I realised how cruel the mind could be as we sat on that rooftop. Over and over I replayed the images of countless strangers lying in the shallow water. Face down and worst still, remembered the ones that went by with their faces up, eyes open in final terror. Some nightmares just won’t stop, no matter how many times you say out loud, “It’s just a bad dream, it’s just not true.”
Come on Dad, you made a pinkie promise to me. It’s time to make good on that and come get me. I need to see you, I need to know that you’re alive.
‘It’s okay dear, it’s okay, you’ll be okay, we all will.’ Alice put her arms around me once again and I realised I must have spoken out loud. For a moment I allowed myself to pretend that it was my mother who cradled me in her arms. And I cried, ‘Mam, oh Mam,’ over and over. Alice held me tightly and didn’t let go.
‘I think my mam is dead,’ I whispered.
‘She might, this very moment, be looking for you,’ she replied.
‘I don’t know what’s real and what’s imagined any more. I think I saw them trying to climb out of the water, up onto a rooftop, after I came up the second time. My dad was pushing her up, but Mam, she wasn’t really moving. And then a wave hit us again and …’
‘Sshhh,’Alice said and I tried to think about anything else but that.
Daisy had fallen asleep. The heat of the sun, the exhaustion from her ordeal, it was too much for her. Maria cradled her in her arms and used her own body to try to shield the sun from her little body.
‘Survive the water and get fried in the heat instead,’ Maria said, without any humour.
‘She’s been incredible,’ Alice said. ‘Such a brave little girl.’
And I think, because Daisy was asleep, Maria allowed herself to falter for a moment. She’d been putting on such a brave show for Daisy’s sake. Never for a moment letting her child see the fear and panic that coursed through her.
‘We were in our beach hut, the kids were asleep because we’d been up late the night before. Kevin and I were just dozing in each other’s arms. It was nice. Lie-ins are rare with our two.’ She smiled as she spoke.
‘You’ve got to take your moments when you can, with little ones,’ Alice said.
‘That’s for sure. One or both of them always sneak into our bed, most nights. We pretend to be annoyed, but they know we love it really. Then that thunderous crash woke us all up. It was as if the sky had fallen in. Kevin looked out the window and he said, “People are running. There’s something weird going on.” Then the screams started. I jumped up and looked out of the window too. That’s when I saw it. The water rushing towards us. Kevin told me to get back and we all jumped onto our bed as the water came into our hut.’
She leaned down and kissed Daisy’s forehead. ‘I thought it must be a burst pipe or something from the main water lines. I remember thinking we won’t have a stitch dry to wear later on, because the water had ruined everything. How silly is that? Then the water got higher, as if to say, don’t be so stupid, woman. It came full throttle for us then and gobbled up the walls of our hut in one greedy mouthful.’
Maria stopped and stroked Daisy’s hair for a moment, before continuing, ‘I grabbed Daisy. Kevin grabbed Alfie. She was closest to me, you see. Alfie was closest to Kevin. That was the only reason I took her and not him.’ The look on Maria’s face was heartbreaking as she tried to explain why she chose one child over another. It was an impossible Sophie’s choice, yet her guilt was crippling her.
‘Of course it was. You did what any of us would have done,’ Alice said. I wanted to say something too, but I felt tongue-tied.
Maria’s face twisted in pain and she continued, ‘The thing is, Alfie was screaming for me. He wanted me. But I knew I couldn’t take carry both of them. If I did, we’d all fall. And Daisy was holding onto my neck so tightly, so I had to say, “You stay with Daddy, Mummy loves you, but you need to stay with your daddy.” His face … his beautiful little face, he was so upset, crushed that I wouldn’t take him. I always take him, you see. If he calls out for me. I’m there.’
Tears were running down her face as she remembered this split-second judgement call that she was forced to make. One that would haunt her forever.
Alice turned to her and said, ‘Now you listen here. Alfie is with his dad. If you had taken a moment to swap children, or to try to hold onto both, well … ‘ Alice didn’t finish that statement. ‘You both did what any parent would do, you took a child each. You have nothing to reproach yourself about. What would you say if you thought Kevin was beating himself up, that he didn’t take Daisy? Or save you?’
‘It was all I could do to keep Daisy in my arms. We were swept away by the waves. I kept my eyes locked on Kevin’s, all the time, and he shouted to me, “Grab a hold of the first thing you can and don’t you dare let it go.” And then the water swallowed them up. Kevin and Alfie were gone.’ Her head fell down to Daisy’s again and she sobbed for her husband and son.
Oh, please don’t let them be dead. Let them be okay. I wiped away tears from my own cheeks and Alice breathed in sobs.
‘When I found you, you were clinging onto a door,’ I said.
‘Yes, I hit it head-on. Probably the best head-on collision I’ll ever have, because I kind of found myself wrapped around it. I don’t know how Daisy didn’t come away from me with the impact. All those years of doing piggy backs on Mummy paid off. She knows how to cling on tight. I threw my arms around it, then my legs and screamed at Daisy not to let go. It was horrific. My every instinct was pull her into my arms. But I knew if I did that, I’d lose my grip on the door and the current would take us. Separate us. I’ve never been so scared in my life.’
‘I think you are so incredibly brave,’ I said and I meant it. I might be young, but I could recognise love and the intrinsic bond between a mother and child.
‘I don’t feel very brave right now. I’m terrified. By some luck, we survived this. But there’s only so much luck for each of us, isn’t there?’
‘You came up from the waves, you found something to cling onto, so there’s every chance that Kevin and Alfie did too,’ I replied. ‘You know, it’s instinctive to float to the surface. They would have found themselves above water. At least that’s what I’m telling myself about my family.’
Alice nodded her agreement. ‘Clever girl.’ She patted my hand again.
‘Eli was helping a child get out of water the last time I saw him.’
‘Were you on the beach when it happened?’ Alice asked me and, when I nodded, she said, ‘You must be a strong swimmer.’
‘I swam in the relay team for our school. We won the nationals for the past three years.’
‘No wonder you got out,’ she said. ‘And your brother, did he swim for the nationals too?’
‘He was too busy doing woodwork. He’s a carpenter.’ A shiver ran down my spine at the look of sympathy that Alice made. ‘But he can swim. Mam and Dad taught us both years ago.’
I shared my own story of survival and it was so surreal talking about it, as if it had happened to someone else. I couldn’t connect myself to that horror. ‘I wonder if that Scottish woman on the rocks got to safety?’
Nobody answered me.
‘How did you end up with that little souvenir from your trip to Patong Beach?’ Maria pointed to Alice’s leg.
She winced as she shifted position, then said, ‘I was in our hotel. Corey had a headache, so I was having breakfast on my own in a small café. To be honest, Anna and Corey wanted some time on their own. I didn’t mind in the least, besides, I quite like my own company. I’m a tough old bird.’
‘The toughest!’ Maria agreed.
‘I saw people running by the restaurant window. I heard staff screaming at each other. Then the manager of the hotel started shouting “Run!” in all different languages. I recognised French and Italian, at least, as well as English, of course. The stupidest thing, though, I wanted to pay my bill.’
‘How very English of you,’ Maria remarked.
I smiled at her. I could imagine my mam doing the same thing.
‘Then I saw the waiter running out the door so I thought, to hell with this, I’d better move too! The water was already lapping onto my feet. As I ran, more and more water appeared, making the street a river. I could feel things bash against my legs, my ankles. Plants, chairs, bags, all sorts, racing along with the current.’
Alice started to cry quietly as she remembered. She’d been so lovely to both me and Maria. I wanted to offer her some comfort too.
‘I ended up standing on the street and there was a Thai woman with a little boy and girl standing beside me. Only a few inches from me. I could almost touch them. I was trying to get my bearings, work out what was happening and she was doing the same. Her children were crying, God help them, they were terrified. I walked towards them, to help them.’
She sobbed and put her hands to her face. ‘But a shop collapsed on top of them. It just came crashing down with such speed, we didn’t have time to move. It missed me by the merest of inches. It should have been me. I wished it were me, not that young family.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said and realised how stupid that sounded. But I had nothing else to offer. My heart was heavy with grief for that little boy and girl who I’d never even seen, and all the others who I’d never get to meet. I just wanted to go home to Ireland, to our house. I wanted to climb up the creaky stairs to my bedroom and moan loudly at Mam that my room was too small. Then climb into my bed, under my warm duvet and stay there, reading my books, until Mam called me down to have roast chicken.
‘You’re smiling. I bet you’re thinking about your family,’ Alice said.
‘Mam’s roast chicken.’
‘Your favourite?’
I nodded. ‘She makes the best homemade stuffing and always gives me extra crispy skin, even though Dad and Eli love it too.’
‘She loves you and I can see why,’ Alice said and her eyes shone bright.
‘How did you break your leg?’ I asked her and made myself store away the image of Mam serving up dinner at home, for now.
‘It was like being in a washing machine when the wave grabbed me. I can’t think of any other way to describe it.’
We knew what she meant.
‘I was battered by the black sea and its hidden weapons. I think it was part of the roof of that building that collapsed that struck me. I’m not sure. I didn’t even know my leg was broken at first, I just knew it hurt like hell.’
She looked down and shook her head. It looked worse.
‘Adrenalin helped me crawl a little way up the hill, but then it all went a bit black for me. I think I might have passed out for a moment or two. Then when I came to, I tried to crawl some more but couldn’t. I thought, that’s it, I’m going to die here …’
She clasped each of our hands and held them tight. ‘Until you all came along and saved my life.’
Her face turned ashen and Alice passed out.