Patong Beach, Thailand, 2004
They ran through the front of a hotel, the doors now off their hinges. The lobby was full of water.
‘Come, come, this way,’ a Thai man said. A member of staff from the hotel, it seemed, as he was dressed in an ornate uniform that we had become accustomed to in the larger hotels. He beckoned us through the lobby, which now was a river threatening to burst its banks.
We were getting good at dodging the chairs and coffee tables that were strewn in our path. I thought I could hear the water behind, chasing us, like a grim reaper stalking its prey. I kept my eyes forward and didn’t look back, waiting to feel its first touch slam into our backs.
‘Here!’ The concierge opened a door, leading to a stairwell, ‘Up, to the rooftop, it’s safe there.’
We didn’t need to be told twice. We climbed, Sven and Dil, not once pausing for even a second to catch their breath, despite the weight of Alice. Maria held Daisy in her arms, who cried constantly, saying she wanted her daddy. I was at the rear of them, with the concierge behind me. When the door slammed tight behind him, I felt weak with relief.
My mind screamed at the unrelenting horror that was this day. I thought of Dad’s strong, kind face and whispered, ‘Pinkie promise, you said you’d never leave me. Daddy. I need you.’
The sound of the water dulled as it receded, looking for other nooks and crannies to fill, bored of its game of cat and mouse. Dil balanced the stretcher on his hip as he opened the door at the top of the stairwell. We found ourselves on the concrete, grey roof, with bright sunlight piercing our eyes. It made me blink furiously.
‘Well, we’ve found somewhere high, Eli,’ I thought.
The heat struck me, there was no shade up here and it literally slapped us all hard in our faces. This was followed by the weight of eyes that were levelled at us. The roof-top dwellers all watched us, taking us in. We must have looked a right state, I supposed. I raised my arms again and hugged myself. Up until this moment, I’d never been naked in front of anyone bar my parents as a small child. And now, I was being scrutinised by dozens. A woman smiled gently at me and mouthed, ‘It’s okay.’ I think that’s what she was saying anyhow. They were hotel residents, I guessed, who were evacuated to the safety of the rooftop. Were they sleeping when the waves hit? Or having breakfast, perhaps, planning their days ahead. Some moved a step closer towards us, straining their necks to see who the latest refugees were, looking for their loved ones.
Behind us, others spilled through the doors. Like us they had been found refuge by the kind Thai concierge. He’d gone back down once again to help.
Incredible humanity found in the midst of devastation.
Disappointment swelled in the air, as those on the roof realised we were not their missing loved ones. Their faces, full of regret and loss once more. And a little bit of hope eroded, nipped at me. Suddenly I was bone-tired. My side hurt like hell. I looked down and the wound looked angry with dirty brown blood weeping from it. Bruises were already beginning to show on my legs, amongst the grazes and cuts. Mam always said I was a magnet for bruises when I was a kid. I’d go outside to play in the back yard and come back in an hour later looking like I’d done ten rounds with Tyson. But she’d take out her first-aid kit and gently administer plasters and magical kisses that soothed all.
We moved away from the stairwell so that the other rooftop newbies had some breathing space. We found a spot near the edge of the roof that was to become our base for a few hours. Sven and Dil placed Alice down with extreme care and gentleness. Her face was white, with a line of sweat glistening on her upper lip. I didn’t dare look at her leg.
Everyone on the roof, or at least those that could stand, were lined up, looking over the edge. Like coming across a car crash, we couldn’t look away, all compelled to look down at the devastation below us.
Dark muddy waves once again rushed angrily below, slapping against every open space, making the land a canal. For the past week we’d only seen turquoise, calm waters and it just didn’t make sense that they could change so quickly to this. Brown, dirty, humongous, deadly muddy puddles.
‘That poor man,’ Maria said and I followed her gaze.
A man, bald and overweight, was clinging to the side of a car, trying to get his legs up onto the bonnet. But as quick as he got one leg up, a wave would suck it back down again.
‘Come on, you can do it,’ Maria whispered. But he couldn’t, because no sooner had the words been said than he disappeared into the water.
‘Let’s sit down, Daisy,’ Maria pulled her daughter away from the edge. They sat beside Alice, who had her eyes closed. I stayed put, unable to look away. There were palm trees poking up out of the water, sagging with the weight of people as they clung to them. It felt incredible to me that only a short time ago, I was also clinging onto a palm tree. With my parents.
Chaos. Pain. Loss. Our world was filled with it. I felt lightheaded and sat down on the other side of Alice.
‘You okay?’ she asked.
‘Not really.’
‘We need to find you a top,’ Maria said, ‘and I could do with something too.’ Her swimsuit was ripped on one side, she’d tried to tie it together the best she could.
‘My dad would be horrified, “no daughter of mine will go parading herself half naked for all to see!’’’ I mimicked his voice.
‘Dads and their daughters,’ Maria said smiling. ‘Daisy’s will be the same with her one day. I can see it already. She’s such a daddy’s girl. We all are, aren’t we? Don’t you worry, we’ll find you a top soon.’ She scanned the crowd and I half expected her to go grab something off a stranger, bringing it back to me.
‘My husband used to be the same, God rest his soul. With our daughter Anna, fiercely protective,’ Alice said quietly. Her voice sounded thin and stretched.
‘We have to get you some medical attention.’
‘In good time.’ She looked me up and down, then pulled a scarf from around her neck, handing it to me. ‘I wonder … I think this might work! I bought it in the market a couple of days ago. But you’re such a skinny little thing, I bet you could use it to make a sarong dress or top out of it.’
‘That’s a great idea, Alice!’ Maria said.
‘Oh, thank you so much,’ I said and shook it out. It had already dried out in the heat. I wrapped it around myself, sarong-style, tying a knot in the front. Although it only barely covered my bum, I felt less conspicuous immediately.
‘How do I look?’ I joked.
‘You’re ready for the catwalk, girl,’ Maria said. I sat back down beside Alice and she took my hand between her own.
I took stock of those around us – there were maybe fifty or sixty of us in total. And even though I realised that anyone on that roof would have had a good look at us all as we walked in, I still held my breath. Maybe one of my family was up here, but they could be hurt or injured like Alice. Right this minute they could be resting their eyes, tired from their own war with the sea. But they’d look up any second, see me and then they’d shout, ‘We fooled you. We were here all along, playing hide and seek, waiting for you to come get us.’
‘One, two, three, four …’ I counted.
‘What you saying?’ Maria asked.
‘Five, six, seven, eight …’
‘She’s counting,’ Alice replied.
‘Nine, ten. Ready or not, I’m coming to get you, Eli,’ I whispered and felt tears fall in a salty stream down my face.
‘Ah, you poor thing,’ Alice said and she pulled me into her side, cradling me, stroking my hair. ‘It’s the shock, it’s catching up with you.’
‘Have a good cry. You’ve earned that,’ Maria said. ‘We all have.’
No. I had to pull myself together. If I cried now, I’d be done for. I needed to stay strong. I had to find my family. I scanned the group to my right, to my left for the third time and prayed for a miracle that had no intention of coming.
‘They’re not here, are they?’ I whispered. ‘Mam, Dad, Eli. They’re not here.’
‘No,’ Alice replied gently, ‘I don’t think they are.’ She clasped my hand tighter again.
Maria said, ‘Stand up.’
She pulled me to my feet and she pointed to our left, ‘They may not be on this rooftop. But look, over there.… ’
I followed her hand and saw that on several other hotel rooftops were the shadows of other survivors in the hazy sun.
‘Now look down there.’ I saw people still walking up the hill. More survivors.
I had to believe that my family were out there somewhere too.
‘We’ll find our families. My boys are right this minute wondering how soon they can come get me and Daisy. I know it. Kevin, that’s my husband, he is great at solving problems. A real organiser. I’d say wherever he is, he’s already sorting the group out into search parties! And Alfie, our son, well, he’s a little mini-me of his dad. I can picture them now, standing side by side, giving out orders to everyone, but with one aim in mind. Getting to me and Daisy.’ She smiled and wiped away tears that were falling from her eyes.
‘My daddy is Superman,’ Daisy added.
‘You’re very lucky,’ I said. ‘I think mine is Superman too.’
Maria’s conviction that all would be okay anchored my fear once more and I took a deep, steadying breath.
‘Here, lady.’ The concierge was passing around bottles of water to us all that he carried in a large wicker basket. He’d gone back down to the hotel to retrieve it for the people on the roof.
‘Kòp kun,’ I said to him, bowing my head a little. ‘Thank you.’
Mâi pen rai,’ he replied, smiling at me.
I wished I had more words to say to him. He gave us refuge, brought us up here to safety. I looked at his name badge, Lau Lin, and repeated it to myself over and over. I needed to remember that name.
A little red thread connects us all; I’d read that somewhere before. I felt it pulled taut between each person on this roof. I felt it connect me to Lau Lin, to Alice, Maria and Daisy. We were bound forever more by this day.
I drank the water thirstily. It was warm, something that would normally gross me out, but that first slug was like nectar. I hadn’t noticed until that very second how badly my mouth was arid-dry with the salt of the sea I had swallowed. And now, as I drank, as the kind concierge murmured something to me that I didn’t understand but I knew to be kind, I felt pain begin to pound my arms, my head, my legs and most of all my side.
‘He’s telling us we’re safe here, Daisy,’ Maria said. ‘I told you we were. The waves can’t catch us here.’
She smiled her thanks to him and Daisy giggled when he tickled under her chin. I liked the sound of her giggles. It brought normality and welcome relief back amongst the chaos. I glanced up to Sven and Dil, who were as still as statues as they leaned over the roof-top railings, scanning the beach below. I wondered who they were looking for. Earlier this morning they were on the beach with a large group of people. Maybe girlfriends and family.
It felt wrong just standing here but I wasn’t sure what to do next. When would it be safe for us to go back out? Would help start to arrive soon? Surely the ambulances and police were on their way.
Alice tapped me on my leg.
She was dirty, wet, sweating, with a bloodied face and neck. And was that my imagination, or had she doubled in size? She looked bloated. I didn’t think she looked that bad a short while ago.
My mind reeled from the events of the previous hours. I kept going back to that one perfect moment that my family and I experienced, as we all floated shoulder to shoulder in paradise with not a care in the world.
I felt faint. The stifling heat, the strange smell of body odours and the buzz of panicked voices around me dazed me. I sat down again.
‘What age are you?’ Alice asked. I think she was trying to take my mind away from places that she could see horrified me.
‘Seventeen. Almost eighteen.’
‘And this Eli you keep talking about, he’s your brother?’
‘Yeah. He’s nineteen. I think he might be up the mountains, that’s where he told us to go when the water came.’
‘Well, that’s where he’s gone, then. And your parents, no doubt, too.’
I nodded, felt comfort from her words. The dizziness began to subside.
‘Is there anyone else with you?’
‘No, just the four of us. We’ve been planning this trip for a long time. Holiday of a lifetime. Ha!’
‘Not sure this was how we all thought it would work out,’ Maria conceded.
‘My daughter and son-in-law arranged this holiday as a surprise. I knew nothing about it until a week ago. They just arrived up at my house, with the tickets and a bottle of sun cream, telling me to pack my bags. They must be so worried.’ Alice frowned and she shook away whatever image had popped into her head.
‘What are their names?’ Maria asked.
‘Anna and Corey. She’s my only daughter. They’ve only been married a year. This was their anniversary present to themselves, because they didn’t get to go on a proper honeymoon last year. My husband … Anna’s dad, well, he died shortly before they got married.’
‘That’s awful,’ Maria said.
‘Yes. It was. And you know what I keep thinking as I lie here? I’m glad my Morgan isn’t alive to witness all this. He couldn’t swim, you know. He never learned. So I daresay he would have been swept away … dead one way or the other.’
She stopped suddenly and closed her eyes again. We sat in silence for a moment, thinking of the weak, those who could not swim, who must have perished today.
‘My Anna and Corey are both strong swimmers, so I’m sure that they are fine,’ Alice stated, her face filled with conviction.
‘There you go, then,’ Maria said, patting her arm.
‘Are Daddy and Alfie strong swimmers too, Mummy?’ Daisy asked, her eyes wide.
Maria never answered, and that was answer enough for us all.