WHILE LAUREN WENT TO SABOTAGE her mother’s precious chocolate fountain, Ashley motioned to her friends to put their heads together. It was decision time, Lili knew. She had been wondering how long Ashley would let that charade last. Poor Lauren, why did she even try? Ashley never made new friends. She was like a barracuda. All teeth.
“She seems okay,” A. A. ventured, cuddling Princess Dahlia. A. A. said that about everybody.
“A. A., have you lost your mind? She’s a total zero. She’ll always be a total zero,” Ashley said vehemently, stretching forward so her elbows were balanced on her knees.
“She’s a zero who’s wearing your dress,” Lili reminded her, taking a strawberry tart from the three-tiered dessert tray on the coffee table, then putting it down, untouched, on her plate after noticing that neither of her friends was eating anything. Her stomach grumbled, but she’d have to wait to eat till she got home.
“Shut up,” said Ashley, annoyed. She looked to the other side of the room and watched intently as Lauren slipped the mushroom dust into the molten chocolate pool.
“Don’t tell me to shut up!” Lili complained.
“Shut up!” Ashley yelled again. She was so impossible sometimes, Lili thought, although she was temporarily mollified when Ashley gave her a playful swat on the arm to show she was kidding. Ashley motioned the other girls to move closer so they wouldn’t be overheard, but before she could lay down her verdict, Sheridan Riley came over to say hello.
Lili didn’t like Sheridan Riley very much. Even though Sheridan was an SOA, Lili had no patience for Sheridan’s crew. They blatantly worshipped the Ashleys and wanted nothing more than to be like them. Unfortunately, Sheridan had too-short bangs and a tendency to spit when she talked. Plus, her name was Sheridan. And on parents’ days her mom and dad wore matching Burberry outfits.
“Hey, guys. Did I just see you hanging out with Lauren Page?” Sheridan asked, getting immediately to the point.
“Yeah, we have to be nice to her. She’s had such a hard life,” Ashley said, her voice dripping with concern. She pulled out a pot of lip balm from her bag and began to apply a thick smear on her lips. “Medex?” she offered.
“Really?” Sheridan asked, slouching down to sit on the window bench next to Lili while she reached over and stuck her finger right into the center, making a huge dent in the wax. Lili saw Ashley grimace. You were supposed to dab lightly.
“I heard the total opposite. Her dad is, like, the head of YourTV.com and they’re worth, like, billions. Plus, I heard Lauren’s going to have her own reality series on TeenNick,” Sheridan told them as she carefully applied the balm to her chapped lips.
Lili recoiled, and she could see her friends chafe at that revelation as well. Lauren Page, television star? Now that was a blow. Usually only the Ashleys were the subjects of such celebrated gossip. Lauren’s makeover was way more successful than they had given her credit for. Lili wondered what Ashley would do about it and wasn’t surprised when Ashley motioned Sheridan closer.
“Keep it,” Ashley said, waving away the lip balm Sheridan held out. “Now, I don’t like to say stuff about people, but I heard something about Lauren’s family,” she said, in her most self-righteous voice. Lili was always impressed at how Ashley was able to preface her catty comments with a goody-goody disclaimer so that she wouldn’t look too snotty, and somehow, it always worked.
Sheridan looked eagerly at Ashley, waiting to hear whatever rumor she might be about to reveal.
“You’re not going to tell anybody, right?” Ashley asked.
Sheridan shook her head and made an X sign above her chest. The girl lived to spread dirt on everyone.
Ashley sighed as if it broke her heart to disclose what she was about to say. She motioned the girls even closer. “It’s all Mafia money.” She looked at Lili and A. A. to back her up, and both girls nodded in agreement.
“Serious?” Sheridan asked, eyes wide, lapping up every word.
“Serious.”
“Huge crime family,” A. A. added wisely. “Like the Sopranos? But worse.”
“And that makeover? It’s so sad,” said Lili, deciding it was time to get in on the game. “It’s a cry for help.”
“Why? She looks so cute! I wish I had her nose,” Sheridan said, touching her huge honker.
“If you did, you’d be a pigface too.” Lili told her somberly. An idea was starting to form in her head. This was so wrong, but she couldn’t help herself, especially when she saw the grin beginning to spread on Ashley’s face.
“What do you mean?” asked Sheridan, her face flushed and eager. She craned her neck to look across the room, watching Lauren walk back toward them.
“You know how they use pig organs now in surgery?” Lili asked, as if imparting some really important information. She pulled her hair back behind her ears and looked Sheridan in the eye. “Doctors putting pig livers and pig hearts in people?”
Sheridan nodded. “Yeah, I’ve heard of that.”
“Well, they do it in plastic surgery now too. Let’s just say that Lauren has a new snout,” Lili revealed. Then she pinched her nose and made an oinking noise.
Sheridan looked from one Ashley to another. “You’re joking. She got a nose job? No way.” This was even better than when they told her about Melody Myers peeing in her pants during the sixth-grade field trip. They called Melody “Peezilla” and “The Princess and the Pee” for weeks.
“Way.” Ashley nodded vigorously, pointing to her own slim button nose. “The tip? One hundred percent pork.”
A. A. snorted into her teacup. Control yourself, A. A., Lili thought.
“Omigod.” Sheridan started giggling uncontrollably. She was still laughing when she walked across the room to tell her friends what the Ashleys had just told her.
Lili smiled at her friends. Pigface Mafia Princess. Priceless. Of course, it was so outrageous it couldn’t possibly be true. But try telling that to the gossip-mad girls at Miss Gamble’s.
When Lauren returned, the three of them were doubled over, clutching their stomachs in laughter.
“What’s so funny?” she asked, looking at the other girls.
“Nothing,” said Ashley, the very picture of angelic virtue.
Lili didn’t meet Lauren’s eye. It was one thing to make fun of someone when they were across the room, but a totally different story when they were sitting right in front of you. Looking so hopelessly eager.
Then A. A. accidentally snorted while sipping her tea, and the three of them began laughing again.
By the time the tea was over, Lili knew that no one would even care how rich Lauren was supposed to be, or how good she looked. Because who could be jealous of a little Miss Piggy?