years older than she had when they’d rolled into town, a comfortable caravan that carried its secrets inside closed boxes, where no one would ever have to see.
“She gone?” Daisy asked, not looking up.
Charlie stopped. “Daisy,” he said. “What did you do?”
“You were with us,” said Daisy. She turned another page. When was the last time he’d seen that book? When was the last time he’d seen a camera pointed at Aracely, for that matter? “She was such a beautiful child. Remember? Always running around like she thought she was going to get her feet nailed to the ground. So busy. I used to watch her go and wonder what it would take to make her stop. Seemed like it would need a miracle.”
Charlie frowned. “Daisy . . .”
“Didn’t take a miracle. Not unless you think ‘miracle’ is another way of saying ‘truck.’ Only mercy was that she didn’t see it coming. She ran out into the road so fast, and the brakes were old, and there wasn’t time for her to suffer.” Daisy looked up, a tear running down her cheek. “Guess there wasn’t time for her to notice, either, because she came running straight over to me, little pigtails bobbing in a breeze that blew right through her, and she didn’t seem to realize her body was lying in the dust, like a ticket stub at the end of the night. She asked me to play with her.”
Charlie was silent.
“It took everything I had and then some to not start screaming, but I kept my wits about me, and by the time the sun went down, I had a ghost trap drawn all the way along the midway. By the time we rolled out, every truck and every trailer we owned was safe for a haunting. As long as she stays in bounds—and I’ve pushed them further every year, so she could have truck stops and motel rooms and convenience stores along with all the rest—she’s solid, she’s real, she’s growing like any other girl would grow.”
“But she’s dead,” said Charlie softly.
“She’s mine.” Daisy bared her teeth in a snarl. “My daughter, my flower, my responsibility. She’s always been able to be happy here, despite her circumstances. She’s always known that she was loved, and how many townie children dream of growing up to run away with the carnival? I gave her the life she would have wanted, if she’d been in a place to choose.”
“You didn’t give her any life at all,” Charlie countered. “She’s a shade. That poor child. Does she have any idea?”
“How could she?” For a moment, Daisy’s expression was pure smugness. “She’s grown up within the confines of the carnival. She’s changed with every passing year, exactly as a living girl would. There’s nothing stopping her from being happy, from doing everything she could ever want to do, as long as everything she ever wants is within reach of the midway lights.” The smugness faded, replaced by sudden sorrow. “Or she would have been happy, if she’d only been content. Is she gone?”
Charlie nodded slowly. “I think so. She ran from me when I told her there was no house.”
“Then I’ll have to go and get her back.” Daisy set the book aside and stood. Her skirt was hiked high enough to show the garlands of wheat and roses tattooed around her calves, climbing ever higher toward the secret mysteries she had shared with no one since Aracely’s birth. Charlie felt his cheeks redden, but didn’t look away.
Daisy stepped toward him, spreading her empty hands in supplication. “Will you help me?” she asked.
He didn’t want to. Dead was dead and living was living, and the two were meant to exist side by side, not share a single space. But Aracely . . . she’d been dead for so long, and he’d never known. She’d been happy, despite her circumstances. Did he really have the right to refuse her mother?
“I will,” he said, and Daisy smiled.
* * *
They walked toward each other, all unknowing of their unison, drawn by forces greater than the moment, forces that had been building for years. Since a fire; since an accident; since a mother’s stubborn love had refused to let go what should have been gone and buried. Four people on the green hills between carnival and crypt, between midway and mansion.
Daisy walked with her head high and her skirts bundled above her knees, a jar of salt in one hand and a jar of grave dirt in the other. Her witchery was not complicated, old and slow and comfortable in its working, pouring like molasses into the world, stirred and spelled and carefully tended. She worked the way her mother had taught her, the way she would have taught her own daughter, had it not been so dangerous to teach those workings to the dead.
Charlie walked beside her in silence, his own hands empty and his own heart pounding. He was a simple man. He ferried the carnival from one location to the next, and all he asked in exchange was a paycheck and a clear map of his next destination. This was a bit beyond him. Had he been asked, he would have said he didn’t understand why he remained, why he didn’t turn and run back to the comforting, ordinary shadows of the midway, which lit up the sky behind them like a beacon. The crowds would be coming soon. The night was on the cusp of beginning.
From the other direction came Aracely and Joanna, hand in hand, which granted them both more power than they yet understood, for to hold a ghost’s substance is to hold their strength, and they were powerful as specters go, both of them able to pass among the living, if only for a little while, both of them prepared to fight instead of fleeing. They were what their circumstances had made of them, the flower and the fallen, and they walked with the smooth, easy steps of teenagers who had never been quite allowed to cross the line into adulthood.
Aracely’s childhood had been a dream given to her by her mother, but it was hers all the same, and the length of her limbs and the clearness of her eyes belonged to her entirely. Some gifts, once given, can’t be taken back. She walked with her fingers tangled in her new companion’s, like bones buried in the same earth, and she felt the wind blow through her, and she was not afraid. Part of her, she thought, had always known; had simply been waiting for permission to remember. Part of her was less afraid of letting go than it was of holding on.
They were not lovers, both of them scarce seventeen and dead besides, both of them trying to decide what they wanted to become, as the long years of their existence stretched out in front of them, an endless line of tickets to spend at any midway they chose. But they might be. Aracely flushed when she tried to look too long at Joanna, who she thought still burned, somewhere deep inside, a body built around a cinder in the shape of a heart. And as for Joanna, she couldn’t look Aracely in the eye without tasting honey on her tongue, without feeling her skin grow tight and hot in a way that had nothing at all to do with flames. So they were not lovers, no, but one day . . .
Time was on their side. It had been since the moment that they died.
They met at the center of the field, and the carnival shone on the hill behind Daisy and Charlie, and the house that was and was not there flickered ivory and ash behind Joanna and Aracely. Daisy looked at their joined hands and felt her heart break, just a little, just enough to let the light pour in. Aracely looked at the anguish in her mother’s eyes and forgave her, just a little, just enough to let the love inside again.
“You should have told me,” said Aracely.
“Ghost children don’t always grow up,” said Daisy. “Living children do. If I lied, it was so you’d be able to stand here like this, and not be trapped forever where you were.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
Daisy rolled her shoulders in a shrug, and said nothing.
“Are you coming home?” asked Charlie. It was a blunt question, and it fell into the delicate web of things unspoken like a stone. Aracely looked at him.
“Should I?” she asked.
“Yes,” said Daisy.
“No,” said Joanna.
“Only if you want to,” said Charlie.
Aracely was silent for a long beat before slowly, finally, she let go of Joanna’s hand. The other girl flickered for a moment, like a sheet whipping in the wind. Only for a moment, though, and moments pass.
“Mama,” said Aracely. “Why could I grow up inside the carnival?”
“It’s a ghost trap,” said Daisy. “I designed it that way. To protect you.”
Aracely nodded. “Then this is my answer. When you drive away, I won’t come with you.”
Daisy made a small, pained sound of wordless longing.
“Winter where you like: I won’t be there,” said Aracely. “But when you come back in the spring, you can collect us both.”
Joanna shot her a surprised look.
“I need some time to think, and then I need to see what else is out there in the world,” said Aracely.
“Baby . . .” said Daisy.
“No, Mama. You owe me this.”
Daisy looked at her. Then, slowly, she nodded.
“All right, baby,” she said. “I’ll see you in the spring.”
* * *
There is a carnival that tours the Midwestern United States on a shifting schedule, like all touring shows of its kind. It is among the last of a dying breed, but still it moves, and still it unfurls like a flower whenever it lands, the petals of the midway spreading wide. People who’ve seen it say there’s something special there; something that may endure when the other traveling shows have closed.
“It’s like a haunted house,” one said, when interviewed by a local paper. “It’s a little shivery, but you want to be there anyway. You want to know what happens next.”
What she didn’t say—what none of them ever say—was that as she was leaving on the first night the show was in town, she had looked back over her shoulder and seen two girls, barely blurring into women, appear at the top of the Ferris wheel. Their hands had been locked together, tight as chains, and their eyes had been on the moon, and even with all that distance between herself and them, she would have sworn that they were smiling.